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Wedding Etiquette Forum
SoonToBeMrsH0309
member
getting married on the DL?
I recently lost my health insurance. My fiance suggested that we get married in secret so I can be covered under his and still have our big wedding next summer.The only one that would know would be one of my sorority sisters that would be there as a wittness. We are not living together, nor would we until next summer. He has a good job about 2 north and I still have a little bit of school yet, so living together is not an option. Good idea? Bad idea?
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Re: getting married on the DL?
[QUOTE]I recently lost my health insurance. My fiance suggested that we get married in secret so I can be covered under his and still have our big wedding next summer.The only one that would know would be one of my sorority sisters that would be there as a wittness. We are not living together, nor would we until next summer. He has a good job about 2 north and I still have a little bit of school yet, so living together is not an option. Good idea? Bad idea?
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]
This would be lying. Lying is always a bad idea. People will find out and feelings will be hurt. Be honest with yourself and with the people you consider friends.
If you feel it's necessary to get married now then do so - - but that would be your wedding date. By all means simulate your wedding day later if you seriously have to (vow renewal), but don't lie about it being the first time getting married. That's just wrong.
If you decide you have to get married early...don't make it a secret. Or move the wedding up. Wouldn't you rather have the REAL wedding early, than do a quickie wedding with a big party a year later?
Books read in 2012: 21/50
I was out of health insurance for a few months last year. Instead of getting married on the DL, I got single payer insurance from BlueCross Blue Shield. It was ~ $100 a month.
EDIT: and before you say that's too much, most cell phone plans cost something around that if you have internet access. Make health insurance a priority.
If not, look into domestic partner coverage before the wedding. Not all companies have it, but your BF's might.
United Healthcare is also somewhat reasonably priced and I had no problems with them when I was making about $500 a month before I got my current job. Since I actually HAVE health problems, and they didn't make me broke, it works out.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]If you're under 26, you are required by law to be covered by your parents' insurance. If not, look into domestic partner coverage before the wedding. Not all companies have it, but your BF's might. United Healthcare is also somewhat reasonably priced and I had no problems with them when I was making about $500 a month before I got my current job. Since I actually HAVE health problems, and they didn't make me broke, it works out.
Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]
I really wish i would have know this. I had been out of coverage for almost 4 years. All under the age of 26, which I happen to be now.
Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : I really wish i would have know this. I had been out of coverage for almost 4 years. All under the age of 26, which I happen to be now.
Posted by jrkjpf[/QUOTE]
If I remember correctly, it used to be younger that your parents were no longer able to cover you but Obama care changed the age to 26 (last year I think).
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : If I remember correctly, it used to be younger that your parents were no longer able to cover you but Obama care changed the age to 26 (last year I think).
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
Oh ok, I was going to say, how did I not hear about this. I got booted off of their insurance after i graduated college. And when i took this contractor job with the government, they only offered partial insurance, and it's just not worth the money. So i just waited it out until I got hired on.
But this may help OP, Geisigner Choise offers very very reasonable affordable heath plans, actually better than some I have had while being employed.
Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley
Telling people otherwise is lying to them, and I don't tihnk you wanto to start your marriage off as a lie.
We didn't think that it would be taken so poorly. We don't consider a marriage to be 'real' unless your married in a church. A quick wedding at a court house would simply full fill the need for the state to consider us married. Our families and circles of friends are mostly very catholic and only consider a church wedding valid. Please don't take that as an insult to those of you who disagree. That's just my families beliefs. I am not criticizing or judging you.
.....and as for my sorority sister, I would trust her with my life and have no problems trusting her to keep a secret like that. If your not Greek, you wouldn't get it.
I am just under 26, so technically I could be put back on my parents policy, but I don't see that happening. They are still upset that I moved 5 hours away a couple years ago and still only call when mail gets delivered to their house.
Health insurance on my own is more then I can afford. The cheapest I have found is 250 a month and that is pretty basic. My school offers coverage for 1800 a semester, which is also out of the question.
Joy2611- I don't pay for my internet (thank you neighbors) and I sell cell phones so I get a HUGE employee discount. I pay like 20 bucks a month, so adding and extra 100 bucks to my budget is out of the question. so, thank you for judging my priorities.
[QUOTE]We didn't think that it would be taken so poorly. We don't consider a marriage to be 'real' unless your married in a church. <strong>A quick wedding at a court house would simply full fill the need for the state to consider us married. Our families and circles of friends are mostly very catholic and only consider a church wedding valid.</strong> Please don't take that as an insult to those of you who disagree. That's just my families beliefs. I am not criticizing or judging you. .....and as for my sorority sister, I would trust her with my life and have no problems trusting her to keep a secret like that. If your not Greek, you wouldn't get it. I am just under 26, so technically I could be put back on my parents policy, but I don't see that happening. They are still upset that I moved 5 hours away a couple years ago and still only call when mail gets delivered to their house. Health insurance on my own is more then I can afford. The cheapest I have found is 250 a month and that is pretty basic. My school offers coverage for 1800 a semester, which is also out of the question. Joy2611- I don't pay for my internet (thank you neighbors) and I sell cell phones so I get a HUGE employee discount. I pay like 20 bucks a month, so adding and extra 100 bucks to my budget is out of the question. so, thank you for judging my priorities.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]
It doesn't matter what your family believes. A courthouse wedding is STILL a wedding. If it's real enough for you to write "M" on your taxes, or be on each other's insurance -- guess what. It's still a legally-binding marriage.
Also, I am Catholic, and yes, while a courthouse wedding would not be considered a "marriage", guess what it WOULD be considered? Living in sin. Would your family really be happier with you living together (and lying to them)?
But it sounds like you're going to do whatever you want anyway, regardless of how we all see it, so why did you even ask this question in the first place?
Books read in 2012: 21/50
[QUOTE]We didn't think that it would be taken so poorly. <strong>We don't consider a marriage to be 'real' unless your married in a church.</strong> A quick wedding at a court house would simply full fill the need for the state to consider us married. Our families and circles of friends are mostly very catholic and only consider a church wedding valid. Please don't take that as an insult to those of you who disagree. That's just my families beliefs. I am not criticizing or judging you. .....and as for my sorority sister, I would trust her with my life and have no problems trusting her to keep a secret like that. If your not Greek, you wouldn't get it. I am just under 26, so technically I could be put back on my parents policy, but I don't see that happening. They are still upset that I moved 5 hours away a couple years ago and still only call when mail gets delivered to their house. Health insurance on my own is more then I can afford. The cheapest I have found is 250 a month and that is pretty basic. My school offers coverage for 1800 a semester, which is also out of the question. Joy2611- I don't pay for my internet (thank you neighbors) and I sell cell phones so I get a HUGE employee discount. I pay like 20 bucks a month, so adding and extra 100 bucks to my budget is out of the question. so, thank you for judging my priorities.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]<div>Sorry I couldn't read past the bolded part. I know you (hopefully) don't mean this but you are offending all the people who get married in a court house and consider it their REAL wedding <strong>because it is</strong>. </div><div>
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[QUOTE]We didn't think that it would be taken so poorly. We don't consider a marriage to be 'real' unless your married in a church. A quick wedding at a court house would simply full fill the need for the state to consider us married. Our families and circles of friends are mostly very catholic and only consider a church wedding valid. Please don't take that as an insult to those of you who disagree. That's just my families beliefs. I am not criticizing or judging you. .....and as for my sorority sister, I would trust her with my life and have no problems trusting her to keep a secret like that. If your not Greek, you wouldn't get it. I am just under 26, so technically I could be put back on my parents policy, but I don't see that happening. They are still upset that I moved 5 hours away a couple years ago and still only call when mail gets delivered to their house. Health insurance on my own is more then I can afford. <strong>The cheapest I have found is 250 a month and that is pretty basic.</strong> My school offers coverage for 1800 a semester, which is also out of the question. Joy2611- I don't pay for my internet (thank you neighbors) and I sell cell phones so I get a HUGE employee discount. I pay like 20 bucks a month, so adding and extra 100 bucks to my budget is out of the question. <strong>so, thank you for judging my priorities.
</strong>Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]
Unless you have only looked at 1 site, this may be the case. But seriously, look around, there are plans cheaper than $250 a month. Or call your FI's insurance and see if they will honor an early add-on.
Also, you asked for help, people are giving you help. Don't get snippy when it doesn't go your way and everyone doesn't jump on your "do it" band wagon.
Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley
Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
[QUOTE]We didn't think that it would be taken so poorly. <strong>We don't consider a marriage to be 'real' unless your married in a church.</strong> A quick wedding at a court house would simply full fill the need for the state to consider us married. Our families and circles of friends are mostly very catholic and only consider a church wedding valid. Please don't take that as an insult to those of you who disagree. That's just my families beliefs. I am not criticizing or judging you. .....and as for my sorority sister, I would trust her with my life and have no problems trusting her to keep a secret like that. If your not Greek, you wouldn't get it. <strong>I am just under 26, so technically I could be put back on my parents policy, but I don't see that happening.</strong> They are still upset that I moved 5 hours away a couple years ago and still only call when mail gets delivered to their house. Health insurance on my own is more then I can afford. The cheapest I have found is 250 a month and that is pretty basic. My school offers coverage for 1800 a semester, which is also out of the question. Joy2611- <strong>I don't pay for my internet (thank you neighbors)</strong> and I sell cell phones so I get a HUGE employee discount. I pay like 20 bucks a month, so adding and extra 100 bucks to my budget is out of the question. so, thank you for judging my priorities.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1. The state considers a real marriage as one that is legal, as in you signed the paperwork and swore before an officer of the court, so yes, you would really be married. A church wedding does not make it real, the legal paperwork does. </div><div>
</div><div>2. You won't know unless you ask. I can't believe your parents would rather have you get married to get insurance than let you go without. </div><div>
</div><div>3. Please tell me you are not stealing internet service from your neighbors, because that is what I am getting out of that comment. </div><div>
</div><div>BTW, If you were looking for validation for your bad idea you definitely came to the wrong forum. Please take what we have all said to heart, especially those of us who have dealt with situations like this. When people find out, and they will one way or another, they will be hurt and mad. Continue looking for insurance somewhere else. Have your FI ask at work, because if you live together you may still be able to on his insurance even without getting married first.
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[QUOTE]We didn't think that it would be taken so poorly. We don't consider a marriage to be 'real' unless your married in a church. A quick wedding at a court house would simply full fill the need for the state to consider us married. Our families and circles of friends are mostly very catholic and only consider a church wedding valid. Please don't take that as an insult to those of you who disagree. That's just my families beliefs.<strong> I am not criticizing or judging you. .....and as for my sorority sister, I would trust her with my life and have no problems trusting her to keep a secret like that. If your not Greek, you wouldn't get it. </strong>I am just under 26, so technically I could be put back on my parents policy, but I don't see that happening. They are still upset that I moved 5 hours away a couple years ago and still only call when mail gets delivered to their house. Health insurance on my own is more then I can afford. The cheapest I have found is 250 a month and that is pretty basic. My school offers coverage for 1800 a semester, which is also out of the question. Joy2611- I don't pay for my internet (thank you neighbors) and I sell cell phones so I get a HUGE employee discount. I pay like 20 bucks a month, so adding and extra 100 bucks to my budget is out of the question. so, thank you for judging my priorities.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]
I'm Greek. I love my sorority sisters. Last check, they're still human and most are capable of speaking and gossiping. I'm Greek and I still don't get it.
On the topic of what you're thinking about - I find it to be kinda shady. I'm also interested in what you would do if for some reason you ended up NOT getting married the next summer. You'd be married, so you'd have to get a divorce. How would you go about that without people knowing?
I need to be nice. OP, it's just not a good idea. Trust us on this one.
Good luck planning your wedding!! (The one that's next summer...b/c after everything we've said, I know you're smart enough not to do this JOP super secret ninja wedding)
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BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
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BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12