My husband and I couldnt afford a dream wedding, or even a budget wedding so we had a courthouse wedding which I dreaded but we had to. I wanted to be married to him but couldnt afford the party so to speak so thats what we did. We thought about having a regular wedding a few years down the road for a renewal of the vows. Is that bad? Or improper? I mean, we arent looking for gifts or anything for this one, but more like just the experience we both wanted in having a wedding. I want to be walked down the aisle and you know, a traditional wedding.I feel sad when I see my friends and their wedding photos like I missed out. I dont regret marrying him whatsoever but want to be a bride!! So is it uncuth to have that for a vow renewal in a few years? .
Re: Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal?
[QUOTE]My husband and I couldnt afford a dream wedding, or even a budget wedding so we had a courthouse wedding which I dreaded but we had to. I wanted to be married to him but couldnt afford the party so to speak so thats what we did. We thought about having a regular wedding a few years down the road for a renewal of the vows. Is that bad? Or improper? I mean, we arent looking for gifts or anything for this one, but more like just the experience we both wanted in having a wedding. I want to be walked down the aisle and you know, a traditional wedding.I feel sad when I see my friends and their wedding photos like I missed out. I dont regret marrying him whatsoever but want to be a bride!! So is it uncuth to have that for a vow renewal in a few years? .
Posted by jessi3385[/QUOTE]
Getting married is an adult act. You made a decision to have the courthouse wedding. The consequenses of that decision is that you don't get the perfect, pretty princess day. You gave that option up. Having a vow renewal just so you can experience all the crap that the wedding industry force feeds you is silly at this point. You are married. You get one wedding, unless you divorce or widow. You can't be a bride now. That time has passed. It is a waste of money. Use that money and go on a fantastic trip or put it in your retirement or college funds. You did not miss out on anything. You should feel good that you did not drop a crap ton of money on a one-day party.
Be happy you are married. Don't forget that beyond the chair covers, favors, first dances, showers, dresses and dinner, having that piece of paper signed is the most important thing of the day. You have that.
I'm curious - when did you get married? Your bio says you got married last month, you have previous posts asking all kinds of questions about registries and STD, etc. and that your wedding date is Sept 29th of this year.
There is a big difference in my eyes between a "re-do" wedding and a vow renewal. It sounds to me like you want a re-do so you can experience all the things you chose not to do when you got married.
Also, please be mindful of how you refer to JOP weddings. Many girls here chose to go the JOP route and those are real weddings that were embraced, not dreaded.
Vow renewals are smaller and held at milestone anniversaries. They don't have STD's, registries, and all the elements of a wedding. You don't have people buy dresses and stand as BM's, you don't have showers, etc. You are renewing your vows in a far more understated fashion.
Back to my original question - when did you guys get married?
You were a bride on the day that you two got married at the courthouse, and I bet you were a radiant one, weather or not you wore a veil and wedding dress. If, in 10 or 20 years, you two want to celebrate your time together with a vow renewal, go ahead, but don't use it as an excuse to 're-do' a perfectly good wedding.
We all have to live with our choices. Sames goes with a wedding. You can divorce and get remarried, but you're only truly a bride once. The only way you get a do-over without it being a faux pas is if you get divorced and marry someone else, or you become a widow and remarry.
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[QUOTE]I'm curious - when did you get married? Your bio says you got married last month, you have previous posts asking all kinds of questions about registries and STD, etc. and that your wedding date is Sept 29th of this year. <strong>There is a big difference in my eyes between a "re-do" wedding and a vow renewal. It sounds to me like you want a re-do so you can experience all the things you chose not to do when you got married.</strong> Also, please be mindful of how you refer to JOP weddings. Many girls here chose to go the JOP route and those are real weddings that were embraced, not dreaded. <strong>Vow renewals are smaller and held at milestone anniversaries. They don't have STD's, registries, and all the elements of a wedding. You don't have people buy dresses and stand as BM's, you don't have showers, etc.</strong> You are renewing your vows in a far more understated fashion. Back to my original question - when did you guys get married?
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
This. Anything else seems awkward ang gift grabby. :(
[QUOTE]Think of it this way. I lost my virginity and first did the deed b/c I felt pressured to. It was a bit regretable, yes. But no amount of pretending would have made me a virgin again. We all have to live with our choices. Sames goes with a wedding. You can divorce and get remarried, but you're only truly a bride once. The only way you get a do-over without it being a faux pas is if you get divorced and marry someone else, or you become a widow and remarry.
Posted by mizutamababy[/QUOTE]
I love this. Great way of putting it.
[QUOTE]His parents are also catholic and feel we should get married in a church regardless so I am stuck with trying to figure out what to do. I guess if they want the church to bless our wedding as they put it, they can pay for it. I dont think I'd make a huge deal out of it with save the dates and registries but something intimate. I also dont think JOP marriages are bad, but I did not like it at all for myself. Im entitled to feel that way. Because of the rush we didn't get to involve family and we are looking for the chance to do so. It may not be a traditional wedding but it will be something.
Posted by jessi3385[/QUOTE]
This changes things quite a bit, then. In the eyes of the church you aren't married yet, therefore you can have a ceremony and reception celebrating your union. I still wouldn't register and yes, STDs might be a little much. Just send out the invitation and those who can attend will.
I think it would be a bit strange to wait a long time before doing this, though... Preferably you would want to do it within the year you were married at the courthouse. I would keep the reception very low key if I were in your place, too.
I don't think your in laws are responsible for paying if you both choose to go this route. I'm also not sure if churches will do this if you aren't a practicing Catholic, either.
good luck! and congrats!
We are going to the JOP this June, and next June, on the exact same date, we are having the party and stating our vows in front of family and friends. I was freaking out when I read all the negative stuff about it on here, but then I talked to my family, and they understand why and are soooo supportive and happy to help.
We are not registering, we are not having parties, or asking for gifts.
And we both have kids from other people, I'm a stay at home mom because our 3 children have 3 different school schedules, and my FH could not claim us because the tax laws changed, even though he's the one who has been there.
And as I said, my family is totally ok with it and they are just so happy for us both. So stop worrying about all the people you will NEVER meet, and just do what works for you. Every situation is different, and you will never please everyone, so stop trying. Just do what makes you happy.
I think its GREAT to have a huge bash for your vow renewal!!! My husband and I are having one in May! The whole shebang!!! We also did the JOP wedding and have been married for 10 years. So now for our 10 year anniversary we are getting baptized and are having the big deal! and I am soooooo excited!!! which I can imagine you will be too
I got the beautiful white dress, the church, and the reception hall!!! and all of our family and frends feel privilaged to a part of something so wonderful! The fact that we want to share our ongoing love for eachother with our family, children, and friends, is an inspiration for other couples. So go big and enjoy yourself! just because your already married doesn't mean you can't have your dream ceremony! Share your Love!!!
So have your big wedding just how you like it and ignore all these negative people on here! Good luck and enjoy!
That being said, you may get some snarky comments from guests or friends or 'friends of friends.' Just make sure you are honest with the people you love and invite as to why you are doing this and what it means to you. The people who truly love and care about you guys will probably be happy to celebrate this with you!
Best of luck!
1. Simple short white/ivory dress w/no veil
2. Gonna do a circle of love instead of "walking down the aisle"
3. Wording from the pastor will be different (bless the marriage of.. not to unite)
4. We are intending on inviting any other married couples to join us to renew their vows with us at that time.
5. No first dance. We would have danced plenty of times between then and now.
The rest is a partay!
Good luck honey. Have a great second wedding to your husband. Do what you feel comfy with
Personal piece of advice...save your money. I went to the JOP for the ins because I found out I was preg and needed it. We were in the middle of planning out wedding and we figured we would just go ahead with the wedding. What was the big deal right? WRONG! Once my guests (dear friends and family) found out we were already married, they pretty much told me I was pretty rude for taking advantage of the situation and being "greedy" for wanting the wedding and gifts. It wasn't worth it at all. (of couse, that marriage ended in divorce, but still. If I had to do over again, I would have bought a car or taking a honeymoon.) Just please don't do it. You're married. Period.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it wrong to have a "regular" wedding for a vow renewal? : This changes things quite a bit, then. <strong>In the eyes of the church you aren't married yet, therefore you can have a ceremony and reception celebrating your union. </strong>I still wouldn't register and yes, STDs might be a little much. Just send out the invitation and those who can attend will. I think it would be a bit strange to wait a long time before doing this, though... Preferably you would want to do it within the year you were married at the courthouse. I would keep the reception very low key if I were in your place, too. I don't think your in laws are responsible for paying if you both choose to go this route. I'm also not sure if churches will do this if you aren't a practicing Catholic, either.
Posted by mizutamababy[/QUOTE]
FI's sister is getting married in Mexico on the beach we are all catholic, anyways, the priest has told her she is not married in the eyes of the church! That she must do a ceremony before she leaves for Mexico if she would like to have a sacramental marriage. So go for it :) of courseminus the gifts!
I just have a few questions then ill tell you why i asked them.
1, is santa real?
2, do you believe in the easter bunny?
3, do you wear white after labor day?,
4, did you graduate college and start a fantastic career?
I know these sound random but these are some of the things society tells us its okay to believe in or have our kids believe in. or dead lines that are suppose to happen in order. well Guess WHAT life doesnt happen in order or the way we may think. Im a military spouse and due to my husband being deployed to iraq i didnt get to plan the wedding we wanted because since i wasnt already a spouse at the time they dont feel the need to update you on things going on. for security reasons. when my husband got home he got orders for a new duty assignment and we got married at the court house. Now 6 happy years and 4 deployments later were planning our Wedding and getting ready for an upcoming deployment to Afgan..... Of course i would have rathered had the wedding when i was 18.
All i can tell you is Society is always going to have a "Proper" way of doing things in an un proper world. If its important to you and your husband DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! if any of your friends have an issue with that tell them they can happily decline to the invitation. After all you only want people to come who are truely happy for you and your husband. Less people that come means less people u have to pay to eat, drink and celebrate. People who mind dont matter and people who matter DONT MIND /> Happy Planning and Good luck to you and your husband. I Hope God bless you wil many happy years.