Hi ladies,
We've been receiving our RSVP cards back in the mail, and some have come back with notes on them. Not just "can't wait to celebrate" or "sorry I can't be there", either. Some have food/drink requests on them, and FI and I have differing opinions on how to handle this.
On two, we've gotten back specific food requests. One said "no tomatoes" and one said "please no onions in my food". From the two people that wrote these, I know it's not allergies (they're my mom's cousins, and there are no known allergies for them). FI says we should accomodate them by asking the chef not to put the requested items in the salads. I say they are adults and can figure out how to not eat them, especially since it would mean impacting two tables' worth of food (we're are serving salads family style at the tables). Thoughts?
The third request was "absolutely no alcohol on the table for me". I don't know if that means at their place setting, on the table, or what, but the bar is open and the guest can have whatever they'd like...soda, juice, etc. The toast is with sparkling cider, but there will be wine on the table. Thoughts on how to handle? Ignore it? I don't know why the guest made the request, but they don't HAVE to drink the wine on the table.
I didn't realize that peopl would even make requests like this, so any help would be appreciated!
Re: RSVP notations from guests
Fatty girl blog
I'm fairly sure that the guest who doesn't want alcohol can ignore what's in front of her. I've had run ins with her before at events about alcohol, so I should have figured that this would be no different.
[QUOTE]I agree with pps. If it's not an allergy, I'd ignore it. I'm guessing the guest who requested no alcohol on the table is struggling with a drinking problem? Just curious. I have sympathy, but my opinion stands that the request is out of line. I quit smoking, but I can't dictate to my hostess what to do about other smokers.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
No, she just hates drinking in all forms. She's been up in peoples faces before about drinking at events. She didn't even want a cake that had alcohol in it at a birthday party for someone else. She's never had a drinking problem, no one in her family has (we've known her for about 55 years, it's not something that she grew up with). She's just a one woman Prohibition movement.
I'll just ignore it and let her figure it out when she sees wine on the table that she doesn't have to consume it.
What are the differing opinions you and FH have on how to deal with these requests? Does one of you want to actually accommodate them?
[QUOTE]I have never heard of someone doing that before. Did you have main course selections on your RSVP cards? That's the only time I could imagine someone even remotely thinking they could dictate what they're going to get. Still weird and rude.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]
Yes, we did have two entree choices. We decided at the last minute to offer two and give our guests the option. It just said chicken or salmon though, not how it was prepared.
Again, I've got food allergies, and I literally cannot eat certain things without visiting my friendly neighborhood ER, but I would never put something on an RSVP card!!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : No, she just hates drinking in all forms. She's been up in peoples faces before about drinking at events. She didn't even want a cake that had alcohol in it at a birthday party for someone else. She's never had a drinking problem, no one in her family has (we've known her for about 55 years, it's not something that she grew up with). <strong>She's just a one woman Prohibition movement</strong>. I'll just ignore it and let her figure it out when she sees wine on the table that she doesn't have to consume it.
Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]
My coworkers just looked at me funny for laughing aloud to your comment. I think that might have been the best thing I've heard today.
Oh, and yes, ignore any non-allergy requests. I know I'm mean, but I'd have a blast seating these people together to watch it all go down. In all seriousness, though, they'll get over it (and if they don't, that's on them, not you).
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : I know I'm mean, but I'd have a blast seating these people together to watch it all go down.
Posted by Lobsters25[/QUOTE]
I think that's a great idea to put them all at the same table!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : I think that's a great idea to put them all at the same table!
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
I think I might just do this....they are all related somehow, so it wouldn't be weird to do this.
And yes, I think it will make them feel a bit awkward when they see the bowls of salad coming out to them. We did the family style specifically so we didn't have to pick one salad for everyone. Now they all get their choice of 3.
I'd just ignore all of these requests, because nothing so far sounds legit. If someone had an actual allergy, or an extreme distaste for a particular food (my cousin almost has a phobia of mushrooms because of a bad experience as a kid, so I would have accomodated that, for example).
We're ignoring even allergy concerns outside those paying for the wedding, except we'll be very open about the food plan before the wedding, so those with allergies can make other arrangements. My family has lots of allergies, and we don't expect them to be accomodated at social events. We eat before or discreetly bring our own food or go hungry and leave early.
[QUOTE]The teetotaler can go sit in the corner by herself. I don't eat onions or tomatoes either, so I pick them off of salads. You're good to go, Chumlee. I was kind of hoping you got back some more fun notes like your great-aunt's.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
If get another one from someone like Dear old Aunt Gracie, I'll post it. I'm not holding my breath, but maybe one of my mom's relatives has developed a sense of humor since last I saw them.
If the lady is that against liqour than she shouldn't go to functions with liqour..end of story.
[QUOTE]Well, in comparison to crazy text lady, these are nothing. Just ignore it, they'll live. But at least you have some interesting stories to share :)
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
23 text messages!!!!!!!!! Seriously, this is very entertaining....
At work I had some crazy lady ask for us not to fill the pitcher all the way and give her small glass of Dr. Pepper instead....ya, found out that woman was the wife of H's friend and they were invited to the wedding....I kept teasing H that we are not providing Dr. Pepper so she better be prepared to bring her own. B!tch didn't even show up to the wedding!
Fall Wedding Bio
[QUOTE]I feel we must apply Kant's categorical imperative to our guests' behavior in planning our weddings, or we will go insane trying to make each guest insanely happy. Kant's categorical imperative is basically: "If everyone did this, could society still function? If not, don't do it." Imagine if every guest had a special food or drink request. No caterer could accomodate, or your catering costs would be sky-high. (or your food would be terribly bland) So, ignore these special requests. We're ignoring even allergy concerns outside those paying for the wedding, except we'll be very open about the food plan before the wedding, so those with allergies can make other arrangements. My family has lots of allergies, and we don't expect them to be accomodated at social events. We eat before or discreetly bring our own food or go hungry and leave early.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]
Good think my bridal party and I aren't coming to your wedding.
You wouldn't have a head count, you'd have a body count. White bags, toe tags and all.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : but they're going to be open with the food plan before the wedding so that makes it OK...
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
As long as you warn people in advance that you're going to ignore their health concerns and serve them things that could potentially harm or kill them, it's cool, right?
ETA: ElisabethJoanne posted a list of allergens she was accommodating (nine total, including nuts, chocolate, celery, and other stuff I don't remember), and a list of three foods plus diabetes that she is not accommodating. That post appears to have disappeared now though.
No words.
If just being in the same room as the allergen is harmful, then it's an environmental allergy. I don't know theknot consensus on environmental allergies. Grass is a very common environmental allergy, but there's no theknot consensus against outdoor weddings. We expect guests to deal or decline if they can't deal. My family takes the same approach with our long list of food allergies.
[QUOTE]Maybe I'm an asshole but unless these people have serious dietary restrictions or severe allergies to these things I would completely ignore those notes. These people are adults. If there are onions on a salad, they can pick them off or not eat it. If they don't want to drink alcohol, there is no one who would force them to do so.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
Then I guess I'm an asshole too b/c that's exactly what I think.
As for the no-alcohol on the table RSVP, they can't tell you what not to make available for the entire table. They're not being forced to drink anything. As long as there are non-alcoholic choices available (other than water) I see no issue.