Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue

mkovacik · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:ec5235f8-de68-4471-8193-08bd6f78fb16">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>entitled</strong> Posted by linzerd[/QUOTE]

This word is what's wrong with this country. Everyone thinks their "entitled" to something...

salsamcg · April 2011

Maybe your FFIL doesn't want to pay for a waste of a wedding since he's hoping your FI will wise up and leave your snotty ass pretty soon you selfish cvnt

btw, my whole wedding is $3000 and my guests are getting food, drink and favors. my dress is beautiful and my pictures will be too. you need to wise up.

AutumnFair · April 2011

kcm, I know OP is being nasty calling people names but I recommend editing your last bit so you don't get in trouble. She isn't worth you getting a warning by Kniblet or KA.

AutumnFair · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:d1bef774-92d4-4ad9-8eae-ac515d077d1f">Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Removed, since you all think I am embarassed, but I'm not so read on. Don't worry the other douches who can copy and paste did so below.
Posted by linzerd[/QUOTE]

<div>Reported. Hopefully, you calm down and come back again to discuss topics again like an adult. </div>

AutumnFair · April 2011

I let the rant of the 17 babies thing slide but to go back and call people douches is something I find that should not be tolerated and I can bet that if this was the other way around, there would be no question this would have been reported and a warning if not ban issued. Just because she is new still gives no right to calling people names. Granted we've been here a while to know not to engage in the bad behavior but it still needs to be corrected or every new person can go and spout off name calling without having some kind of warning.

Viczaesar · April 2011

How can you live with yourself taking money for your parents for an optional party when your dad is 62 and has been out of work for a year? Serious question. I can't even imagine feeling okay with that.

trix1223 · April 2011

Well, I for one am not at all confused anymore about why her FFIL doesn't care for her.

But, gee, a big good luck to you, OP.

artbyallie · April 2011

I really hope OP is a troll. With all that vitriol, she can't be a pleasant person to know IRL.

linzerd · April 2011

It is exhausting trying to defend myself against you people. I am serisously at a loss for words. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I made myself look bad, yet you all continue to talk $hit about me and then say I am the one who needs to be an adult.

I never said he was obligated to contribute. I did say I was "entitled". But I was angry. No I don't think anyone is entitled to anything, ok? Happy now? Are you all going to continue spending your Saturday thinking about the girl on the North Shore of Mass and how much she sucks at life?

Whoever said my FFIL doesn't like me? Oh that's right. You did. Because you know me. And you know him. And evidently your psychic abilities told you so. I never said he doesn't like me. He doesn't even KNOW about ANY of this. If you read my "OP" I came here to vent. I have never and will never say anything to the man about this.

You people are seriously mean. One person called me the "c" word, and said hopefully my FI will leave me soon. (Which by the way like I said before we have been together for 8 years. You were probably still in middle school 8 years ago.) So I don't think he'll be going anywhere . Another called me a troll with a stone heart, because again, YOU KNOW ME. And then of course I am a horrible person for taking my parent's money when my dad is old and out of work. Did you not read where I said that they are not really at a financial harship so badly that this is going to break their bank and ruin them? My mother has a good job, they still have retirement, they can still pay the mortgage and have their timeshare in Cancun. My mother had this money set aside long before my father lost his job or I was even engaged. My father hasn't gotten another job because he is depressed and refuses to look. Now I know it sucks to be depressed, but do you all support someone just not looking for work because they don't feel like it? How do you feel about him now?

These are all details which you people failed to consider or notice and jump the gun and just make me out to be this horrible person who would to put kittens in a blender. But like I said, you really don't know me, so stop talking about me like you do.

All I was trying to say was not that I was entitled, or he is obligated. But that I (and my FI, and my parents, and my friends, and his mother, and his sister, and everyone else I know) thinks he should contribute some more since my parents are footing the rest of the bill and this is his only child. Is that really so friggin awful to feel that way?

So go ahead, stone away....

AutumnFair · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:e4d332f7-9978-4b99-ac76-469b65c15e1b">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]It is exhausting trying to defend myself against you people. I am serisously at a loss for words. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I made myself look bad, yet you all continue to talk $hit about me and then say I am the one who needs to be an adult. I never said he was obligated to contribute. I did say I was "entitled". But I was angry. No I don't think anyone is entitled to anything, ok? Happy now? Are you all going to continue spending your Saturday thinking about the girl on the North Shore of Mass and how much she sucks at life? Whoever said my FFIL doesn't like me? Oh that's right. You did. Because you know me. And you know him. And evidently your psychic abilities told you so. I never said he doesn't like me. He doesn't even KNOW about ANY of this. If you read my "OP" I came here to vent. I have never and will never say anything to the man about this. You people are seriously mean. One person called me the "c" word, and said hopefully my FI will leave me soon. (Which by the way like I said before we have been together for 8 years. You were probably still in middle school 8 years ago.) So I don't think he'll be going anywhere . Another called me a troll with a stone heart, because again, YOU KNOW ME. And then of course I am a horrible person for taking my parent's money when my dad is old and out of work. Did you not read where I said that they are not really at a financial harship so badly that this is going to break their bank and ruin them? My mother has a good job, they still have retirement, they can still pay the mortgage and have their timeshare in Cancun. My mother had this money set aside long before my father lost his job or I was even engaged. My father hasn't gotten another job because he is depressed and refuses to look. Now I know it sucks to be depressed, but do you all support someone just not looking for work because they don't feel like it? How do you feel about him now? These are all details which you people failed to consider or notice and jump the gun and just make me out to be this horrible person who would to put kittens in a blender. But like I said, you really don't know me, so stop talking about me like you do. All I was trying to say was <strong>not that I was entitled, or he is obligated</strong>. But that<strong> I (and my FI, and my parents, and my friends, and his mother, and his sister, and everyone else I know) thinks he should contribute some more</strong> since my parents are footing the rest of the bill and<strong> this is his only child</strong>. Is that really so friggin awful to feel that way? So go ahead, stone away....
Posted by linzerd[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Isn't that the same thing as entitled and obligated? </div><div>
</div><div>To make it clear, the fact that you have a problem with your FFIL not giving you more money is what we a debating in this topic. You can take what we say and learn to let go this issue or you can continue to argue your point.</div><div>
</div><div> Your anger towards your FFIL not contributing more really should go away, you can't force him to give more money and he is not obligated to give any money, period. All these people you are listing that agree with you also have no right to judge how your FFIL spends his money. They were comfortable in giving you X amount for your wedding that they saved up, and your FFIL is comfortable with Y amount that he has saved.</div><div>
</div><div>Once again, any money, anyone gives to you be it $100 or $100,000 should be met with great appreciation because to remind you, no one but you and your FI are the only people responsible for paying for your wedding. You are grown adults, if your old enough to want to get married and want a party you are old enough to pay for it yourself.

</div>

zitiqueen · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:e4d332f7-9978-4b99-ac76-469b65c15e1b">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>Are you all going to continue spending your Saturday thinking about the girl on the North Shore of Mass and how much she sucks at life?</strong> Posted by linzerd[/QUOTE]

Are you going to continue spending <em>your</em> Saturday worrying about the opinions of a bunch of Internet strangers? Looks like...

linzerd · April 2011

Well thank you for once again explaining the situation. Clearly I am just so dumb that I could not figure it out for myself and I should listen to you, random person on the internet, and live my life by your words. Thank you for explaining what I should do, and that I can't force someone to do something. Since I am still so stupid I couldn't figure that out for myself. And thank you for telling me my anger should just go away. I'll make sure I go in and turn that little swtich off, cause its that easy. And thank you for explaining I should appreciate people's gifts. Because I went to kindergarten, and learned that there. And thank you for reiterating what I had already said, as if I hadn't.

Thank you for not understanding the meaning of the words entitlement and obligation. Just to be clear:

en·ti·tle·ment

noun \-ˈtī-t^əl-mənt\: a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract

ob·li·ga·tion

noun \ˌä-blə-ˈgā-shən\: the action of obligating oneself to a course of action (as by a promise or vow)

Because those are the same things as OPINIONS and the meaning of the phrase "THINKS someone should do something".

Thank you for being just so smart, that I should aspire to be so as well. Since you clearly know everything about this situation and how I should live my life.

linzerd · April 2011

Uuuummm no actually, I am looking at veils and going to clean my house. Thanks for asking since you clearly keep coming back to make your snide little comments and call me stupid pet names. I have one for you...

zitiqueen · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:913e281b-dd60-4bf1-bc86-55b38ffbe8d1">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Well thank you for once again explaining the situation. Clearly I am just so dumb that I could not figure it out for myself and I should listen to you, random person on the internet, and live my life by your words. Thank you for explaining what I should do, and that I can't force someone to do something. Since I am still so stupid I couldn't figure that out for myself. And thank you for telling me my anger should just go away. I'll make sure I go in and turn that little swtich off, cause its that easy. And thank you for explaining I should appreciate people's gifts. Because I went to kindergarten, and learned that there. And thank you for reiterating what I had already said, as if I hadn't. Thank you for not understanding the meaning of the words entitlement and obligation. Just to be clear: en·ti·tle·ment noun \- ˈ tī-t ə l-mənt\: a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract ob·li·ga·tion noun \ ˌ ä-blə- ˈ gā-shən\: the action of obligating oneself to a course of action (as by a promise or vow) Because those are the same things as OPINIONS and the meaning of the phrase "THINKS someone should do something". Thank you for being just so smart, that I should aspire to be so as well. Since you clearly know everything about this situation and how I should live my life.
Posted by linzerd[/QUOTE]

zitiqueen · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:54fdf3de-1023-4023-b601-53cf7317d740">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Uuuummm no actually, I am looking at veils and going to clean my house. Thanks for asking since you clearly keep coming back to make your snide little comments and call me stupid pet names. I have one for you...
Posted by linzerd[/QUOTE]

AutumnFair · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:913e281b-dd60-4bf1-bc86-55b38ffbe8d1">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Well thank you for once again explaining the situation. Clearly I am just so dumb that I could not figure it out for myself and I should listen to you, random person on the internet, and live my life by your words. Thank you for explaining what I should do, and that I can't force someone to do something. Since I am still so stupid I couldn't figure that out for myself. And thank you for telling me my anger should just go away. I'll make sure I go in and turn that little swtich off, cause its that easy. And thank you for explaining I should appreciate people's gifts. Because I went to kindergarten, and learned that there. And thank you for reiterating what I had already said, as if I hadn't. Thank you for not understanding the meaning of the words entitlement and obligation. Just to be clear: en·ti·tle·ment noun \- ˈ tī-t ə l-mənt\: <strong>a right to benefits (<font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">aka expect to recieve more money from rich FFIL) </font></strong>specified especially by law or contract ob·li·ga·tion noun \ ˌ ä-blə- ˈ gā-shən\:<strong> the action of obligating oneself to a course of action <font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">(FFIL giving more money to his only son's wedding)</font></strong>(as by a promise or vow) Because those are the same things as OPINIONS and the meaning of the phrase "THINKS someone should do something". Thank you for being just so smart, that I should aspire to be so as well. Since you clearly know everything about this situation and how I should live my life.
Posted by linzerd[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Hey, I'm always glad to help a Bride out so you are welcome. I'm glad you took time to look up obligation and entitlement because those definitely are equivalent to what you indeed were thinking and expressed, so good thing I used the right terminology to describe the situation.

</div>

linzerd · April 2011

But see, that's where you are wrong. You were no help at all. Don't flatter yourself.

cupcakesfrosting · April 2011

Holy crap, this thread involved too much head-desking.

niecie_jeff · April 2011

OP, I understand where you are coming from in that you would like for your FFIL to help more with the wedding...I would love for my parents to help more with mine...but I know they will and are doing what the can and I am so greatful for that. And to be honest with you, if someone was offering to give me $3000 for the wedding, I would be so happy with that, I wouldnt care if they could afford more. I am not trying to start more disagreements or anything, but some people do have to pay for their weddings w/out much help from family. I think Its great though that your parents thought far enough in the future to save for your special day so you and your FI are not working crazy hours to pay for your day

8daysaweek · April 2011

Oooh, I've been looking for the perfect post for my new siggy and here it is! OP see below.

jackman36 · April 2011

I sympathize with your disappointment regarding your stingy FFIL and the backstory of how he has treated his only child. You can only do the very best you can with what you have, and try to enjoy your special day. Your mother is a sweetheart for contributing to your wedding and you should not feel ashamed to accept her support.

With regard to the responses you have been getting - I have been reading this board for a while now, and I have seen this clique of self-righteous predators who "go in for the kill" and rip people apart. Nasty name calling and all - makes newbies not want to post here. The lead offender is a certain know-it-all who dispenses criticism from her experience of being and MOB and MOG. She has a gaggle of sycophants who worship her wisdom. Barf.

I wish you the very best and congratulations on your marriage. Try not to waste any more energy letting these pompous posters bring you down.

8daysaweek · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:a1b219a6-7e14-4827-a4a9-7517cb290df1">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I sympathize with your disappointment regarding your stingy FFIL and the backstory of how he has treated his only child. You can only do the very best you can with what you have, and try to enjoy your special day. Your mother is a sweetheart for contributing to your wedding and you should not feel ashamed to accept her support. With regard to the responses you have been getting - I have been reading this board for a while now, and I have seen this clique of self-righteous predators who "go in for the kill" and rip people apart. Nasty name calling and all - makes newbies not want to post here. The lead offender is a certain know-it-all who dispenses criticism from her experience of being and MOB and MOG. She has a gaggle of sycophants who worship her wisdom. Barf. I wish you the very best and congratulations on your marriage. Try not to waste any more energy letting these pompous posters bring you down.
Posted by jackman36[/QUOTE]

Jackman OP is acting like a child, comlaining about another's unwillingness to pay for the hefty price tag of her "big party" when she freely admits she cannot afford it herself. Adults who are ready for the responsibility and commitment of marriage are grateful for any contributions they receive for their wedding but do not expect it or feel they are owed it.
No one is entitled to a pretty, pretty Princess Wedding Day and certainly not entitled to have someone else pick up the tab for it. OP is complaining about her FFIL's stinginess - he is giving her $3,000 toward this shindig. In what world is that stingy?

jackman36 · April 2011

8daysaweek - I am not the OP. Read all before you post.

8daysaweek · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:0aa5eacd-73d9-4d12-87f5-08bad6e32011">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]8daysaweek - I am not the OP. Read all before you post.
Posted by jackman36[/QUOTE]

I just rolled my eyes so hard, I'm amazed they didn't get stuck.

Clearly you are the one who needs to re-read. I didn't say you were the OP, I called you out on your ridiculous sympathy for the OP who is acting like a child. Take your own advice and read my post.

jackman36 · April 2011

If you can get them unstuck, please roll your eyes back to the screen. You started your post "Jackman OP is acting like a child..." Since there was no comma after Jackman, I thought you were addressing me as the OP. I do read all the words, and the punctuation. Try it sometime.

8daysaweek · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-lawsfather-step-mother-of-groom-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6df40e46-7547-46e8-8fa2-c0513bc9d909Post:1b977768-be95-4ba1-8935-2f8895a1b5e4">Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]If you can get them unstuck, please roll your eyes back to the screen. You started your post "Jackman OP is acting like a child..." Since there was no comma after Jackman, I thought you were addressing me as the OP. I do read all the words, and the punctuation. Try it sometime.
Posted by jackman36[/QUOTE]

LOL. Just LOL.

There's no point in reasoning with someone who agrees with the OP. You can harp all you want on a small grammatical error but if you actually had an argument, you would have used it, not a typo.

MobKaz · April 2011

Jackman---you have a private message.

Muffin'sMom · April 2011

Wow...that's all I have...wow.

And they tell US we are nasty tempered? Seriously?

I will never understand why people who clearly don't like the board want to keep coming back here...but ok.

As Trix said: The best of luck to you in the future!

linzerd · April 2011

Well la dee frickin' daaaaa. I am ell oh elling.

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

Aw - thank you for this thread.

I'm going to go hug my mom and thank her for raising me right.

Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue

Re: Future In Laws/Father and Step Mother of the Groom Issue

en·ti·tle·ment

ob·li·ga·tion

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