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Wedding Etiquette Forum
mkrupar
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In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing
This could get long.
Some knotties know this (mostly the old WP regs), but many of you don't. The May 29, 2011 date in my profile isn't our wedding date. Our wedding date was February 12, 2010. The May date is yes (the dreaded) vow renewal.
When we were buying our house last year we got some bad/incomplete advice from our mortgage officer that pushed us to go to the courthouse. In order to get a VA loan, and for both parties to be on the mortgage, you have to be married. No biggie, Lucas is former Navy, he had a VA loan in the past. We told our friends and family. I told my dad we could cancel the May date (we already had deposits and stuff down), but he didn't want to. I was the last of his kids to get married and he wanted me to be able to celebrate with friends and family like my brother and sister did.
Fast forward to the 11th hour (literally, the day before closing on the house), we find out we were denied the VA loan because Lucas had short sold his previous home, rendering his entitlements useless. If he wants his full entitlements back from the VA he has to pay the different in the sale of the house vs. what was owed.
So, in the end, we got married, and didn't have to (at least not right then). We ended up having to get an FHA loan, with a down payment. Again, I told my dad to cancel the "wedding" because we would have to use the funds we had set aside for the down payment on the home. He wouldn't do it. He loaned us the money for the down payment, and we are quickly paying him back.
I was a first time homebuyer, and had we not gotten married, I would have been eligible for the tax credit. Unfortunately, since we were then married (when we didn't really have to be), I was no longer eligible because Lucas had previously owned a home.
I don't really talk about this much around here, because there can be some definite judgement about vow renewals. That's one of the reasons why you never see me ask planning questions even though May 29th is fast approaching.
I hope you ladies have gotten to know me well enough (as well as internet strangers can get to know one another) to understand that this isn't about a PPD.
It's actually turned into more of a family reunion/my sister's 30th birthday celebration. I'm totally fine with that. But we will be doing the vows, and we will be having a reception. When we went to the courthouse we actually didn't even think about bringing rings so we skipped that part of the ceremony.
Looking back I kind of wish we had thought to take some pictures as it was just me, Lucas, the officiant, and a mural of Native Americans watching the first settlers land in Jamestown.
CN: May 29, 2011 is a vow renewal for us, got married in February of 2010 for a reason that didn't end up being needed. Friends & family all know it's a vow renewal.
Now someone else PLEASE confess something so I'm not the only one!!
Some knotties know this (mostly the old WP regs), but many of you don't. The May 29, 2011 date in my profile isn't our wedding date. Our wedding date was February 12, 2010. The May date is yes (the dreaded) vow renewal.
When we were buying our house last year we got some bad/incomplete advice from our mortgage officer that pushed us to go to the courthouse. In order to get a VA loan, and for both parties to be on the mortgage, you have to be married. No biggie, Lucas is former Navy, he had a VA loan in the past. We told our friends and family. I told my dad we could cancel the May date (we already had deposits and stuff down), but he didn't want to. I was the last of his kids to get married and he wanted me to be able to celebrate with friends and family like my brother and sister did.
Fast forward to the 11th hour (literally, the day before closing on the house), we find out we were denied the VA loan because Lucas had short sold his previous home, rendering his entitlements useless. If he wants his full entitlements back from the VA he has to pay the different in the sale of the house vs. what was owed.
So, in the end, we got married, and didn't have to (at least not right then). We ended up having to get an FHA loan, with a down payment. Again, I told my dad to cancel the "wedding" because we would have to use the funds we had set aside for the down payment on the home. He wouldn't do it. He loaned us the money for the down payment, and we are quickly paying him back.
I was a first time homebuyer, and had we not gotten married, I would have been eligible for the tax credit. Unfortunately, since we were then married (when we didn't really have to be), I was no longer eligible because Lucas had previously owned a home.
I don't really talk about this much around here, because there can be some definite judgement about vow renewals. That's one of the reasons why you never see me ask planning questions even though May 29th is fast approaching.
I hope you ladies have gotten to know me well enough (as well as internet strangers can get to know one another) to understand that this isn't about a PPD.
It's actually turned into more of a family reunion/my sister's 30th birthday celebration. I'm totally fine with that. But we will be doing the vows, and we will be having a reception. When we went to the courthouse we actually didn't even think about bringing rings so we skipped that part of the ceremony.
Looking back I kind of wish we had thought to take some pictures as it was just me, Lucas, the officiant, and a mural of Native Americans watching the first settlers land in Jamestown.
CN: May 29, 2011 is a vow renewal for us, got married in February of 2010 for a reason that didn't end up being needed. Friends & family all know it's a vow renewal.
Now someone else PLEASE confess something so I'm not the only one!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In Honor of KPS Returning....Confessions...The ones you don't mind people knowing
I also "confess" that I PM'd LDY after she said that the person who sent in the KPS should PM her...and she made me feel better about it. And that she is awesome.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
I understand all too well about fears relating to mothers. Mine are a little different though. My mom's mother passed away when my mom was only 18 from a massive heart attack, and my mother passed away when I was only 23 from complications from MS. I have a fear that I too am destined to die young and leave any kids we have without a mother.
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[QUOTE]I confess the KPS about not having kids and being selfish pissed me off in a major way. I think it's far more mature and unselfish to realize you aren't mommy material and refrain from having kids.
Posted by Meg1979[/QUOTE]
HOLY.CRAP. That seriously pisses me off. So, I should have kids because if I don't, I'm immature??? What if I donä't want to have them because I'm a carrier for a disease and the chances of my offspring having this disease is phenomenally high? What if I'm sure I won't be a good parent? Or maybe, I should treat it like a pet: if I realize later that I don't want a kid, I'll just get rid of it. Why not put more strain on an already overtaxed system?
Or, what if, I just DON'T LIKE KIDS. Someone can suck my whampwhamp.
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i wouldn't care if i was invited to a vow renewal. dinner, dancing and drinks?! yes please. AHR bother me more, i think. and depending on the day neither bother me. ever.
"It's shart week." -georgiabride
"This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
being healthy. blog.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]I confess that I really wish I could plan another wedding. I don't want to PAY for another wedding, but the planning was mostly fun. I really want to pick out cake, food and flowers. Oh, and dress shop.
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]
You can plan mine right now. I'm about done with it.
[QUOTE]laurenclaire--I hear you about the kids. FI and I are on the same page that we want kids eventually, and I still do, but some days I really feel like I'm at full functioning capacity just getting myself through the day. We got a dog in September, and I often feel like it's all I can do to go to work, take the dog for a walk, eat a decent dinner, and get enough sleep. And I don't work particularly demanding hours, usually 8:30-5 (with a 30 minute commute), so it's not likely to get any easier than this.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
Yeah, exactly. I mean seriously, by the time I'm done taking care of the dogs, making dinner, and squeezing in whatever productive thing I can do at night, I'm absolutely drained. I can't imagine what it would be like if I had a kid on top of all that. I really don't see how people do it.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
I saw that KPS about the kids thing and agree with Snippy. So it makes me immature to realize that I may not be a good parent, don't want to harm potential children, and maybe just don't want kids.
I want to hear Daff's take on that one.
immature why? because i like to have a social life? because i like to travel? because i like the fact that i don't have to rush home from work to care for a child?
"It's shart week." -georgiabride
"This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
Miss
Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
being healthy. blog.
LC, I do still want kids, but I share your feelings. I don't know when I'm going to have time or energy for them. I really don't know how parents do it.
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Books read in 2012: 21/50
And that I am really not that excited for FSIL (FI's Brother & wife) that are due in June. I feel like it makes me a bad person because I'm not as excited for them as I am for my BFF. I just don't like them so it makes it really hard....
Also about kids, FI and I both want them but i'm scared, they are so expensive and neither of us have great jobs, we can take care of ourselves but i'm worried we can't afford a baby...not that we are having one right away, we were talking maybe in two years or so.
[QUOTE]the one about being selfish and immature bothered me too. what's selfish? bringing a child into this fucked up world? like really? i have plenty of reasons for not wanting them. and i have some for having them. i just haven't picked a side yet. but you bet your ass i see both. immature why? because i like to have a social life? because i like to travel? because i like the fact that i don't have to rush home from work to care for a child?
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]
Exactly. The smugness of that post just pissed me off so much.
[QUOTE]I confess (just to make cfas feel better, you're not alone) that I am small, but I still feel that I'm "fat". I know that I am in no means fat, and it doesn't stop me from eating, but I constantly compare myself to others. I'm 5'3" at about 120lbs. I want to be 110. <strong>A few years ago after my ex broke up with me I kind of went into a depressive state and went from about 125lbs to my absolute lowest of 102lbs.</strong> I am happy at 105-108, because I don't "feel" fat. Although, the entire time I was that weight all I heard was "You've lost too much weight, you're so tiny, you need to eat" and I hated it. I just need to find a happy HEALTHY weight and go from there.
Posted by SarahR11[/QUOTE]
I did the same thing. I'm short, 5'1 or 2 and when the college BF and I broke up, I lost my appetite. I would eat, but only a couple bites because everything tasted too salty. But yeah, I thought I'd never looked better at 105, but I'd never felt worse. and everybody was saying I was too skinny. Looking at pictures now, I was too skinny, but that doesn't stop me wanting to weigh that again.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
Also, I figure that people that feel that way about a person's choice to not have kids just don't know any better.
It's a much more mature decision to understand your feelings about children and life and make a choice based on that.
It's immature to not recognize that.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
"It's shart week." -georgiabride
"This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
Miss
Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
being healthy. blog.
Miss Mrs.
[QUOTE]I confess the KPS about not having kids and being selfish pissed me off in a major way. I think it's far more mature and unselfish to realize you aren't mommy material and refrain from having kids.
Posted by Meg1979[/QUOTE]
Yes, I would love for someone to attempt to justify how me not wanting kids means I am immature. Because clearly, not wanting children automatically discredits everything else I have been through in my life that could point toward actual maturity.
I promise that doesn't make them mature.
Dolt.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution