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How can you explain in a nice way?

a_cianflonea_cianflone member
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in Snarky Brides
Ok so my FH's Brother is getting married in june and we are getting married in september. Their wedding is their own very informal BBQ type. Our wedding is very upscale and classy. We have pretty much the same guest list except our is higher. How do i explain on my invitation that it is very formal in a nice way? 
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Re: How can you explain in a nice way?

  • jajph1974jajph1974
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:a952f87d-10b1-4682-ae8e-889f37b35369">How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so my FH's Brother is getting married in june and we are getting married in september. Their wedding is their own very informal BBQ type. Our wedding is very upscale and classy. We have pretty much the same guest list except our is higher. How do i explain on my invitation that it is very formal in a nice way? 
    Posted by a_cianflone@live.com[/QUOTE]


    You don't

    People should be able to figure it out on their own
    Report Reply
  • MeaghanandMichaelMeaghanandMichael
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
     If you are doing a true black tie affair, or if your venue has dress code rules, you are allowed to inform them of this. Otherwise, you can't. It is inappropriate to tell guests how to dress.

    Many guests will look up the wedding venue to get an idea of how to dress. Word of mouth by your mom and bridesmaids is a good starting point too. People can mentioned in casual conversation you are having a more formal wedding and leave it at that.


    image
    RAWR!

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  • jajph1974jajph1974
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:2df04a8e-4406-40e0-b4a8-361f5760e007">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE] If you are doing a true black tie affair, or if your venue has dress code rules, you are allowed to inform them of this. Otherwise, you can't. It is inappropriate to tell guests how to dress. Many guests will look up the wedding venue to get an idea of how to dress. Word of mouth by your mom and bridesmaids is a good starting point too. People can mentioned in casual conversation you are having a more formal wedding and leave it at that.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]


    ... or this
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    You send out invitations that reflect the formality of the event, which is also how they should be communicating the formality of their event to their guests.

    Most people realize that no 2 parties are the same, so I bet most of your guests will not just assume you're having an uber informal wedding just because you FBIL is.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
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  • beatlesgirl25beatlesgirl25
    5000 Comments
    Ditto giving clues based on invitation style and venue. Wedding websites can be really helpful for this too, in listing your venue with a picture, so people will get that they might need to spiff themselves up a bit. But it is otherwise tacky to specify a dress code, unless it is truly a black tie even like Meg said.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
    Report Reply
  • MeaghanandMichaelMeaghanandMichael
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Betrothed makes a good point about invitation formality too. If you really are doing something formal, you may want to stick to traditional black and white invitations instead of all the fun (but more casual) Etsy type invites.
    image
    RAWR!

    Report Reply
  • locorainbowlocorainbow member
    10 Comments
    show up to your brothers wedding in a full-on gown and tux and explain to all of the guests there that you wish for them to mimic your attire when they attend your wedding. that should work.
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Loco,

    I just want to say the ratio of cake to frosting in your sig pic kind of grosses me out.  I mean I eat cake to taste both cake and frosting, not just frosting.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • locorainbowlocorainbow member
    10 Comments
    i often eat just frosting. so, while the frosting to cake ratio may be a bit alarming, i'm not too thrown by it because i'd probably eat just the icing anyways. sorry to gross you out.
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  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    LOL!  It's cool.  If it was that big of a deal to me I would hide the image.  I just looked at it and thought "Holy crap I'd go into sugar shock."
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • locorainbowlocorainbow member
    10 Comments
    sugar shock is fun every once in a while. Smile
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  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie
    1000 Comments

    Your guests should get the hint from your invitations and just from knowing where you're having your wedding.  Either way, please don't stress out.  My guess is, you'll be having such a blast on your wedding day, you won't notice if uncle George is wearing jeans or that cousin Emily's skirt is a little too short...

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    Yum I love icing.

    OP, the best way to do this is in poem format.

    Hello to all our guests,
    We hope you can come to our party.
    You may have been to BIL's wedding
    with cheap food and no Bacardi.

    But our shindig will be different,
    Please dress to the nines.
    This isn't the Beverly Hillbillies
    so tuxes and formal gowns will be fine.
    Report Reply
  • MeaghanandMichaelMeaghanandMichael
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I am convinced Heels just bring her poetry out to attract me to her even more.
    image
    RAWR!

    Report Reply
  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    Kiss
    Report Reply
  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Oh yeah, don't make me pull out the pic and story of Uncle Bob to prove how little guest attire will matter to you after the wedding.    Just trust me that after the wedding you won't give a rat's ass what anyone wore to your wedding.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • locorainbowlocorainbow member
    10 Comments
    thumbs up to that awesome poem. it should be distributed at your brothers wedding for maximum effect.
    Report Reply
  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:8314b827-34b6-4166-b8e1-4b45ac41d1a3">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh yeah, don't make me pull out the pic and story of Uncle Bob to prove how little guest attire will matter to you after the wedding.    Just trust me that after the wedding you won't give a rat's ass what anyone wore to your wedding.
    Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

    My dad wore Crocs to my wedding reception at the nicest country club in town.  Granted, I live in West Bumblefuck so "nicest country club in town" means the one with indoor plumbing, but still. 
    Report Reply
  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:bbdb3b28-6fb0-4203-a3bb-5c784efc6715">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can you explain in a nice way? : My dad wore Crocs to my wedding reception at the nicest country club in town.  Granted, I live in West Bumblefuck so "nicest country club in town" means the one with indoor plumbing, but still. 
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]


    I don't even know where to begin with Uncle Bob.  He is a mess... a huge mess.  He bought himself a brand new sweat suit for our wedding (yes, he bragged to me about it right after the ceremony.  He got it at the Family Dollar.)
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    Am I a bad bride because I really couldn't care less what people dress like at my wedding?

    Report Reply
  • beatlesgirl25beatlesgirl25
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:c6a60279-42b6-4f6b-a04e-fd2fd26c53fc">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I a bad bride because I really couldn't care less what people dress like at my wedding?
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    No, you're just lacking the entitlement chip in your robot brain. ;)



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
    Report Reply
  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:c990ba9c-0458-4eab-8108-1d8cff4a9547">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can you explain in a nice way? : I don't even know where to begin with Uncle Bob.  He is a mess... a huge mess.  He bought himself a brand new sweat suit for our wedding (yes, he bragged to me about it right after the ceremony.  He got it at the Family Dollar.)
    Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

    Hell to the yes.  I love this.
    Report Reply
  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:c6a60279-42b6-4f6b-a04e-fd2fd26c53fc">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I a bad bride because I really couldn't care less what people dress like at my wedding?
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    What if I wore those splatter paint cheerleading shorts and matching hoodie we saw at the mall?
    Report Reply
  • TroyandKellyTroyandKelly member
    10 Comments

    Would it be safe to assume that people will look up the venue (or know of the venue) and just know that it is a formal wedding?

    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:7b199097-fb76-403d-9556-a0072caf9113">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can you explain in a nice way? : What if I wore those splatter paint cheerleading shorts and matching hoodie we saw at the mall?
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    I would honestly love this. That is the best outfit ever. But only if we could matching hightops for you to wear with it.
    Report Reply
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    Chances are you aren't going to notice what 85% of the people attending are wearing anyway.

    But, you could always have an insert in your invites that reads "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Open-Bar"
    Report Reply
  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:a52471ef-9907-4f67-a1ae-21f662e93456">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can you explain in a nice way? : Hell to the yes.  I love this.
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]


    Haha!  Maybe someday I'll post the whole story of Uncle Bob on here.  It's highly entertaining.  He certainly made our wedding even more memorable than it would have otherwise been.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • goheels05goheels05
    2500 Comments
    I would love some uncle Bob stories. 
    Report Reply
  • betrothed123betrothed123
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I bet you would ;-)
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • beatlesgirl25beatlesgirl25
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-explain-nice-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b712bed1-00aa-4162-9ca5-b992fd8eab4fPost:49ee13e7-e7db-4968-93a8-1603c47afe92">Re: How can you explain in a nice way?</a>:
    [QUOTE]But, you could always have an insert in your invites that reads "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Open-Bar"
    Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

    Win.



    image
    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
    Report Reply
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