father/daughter dance

mcgaffmr · August 2010

Hey everyone! My father passed away 3 years ago, and my mother passed away over 10 years ago. I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas on what a good song could be for the father/daughter dance (which I have asked my dad's brother to do with me) as well as any ideas on how to pay respects during the ceremony but without adding a somber tone to everything. Thanks!

jena.n.ross · August 2010

Honestly - if you actually make a toast, or bring it up as a big part of the ceremony) I think you're going to cast a shadow over the happiness of the day. You could add a special note in the programs, or do a memorial table.

We're not doing a F/D or a M/S dance, so I'm not help there.

moushi1579 · August 2010

I had a similar situation, with my father and all my grandparents having passed away, as well as my husband's grandmother passing away right before the wedding. We did a moment of silence at the beginning, and our officiant said:

"We’d like to begin the ceremony today with a moment of silence, in remembrance of the family and friends of Michelle and Tristan who are not with us today, but that we know are here in spirit."

Then, I had a table of memory candles in the front (off to the side), with a single bud vase & daisy to go with each memory candle. Then, all of the names were listed in our program, underneath a quote that read "Those who love us, never truly leave us..." (which is from Harry Potter, but I just liked it a lot)

My vows also contained a reference to losing a parent. (We wrote our own vows...)

I think there are a lot of ways that you can pay respects without it hampering the day. If there is something special that reminds you of your parents, think of ways you could incorporate that. People will realize that you're honoring them, not trying to make everyone sad.

My step-dad and I danced to My Wish by Rascal Flatts, so that's my suggestion for a dance song......

chayer227 · August 2010

DH's father passed several years ago, and my oldest sister passed about 18 years ago. We mentioned "those who were here in spirit" in our program, and specifically named them. I also had a 4-leaf clover airbrushed on one nail - my sister passed on St. Patrick's Day, so this has become our symbol to remember her.
At the reception, we had a memorial candle with a nice poem on it, as well as photos of DH's dad and my sis - on the guest book table. It was very important to each of us to honor them, and didn't put a damper on the happiness of our day in anyway.

My other issue was that my dad is 84 and has Parkinson's Disease. It was a good day that he was able to be present at all, but danceing was out of the question. I did a slideshow of pictures of him and I through the years, set to "I Loved Her First" by Heartland. I invited my family to surround my dad and I as we pulled up a seat to watch it. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. I also had MANY compliments on it, espeically from those friends who have lost their dads. Everyone thought it was a beautiful way to honor him, and even better than a dance.
I think it's important to acknowledge your parents' impact on your life - especially on your wedding day.

MiniMin20 · August 2010

I'm sorry for your loss.

I like the idea of mentioning it in the ceremony, along the lines of "We'd like to remember so-and-so, who can't be with us here today but who are always with us" or something like that.

We listed our grandparents on our program who had passed away, but did not do anything else. But saying something in the ceremony, and having a table set up with pictures or a candle is nice too and I think wouldn't affect the mood of the day.

Chayer -- that slideshow sounds so touching!

MiniMin20 · August 2010

Oh, we also did My Wish by Rascal Flatts for joint father-daughter, mother-son dance.

jdenormandie · August 2010

We are having a moment in the ceremony to remember those who cant be with us, by name. There will be a picture of each at the reception near the gift/signing table.

My Mom passed when I was real little, and I just felt it was really important to recognize her and others who have impacted our lives in some way.

Ill be wearing a locket she left me with her picture as my necklace for the day. And I found a ring (coincidently with blue) that belonged to her, I will wear that as well.

darlin884 · August 2010

we're doing "I loved her first" for about 1 1/2 minutes and then it's fading into "my girl" to lighten the mood. My dad is SO excited.

jmccrohan · August 2010

I have been to weddings that have a white decorated chair for those who couldn't make it. Sort of a "saved seat". I am sorry for your loss!

mcgaffmr · January 2011

Sorry I haven't said anything until now, but THANK YOU to everyone for your ideas.

I am going to be wrapping a locket around the bouquet that has a picture of both my dad and my mom. Also, my engagement ring is just my mom's ring re-sized, so I definitely will feel like I have them there on my big day.

I'm still figuring out what I will do in addition to a table with pictures, but will definitely incorporate something, whether it just be pictures of my parents and me included in our wedding slideshow, or a moment of silence, or a mention during the ceremony. I do think that on such an important day it would feel wrong not to mention them in some way.

Thanks again everyone! It really helps to hear from people with similar circumstances and who care enough to respond to a post like this.

father/daughter dance

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