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Wedding Etiquette Forum
skittles1977
member
Am I wrong to feel so hurt??
Hi,
I am mostly a lurker and changed my profile for this particular question. I just recently got married on May 14th and everything was perfect except for one tiny detail.., our last dance.
I'll try to give you a little back-story here without boring you to tears. You see, I am originally from Southern Kentucky and my husband is from Southern Indiana. Well ever since I have met his parents, his dad particularly has made comments about where I am from and the stigma that is normally associated with being from Kentucky (no teeth, no shoes, little or no intelligence). I get that a lot, so yes, I am quite used to it. I am not happy about it but I take with stride and go on.
Now fast forward to the wedding, my parents of course came up for the big shin-dig. This was the third time my parents and his parents have seen each other. To say the least, I am a bit nervous, because I know that these comments will not sit as well with my dad as they do with me.
As my husband and I approached the dance floor for our final song, I noticed that his family were all gathered around with smiles on their faces. The DJ started playing "These Are My People," by Rodney Atkins which was not the song we had picked out. Not that it really matters that they didn't play the song that we intended, but I was a little hurt as I found out that his dad but his friend up to requesting it. To get my wrong, I find nothing wrong with the song, but I could see the hurt on parents face as this was being played. They all started laughing and pointing at me and my family while this was being played. It was all I could do to keep my composure. Although, I never said anything to anyone and went on like it didn't bother me, I can't help but to still feel a little angered by this. My parents love my husband, but have voiced the same hurt that I felt that night.
I guess I needed to get this off my chest and get opinions on how you guys would feel if it happened to you? Am I over-reacting?
I am mostly a lurker and changed my profile for this particular question. I just recently got married on May 14th and everything was perfect except for one tiny detail.., our last dance.
I'll try to give you a little back-story here without boring you to tears. You see, I am originally from Southern Kentucky and my husband is from Southern Indiana. Well ever since I have met his parents, his dad particularly has made comments about where I am from and the stigma that is normally associated with being from Kentucky (no teeth, no shoes, little or no intelligence). I get that a lot, so yes, I am quite used to it. I am not happy about it but I take with stride and go on.
Now fast forward to the wedding, my parents of course came up for the big shin-dig. This was the third time my parents and his parents have seen each other. To say the least, I am a bit nervous, because I know that these comments will not sit as well with my dad as they do with me.
As my husband and I approached the dance floor for our final song, I noticed that his family were all gathered around with smiles on their faces. The DJ started playing "These Are My People," by Rodney Atkins which was not the song we had picked out. Not that it really matters that they didn't play the song that we intended, but I was a little hurt as I found out that his dad but his friend up to requesting it. To get my wrong, I find nothing wrong with the song, but I could see the hurt on parents face as this was being played. They all started laughing and pointing at me and my family while this was being played. It was all I could do to keep my composure. Although, I never said anything to anyone and went on like it didn't bother me, I can't help but to still feel a little angered by this. My parents love my husband, but have voiced the same hurt that I felt that night.
I guess I needed to get this off my chest and get opinions on how you guys would feel if it happened to you? Am I over-reacting?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I wrong to feel so hurt??
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
It's a crappy enough thing to do, and I'd have my husband call his family out for it, I think, but I'm a little skeptical of "pointing and laughing" just because I've never actually seen adults do that in real life.
You can listen here and follow along with the lyrics that are included with the video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly5Nhca-tZY
If you are unable to listen, here is a taste of the lyrics...
Well we grew up down by the railroad tracks
Shootin' b.b.'s at old beer cans
Chokin' on the smoke from a lucky strike
Somebody lifted off of his old man
We were football flunkies
Southern rock junkies
Crankin' up the stereo
Singin' loud and proud to gimme three steps
Simple Man, and Curtis Lowe
We were good you know
We got some discount knowledge at the junior college
Where we majored in beer and girls
It was all real funny 'til we ran out of money
And they threw us out into the world
Yeah the kids that thought they'd run this town
Ain't runnin' much of anything
We're just lovin' and laughin'
And bustin' our asses
And we call it all livin' the dream
[Chorus]
These are my people
This is where I come from
We're givin' this life everything we've got and then some
It ain't always pretty
But it's real
That's the way we were made
Wouldn't have it any other way
These are my people
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rodneyatkins/thesearemypeople.html
The song ius meant to be fun, but if they meant it to be played offensively, then that was very low of them.
I would have stopped when I heard the song first start playing and let the DJ know that this was not the song you had requested.
But that ship has sailed. I'm sorry hun. I would take the high road and let it go.
good luck and I'm sorry someone was so hurtful to you and your family.
Planning BIO
[QUOTE]I'm really surprised that you DJ went along with their request, too.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
This was my first reaction too.
On that note, I would have been upset too. I would talk to your FIL or if you dont have the guys (i wouldnt) talk to your DH and explain to him how you felt. Maybe he can talk to his family and get them to sincerely appologize and recognize how it makes you feel.
~Holly and Jeff~
I'm livid FOR you.
If you won't tell them off for it, I'd be happy to send an email for you.
EDIT: I just read this to my fiance. He says "I'm surprised at the fact that her own husband didn't almost have it come to blows over that. Not only should she feel hurt, he should be enraged that his family used his wedding day to play a joke on her and her family."
I definitely wouldn't try any sort of confrontation, though I would make it clear to your DH that if any sort of comments/scenes are made in the future, he better stand up for his WIFE.
I can not fathom why the DJ allowed a substitution on your last dance. Requests are one thing, but to not follow the set list of songs for specific things is another. And, your IL's behavior is reprehensible. However, there's nothing you could have done at the time to change things without appearing to be a biitch to everyone in the room.
Your H needs to be supportive, and honestly, if it were me, I'd have a sit down with his parents about it. Are you planning to have children? What about when your kids spend a week with his parents and then come home talking about how dumb their other grandparents are?
Seriously, I wouldn't tolerate this for one more minute. I'd be adult and civil about it, but I'd tell them I was hurt, my family was hurt, and that until we received an apology, we wouldn't be visiting. And, until their general attitude about Kentucky changes, we wouldn't be allowing them to spend time with any future grandchildren unsupervised. And, I'd stand by it.
My BIL makes snotty comments about Kentucky from time to time. And I've talked to him, and H has talked to him, and it's better. So, I speak from some experience. Getting your feelings hurt repeatedly isn't the way to go. And, the longer you tolerate it, the harder it will be to get them to change.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
[QUOTE]Hi, I am mostly a lurker and changed my profile for this particular question. I just recently got married on May 14th and everything was perfect except for one tiny detail.., our last dance. I'll try to give you a little back-story here without boring you to tears. You see, I am originally from Southern Kentucky and my husband is from Southern Indiana. Well ever since I have met his parents, his dad particularly has made comments about where I am from and the stigma that is normally associated with being from Kentucky (no teeth, no shoes, little or no intelligence). I get that a lot, so yes, I am quite used to it. I am not happy about it but I take with stride and go on. Now fast forward to the wedding, my parents of course came up for the big shin-dig. This was the third time my parents and his parents have seen each other. To say the least, I am a bit nervous, because I know that these comments will not sit as well with my dad as they do with me. As my husband and I approached the dance floor for our final song, I noticed that his family were all gathered around with smiles on their faces. The DJ started playing "These Are My People," by Rodney Atkins which was not the song we had picked out. Not that it really matters that they didn't play the song that we intended, but I was a little hurt as I found out that his dad but his friend up to requesting it. To get my wrong, I find nothing wrong with the song, but I could see the hurt on parents face as this was being played. They all started laughing and pointing at me and my family while this was being played. It was all I could do to keep my composure. Although, I never said anything to anyone and went on like it didn't bother me, I can't help but to still feel a little angered by this. My parents love my husband, but have voiced the same hurt that I felt that night. I guess I needed to get this off my chest and get opinions on how you guys would feel if it happened to you? Am I over-reacting?
Posted by skittles1977[/QUOTE]
I get the same treatment from my FI's family. We are from the same state, but I'm from Western NY and he's from downstate, so apparently I'm a "redkneck." Whenever I do something they don't agree with, or if the tradition is different than theirs down to the stupidest little things I get "oh that must be a <em>western</em> NY thing, people here don't do that". I let it fly and bitch to my FI in private. But, if that happened to me at my wedding you better believe there would have been words and I would not be speaking to his father for a while. Rude and unacceptable. I am so sorry!!!
[QUOTE]That's horrible. I'm so, so sorry that happened. I would also make sure to tell the DJ. He/she needs to know that changing major requests like the last dance without approval from the bride and groom is not cool.
Posted by GJones27[/QUOTE]
This. And everything Squirrly said.
planning