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Wedding Etiquette Forum
sibling wedding date rivals
My siser, 33, has a 2 year old and her husband to be has an 11 year old from someone else. They have been together for years and got engaged last Christams. Her original date was Oct. 27. A few months ago, she moved it up to Sept 4. I have always wanted a summer wedding and so does my fiance. I'm also 36 1/2 and we'd like to have kids right after the wedding. I am also a teacher and can't afford to take a week of work off unpaid. So, we want to get married July 24, which would be before my sister. However, my sister and my family are not approving of this! They said Fall or next summer. We said we can help our financially too. Baisclly, this entire process should be fun, exciting, and enjoyable, but it's becoming nothing but tears and stress. What are your thoughts? Am I being unreasonable? I think we have waited this long and should be able to have the wedding we'd like as well. It shouldn't have to completely revolve around someone else! Please help! This is tearing me up inside!
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Re: sibling wedding date rivals
[QUOTE] They said Fall or next summer. We said we can help our financially too. Posted by hubjen[/QUOTE]
Wait. You are over 36, and you still expect Mommy and Daddy to pay for your wedding?
However, I also understand why you would want that date, and agree that you can't make everyone happy when choosing a date and planning your wedding. I would be frustrated too, just I guess try to calmly explain your reasoning, do your best to explain how you would make it as convenient as possible for everyone to have to buy gifts, outfits, and travel expenses for 2 weddings in 2 weeks, and see if you can come to an agreement.
Could you do it any earlier in the summer?
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2. July and Sept are far enough apart and they are being unreasonable.
3. If you truly want them to have no say, then don't accept any money from them. I'm confused as to who is helping out whom in this situation.
4. As a teacher, I understand wanting to get married in the summer, but there are plenty of people that getting married mid year - it's not a requirement to take off a week or to go on a HM right after. Also, you can talk to your principal and see if they'll let you use sick time so that it's not unpaid.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
Nah. I think your family and your sister are being immature. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold just because of their plans.
That being said, if it's really causing a lot of conflict and resentment in your family, at least try to explain to them your reasons for wanting your date, and emphasize that you're doing it for YOUR reasons, NOT for the sake of dampening their plans. I hope that they eventually see how ridiculous it would be to hold resentment over this. Otherwise you may have to accept some negativity at your wedding or worse, them not showing up. How would you feel about eloping?
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
For example, I had been planning my wedding for a year, my sister announced her engagements 2 months before my wedding and got married 3 weeks later. They did it JOP style and didn't have family or anyone from OOT, just how they wanted it. No one was put out by this. I don't see how 2 months apart is too close for your and your sibling's weddings.
[QUOTE]My siser, 33, has a 2 year old and her husband to be has an 11 year old from someone else. They have been together for years and got engaged last Christams. Her original date was Oct. 27. A few months ago, she moved it up to Sept 4. I have always wanted a summer wedding and so does my fiance. I'm also 36 1/2 and we'd like to have kids right after the wedding. I am also a teacher and can't afford to take a week of work off unpaid. So, we want to get married July 24, which would be before my sister. However, my sister and my family are not approving of this! They said Fall or next summer. We said we can help our financially too. Baisclly, this entire process should be fun, exciting, and enjoyable, but it's becoming nothing but tears and stress. What are your thoughts? Am I being unreasonable? I think we have waited this long and should be able to have the wedding we'd like as well. It shouldn't have to completely revolve around someone else! Please help! This is tearing me up inside!
Posted by hubjen[/QUOTE]
I don't know anyone over the age of 12 who adds a 1/2 to their age. Or who expects mom and dad to pay for their wedding.
Did you have your date set before they changed their date? If so, then you shouldn't be guilted into changing yours because they changed theirs afterwards. Stick to the date you want. Pay for the wedding yourself, so it won't be as much of a burden on your parents to pay for two weddings in short order. That can be pretty difficult, and if you already had a date then your sister should have considered that before moving HER date.
If you picked it after they moved theirs up, it's kind of tight for family, but it's still workable. As above, pay for it yourself to move the burden. Or move it earlier in the summer. Or do it in the spring and go on a honeymoon in the summer if that's why you need a week off to do it.
You each both get one day, neither one can monopolize a week or month for the wedding.
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It sounds like their problem is money. I can see how your parents wouldn't be able to pay for both of your weddings that quickly. At 36 1/2, you shouldn't be relying on your parents for money.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
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"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
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[QUOTE]My friend and her sister got engaged around the same time and ended up having their weddings the same day. Her sister got married in the morning, my friend's was in the afternoon, and then they had one reception for both. This made things much easier on all family attending, nobody was asked to travel twice in a period of months, and probably saved a ton of money too. It worked out really nicely.
Posted by SparrowSong[/QUOTE]
I like this idea. I honestly don't see the huge deal about having a whole day all to yourself to be the center of attention. I'd have no problem sharing a wedding day with my sister if it really reduced the financial and travel strain on our family.
Maybe I'm missing a bride gene or an AW gene, but meh.
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[QUOTE]We didn't get a troll for Christmas, did we?
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
A real troll would have come back to play.
Worst Christmas gift EVAR.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]The title of this post makes me think the only way to settle this is with a boxing match.
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]
I'd watch it.
[QUOTE]I could barely read that.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
agreed. But maybe it's because I'm 30 1/3.
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BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]I'm 31 and 1/12th, but I'm growing a baby, so do I add its age to mine? ::confused::
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
You do indeed!
My Fat Chick Blog
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: sibling wedding date rivals : You do indeed!
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]
That's too much math for me.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS