Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??

Ghoti · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:c4f276a6-dcfa-4499-a3b6-2e2800c2ac3a">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]So for anyone else who may read this post I figured I'd just clarify some things... First of all, I was just looking for an answer as to whether it was ok to put "cash bar" on the invitation or do word of mouth. Now I know many think it's horrible to even do a cash bar, so I should not have posted this here. Second, I think a lot of people misunderstood when I said I was asked by a few people if it would be an open bar... These were our friends. It's common in our circle to have cash bars, people obviously just like open bars more. 'm 22 and my FI and I are the first of all my group of friends to get married. <strong>We party a lot (which I guess is also "bad etiquette") </strong>and my friend and family like to drink a ton-especially at celebrations. They asked if it would be an open bar bc they wanted it to be-hoping we would be like yaa!-but i dont think they were really expecting us to-more just seeing if we were that dumb to supply them with all the alcohol they could drink. They know we're young and on a budget. So i figured it would be good to make some kind of universal annoucement to everyone that it wouldnt be an open bar..just so there would be no questions about it. There, I said my peace. I'm sorry if this is offensive to some people, where I'm from cash bars are no big deal. I didnt think this would create such a big issue.
Posted by caseyhaynes429[/QUOTE]<div>....</div><div>I suggest you go google the definition for etiquette, for starters. Second, I haven't read this mess, but no, do not put it on your invitation, just go by word of mouth. If you have a website and you absolutely feel the need to tell people via mass- put it in the FAQ section. </div><div>
</div><div>If everyone in your social circle only ever attends cash bars, why would you need to announce it at all?
</div>

caseyhaynes429 · May 2011

Not everyone in our circle ONLY attends cash bars..they're just common. I was just trying to clear up any possible confusion..

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:8f8ede66-180b-4c81-b8c6-d020590f0680">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]Not everyone in our circle ONLY attends cash bars..they're just common. I was just trying to clear up any possible confusion..
Posted by caseyhaynes429[/QUOTE]

But that is is the thing. There would be no confusion <strong>if</strong> cash bars are common in your circle. People would just bring cash because they were use to it. No questions/announcement needed. If you need to make an announcement, then you are doing something people are not expecting. That is our point.

P.S. It is not dumb to be a good host. I have no idea why you think you would be dumb to properly host people.

SirJuliusVonHaast · May 2011

So, I've kind of been lurking and reading this thread without saying anything.

I just want to say that I know people have been kind of harsh, and it's easy to discount what they are saying when that happens. But what would it hurt to at least look into the potential of hosting something for your guests? You may be able to work something out with your venue for a reasonable price or if you look around a bit, you might find another great venue that will allow you to provide your own alcohol or pay per person rather than consumption/per drink.

Whether or not you wanted to hear it, you now know that what you are planning isn't the greatest etiquette. I'm not going to give you a hard time about it or anything, but I hope you will at least put a tiny bit of thought into whether or not this is something you can/should change at this point.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

i dont think wearing a borrowed dress or using old shoes would pay for an open bar. you can cut a lot of small things, but the pricing i saw for open bars was usually $3K to $4k. not sure how foregoing a purchase of $30 shoes woudl pay for booze or even $500 on a dress.

we cut out a DJ because we couldnt afford it, and found a steal on our photography ($500 - we couldnt pay thousands for that either). there was no way we'd have an open bar. we had a morning wedding, lunch reception, and the whole affair was no frills. we fed 75 people plus the two of us. i suppose if we had just 10 or 15 people (parents and siblings) we would have paid for alcohol. but my H wanted cousins and aunts and uncles tehre. even when we didnt invite 100% of them. we only invited those we were closest to.

we have hosted many a BBQ that's been BYOB. No one bats an eye. ive also attended other BYOB events.

i understand its bad etiquette to have cash bar. however, we simply couldnt afford alcohol even with the cuts we made. i honestly think people would have been surprised to see an open bar.

RivelAmy · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:25a31fae-f2be-419f-b98d-754f64c16b92">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]i dont think wearing a borrowed dress or using old shoes would pay for an open bar. you can cut a lot of small things, but the pricing i saw for open bars was usually $3K to $4k. not sure how foregoing a purchase of $30 shoes woudl pay for booze or even $500 on a dress. we cut out a DJ because we couldnt afford it, and found a steal on our photography ($500 - we couldnt pay thousands for that either). there was no way we'd have an open bar. we had a morning wedding, lunch reception, and the whole affair was no frills. we fed 75 people plus the two of us. i suppose if we had just 10 or 15 people (parents and siblings) we would have paid for alcohol. but my H wanted cousins and aunts and uncles tehre. even when we didnt invite 100% of them. we only invited those we were closest to. we have hosted many a BBQ that's been BYOB. No one bats an eye. ive also attended other BYOB events. i understand its bad etiquette to have cash bar. however, we simply couldnt afford alcohol even with the cuts we made. i honestly think people would have been surprised to see an open bar.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I agree with Calypso. When you are palnning a budget wedding, the "open bar" issue is tough. My dress was marked down 3 times at DB and was a complete STEAL, and my shoes were $30. I also have my hairdresser sister doing my hair, my makeup artist friend doing my makeup, my bakery manager sister baking my cake, and my photography major in college cousin taking our pictures. I'm lucky, I know...but this still wouldn't enable me to spend thousands on an open bar.

OP, you're in New Hampshire and I'm from the MA/NH border. Cash bar isn't a biggie for us. Don't let other people make you feel bad about this issue. However, they are just telling you the proper <em>ettiquette</em>.

PP have said that they think the Boston area is split and I agree. I'm from there, and have never been to an open bar wedding. My best friend's wedding last year was open bar for cocktail hour, and it cost her mother almost $2,000.

Habs2Hart · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:87791ecf-869a-430b-869a-f36343b73d55">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth?? : <strong>But that is is the thing. There would be no confusion if cash bars are common in your circle. People would just bring cash because they were use to it.</strong> No questions/announcement needed. If you need to make an announcement, then you are doing something people are not expecting. That is our point. P.S. It is not dumb to be a good host. I have no idea why you think you would be dumb to properly host people.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

This. If your group is used to cash bar, while it's not proper etiquette, it probably will be fine. If your group is used to going to open bar weddings, then this will be highly unexpected and likely very poorly received.

mica178 · May 2011

Here's the thing. Calypso, I know that you had a daytime wedding and kept all of the "extras" to a minimum. If at that point you couldn't afford an open bar, at least you made a good try to be the best hostess possible. A lot of brides plan fancy hotel weddings on Saturday night and huge guest lists and complain that it's too expensive to provide alcohol for their guests. They want the fancy appearing wedding and sacrifice their guests' experience. There's a huge difference.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

oh, mica i agree. ive never understood the cash bar with money spent on transport, photobooths, favors, the country club, etc.

Cynthia1207 · May 2011

OP if it's common in your circle then you wouldn't have to even ask the question.

Cash bars are rude. If you would invite someone over for supper would you make them pay for part of the meal? I am hoping the answer is no. Same rule applies to weddings. You are hosting therefore your guests should have nothing to pay.

amys325 · May 2011

Ok, fine, whatever...cash bars are "rude."

But what I don't get is how can a dry wedding be any more proper than a cash bar wedding?

Isn't it nicer to give someone the option?

banana468 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_write-sometheing-cash-bar-invitation-word-of-mouth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faf17d66-25b1-4a5c-95af-e94dba74b20bPost:fb918a08-a6b0-46c8-bbc9-711fdbb81c88">Re: Write sometheing about "Cash Bar" on the invitation? Or make it word of mouth??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, fine, whatever...cash bars are "rude." But what I don't get is how can a dry wedding be any more proper than a cash bar wedding? Isn't it nicer to give someone the option?
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

No. The point is that you host what is within your means.

A gracious host never asks a guest to pick up the tab for any portion of the event he is attending.

A gracious guest accepts what is offered.

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