An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?

Queen Jane · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:9dbaeda4-7d41-4e3d-b33f-bcf7202add5b">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : Thank you, Queen Jane (love your screen name, by the way - too much The Tudors on Showtime), for saying what I could not in my wine-haze. :-)
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Thanks! It's actually FI's nickname for me (from the Bob Dylan song). And I'm currently deep into the wine haze. Perhaps that is when my posting makes the most sense....

lalaith50 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:a04c68d3-95e6-4cd1-a3fc-5d0a763061dc">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : Who is knocking your choice? OP asked why we chose to wait or not to wait. That is part of my reason. Thats great if that is your view on sex and marriage. It doesnt mean it is everyone elses and it doesnt make my choice and more or less important than yours.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
(sigh.)<div>She didn't accuse anyone of knocking her choice. She just wanted to make sure everyone knows she isn't knocking THEIRS.</div>

Beazilla · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:1c931b2a-ae7a-4810-87ae-bd2e43ab2e92">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : Agreed. Its going to be a great night a) because its our wedding night, no matter what, and b) because I know we have good sex. =D
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]
Exactly.

Just because we're already having sex doesn't make our wedding night like any other night. It's still a special night.

I respect people who want to wait until marriage, but it's not for me.

Blueyed228 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:e5b65e90-c20e-45e1-9dfc-e416fa86085d">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : (sigh.) She didn't accuse anyone of knocking her choice. She just wanted to make sure everyone knows she isn't knocking THEIRS.
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

By quoting me and responding to what I wrote would appear to me that she was.

So *sigh* right back at you.

Queen Jane · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:39fe654b-f5eb-4f16-8a28-d60df19d85f7">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : I'm sorry that you are so easily offended. Shouldn't the fact that it is worded in such a way that is *seeking* clarification (from someone who may not actually know) make it not offensive? It is not "implying" anything. It is asking what you did (if anything) to make it extra special. If you didn't do anything extra special, or didn't feel the need to, you can just say that. There is no need to get offended. Nor is anyone implying that it cheapens your wedding. The main question was just "are you glad that you did what you did."
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

No need for apologies, but I can assure you that you're wording is not seeking clarification, it is condescending. You are entitled to your opinion, but if you were wanting raw, unbiased answers a simple "did you or did you not wait to have sex before marriage? How did it impact your wedding night?" would have sufficed.

em01092 · April 2011

By no means is sex most important thing in a marriage, but it is important. To me, its up there on the list for sure. That is not all we have though. It is just wonderful and I feel bad for my friends who don't have it so great...I really feel that our relationship is the way it is in part because we have a fulfilling and satisfying sex life, and I am confident that will carry on in the future. Yeah, we'll get old and won't want to as much, but the communication, honesty and trust that went into our sex in the first place can help us get through it, as well as other marital issues that arise.

lalaith50 · April 2011

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : By quoting me and responding to what I wrote would appear to me that she was. So *sigh* right back at you.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
Or you could interpret a quotation as an attempt to engage in a thoughtful, back-and-forth discussion. :-)

Blueyed228 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:d5c7dfda-aa61-41b0-809b-73b68a93c11f">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Or you could interpret a quotation as an attempt to engage in a thoughtful, back-and-forth discussion. :-)
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

Ok Mom.

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:a04c68d3-95e6-4cd1-a3fc-5d0a763061dc">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : Who is knocking your choice? OP asked why we chose to wait or not to wait. That is part of my reason. Thats great if that is your view on sex and marriage. It doesnt mean it is everyone elses and it doesnt make my choice and more or less important than yours.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

I quoted you as saying "I don't see what's romantic about that at all," which I'm assuming was a response to what I said (although you didn't quote) b/c I'm the only one that I saw that mentioned it being romantic. That's fine you feel that way, but it came across as sarcastic. If you didn't mean it that way, great. It's hard to tell attitude in written responses only.

lalaith50 · April 2011

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : No need for apologies, but I can assure you that you're wording is not seeking clarification, it is condescending. You are entitled to your opinion, but if you were wanting raw, unbiased answers a simple "did you or did you not wait to have sex before marriage? How did it impact your wedding night?" would have sufficed.
Posted by Queen Jane[/QUOTE]
That's unfortunate that you're attempting to read my mind through my wording, (which I admit that after thinking about your alternate wording, mine certainly may not have been absolutely perfect.)<div>Yes, I may have biases, (there is no such thing as "unbiased reporting" in the news world!) but why should that prevent me from asking a question and attempting to seek honest answers and thoughts?</div>

Blueyed228 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:9c9df334-a6d0-4a78-a79d-3b330c47848f">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : I quoted you as saying "I don't see what's romantic about that at all," which I'm assuming was a response to what I said (although you didn't quote) b/c I'm the only one that I saw that mentioned it being romantic. That's fine you feel that way, but it came across as sarcastic. If you didn't mean it that way, great. It's hard to tell attitude in written responses only.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

If I was responding to you, I would have quoted you.

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:0f755b0c-e3f5-4c5b-a012-f4baae6cd23a">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : If I was responding to you, I would have quoted you.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Then it must have just been a coincidence you used the same language I did (no sarcasm). Problem solved. There are many people on the boards who do not quote in response to a particular post, esp. if they are responding to one right above theirs or one that was just posted seconds earlier.

Queen Jane · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:a87ab723-af53-4474-88d9-7351752328ba">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]That's unfortunate that you're attempting to read my mind through my wording, (which I admit that after thinking about your alternate wording, mine certainly may not have been absolutely perfect.) Yes, I may have biases, (there is no such thing as "unbiased reporting" in the news world!) but why should that prevent me from asking a question and attempting to seek honest answers and thoughts?
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

Ok, so your bias is coming through in your post. When that happens, especially on such a personal topic, people are going to debate you on it. It's not meant to be cruel or anything, but people are going to stick up for their lifestyle. Which is why I suggested the alternate wording, or something like that, if you want honest opinions without any judgy-ness going on. ETA: your wording is all we have to go off of, so there's that.

Blueyed228 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:11bfe395-e99c-410a-ac9b-1a54aa90adc4">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : Then it must have just been a coincidence you used the same language I did (no sarcasm). Problem solved. There are many people on the boards who do not quote in response to a particular post, esp. if they are responding to one right above theirs or one that was just posted seconds earlier.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

I didnt realize in a discussion on sex, marriage, waiting or not waiting, that the word "romantic" belonged to you.

My bad.

jess9802 · April 2011

My best friend (then 26) and her husband (then 35) were both virgins when they got married, after five years of dating. A few months later, when talking about sex, her comment was "It's getting better." I think in many ways her expectations of sex and her sex life didn't pan out in reality. The pressure of having perfect, mind-blowing sex and being sexually in sync from the beginning can be very real, and very disappointing if it doesn't happen right away. Now, they're still happily married and have two kids, but that comment has stuck with me.

IMO, sex is a huge part of a happy marriage, and it's a wonderful way to bond with your partner, but it is not the be-all and end-all of marriage itself. As PPs have said, what should make the wedding night special isn't that you finally get to have "legitimate" sex, but that you've made a lifelong commitment to someone and the sex is a physical expression of that love and commitment. That is something worth celebrating and enjoying whether or not you're a virgin.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2011

I think this is kind of a dumb question, sorry OP. Everyone's going to have a different opinion on it, and those opinions are just that - opinions. What I might think makes my wedding day special may not be that big of a deal to another couple.

I don't really understand why a wedding night would be more or less special if a couple waited to have sex until they were married or if they didn't wait at all. It's a freaking wedding - my gosh, it's an entire day revolving around a couple and the celebration of their love, and unity, and all the support from family, friends, etc. Why would that not be special if the couple had already done the deed?

My husband and I did not wait to have sex until we were married, but we did abstain during our engagement. It was a personal decision between us and a spiritual journey we embarked on together. But I don't think if we had decided to keep doing the nasty while we were engaged, our wedding wouldn't have been as meaningful. That is just lame.

I know of people who didn't even KISS their spouse until they kissed at the altar, and those people are still married after several years, with children. Different strokes for different folks. For some people, the idea of not having sex until after the wedding is absurd because they want to know if they have sexual chemistry with their partner or not. Others feel that by waiting, the chemistry will come and sex will be a learning journey together (or something).

Blueyed228 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:69dc081d-c1fe-4d21-b9da-c9aaaf504931">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE].<strong><u> I know of people who didn't even KISS their spouse until they kissed at the altar,</u></strong> and those people are still married after several years, with children. Different strokes for different folks. For some people, the idea of not having sex until after the wedding is absurd because they want to know if they have sexual chemistry with their partner or not. Others feel that by waiting, the chemistry will come and sex will be a learning journey together (or something).
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

You know the Duggars????

Why didnt you tell me this before HOAR!

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:da7133b7-704a-4c53-836e-ee520ec66792">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : You know the Duggars???? Why didnt you tell me this before HOAR!
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Well I don't like to throw their names around, I do have SOME humility.

Actually no, not really, I just like keeping secrets and then making people feel like jerks.

SEWF · April 2011

We didn't wait to have sex. I started having sex at 16, and while the choice of man was a bad one, I don't regret having sex. I think by having sex, I became more in tune with who I am as a person, what I like and don't like. I became more confident both inside and outside of the bedroom. If I hadn't had sex then, I wouldn't have been the same person when H and I met, and we may have never gotten together.

For H and I, sex is a very large part of our relationship, not just because of the physical act, but also because of the trust, communication and intimacy that comes along with it.

Sure, it's nice to know and explore moods and kinks before the wedding, but it's also a way to become closer to the man (or woman) you are devoting your life to.

I am in no way saying that waiting until marriage is a bad thing. It works for a lot of people. I'm just saying that my life wouldn't have turned out the way it did if I had waited.

Blueyed228 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:926c40a3-128b-4ce8-ba4f-e7e1e5fb95c7">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : Well I don't like to throw their names around, I do have SOME humility. Actually no, not really, I just like keeping secrets and then making people feel like jerks.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I like secrets. That must be why our hair is so big. Its full of secrets.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:3aa5096d-9f70-4952-81af-2ae15983579b">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : I like secrets. That must be why our hair is so big. Its full of secrets.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Yes, secrets! Secrets and a helluva lot of hair product.

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

Well, We are certainly not waiting. While I think it's charming that some people choose to wait till the wedding night, and I sincerely hope it works out for them, I have to think that placing such enormous pressure & expectations on the wedding night is a great way to be disappointed.

I'm going to assume the OP was sincerely asking those of us who are currently having intercourse with our future spouses for clarification, and try not to be offended by some of her post's implications.

So here's my thoughts-Having sex with my partner is no less special because we've had sex before or because we've been together a long time, or because we've had other sex partners before each other. In fact, it's better.

The night that we make love after making a lifetime commitment will be special and wonderful, and emotional. It will be in no way lessened or cheapened by the fact that it's not the first time.

bethsmiles · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:d8085681-6688-4c24-bb22-ed4d66410ad1">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, We are certainly not waiting. While I think it's charming that some people choose to wait till the wedding night, and I sincerely hope it works out for them,<strong> I have to think that placing such enormous pressure & expectations on the wedding night is a great way to be disappointed.</strong> I'm going to assume the OP was sincerely asking those of us who are currently having intercourse with our future spouses for clarification, and try not to be offended by some of her post's implications. So here's my thoughts-Having sex with my partner is no less special because we've had sex before or because we've been together a long time, or because we've had other sex partners before each other. In fact, it's better. The night that we make love after making a lifetime commitment will be special and wonderful, and emotional. It will be in no way lessened or cheapened by the fact that it's not the first time.
Posted by Sarahkayfa[/QUOTE]

You know, not every couple who waits has unrealistic expectations about the wedding night. Not every couple who waits expects sex to be amazing the first time. Yes, some do but I personally find this assumption offensive and it's an irritating argument for why people don't want to wait until their wedding right. I'm not saying that either way is more right than the other but that line is so ridiculous IMO.

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:a87ab723-af53-4474-88d9-7351752328ba">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I may have biases, <strong>(there is no such thing as "unbiased reporting" in the news world!)</strong> but why should that prevent me from asking a question and attempting to seek honest answers and thoughts?
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

Are you a reporter?

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:65fe7b54-5108-4c3a-bccf-b9ea6fdbef59">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : I didnt realize in a discussion on sex, marriage, waiting or not waiting, that the word "romantic" belonged to you. My bad.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Well since that is the language I used literally about a minute before you posted it isn't a far-fetched thought that your response was in reference to mine. Honestly, I had dropped it. It appeared to be a miscommunication. So your refusal to just let it go strikes me as immature, to be honest with you. And looking through the rest of this thread, it seems you just like to pick arguments and didn't like the fact I wasn't a newb who will just keep biting and going at it with you. Why don't you drop it already?

Cynthia1207 · April 2011

I for one did find your tone a little condescending in your OP. If you have our own opinions that's fine but isn't reporting all about being objective and letting your opinions slide to properly illustrate what the answers are without bias? Anyway, FI and I live together and we've been sexually active our entire relationship. I wouldn't dream of waiting until I got married. Does it make it less special? NO. Every night I'm with FI is special and the night when we are officially husband and wife is going to be special as well. And it'll be pretty awesome because we already know each other pretty well in that retrospect.

I heard a story where a couple waited until the wedding night to do anything at all. To her surprise, her new husband apparently had some kind of penile dysfunction. Yeah because I would LOVE to learn that the night of my wedding.....

AllAboutTheBenjamin · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:d8fbaf73-e084-4ab7-86df-555bc9b053c8">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : Are you a reporter?
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I don't think she is.

I AM a reporter, and FTR, there is definitely non-biased news in this world. I write it all the time.

SarahPLiz · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_honest-thought-provoking-question-sleeping-together-before-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:01d35481-bc34-4a4f-9a8f-e1950aa87956Post:a481b909-5e4a-452f-8a16-87ef3828fc3a">Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married? : I slept with my fiance for the first time nearly twelve years ago (we are now 30) and have had an active sex life our entire time together. What follows are my personal feelings on the subject. I don't think it freaking matters. If my first time was my wedding night, I would have been scared and, eventually, let down. Sex just isn't good the first time around. It can be weird, awkward, and a bit uncomfortable. I also have no ideas about having sex on our wedding night - I plan to be exhausted and a little tipsy when we finally make it back to our hotel room :-) I think that saying just because my fiance and I have had (a lot of) sex somehow means that our wedding night will be less special is mean. Marriage is not 100% about sex. It's about a partnership, mutual respect and agreeing to be in each other's corner for the rest of our lives. Sex is only a small part of that. A relationship can deepen between two people for a variety of reasons. I think that saying those vows will deepen us a great deal, as will living together and building a life. Yup, sex also deepens a relationship but I don't think as much as other things. To think that because we've already had sex means that we'll be spending our wedding night drinking with friends or completely shunning any kind of tenderness is just wrong and sorta pissing me off. Isn't saying vows and going to bed together that night special enough? Won't sex afterwards be a little more intense than it was before we pledged ourselves to each other? To those who wait, kudos to them. It was not for me, but everyone has their own approach to life. You have to do what works for you.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I totally agree with Joy's answer. Our wedding night was special because it was our wedding night, not because of sex. Our marriage means so much more than having permission to have sex. We made this commitment because we wanted to, and see value in the commitment. THAT is what is special.

</div>

jenjenaz · April 2011

My fiance and I decided we were going to have sex the morning of our wedding (yep, we'll be staying together the night before!)....that way, if we're too exhausted, too tipsy or just don't feel like it for whatever reason after all of the stress of the ceremony, etc., we still would have had sex on our wedding day.

And no, it won't be the first time. We've been living together a few years, I've been married before, and I think that sex is an important (not the MOST, but certainly important) part of the relationship.

Happy Monday!

HobokensFury · April 2011

I haven't read through all of the responses but FI and I live together so in our case it is too impractical to wait. Our wedding night will not be any less special because it's not our first time. More power to those that wait but I think a person's first time is way too awkward and painful to be enjoyable on a wedding night.

An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?

Re: An HONEST thought-provoking question: sleeping together before married?

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