Wedding Etiquette Forum

Unpopular Opinion Friday

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Re: Unpopular Opinion Friday

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinion-friday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8fdcef65-d9a2-41d0-bd0e-a6f33aff5e04Post:88e53988-7880-4926-bbbf-201346714662">Re: Unpopular Opinion Friday</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't think parents should have a huge say in the wedding regardless of how much money they're putting in.  Picking things like the types of flowers or whatever, okay maybe.  But just because they're paying for the reception hall, doesn't mean they somehow get veto power on one hall because Mom doesn't like the layout, or veto power on the cake because Dad doesn't like chocolate.  The wedding is supposed to reflect the couple, not the couple's parents.  They already had their wedding.  Hopefully.
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

    I guess I think this just depends on the region/culture/family/etc. To many, many people, weddings do indeed reflect the parents. And their social status, and hospitatlity, etc. If I were a parent, I would not plan the whole wedding if I were paying for it. However, to loads of people, that's just how it is done. The parents plan and pay for and host the reception to kind of send the couple off. I think veto power on the reception hall is one thing they should absolutely have, assuming they are actually hosting the wedding and didnt' give the money as a gift to be used however the couple sees fit, because why the eff would parents fork over several thousand dollars just for the couple to pick a place that wouldn't accomodate any of the parents' friends? Again, assuming they are actually hosting the event and not just giving the money as a gift.

    I do, however, think that lots of parents abuse this tradition and use the power to show off to their friends while limiting the couple's friends and groom's parents' friends, etc. and not taking the couple into consideration at all.  BIL just got married, and his wife's parents paid for and actually hosted the whole thing. This is partially because BIL's wife allows her parents to walk all over her, but she didn't even pick the wedding party, and BIL didn't even realy get to pick his groomsmen. They didn't want to get into a fight about it because it meant so much to the parents to actually host the event, but I thought the whole thing was awfully shitty and I would have raised a shiit storm honestly.

    And I'm glad I could brighten so many people's Fridays with this post :)
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  • NuggetBrainNuggetBrain member
    5000 Comments
    edited January 2010
    Picking a place that will accomodate the guest list should be a given from both parties.  Things like that are something I would consider par for course with any wedding, regardless of who's paying - everybody gets a reasonable amount of guests, depending on the size of the wedding that can be afforded, and the guest count needs to be taken into consideration when booking stuff.  Also, if that's th way it's done in your culture or social circle, that's different because it's to be expected when planning your wedding.  It's not something that just came out of nowhere.

    That's why I said things like "Mom doesn't like the layout", or "Mom doesn't like the fact it's by a highway", or "Dad doesn't like the fact that they it's so formal/casual/etc."  Those are things that just vary with taste, not things that actually affect the wedding as a whole.  My thing is more parents who want a fancy formal wedding, when the couple is more casual and laid back (and vice versa), or who insist on inviting eighty bazillion of their friends and making everyone else cut their list, or wanting all meat dishes when there are vegetarians coming, or even demanding that a DJ only play Frank Sinatra and other old time favorites.  What happens it people come there and KNOW that wedding was not planned by the bride and groom, because it's just not them.  Or, there are some formal and some casual (or some details that just don't work) because the parents insisted on having it there way and now the wedding just doesn't flow right. 
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  • okay I'm at work and this has to be my last post:

    Mynameis--you are correct!

    Nugget--*high five*

    Pristine--Agreed, and yes I get what you're saying. it's all good!

    later!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unpopular-opinion-friday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8fdcef65-d9a2-41d0-bd0e-a6f33aff5e04Post:a31cdbd6-ae7d-4861-9ab9-79603d324f2d">Re: Unpopular Opinion Friday</a>:
    [QUOTE]okay I'm at work and this has to be my last post: Mynameis--you are correct! Nugget--*high five* Pristine--Agreed, and yes I get what you're saying. it's all good! later!
    Posted by lscanland[/QUOTE]

    um that was me. my co-worker was auto-logged in and I didn't realize! =)
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  • I mean I agree with you that I don't think parents SHOULD do any of those things at all, and I wouldn't if I were the parent, I'm just kind of playing devil's advocate and explaining my understanding of the tradition of parents hosting. Honestly I agree with what you're saying, and I also agree that if that does happen the bride should probably expect it if it's a tradition thing.
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  • Yes, one of the best threads ever.  I really like how we discussed opposing opinions without tearing each other up ;)
  • Nuggs, once again we are eye to eye :)
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  • Thank you for the lovely evening and conversation all, but H is home and it's bedtime.


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  • I don't get facebook. It seems like more of a PITA than anything. I also don't care for people to find me. If I want to reconnect, I will find you.

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  • I made it... I just read the entire thread and I loved it.  Everyone was respectful and debated their opinions. 

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  • I think that a lot of people who think that BET, Miss Black USA, etc are "special treament" should take the time to watch or participate in those events.

    Unfortunately in American (I cannot speak for Canada as I've never been) Television shows that feature Black families are not typically popular on network television and tend to be cancelled quickly, although they may be popular in the Black communities. If advertisers are looking to advertise to a certain segment (which they all do) it is viable for them to be able to do that on a station where they know that demographic is watching.

    The Black pageants are a different ballgame. It goes into issues of Black women feeling beautiful and not having to have fair skin and blonde hair and blue eyes in order to compete. I don't think it's special treatment due to the issues in the Black community with their natural features vs the features of Caucasian women.

    I do think that actually being able to communicate openly with all races present goes a lot further to improve race relations as there is a lot of buit up anger and misunderstandings on each side.

    Just because something is trying to uplift a particular ethnic group does not mean they are being anti-Caucasian. Just like there are professional groups for Women that do not spend their time bashing men.

    --WR UO: I don't like short wedding dresses if you are not on a beach.
  • I think not allowing singles over 18 the option of a date is far more rude than a cash bar.

    I think flip flops as wedding shoes is about the tackiest thing ever. I don't care if there are rhinestores glued all over them.


  • Wow....I always miss the good threads. I'm sure no one is still reading this but...

    1.  I totally agree with msmerymac about home ownership.  Completely overrated.  If you have a career or extensive travel aspirations, it is a hinderance.  In my experience over the last ten years, it has been much costlier than my rent ever was, the tax benefits did not nearly make up for the increase in monthly expenses and I lost equity and large down payments on all three homes I have owned.  I will never buy again.  I would have much, much more money if I had invested all the extra money I wasted on real estate.

    2.  I agree with coffer about parts of the black community using the past as an excuse for not allowing themselves to rise up and overcome difficulties and lacking personal accountability for their lives. Jews went through some horrible tragedies and they used it to drive themselves to accomplish even more and overcome.  I feel this way about anyone who makes excuses about their lives due to their past/upbringing.

    3.  Obviously expat did not marry her husband for the money...have you looked at him?? 
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