If I did or was doing something flame-worthy, I'd rather have a quick discussion about it out in the open rather than receive 20 PM's from different people telling me the exact same thing.
swhite - it's taken a long time, but my H has gone from eating crap to craving better foods (except once in a while, REAL tacos from a taqueria or hamburgers or something). one thing I did that helped was I prepped a bunch of fresh fruit and put it in a bowl in the front of the fridge. he loved the "fruit bowl"... and I would wash his strawberries and stuff so all he had to do was eat them. it sounds silly, but just the fact that all he had to do was stick it in his mouth (no washing or cutting) made him eat it, instead of it just sitting there.
also, he just kind of had to come to that decision on his own. I couldn't force him to eat proper portions. but he saw that I was doing it, and I did what I could to make it easy for him, and he started WANTING to do it too. also, I pack our lunches (leftovers from dinner, which are almost always CookingLight and SkinnyTaste) so his dinners/lunches are healthy... since we're on a budget, he doesn't go blow money on lunch when I pack it for him. I usually pack him a small meal (meat, veggies, sometimes a starch) and then cheesestick, fruits, pudding snacks, trail mix, etc.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:23007fb1-3458-4ad6-ab66-f9883808e897">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]Yeah Tiger I get what you're saying. And I wish people didn't feel any hestiation. <strong>And I just want you to know I love you. </strong> Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:96fefbb5-5f4e-449a-8a11-852cf5c27d26">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]Well, the hard thing here is that it is a message board. So, if we took everyone aside we had an issue with, or wanted to disagree with privately, there really wouldn't be much of an online community. I will say that the people I have IRL/offline friendships with I'm more likely to talk with off the boards about concerns, but if something comes up in a thread and I disagree with them, I say it in the thread. I don't think they hate me for that (speak up if you do!). Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
I don't think that we have as much of an online community now, as we did before. and we're not talking about disagreeing in the thread... we're talking about a public rehash on Friday's... a weekly event that obviously is impacting the way people interact on the board.
and rdr, I don't think you'd receive 20 different PMs on the board. really? that was a silly comment.
and with that, I'm done. I've given my thoughts. I'm getting a little upset so I think it's time for me to back off. I would not treat someone like that, whether or not it was IRL or online. if I had a concern, I'd take it directly to them. that's how I operate, and it's one of the things H loves most about me... he never has to worry about me shooting him down in front of our friends. if I have something to say, I wait until we get home. he feels safe with me. and I used to feel safe with this board, and I'd venture to say that I'm NOT the only one who doesn't feel like this is a safe place anymore. I still like the board to relieve me from monotony and follow along with girls' stories, but I don't feel like it's a place where I can really let go and be myself anymore. maybe I'm sensitive, but obviously I'm not the only one.
I believe in sending positive thoughts and words to people. I believe that we should build each other up. I've always felt this way. that doesn't mean that I don't accept or give constructive criticism in an appropriate setting. but I don't think FFF is an appropriate setting. since I can't stop it, I can refrain from it and keep being kind and positive to other posters. that's all I can do.
moving on. I confess I ate a donut because one of my coworkers brought it to me and I couldn't say no. I also confess I had my first pregnancy dream last week and it's still freaking me out, because it's just not a good time for a baby!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:58754a1d-8c0f-4327-b364-adc51d9bd53d">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]swhite - it's taken a long time, but my H has gone from eating crap to craving better foods (except once in a while, REAL tacos from a taqueria or hamburgers or something). <strong>one thing I did that helped was I prepped a bunch of fresh fruit and put it in a bowl in the front of the fridge. he loved the "fruit bowl"... and I would wash his strawberries and stuff so all he had to do was eat them. it sounds silly, but just the fact that all he had to do was stick it in his mouth (no washing or cutting)</strong> made him eat it, instead of it just sitting there. also, he just kind of had to come to that decision on his own. I couldn't force him to eat proper portions. but he saw that I was doing it, and I did what I could to make it easy for him, and he started WANTING to do it too. also, I pack our lunches (leftovers from dinner, which are almost always CookingLight and SkinnyTaste) so his dinners/lunches are healthy... since we're on a budget, he doesn't go blow money on lunch when I pack it for him. I usually pack him a small meal (meat, veggies, sometimes a starch) and then cheesestick, fruits, pudding snacks, trail mix, etc. Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
That's a really good point too. I, myself, am more likely to eat something for convenience. I buy the Healthy Choice meals for $1.98 and eat those for lunch. It's easier than opening a can of tuna and making toast and adding condiments. It sounds so easy, but if I just want to grab something, the frozen meal is more convenient.
Swhite: Would your FI get defensive if you asked him what would be the best way to help him? It might come off better if you ask him for his opinion instead of maybe telling him what he should do.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:a7a29420-6c6d-4870-bb0f-330d939e1c75">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I don't think that we have as much of an online community now, as we did before. and we're not talking about disagreeing in the thread... we're talking about a public rehash on Friday's... a weekly event that obviously is impacting the way people interact on the board. and<strong> rdr, I don't think you'd receive 20 different PMs on the board. really? that was a silly comment.</strong> and with that, I'm done. I've given my thoughts. I'm getting a little upset so I think it's time for me to back off. I would not treat someone like that, whether or not it was IRL or online. if I had a concern, I'd take it directly to them. that's how I operate, and it's one of the things H loves most about me... he never has to worry about me shooting him down in front of our friends. if I have something to say, I wait until we get home. he feels safe with me. and I used to feel safe with this board, and I'd venture to say that I'm NOT the only one who doesn't feel like this is a safe place anymore. I still like the board to relieve me from monotony and follow along with girls' stories, but I don't feel like it's a place where I can really let go and be myself anymore. maybe I'm sensitive, but obviously I'm not the only one. I believe in sending positive thoughts and words to people. I believe that we should build each other up. I've always felt this way. that doesn't mean that I don't accept or give constructive criticism in an appropriate setting. but I don't think FFF is an appropriate setting. since I can't stop it, I can refrain from it and keep being kind and positive to other posters. that's all I can do. moving on. I confess I ate a donut because one of my coworkers brought it to me and I couldn't say no. I also confess I had my first pregnancy dream last week and it's still freaking me out, because it's just not a good time for a baby! Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]<div> </div><div>I don't think it was "silly" at all. I would personally prefer to have a discussion out in the open since this is a MESSAGE BOARD rather than receive a private message from each person separately when they don't like something I have to say which is what you're insinuating should happen. </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:94562199-0ac1-4148-b861-210f0497c951">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : That's a really good point too. I, myself, am more likely to eat something for convenience. I buy the Healthy Choice meals for $1.98 and eat those for lunch. It's easier than opening a can of tuna and making toast and adding condiments. It sounds so easy, but if I just want to grab something, the frozen meal is more convenient. Swhite: <strong>Would your FI get defensive if you asked him what would be the best way to help him?</strong> It might come off better if you ask him for his opinion instead of maybe telling him what he should do. Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]
<div>No, he won't get defensive, but he doesn't really know exactly what he needs either.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:a7a29420-6c6d-4870-bb0f-330d939e1c75">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I would not treat someone like that, whether or not it was IRL or online. if I had a concern, I'd take it directly to them. that's how I operate, and it's one of the things H loves most about me... he never has to worry about me shooting him down in front of our friends. if I have something to say, I wait until we get home. he feels safe with me. and I used to feel safe with this board, and I'd venture to say that I'm NOT the only one who doesn't feel like this is a safe place anymore. I still like the board to relieve me from monotony and follow along with girls' stories, but I don't feel like it's a place where I can really let go and be myself anymore. maybe I'm sensitive, but obviously I'm not the only one. I believe in sending positive thoughts and words to people. I believe that we should build each other up. I've always felt this way. that doesn't mean that I don't accept or give constructive criticism in an appropriate setting. but I don't think FFF is an appropriate setting. since I can't stop it, I can refrain from it and keep being kind and positive to other posters. Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
I'm going to agree with this and what Tiger has been saying. I did feel a lot of love from people supporting me in the last FFF thread, but at the same time, it's just not the same anymore. I still love posting on the board and interacting with the ladies, but I don't feel the FFFs are necessary.
Coco: I don't blame you about the donut. It's so hard when someone hand delivers it, lol. What kind of donut was it? My brother brought donuts the last time I visited my parents and I resisted them all day ... until the dog had to pee at 1 AM. So there I was ... and there they were while I was waiting on the dog to come back inside. I gave in and had one. Yes, at 1 AM, lol. It was worth it.
Confession: I'm trying to work slowly today so I don't run out of work at 1:15 like I did yesterday.
I confess I agree with Coco 100%.
I think FFF is more of a gossip fest than anything to "help" people. It can get very dramatic very quickly in there, and even if people accept their flames it doesn't mean they aren't hurt by it. I firmly believe that if there's a problem it should come up in the board it originates, not a few days down the road. It makes more sense to me to say "oh Bob, I think you're going a little overboard with these cat posts!" in the post than to say "Hey everyone, Bob is really annoying because he always posts about his cat!" three days later.
ely - it was just chocolate. and I savored the WHOLE THING. *sigh* it was wonderful. and a 1AM donut sounds better than a 9 AM donut for some reason. also, if you run out of work, you should e-mail me because I normally run out of stuff to do (unless something pops up) around lunch or early-afternoonish. so I just get on pinterest or clean my cube or try to find other things to do until it's time to go, or until I get something else to work on!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:68559ba5-7a6c-4dab-9cf8-e880a7c86281">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : No, he won't get defensive, but he doesn't really know exactly what he needs either. Posted by swhite2012[/QUOTE]
Hmm, I see. That's hard too. Is he doing WW or anything like that or just trying to watch what he eats and work out? I think my biggest eye opener was when I started logging points on WW and realized that my usual Taco Bell dinner was the equivalent of an entire day's points. And at my current weight, it'd be one and a half days. It's going to be a learning process and take time, but he'll catch onto it the more he does it. I think the most important thing you can do is just be supportive so he won't want to give up if he realizes something isn't working. I think Liv had some links to a "free version" of WW if that would help him.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:9c7c6d5f-61bc-4fc6-854d-d21e5faf4260">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]ely - it was just chocolate. and I savored the WHOLE THING. *sigh* it was wonderful. :) and a 1AM donut sounds better than a 9 AM donut for some reason. also, if you run out of work, you should e-mail me because I normally run out of stuff to do (unless something pops up) around lunch or early-afternoonish. so I just get on pinterest or clean my cube or try to find other things to do until it's time to go, or until I get something else to work on! Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
Mmm, I think my favorite are the twisty, glazed ones. I can never remember what they're called though. But anything chocolate is fine by me! : )
Well, if we run out of work, we get sent home. Which is just logging out for me, lol, but I get less pay since I'm hourly. I don't think I have your email either.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:6e7b5de0-3117-485e-856b-d81cc6c8e7c1">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : Hmm, I see. That's hard too. Is he doing WW or anything like that or just trying to watch what he eats and work out? I think my biggest eye opener was when I started logging points on WW and realized that my usual Taco Bell dinner was the equivalent of an entire day's points. And at my current weight, it'd be one and a half days. It's going to be a learning process and take time, but he'll catch onto it the more he does it. I think the most important thing you can do is just be supportive so he won't want to give up if he realizes something isn't working. I think Liv had some links to a "free version" of WW if that would help him. Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]
this was my H. when I started counting calories, and then he was curious about how many he ate... he almost passed out, haha. and I'm so proud of him. like last night, he was craving fries, so I baked him some (instead of going to McD's). I poured some onto a food scale and asked if that looked right, and he said yes. it was 10 oz, about 500 cals. so he asked how many cals it was, and I told him... and he told me to put a few back, he was just feeling snacky. so I put back 4 oz and weighed again, and then he was happy with that. I was so proud! it's especially hard for him because he used to eat ANYTHING (and I mean anything, seeing as his family cooks with lard and has meat, chiles, and refried beans every meal). so going from that, to lots of veggies and lean meats has been a big step for him.
I really truly don't mean for this to be as snarky as it sounds, it's really just a legitimate question but if you don't like the FFF threads then why don't you just not read them? Then you're not upset by what's in there & you're no longer "afraid to post" because you might get flamed. Seems simple to me?
RDR - I've decided I'm going home. Not immediately. BF is flying down tonight, and I have my interviews on the 27th. But if they place me immediately, I'm going home like, as soon as I fly back. I can't be here anymore. Mom thinks it's because of BF. While he does play a role, he doesn't decide for me, and I'm just not comfortable here. I haven't been since I got here. It took me three days to figure out that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I don't need to waste the rest of my money torturing myself. And I'm tired of being dependent on my parents. I'm 22. It's time for me to grow up and get a job and support myself.
I know that a lot of people on this board put a lot of emphasis on living alone. I cannot do it. I turn into a hermit crab, my eating habits go to shiit, and I end up hating the world. I confess that I'm afraid to tell BF that the reason I'm so paranoid about money when I come home is because I want to know that I can hold myself afloat. I confess that I know how worried he is, and while I understand how worried he is, I don't care. I confess that I love that he wants me to only work one job so that we can spend evenings and weekends together, but it irritates me that he doesn't seem to understand why I feel the need to constantly work.
I confess that I don't talk about my issues because I feel like I'd seriously be flamed by everyone on this board right now.
I confess that all I want to do right now is cry again.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:6e7b5de0-3117-485e-856b-d81cc6c8e7c1">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : Hmm, I see. That's hard too. Is he doing WW or anything like that or just trying to watch what he eats and work out? I think my biggest eye opener was when I started logging points on WW and realized that my usual Taco Bell dinner was the equivalent of an entire day's points. And at my current weight, it'd be one and a half days. It's going to be a learning process and take time, but he'll catch onto it the more he does it. I think the most important thing you can do is just be supportive so he won't want to give up if he realizes something isn't working. I think Liv had some links to a "free version" of WW if that would help him. Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]
I've suggested maybe he should think about trying some kind of structured plan like SparkPeople (that's the free site Liv talked about). He kind of just blew over it. I've kind of just decided to stop badgering him about it and try to let him figure it out and just try to passively help with ideas from you guys.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:187e110f-3112-4bc8-abec-94af12fdde96">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]RDR - I've decided I'm going home. Not immediately. BF is flying down tonight, and I have my interviews on the 27th. But if they place me immediately, I'm going home like, as soon as I fly back. I can't be here anymore. Mom thinks it's because of BF. While he does play a role, he doesn't decide for me, and I'm just not comfortable here. I haven't been since I got here. It took me three days to figure out that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I don't need to waste the rest of my money torturing myself. And I'm tired of being dependent on my parents. I'm 22. It's time for me to grow up and get a job and support myself. I know that a lot of people on this board put a lot of emphasis on living alone. I cannot do it. I turn into a hermit crab, my eating habits go to shiit, and I end up hating the world. I confess that I'm afraid to tell BF that the reason I'm so paranoid about money when I come home is because I want to know that I can hold myself afloat. I confess that I know how worried he is, and while I understand how worried he is, I don't care. I confess that I love that he wants me to only work one job so that we can spend evenings and weekends together, but it irritates me that he doesn't seem to understand why I feel the need to constantly work. I confess that I don't talk about my issues because I feel like I'd seriously be flamed by everyone on this board right now. I confess that all I want to do right now is cry again. Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
<div>Aw Peek, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time :(</div><div> </div><div>Crying can be good, there's nothing wrong with crying, I think it helps a lot of the time.</div><div> </div><div>Why would anyone flame you because you're going through a hard time right now? Not everyone knows off the bat what they want to do with their lives, to be honest I don't have a freakin clue what to do with mine & I'm 26. We're all here for you & maybe it would be good for you to just get it all out. You can always email me! Love you lots & lots. I'm thinking about you!</div>
aw peek. I know it feels like you're spinning in circles right now. but everything is going to be okay in the end. I have to say that I think it would be best to finish your committment, but if you don't think you can hold to that, then that's your decision. I went from living with my parents (but paying a mortgage on our house, and utilities while H was living there) to being married and living with him. I never had that transition stage, but honestly it hasn't been that bad. I already "kept house", I was paying the mortgage and utitlies and groceries for 6 months before I "moved out"... I had a job, a degree, etc. I can see why it's beneficial for a lot of people to live alone to gain independence and confidence, but I'm blessed that I was able to do that while still being a part of my family. it really sucked when I was engaged, and my parents were kind of pushing back a little bit, but it was only temporary.
I wouldn't want to live alone either. I enjoy having family with me. I don't know that I would jump into living with a new BF, but I'm also not a risk-taker. so we're really different in that way. I hate that H works evenings so much, and I have to eat dinner alone most of the time. in fact, I do a lot of things alone right now. I feel like, why do I even cook when he's never here to enjoy it?? why clean the house, if it's just me? why work out when I'm by myself? but it's just a stage in life. and it will come to an end eventually. and this awkward, awful stage in yours will too.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:fc5d08cf-70cb-45ec-9a9b-dc1446880d8d">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : this was my H. when I started counting calories, and then he was curious about how many he ate... he almost passed out, haha. and I'm so proud of him. like last night, he was craving fries, so I baked him some (instead of going to McD's). I poured some onto a food scale and asked if that looked right, and he said yes. it was 10 oz, about 500 cals. so he asked how many cals it was, and I told him... and he told me to put a few back, he was just feeling snacky. so I put back 4 oz and weighed again, and then he was happy with that. I was so proud! Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
Yeah, my FI can eat anything he wants and is fine, but he has been trying to eat healthier to help me and also because he feels better now that he does eat healthier.
I would love to have a digital food scale. I was hoping for one for Christmas, but didn't get one. I am on a huge money saving kick too, so I don't want to just go buy it. It's on my wish list though!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:52a15712-4b7f-4845-90bc-9f8353cb1a4f">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : Aw Peek, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time :( Crying can be good, there's nothing wrong with crying, I think it helps a lot of the time.<strong> Why would anyone flame you because you're going through a hard time right now?</strong> Not everyone knows off the bat what they want to do with their lives, to be honest I don't have a freakin clue what to do with mine & I'm 26. We're all here for you & maybe it would be good for you to just get it all out. You can always email me! Love you lots & lots. I'm thinking about you! Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]
<div>I guess it's less of a flame and more of a "we get it." I apologized to BF about a thousand times this week because I didn't realize how much I was complaining until Tuesday night when we were talking over Skype about my not being eligible for that job. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm floundering, and I feel like I talk about it a lot more than I should.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:ba9d7ba9-e77c-4c16-957e-d64405ff855a">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : In Response to Re: Confessions : Are you serious? Your BF is NOT the "best boyfriend in the world" - he's an enabler. You admitted that you have a lot of debt, and no income, yet you take off work to go to a fucking Sephora? I cannot even handle this thought process. Would you like to know what an actually great BF would do? He would sit down with you and help you come up with a plan to get you out of debt and keep you debt free. When I graduated from college, I had $6000-7000 on a super high interest credit card. We'd only been together for a few months (like 2) when I told him about my debt. He didn't flip out, he didn't try to pay it off for me, he said calmly and rationally, "You cannot have that much debt and XY and Z reasons." With his support, I managed to pay it off in less than 10 months, even with a low-paying job and my student loans kicking in. THAT is what a good boyfriend does. He doesn't pay for everything and then give his GF $40 when she took off work that day to go do a goddamn makeup store. /rant over. Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]<div> </div><div>Yikes. Ditto Yaga. This is...not great.</div><div> </div><div>And Peek, I'm so sorry you feel this way. I totally get it. And I get why you are hesitant to post too much too. There was a lot of "we get it's" last week on FFF. We get it, you have no money and can't go to the G2G-downer. We get it, you are dating a lot. We get it, you like your wedding. We get it, you work out a lot. It can be tough to hear sometimes.</div><div> </div><div>I'm one of those people who really thinks you should live on your own at least once in life, but I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed. It IS overwhelming and scary. I hope you feel better soon:)
Peek-like rdr said, it's ok to cry. It's a major catharsis. You just need to let everything go sometimes.
In regards to FFF, I haven't really said anything about it/in it. I do think it has affected the boards. I haven't really had any desire to partcipate. I do think that these kinds of things are more helpful in the original threads than dredging them all up at the end of the week. It's good to be honest and sometimes people really do need to hear it. I just don't know if the FFF method is the best way to go.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:64fe283e-c40e-4266-aeae-1d372f1fd3dc">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]On a more calm and rational note - Ely and Tiger, your flames were not justified, and people came to your defense. So I wouldn't put too much stock into one person saying "Oh god you're soooo annoying" when no one else agrees. I confess I'm still at home and taking my sweet time to go to work today. I confess I don't want to go out at all this weekend so I can do homework, and so I can save all my fun WW points for<strong> brunch on Sunday with Rdr and some special guests</strong>. I confess that I'm okay with FI going to some island for his friend's bachelor party because I think it means he won't have cell phone service, so I don't have to deal with his drunken antics while he's there. :) <strong>Also if he goes, then I'm totally coming to AZ for the G2G.</strong> Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:187e110f-3112-4bc8-abec-94af12fdde96">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]RDR - I've decided I'm going home. Not immediately. BF is flying down tonight, and I have my interviews on the 27th. But if they place me immediately, I'm going home like, as soon as I fly back. I can't be here anymore. Mom thinks it's because of BF. While he does play a role, he doesn't decide for me, and I'm just not comfortable here. I haven't been since I got here. It took me three days to figure out that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I don't need to waste the rest of my money torturing myself. And I'm tired of being dependent on my parents. I'm 22. It's time for me to grow up and get a job and support myself. I know that a lot of people on this board put a lot of emphasis on living alone. I cannot do it. I turn into a hermit crab, my eating habits go to shiit, and I end up hating the world. I confess that I'm afraid to tell BF that the reason I'm so paranoid about money when I come home is because I want to know that I can hold myself afloat. I confess that I know how worried he is, and while I understand how worried he is, I don't care. I confess that I love that he wants me to only work one job so that we can spend evenings and weekends together, but it irritates me that he doesn't seem to understand why I feel the need to constantly work. I confess that I don't talk about my issues because I feel like I'd seriously be flamed by everyone on this board right now. I confess that all I want to do right now is cry again. Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
I'm so sorry, Peek. : ( I'd come over and give you a hug if I could. Things will get better. They may take some time, but they will.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:12c58db2-31b0-4b2d-a412-542e5bca2dcb">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I've suggested maybe he should think about trying some kind of structured plan like SparkPeople (that's the free site Liv talked about). He kind of just blew over it. <strong>I've kind of just decided to stop badgering him about it and try to let him figure it out and just try to passively help with ideas from you guys.</strong> Posted by swhite2012[/QUOTE]
I think this is a good idea. Honestly, to me it seems like you've been trying to or just want to control how your BF diets. You CAN"T do that. I know it's hard to step back and let him make his own mistakes and figure it out on his own but it's better that way. Don't try to control what's in the house or what he eats. He is a grown man. He can make his own decisions. You are not his mom, you're his girlfriend. Be supportive, give your advice or opinion but don't nag him about it.
1. I almost didn't even read this thread, since it got up to 74 posts before I even woke up for the day.
2. None of the WR posts from Tiger, CCO, Lunar, or anybody else have ever bothered me. I like talking about wedding stuff and feeling like I can safely share my own.
3. It bugs the crap out of me when people page other posters to let them know they sent them a facebook message or an email. Like they wouldn't be checking their facebooks or emails without that page...
4. I self-sabotage, too, but not with food. I do it with my career. I'm so terrified of failure that I stop myself from actually doing anything.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:ecde59a4-a632-41ce-922a-c74041d5bf5a">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]I confess I agree with Coco 100%. I think FFF is more of a gossip fest than anything to "help" people. It can get very dramatic very quickly in there, and even if people accept their flames it doesn't mean they aren't hurt by it. I firmly believe that if there's a problem it should come up in the board it originates, not a few days down the road. It makes more sense to me to say "oh Bob, I think you're going a little overboard with these cat posts!" in the post than to say "Hey everyone, Bob is really annoying because he always posts about his cat!" three days later. Posted by wink0erin[/QUOTE]
I agree with all of this. It's not that you should just sit back and not say anything, but if you have something to say, you should say it when the issue is current. I honestly find it a little assholish (in general, not of specific people) to create a whole separate thread for the specific purpose of flaming people, it just feels more like attacks than constructive criticisms.
For example, I think it made so much more sense to call out Molly on being a seemigly not so great friend or for Yaga to call out her flame of tdwpg on her spending in this thread while the conversation is still moving so that they can either explain it better, or reconsider their own positions while everything is still current, instead of ignoring it now and then calling them out later about something that people may have forgotten.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_confessions-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6acfa516-5e77-4fe4-a1fa-3558fa2d1ec9Post:82a1e1d1-28c4-494b-bfe7-c9a6a4efbd8d">Re: Confessions</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I agree with all of this. It's not that you should just sit back and not say anything, but if you have something to say, you should say it when the issue is current. I honestly find it a little assholish (in general, not of specific people) to create a whole separate thread for the specific purpose of flaming people, it just feels more like attacks than constructive criticisms. For example, I think it made so much more sense to call out Molly on being a seemigly not so great friend or for Yaga to call out her flame of tdwpg on her spending in this thread while the conversation is still moving so that they can either explain it better, or reconsider their own positions while everything is still current, instead of ignoring it now and then calling them out later about something that people may have forgotten. Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
I confess that I'm getting a little tired of reading this. It's not you, Jem. It's just that this point has been made multiple times over the past several weeks, and not just in FFF threads.
1. I confess that I'm sad that I'm not on the board nearly as much as I used to be. We have new goals and expectations at work that keep me pretty focused all day. So of course- I don't feel as close to the board, which makes me sad. I also feel as if some people's opionins of me has changed...I don't know why I feel this way- I really don't have a good reason.
2. I hardly ever have sexytime- and I'm usually pretty okay with it. I have like zero sex drive. I'm looking into this...
3. I confess that tdwpg1984- I think it's sad that you think you have the best boyfriend in the whole world....but you don't think that gorgeous sapphire set that he bought you for Christmas was good enough. Do you think you are the best girlfriend in the world?
4. I want to love myself more. I want to accept myself. I want to believe I'm beautiful.
5. I think there is a possibility that FFF changed the board dyanmic. ::shrugs:: I think I probably stopped posting quite a bit after I posted a few WR things...I felt ashamed that we kept changing our plans. And then I got to the point where I didn't feel like anyone really cared about the WR stuff...so I just stopped posting about it.
Re: Confessions
also, he just kind of had to come to that decision on his own. I couldn't force him to eat proper portions. but he saw that I was doing it, and I did what I could to make it easy for him, and he started WANTING to do it too. also, I pack our lunches (leftovers from dinner, which are almost always CookingLight and SkinnyTaste) so his dinners/lunches are healthy... since we're on a budget, he doesn't go blow money on lunch when I pack it for him. I usually pack him a small meal (meat, veggies, sometimes a starch) and then cheesestick, fruits, pudding snacks, trail mix, etc.
[QUOTE]Yeah Tiger I get what you're saying. And I wish people didn't feel any hestiation. <strong>And I just want you to know I love you. </strong>
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
<div>Ditto :)</div>
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]Well, the hard thing here is that it is a message board. So, if we took everyone aside we had an issue with, or wanted to disagree with privately, there really wouldn't be much of an online community. I will say that the people I have IRL/offline friendships with I'm more likely to talk with off the boards about concerns, but if something comes up in a thread and I disagree with them, I say it in the thread. I don't think they hate me for that (speak up if you do!).
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
I don't think that we have as much of an online community now, as we did before. and we're not talking about disagreeing in the thread... we're talking about a public rehash on Friday's... a weekly event that obviously is impacting the way people interact on the board.
and rdr, I don't think you'd receive 20 different PMs on the board. really? that was a silly comment.
and with that, I'm done. I've given my thoughts. I'm getting a little upset so I think it's time for me to back off. I would not treat someone like that, whether or not it was IRL or online. if I had a concern, I'd take it directly to them. that's how I operate, and it's one of the things H loves most about me... he never has to worry about me shooting him down in front of our friends. if I have something to say, I wait until we get home. he feels safe with me. and I used to feel safe with this board, and I'd venture to say that I'm NOT the only one who doesn't feel like this is a safe place anymore. I still like the board to relieve me from monotony and follow along with girls' stories, but I don't feel like it's a place where I can really let go and be myself anymore. maybe I'm sensitive, but obviously I'm not the only one.
I believe in sending positive thoughts and words to people. I believe that we should build each other up. I've always felt this way. that doesn't mean that I don't accept or give constructive criticism in an appropriate setting. but I don't think FFF is an appropriate setting. since I can't stop it, I can refrain from it and keep being kind and positive to other posters. that's all I can do.
moving on. I confess I ate a donut because one of my coworkers brought it to me and I couldn't say no. I also confess I had my first pregnancy dream last week and it's still freaking me out, because it's just not a good time for a baby!
[QUOTE]swhite - it's taken a long time, but my H has gone from eating crap to craving better foods (except once in a while, REAL tacos from a taqueria or hamburgers or something). <strong>one thing I did that helped was I prepped a bunch of fresh fruit and put it in a bowl in the front of the fridge. he loved the "fruit bowl"... and I would wash his strawberries and stuff so all he had to do was eat them. it sounds silly, but just the fact that all he had to do was stick it in his mouth (no washing or cutting)</strong> made him eat it, instead of it just sitting there. also, he just kind of had to come to that decision on his own. I couldn't force him to eat proper portions. but he saw that I was doing it, and I did what I could to make it easy for him, and he started WANTING to do it too. also, I pack our lunches (leftovers from dinner, which are almost always CookingLight and SkinnyTaste) so his dinners/lunches are healthy... since we're on a budget, he doesn't go blow money on lunch when I pack it for him. I usually pack him a small meal (meat, veggies, sometimes a starch) and then cheesestick, fruits, pudding snacks, trail mix, etc.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
That's a really good point too. I, myself, am more likely to eat something for convenience. I buy the Healthy Choice meals for $1.98 and eat those for lunch. It's easier than opening a can of tuna and making toast and adding condiments. It sounds so easy, but if I just want to grab something, the frozen meal is more convenient.
Swhite: Would your FI get defensive if you asked him what would be the best way to help him? It might come off better if you ask him for his opinion instead of maybe telling him what he should do.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I don't think that we have as much of an online community now, as we did before. and we're not talking about disagreeing in the thread... we're talking about a public rehash on Friday's... a weekly event that obviously is impacting the way people interact on the board. and<strong> rdr, I don't think you'd receive 20 different PMs on the board. really? that was a silly comment.</strong> and with that, I'm done. I've given my thoughts. I'm getting a little upset so I think it's time for me to back off. I would not treat someone like that, whether or not it was IRL or online. if I had a concern, I'd take it directly to them. that's how I operate, and it's one of the things H loves most about me... he never has to worry about me shooting him down in front of our friends. if I have something to say, I wait until we get home. he feels safe with me. and I used to feel safe with this board, and I'd venture to say that I'm NOT the only one who doesn't feel like this is a safe place anymore. I still like the board to relieve me from monotony and follow along with girls' stories, but I don't feel like it's a place where I can really let go and be myself anymore. maybe I'm sensitive, but obviously I'm not the only one. I believe in sending positive thoughts and words to people. I believe that we should build each other up. I've always felt this way. that doesn't mean that I don't accept or give constructive criticism in an appropriate setting. but I don't think FFF is an appropriate setting. since I can't stop it, I can refrain from it and keep being kind and positive to other posters. that's all I can do. moving on. I confess I ate a donut because one of my coworkers brought it to me and I couldn't say no. I also confess I had my first pregnancy dream last week and it's still freaking me out, because it's just not a good time for a baby!
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't think it was "silly" at all. I would personally prefer to have a discussion out in the open since this is a MESSAGE BOARD rather than receive a private message from each person separately when they don't like something I have to say which is what you're insinuating should happen.
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : That's a really good point too. I, myself, am more likely to eat something for convenience. I buy the Healthy Choice meals for $1.98 and eat those for lunch. It's easier than opening a can of tuna and making toast and adding condiments. It sounds so easy, but if I just want to grab something, the frozen meal is more convenient. Swhite: <strong>Would your FI get defensive if you asked him what would be the best way to help him?</strong> It might come off better if you ask him for his opinion instead of maybe telling him what he should do.
Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]
<div>No, he won't get defensive, but he doesn't really know exactly what he needs either.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I would not treat someone like that, whether or not it was IRL or online. if I had a concern, I'd take it directly to them. that's how I operate, and it's one of the things H loves most about me... he never has to worry about me shooting him down in front of our friends. if I have something to say, I wait until we get home. he feels safe with me. and I used to feel safe with this board, and I'd venture to say that I'm NOT the only one who doesn't feel like this is a safe place anymore. I still like the board to relieve me from monotony and follow along with girls' stories, but I don't feel like it's a place where I can really let go and be myself anymore. maybe I'm sensitive, but obviously I'm not the only one. I believe in sending positive thoughts and words to people. I believe that we should build each other up. I've always felt this way. that doesn't mean that I don't accept or give constructive criticism in an appropriate setting. but I don't think FFF is an appropriate setting. since I can't stop it, I can refrain from it and keep being kind and positive to other posters.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
I'm going to agree with this and what Tiger has been saying. I did feel a lot of love from people supporting me in the last FFF thread, but at the same time, it's just not the same anymore. I still love posting on the board and interacting with the ladies, but I don't feel the FFFs are necessary.
Coco: I don't blame you about the donut. It's so hard when someone hand delivers it, lol. What kind of donut was it? My brother brought donuts the last time I visited my parents and I resisted them all day ... until the dog had to pee at 1 AM. So there I was ... and there they were while I was waiting on the dog to come back inside. I gave in and had one. Yes, at 1 AM, lol. It was worth it.
Confession: I'm trying to work slowly today so I don't run out of work at 1:15 like I did yesterday.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : No, he won't get defensive, but he doesn't really know exactly what he needs either.
Posted by swhite2012[/QUOTE]
Hmm, I see. That's hard too. Is he doing WW or anything like that or just trying to watch what he eats and work out? I think my biggest eye opener was when I started logging points on WW and realized that my usual Taco Bell dinner was the equivalent of an entire day's points. And at my current weight, it'd be one and a half days. It's going to be a learning process and take time, but he'll catch onto it the more he does it. I think the most important thing you can do is just be supportive so he won't want to give up if he realizes something isn't working. I think Liv had some links to a "free version" of WW if that would help him.
[QUOTE]ely - it was just chocolate. and I savored the WHOLE THING. *sigh* it was wonderful. :) and a 1AM donut sounds better than a 9 AM donut for some reason. also, if you run out of work, you should e-mail me because I normally run out of stuff to do (unless something pops up) around lunch or early-afternoonish. so I just get on pinterest or clean my cube or try to find other things to do until it's time to go, or until I get something else to work on!
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
Mmm, I think my favorite are the twisty, glazed ones. I can never remember what they're called though. But anything chocolate is fine by me! : )
Well, if we run out of work, we get sent home. Which is just logging out for me, lol, but I get less pay since I'm hourly. I don't think I have your email either.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : Hmm, I see. That's hard too. Is he doing WW or anything like that or just trying to watch what he eats and work out? I think my biggest eye opener was when I started logging points on WW and realized that my usual Taco Bell dinner was the equivalent of an entire day's points. And at my current weight, it'd be one and a half days. It's going to be a learning process and take time, but he'll catch onto it the more he does it. I think the most important thing you can do is just be supportive so he won't want to give up if he realizes something isn't working. I think Liv had some links to a "free version" of WW if that would help him.
Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]
this was my H. when I started counting calories, and then he was curious about how many he ate... he almost passed out, haha. and I'm so proud of him. like last night, he was craving fries, so I baked him some (instead of going to McD's). I poured some onto a food scale and asked if that looked right, and he said yes. it was 10 oz, about 500 cals. so he asked how many cals it was, and I told him... and he told me to put a few back, he was just feeling snacky. so I put back 4 oz and weighed again, and then he was happy with that. I was so proud! it's especially hard for him because he used to eat ANYTHING (and I mean anything, seeing as his family cooks with lard and has meat, chiles, and refried beans every meal). so going from that, to lots of veggies and lean meats has been a big step for him.
ETA: ely- that sucks... less pay is bad. :(
ETA 2: YGPM, ely.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : Hmm, I see. That's hard too. Is he doing WW or anything like that or just trying to watch what he eats and work out? I think my biggest eye opener was when I started logging points on WW and realized that my usual Taco Bell dinner was the equivalent of an entire day's points. And at my current weight, it'd be one and a half days. It's going to be a learning process and take time, but he'll catch onto it the more he does it. I think the most important thing you can do is just be supportive so he won't want to give up if he realizes something isn't working. I think Liv had some links to a "free version" of WW if that would help him.
Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]
I've suggested maybe he should think about trying some kind of structured plan like SparkPeople (that's the free site Liv talked about). He kind of just blew over it. I've kind of just decided to stop badgering him about it and try to let him figure it out and just try to passively help with ideas from you guys.
[QUOTE]RDR - I've decided I'm going home. Not immediately. BF is flying down tonight, and I have my interviews on the 27th. But if they place me immediately, I'm going home like, as soon as I fly back. I can't be here anymore. Mom thinks it's because of BF. While he does play a role, he doesn't decide for me, and I'm just not comfortable here. I haven't been since I got here. It took me three days to figure out that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I don't need to waste the rest of my money torturing myself. And I'm tired of being dependent on my parents. I'm 22. It's time for me to grow up and get a job and support myself. I know that a lot of people on this board put a lot of emphasis on living alone. I cannot do it. I turn into a hermit crab, my eating habits go to shiit, and I end up hating the world. I confess that I'm afraid to tell BF that the reason I'm so paranoid about money when I come home is because I want to know that I can hold myself afloat. I confess that I know how worried he is, and while I understand how worried he is, I don't care. I confess that I love that he wants me to only work one job so that we can spend evenings and weekends together, but it irritates me that he doesn't seem to understand why I feel the need to constantly work. I confess that I don't talk about my issues because I feel like I'd seriously be flamed by everyone on this board right now. I confess that all I want to do right now is cry again.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
<div>Aw Peek, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time :(</div><div>
</div><div>Crying can be good, there's nothing wrong with crying, I think it helps a lot of the time.</div><div>
</div><div>Why would anyone flame you because you're going through a hard time right now? Not everyone knows off the bat what they want to do with their lives, to be honest I don't have a freakin clue what to do with mine & I'm 26. We're all here for you & maybe it would be good for you to just get it all out. You can always email me! Love you lots & lots. I'm thinking about you!</div>
I wouldn't want to live alone either. I enjoy having family with me. I don't know that I would jump into living with a new BF, but I'm also not a risk-taker. so we're really different in that way. I hate that H works evenings so much, and I have to eat dinner alone most of the time. in fact, I do a lot of things alone right now. I feel like, why do I even cook when he's never here to enjoy it?? why clean the house, if it's just me? why work out when I'm by myself? but it's just a stage in life. and it will come to an end eventually. and this awkward, awful stage in yours will too.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : this was my H. when I started counting calories, and then he was curious about how many he ate... he almost passed out, haha. and I'm so proud of him. like last night, he was craving fries, so I baked him some (instead of going to McD's). I poured some onto a food scale and asked if that looked right, and he said yes. it was 10 oz, about 500 cals. so he asked how many cals it was, and I told him... and he told me to put a few back, he was just feeling snacky. so I put back 4 oz and weighed again, and then he was happy with that. I was so proud!
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
Yeah, my FI can eat anything he wants and is fine, but he has been trying to eat healthier to help me and also because he feels better now that he does eat healthier.
I would love to have a digital food scale. I was hoping for one for Christmas, but didn't get one. I am on a huge money saving kick too, so I don't want to just go buy it. It's on my wish list though!
P.S. YGPM back!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : Aw Peek, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time :( Crying can be good, there's nothing wrong with crying, I think it helps a lot of the time.<strong> Why would anyone flame you because you're going through a hard time right now?</strong> Not everyone knows off the bat what they want to do with their lives, to be honest I don't have a freakin clue what to do with mine & I'm 26. We're all here for you & maybe it would be good for you to just get it all out. You can always email me! Love you lots & lots. I'm thinking about you!
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]
<div>I guess it's less of a flame and more of a "we get it." I apologized to BF about a thousand times this week because I didn't realize how much I was complaining until Tuesday night when we were talking over Skype about my not being eligible for that job. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm floundering, and I feel like I talk about it a lot more than I should.</div>
ETA: YGPM too, I'm fast as lightning today.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : In Response to Re: Confessions : Are you serious? Your BF is NOT the "best boyfriend in the world" - he's an enabler. You admitted that you have a lot of debt, and no income, yet you take off work to go to a fucking Sephora? I cannot even handle this thought process. Would you like to know what an actually great BF would do? He would sit down with you and help you come up with a plan to get you out of debt and keep you debt free. When I graduated from college, I had $6000-7000 on a super high interest credit card. We'd only been together for a few months (like 2) when I told him about my debt. He didn't flip out, he didn't try to pay it off for me, he said calmly and rationally, "You cannot have that much debt and XY and Z reasons." With his support, I managed to pay it off in less than 10 months, even with a low-paying job and my student loans kicking in. THAT is what a good boyfriend does. He doesn't pay for everything and then give his GF $40 when she took off work that day to go do a goddamn makeup store. /rant over.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yikes. Ditto Yaga. This is...not great.</div><div>
</div><div>And Peek, I'm so sorry you feel this way. I totally get it. And I get why you are hesitant to post too much too. There was a lot of "we get it's" last week on FFF. We get it, you have no money and can't go to the G2G-downer. We get it, you are dating a lot. We get it, you like your wedding. We get it, you work out a lot. It can be tough to hear sometimes.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm one of those people who really thinks you should live on your own at least once in life, but I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed. It IS overwhelming and scary. I hope you feel better soon:)
</div>
[QUOTE]On a more calm and rational note - Ely and Tiger, your flames were not justified, and people came to your defense. So I wouldn't put too much stock into one person saying "Oh god you're soooo annoying" when no one else agrees. I confess I'm still at home and taking my sweet time to go to work today. I confess I don't want to go out at all this weekend so I can do homework, and so I can save all my fun WW points for<strong> brunch on Sunday with Rdr and some special guests</strong>. I confess that I'm okay with FI going to some island for his friend's bachelor party because I think it means he won't have cell phone service, so I don't have to deal with his drunken antics while he's there. :) <strong>Also if he goes, then I'm totally coming to AZ for the G2G.</strong>
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
<div>Love & love!!!</div>
[QUOTE]RDR - I've decided I'm going home. Not immediately. BF is flying down tonight, and I have my interviews on the 27th. But if they place me immediately, I'm going home like, as soon as I fly back. I can't be here anymore. Mom thinks it's because of BF. While he does play a role, he doesn't decide for me, and I'm just not comfortable here. I haven't been since I got here. It took me three days to figure out that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I don't need to waste the rest of my money torturing myself. And I'm tired of being dependent on my parents. I'm 22. It's time for me to grow up and get a job and support myself. I know that a lot of people on this board put a lot of emphasis on living alone. I cannot do it. I turn into a hermit crab, my eating habits go to shiit, and I end up hating the world. I confess that I'm afraid to tell BF that the reason I'm so paranoid about money when I come home is because I want to know that I can hold myself afloat. I confess that I know how worried he is, and while I understand how worried he is, I don't care. I confess that I love that he wants me to only work one job so that we can spend evenings and weekends together, but it irritates me that he doesn't seem to understand why I feel the need to constantly work. I confess that I don't talk about my issues because I feel like I'd seriously be flamed by everyone on this board right now. I confess that all I want to do right now is cry again.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
I'm so sorry, Peek. : ( I'd come over and give you a hug if I could. Things will get better. They may take some time, but they will.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I've suggested maybe he should think about trying some kind of structured plan like SparkPeople (that's the free site Liv talked about). He kind of just blew over it. <strong>I've kind of just decided to stop badgering him about it and try to let him figure it out and just try to passively help with ideas from you guys.</strong>
Posted by swhite2012[/QUOTE]
I think this is a good idea. Honestly, to me it seems like you've been trying to or just want to control how your BF diets. You CAN"T do that. I know it's hard to step back and let him make his own mistakes and figure it out on his own but it's better that way. Don't try to control what's in the house or what he eats. He is a grown man. He can make his own decisions. You are not his mom, you're his girlfriend. Be supportive, give your advice or opinion but don't nag him about it.
1. I almost didn't even read this thread, since it got up to 74 posts before I even woke up for the day.
2. None of the WR posts from Tiger, CCO, Lunar, or anybody else have ever bothered me. I like talking about wedding stuff and feeling like I can safely share my own.
3. It bugs the crap out of me when people page other posters to let them know they sent them a facebook message or an email. Like they wouldn't be checking their facebooks or emails without that page...
4. I self-sabotage, too, but not with food. I do it with my career. I'm so terrified of failure that I stop myself from actually doing anything.
[QUOTE]I confess I agree with Coco 100%. I think FFF is more of a gossip fest than anything to "help" people. It can get very dramatic very quickly in there, and even if people accept their flames it doesn't mean they aren't hurt by it. I firmly believe that if there's a problem it should come up in the board it originates, not a few days down the road. It makes more sense to me to say "oh Bob, I think you're going a little overboard with these cat posts!" in the post than to say "Hey everyone, Bob is really annoying because he always posts about his cat!" three days later.
Posted by wink0erin[/QUOTE]
I agree with all of this. It's not that you should just sit back and not say anything, but if you have something to say, you should say it when the issue is current. I honestly find it a little assholish (in general, not of specific people) to create a whole separate thread for the specific purpose of flaming people, it just feels more like attacks than constructive criticisms.
For example, I think it made so much more sense to call out Molly on being a seemigly not so great friend or for Yaga to call out her flame of tdwpg on her spending in this thread while the conversation is still moving so that they can either explain it better, or reconsider their own positions while everything is still current, instead of ignoring it now and then calling them out later about something that people may have forgotten.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I agree with all of this. It's not that you should just sit back and not say anything, but if you have something to say, you should say it when the issue is current. I honestly find it a little assholish (in general, not of specific people) to create a whole separate thread for the specific purpose of flaming people, it just feels more like attacks than constructive criticisms. For example, I think it made so much more sense to call out Molly on being a seemigly not so great friend or for Yaga to call out her flame of tdwpg on her spending in this thread while the conversation is still moving so that they can either explain it better, or reconsider their own positions while everything is still current, instead of ignoring it now and then calling them out later about something that people may have forgotten.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
I confess that I'm getting a little tired of reading this. It's not you, Jem. It's just that this point has been made multiple times over the past several weeks, and not just in FFF threads.
2. I hardly ever have sexytime- and I'm usually pretty okay with it. I have like zero sex drive. I'm looking into this...
3. I confess that tdwpg1984- I think it's sad that you think you have the best boyfriend in the whole world....but you don't think that gorgeous sapphire set that he bought you for Christmas was good enough. Do you think you are the best girlfriend in the world?
4. I want to love myself more. I want to accept myself. I want to believe I'm beautiful.
5. I think there is a possibility that FFF changed the board dyanmic. ::shrugs:: I think I probably stopped posting quite a bit after I posted a few WR things...I felt ashamed that we kept changing our plans. And then I got to the point where I didn't feel like anyone really cared about the WR stuff...so I just stopped posting about it.