Advice Needed (really long)

laurenclaire1386 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:f0a03455-5bff-44cf-a2d4-3faaaad40623">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]stupid question, but what the heck is an AE? I tried googling it, couldn't find it..
Posted by amysmomma[/QUOTE]
Alter Ego. Sometimes people do it for entertainment purposes, but sometimes people do it to ask questions they don't want to ask under their regular SN.

kd.joseph · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:cb4050bb-da11-4e46-b72d-63a1cd0cf459">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Also are you new here or posting under an AE?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

This is what I was thinking Dani, or I'm just becoming jaded with first time posters.

If this is on the up and up, I definately would be having a conversation. And I wouldnt even think about marriage. Take it from someone who ignored all the signs the first time around.

And what did he do to lose his license in the first place?

pumpkinpumpkin · July 2010

Yeah, I see that now, I must've been typing my response when she said that.

quinn20 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:1b83f036-6c1e-431d-ae6f-32bb28f6f19a">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Pumpkin, she already acknowledged she's posting under an AE. I'm guessing she doesn't want this aired under regular name. quinn - is he on pain pills for his injury? Could he be addicted and was trying to get more from that guy you saw him with?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

That's entirely possible. He's been taking Norco since February and is now taking Vicodin because of the surgery. He ran through the first prescription really fast and had to get a refill within 3 days of having the surgery. I hadn't even thought about that.

hcbrowne · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:00d9bd98-c76d-4569-ab2f-29dc6d53943c">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm 24 and FI is 29. The reason I didn't want him going to his mom's without me today is because the shady guy lives in that area. I don't know that I can trust FI to go to his mom's and not stop by to see that guy.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]

You sound like you are in denial. You can't change/control your fiance's addiction. An addict has to choose to get better. I'm all for therapy, drug counceling, etc., but the harsh reality is that until that addict chooses to get help there is NOTHING you can do, and all you will do is end up deystroying yourself in the process. I know you feel desperate, and you feel love for him...and maybe even that he needs you. I think you need to think long and hard about the rest of your life and what a long road it would be...potentially including putting you and your loved ones in physical danger. If you were already married it would be a little bit different of a scenario, but at this point...you might need to try and muster up the strength to leave. It will be worth it in the long run. You can't save this guy, with him, or without him, its up to him.

danieliza1127 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:9ac29d38-c1f8-49c7-a3e2-17852541d3ac">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : That's entirely possible. He's been taking Norco since February and is now taking Vicodin because of the surgery. He ran through the first prescription really fast and had to get a refill within 3 days of having the surgery. I hadn't even thought about that.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's a good possibility then. Although you'd think that would make him want to make it to his doctor's appt yesterday to get the prescription refilled. Unless he's already done that and you just don't know about it. I would try to sit down with him face to face and talk to him about what's going on. Try not to be accusatory, you don't want to put him on the defensive. Just let him know that you're really worried about what happened yesterday and you want him to know that he can be honest with you and tell you what's going on - see what he says. If he continues to act like he didn't do anything wrong and is mad at you, then you know something is wrong.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/03/Red_flag_waving_transparent_rev.png

http://helsingborg.vansterpartiet.se/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Red_flag_waving.svg_.png

waltzingmatilda13 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:9ac29d38-c1f8-49c7-a3e2-17852541d3ac">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : That's entirely possible. He's been taking Norco since February and is now taking Vicodin because of the surgery. He ran through the first prescription really fast and had to get a refill within 3 days of having the surgery. I hadn't even thought about that.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]

I think you have solved the riddle. If he's had drug problems before he never should have been given this medication or least been closely monitored. When my H had open heart surgery before we met he said he stopped taking his pain meds after 2 days because he didn't want to depend on them. Is there anyone you can talk to in order to get him some help?

laurenclaire1386 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:9ac29d38-c1f8-49c7-a3e2-17852541d3ac">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : That's entirely possible. He's been taking Norco since February and is now taking Vicodin because of the surgery. He ran through the first prescription really fast and had to get a refill within 3 days of having the surgery. I hadn't even thought about that.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]
I don't know what type of injuries or whatever he has, but five months seems like a long time to be on painkillers. I mean, he'd need to be in chronic pain from some kind of serious injury to need painkillers for five months, I would guess. And if he really has an addiction to them, he needs rehab. Withdrawals from that kind of stuff definitely need to be supervised by some kind of medical personnel.

FutureMrsTR · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:9ac29d38-c1f8-49c7-a3e2-17852541d3ac">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : That's entirely possible. He's been taking Norco since February and is now taking Vicodin because of the surgery. He ran through the first prescription really fast and had to get a refill within 3 days of having the surgery. I hadn't even thought about that.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]

I thought there were limits on how often narcotics could be refilled. For the exact reason that they don't want to make it easier for people to abuse or sell them.

nda_roxybabe · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:deaa34ba-4d6e-45a4-b4a3-070801ef77be">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : I thought there were limits on how often narcotics could be refilled. For the exact reason that they don't want to make it easier for people to abuse or sell them.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

There are.

baystateapple · July 2010

Painkillers for 5 months, and Vicodin on top of Norco?

Even if he wasn't using them recreationally, that's a major problem.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

All I can say is, someone needs rehab. Now.

quinn20 · July 2010

The doctor called in the refill for him right away when he ran out. So, I don't know.

I think I'm going to call the EAP line offered through work and talk to someone.

I'm just at such a point with my self-esteem right now. If he had done this 2 years ago, when I was in a better place mentally, I don't think I would have even questioned leaving. The way he talks to me somedays just makes me feel like I'm worthless and I started to believe it. I don't know why, but I did.

pumpkinpumpkin · July 2010

I would call his doctor. This may be easier if you're married (which who knows, maybe you are).

AmoroAgain · July 2010

You are not worthless. He's a piece of shiit scumbag who's been destroying you because HE feels worthless. Because he is.

Run run run run run run run run run

baystateapple · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:8bcba8f4-469e-49c4-89c4-7005be8f1b22">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]The doctor called in the refill for him right away when he ran out. So, I don't know. I think I'm going to call the EAP line offered through work and talk to someone. I'm just at such a point with my self-esteem right now. If he had done this 2 years ago, when I was in a better place mentally, I don't think I would have even questioned leaving. The way he talks to me somedays just makes me feel like I'm worthless and I started to believe it. I don't know why, but I did.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]

I took Vicodin for a month because of a broken pelvis. When I ran out, the doctor refused to refill the prescription and put me on something lighter. Most doctors will not refill a prescription of Vicodin unless it's a VERY small amount of pills (like 10 or so, and even then, I would be surprised). Are you sure the doctor called it in?

redheadfsu · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:8bcba8f4-469e-49c4-89c4-7005be8f1b22">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]The doctor called in the refill for him right away when he ran out. So, I don't know. I think I'm going to call the EAP line offered through work and talk to someone. I'm just at such a point with my self-esteem right now. If he had done this 2 years ago, when I was in a better place mentally, I don't think I would have even questioned leaving. The way he talks to me somedays just makes me feel like I'm worthless and I started to believe it. I don't know why, but I did.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]

Please leave and seek counseling. The drug issues aside (which are big deal breakers for me), you should not allow him to make you feel this way. There are very big red flags here & you need to leave to get some clarity.

akhensley81 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:8bcba8f4-469e-49c4-89c4-7005be8f1b22">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]The doctor called in the refill for him right away when he ran out. So, I don't know. I think I'm going to call the EAP line offered through work and talk to someone. I'm just at such a point with my self-esteem right now. If he had done this 2 years ago, when I was in a better place mentally, I don't think I would have even questioned leaving. The way he talks to me somedays just makes me feel like I'm worthless and I started to believe it. I don't know why, but I did.
Posted by quinn20[/QUOTE]

Sweetheart, I know you don't want to hear this - and you probably don't want to do this - but maybe now is the time to leave. Yes, it's going to suck. It will be hard. It will take you a while to recover. But you will recover. I went through 5 years of similar bullshit - including getting engaged to the guy - before I finally decided I couldn't do it.

Think of how you're feeling now. If nothing changes - if he doesn't change - how are you going to feel a year from now? 5 years? 10 years? Can you really handle that? If you feel like you've been getting progressively worse yourself, how is it going to stop?

waltzingmatilda13 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:b8ede107-9fa2-44bf-8710-73c03087dfea">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : I took Vicodin for a month because of a broken pelvis. When I ran out, the doctor refused to refill the prescription and put me on something lighter. Most doctors will not refill a prescription of Vicodin unless it's a VERY small amount of pills (like 10 or so, and even then, I would be surprised). Are you sure the doctor called it in?
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

I don't think doctors can call in prescriptions for narcotics. It has to be a hand-written script.

baystateapple · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:64d56eb8-ad4c-4b60-bd1a-f670a6c47017">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : I don't think doctors can call in prescriptions for narcotics. It has to be a hand-written script.
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

Good catch. I think you're right.

squirrly · July 2010

Step 1 - Get yourself out of the situation. Pack your stuff, and go someplace else. Or, pack his and send him to his mother's house.

Step 1a - Call his doctor & let him/her know your concerns. They're a medical professional and will be better equipped to address this. They may not give you any info, but they should be receptive to info you give them.

Step 2 - Counseling for YOU. Decide if you want this man in your life.

Step 3 - If you do, tell him what he has to do in order to make that happen. If he's not willing, close the door. ASAP.

kd.joseph · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:8eeee6f9-9f85-49e0-bc8f-0c65007d2612">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]You are not worthless. He's a piece of shiit scumbag who's been destroying you because HE feels worthless. Because he is. Run run run run run run run run run
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Yeah I have to agree with Amoro here. You need to leave, and get yourself some help. NOW!

Stackeye210 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:64d56eb8-ad4c-4b60-bd1a-f670a6c47017">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice Needed (really long) : I don't think doctors can call in prescriptions for narcotics. It has to be a hand-written script.
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

Well if that's the case then maybe her FI is buying the painkillers from shady dude since he went through his script so fast.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

Well, while I know it's not standard practice, my dad was given as much vicodin, as he wanted for his back pain.

arbolita · July 2010

You have several big things to consider here - how to help your FI, how to help yourself, and what this is going to mean to your relationship. Right now if he is determined to feed his addiction, nothing you do is going to stand in his way.

Do you know if when he quit using before, he did it through any sort of program, or was it cold turkey?

Before you leave work, I would do a quick Google search and locate an Al-Anon meeting, because regardless of what happens, you need your own support system and they will be able to help you. Be prepared when you get home to pack a bag and stay somewhere else tonight. I know you want to be there and make sure he doesn't do anything else stupid, but he will whether you are around or not.

crfische · July 2010

Can we put this as a sticky so Knot Annie can see how nice we are?

I'm sorry Quinn. These guys have already said everything I could have said. I'm just sorry you're dealing with this.

cengle · July 2010

Take what these ladies are telling you to heart. You are NOT worthless. From everything's that come out, you should leave. It's not going to get better if you ignore it. Whoever said to think of what your life will be like in 5 or 10 years is right. Or God forbid, if you have children with this man? Think of what that would be like. This is not the life you deserve. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect.

arbolita · July 2010

Also, feel free to PM me if you want to talk in more detail, either under this name or your real one.

waltzingmatilda13 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-really-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d497c9-2947-4418-b7a0-c279565929fePost:1c6cbd7c-2fdf-410d-8ff5-ea1c250fe38f">Re: Advice Needed (really long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, while I know it's not standard practice, my dad was given as much vicodin, as he wanted for his back pain.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Yeah, you can get refills if they are included in the original script, but otherwise it's a safety measure to make sure people aren't abusing/selling. My H was given meds recently for his back and it had refills, and his doctor knows him and lets him have what he needs.

Advice Needed (really long)

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