Programs and Parents.

LittleMonkey1 · August 2012

My FI's mom just got married a couple months ago. His dad is still around and everything but my FI would also like to make note of his mom's recent marriage in the programs.

When you put 'Parents of the Groom' how would it be worded to include his dad, mom, and his mom's husband?

Sorry, I'm really bad at how to properly word things etiquette-wise.

Thanks:)

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

Parents of the Groom:
Mom's Name & Husband's name
Dad's name

LittleMonkey1 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:2d701af1-ba34-483d-b8f3-a830031d65b0">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]I like: Mother of the Groom, xxx, accompanied by her husband yyy Father of the Groom, aaa, accompanied by his wife, bbb. I don't like calling a step a parent.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah thats one of the problems we are finding. We don't want it to seem as though her new husband has helped raise FI or anything because they have only been together for a year. But we will want to mention that she is married.</div>

TaraMc728 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:2d701af1-ba34-483d-b8f3-a830031d65b0">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]I like: Mother of the Groom, xxx, accompanied by her husband yyy Father of the Groom, aaa, accompanied by his wife, bbb.

I second this.

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:2d701af1-ba34-483d-b8f3-a830031d65b0">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]I like: Mother of the Groom, xxx, accompanied by her husband yyy Father of the Groom, aaa, accompanied by his wife, bbb. I don't like calling a step a parent.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>If they really have raised you, that is pretty shiitzy. But if you are an adult when they marry as in this case, that is a completely different deal. However, a 'parent' is a 'parent' whether they are a step or not. FWIW, some steps are a helluva lot better parents than biological ones. </div><div>
</div><div>Hockey, where the heck is my cape????</div>

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

I think you need a wand to go with your cape!

Loopyseven · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:0336b236-5046-4330-a057-6622db0afb85">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : Yeah thats one of the problems we are finding. <strong>We don't want it to seem as though her new husband has helped raise FI or anything because they have only been together for a year.</strong> But we will want to mention that she is married.
Posted by LittleMonkey1[/QUOTE]

<div>OMG - anyone who knows your FI's family will know the timeline, and anyone who doesn't know the family well enough to know the timeline won't care whether the guy wiped your FI's behind as a baby or woudl barely recognize him on the street. The proper way to list him is with mother as step father. No further explanations of timelines or relationships is necessary. The program is informational. it is not the place to be passing judgement or making statements about the status/longevity/seriousness of anyone's relationship. See the post a few down about the girl and her FI who left the step parents off of the announcements cause they didn't like them and pissed off her FI's parents. If you try to lessen the importance of the relationship by overly explaining it all you will end up with is hurt feelings.</div><div>
</div><div>Use Hockey's wording from above, or </div>

Loopyseven · August 2012

Wally - I love how on top of the steps situations you've been today. Thank you

.

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:0689c0d1-bea6-4112-8bb3-9e8ab8e68bc1">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]Wally - I love how on top of the steps situations you've been today. Thank you :).
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>I'm kind of a super-sensitive freak about it. : )</div><div>
</div><div>There are crappy, awful step parents out there but the generalized lumping all steps into one group REALLY fries my clams. </div>

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:ad8d09a1-b40c-40b1-9175-21ae944f57ff">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]Willywally -- I never said all steps are crazy, but when you define steps as parents, I think that is over the top. There is nothing wrong with being a step per se, but that doesn't mean step = parent (which is what you said).
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Over the top? I find your remark below the belt. <div>
<div>I take great insult to that, as would many step parents who are actively involved in raising their children. I am a step mom myself and have raised my DD since she was nine years old. I am absolutely her parent, and she would agree with that 100%. Biology alone doesn't make a parent. </div><div>
</div><div>I also have a step mom, who my dad married when he was 80. She was a dear friend of my late mother's. She is wonderful to him, wonderful to all my siblings and I as well as our children. She is my father's wife and I refer to them as my 'parents.' </div><div>
</div></div>

MrsMack10612 · August 2012

I have had this debate before. I understand by definition that the person that marries your parent is your step parent; it doesn't make them a parent.

My father remarried and has been married to the same woman for 20+ years. I was never raised by her; I never lived in their home and she was never a parent to me. I refuse, textbook definition or not, to refer to her as my stepmother. She is my father's wife; end of story.

Our programs are:

MOB
FOB
His wife

If anyone gets offended, so be it. And considering recent events, they are lucky they are (father & wife) are still in the program and may be removed anyway.

JaxInBlue · August 2012

Agree with Wally and Loopy. You should ask the parents how they want to be listed or should just list everyone as parents. Those you know your family history will understand what actually happened and those who don't won't know what they are missing.

I have one step-dad who was incredibly involved in my upbringing and one I didn't get until I was in my 20s. They were both listed as "parents" in our wedding program. The step-dad who is newer to the family was pleased to be included with the rest of the parents and it made my father happy his spouse was respected - which is what mattered to me.

amyb140 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:7ad0b7a1-7bf4-4084-b0c3-68a232a9f67f">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : I take great insult to that, as would many step parents who are actively involved in raising their children. I am a step mom myself and have raised my DD since she was nine years old. I am absolutely her parent, and she would agree with that 100%. Biology alone doesn't make a parent. I also have a step mom, who my dad married when he was 80. She was a dear friend of my late mother's. She is wonderful to him, wonderful to all my siblings and I as well as our children. She is my father's wife and I refer to them as my 'parents.'
Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely see where you're coming from with your DD, but I do think it's different for different people. My dad had an affair and divorced my mom, then married the woman he had the affair with. My sister and I were both in our 20s and totally on our own, so she didn't raise us in any way. It was a long time until we got over our anger. Time has a way of healing wounds and all that, and I'm glad my dad is happy, and I like his wife and get along with her just fine. But I HAVE a mother, and I feel like it would be insulting to her to infer that my dad's wife is my mother in any way. I don't even refer to her as my stepmother, she's my dad's wife. I mean absolutely no disrespect by that, but she never mothered me, nor should she have. My dad decided to remarry, and that's fine, but his decision has no bearing on what I choose to call the woman he married.</div><div>
</div><div>On the other hand, my grandmother died when I was 5 years old, and my grandfather remarried 5 years later. To me, the second wife WAS my grandma, and no one could tell me otherwise - same for my sister. I was so young that I didn't really remember a lot about my "real" grandma, and the one I grew up with was a huge part of my life.</div><div>
</div><div>I guess I'm just trying to say that each case is different, and I think it's hard to compare one to another.</div>

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:e261a130-68fa-4be4-82b9-649ad58f5874">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have had this debate before. I understand by definition that the person that marries your parent is your step parent; it doesn't make them a parent. My father remarried and has been married to the same woman for 20+ years. I was never raised by her; I never lived in their home and she was never a parent to me. I refuse, textbook definition or not, to refer to her as my stepmother. She is my father's wife; end of story. Our programs are: MOB FOB His wife If anyone gets offended, so be it. And considering recent events, they are lucky they are (father & wife) are still in the program and may be removed anyway.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

<div>I understand the feelings/relationships not being there if you weren't raised by them, but to exclude them on something as insignificant as a wedding program is simply making a public jab against them on what is supposed to be informational material, shows little respect for your bio parent and also shows no regard for their marriage. It's so ironic that while having their own weddings, some people find it acceptable to disregard their parents' unions. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: AmyB, it <strong>is </strong>different for each situation. Which is why NYU's generic comment about steps offends me. That said, I don't think a wedding program is a place to try to make statements about your feelings regarding parents' marriages. It's a stupid piece of paper and the people who know, KNOW. </div>

MrsMack10612 · August 2012

Willy - I'm not disregarding their union, she is being recognized as his wife; but as I said; she's not a "parent" to me.

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:64765d0b-049a-4ba9-a1c1-e2168f2df696">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]Willy - I'm not disregarding their union, she is being recognized as his wife; but as I said; she's not a "parent" to me.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

<div>Then why not list them as a unit? Your post implies she will be listed on a seperate line. Also, have you asked your dad how he feels about this?</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: It sounds like there might be other issues with your dad (from what I gather from post above) so maybe it's a whole big ugly can of worms. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

Here is the thing....Are your guests going to be shocked/horrified/upset that the step parent is listed with their spouse? No.
Could your parent and step parent be upset about being slighted in the program? Yes.

How can you not see how simple this is?

amyb140 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:a55abe4b-aeca-4d7c-b8f5-db25ec55e5b4">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : I understand the feelings/relationships not being there if you weren't raised by them, but to exclude them on something as insignificant as a wedding program is simply making a public jab against them on what is supposed to be informational material, shows little respect for your bio parent and also shows no regard for their marriage. It's so ironic that while having their own weddings, some people find it acceptable to disregard their parents' unions. ETA: AmyB, it is different for each situation. Which is why NYU's generic comment about steps offends me. That said,<strong> I don't think a wedding program is a place to try to make statements about your feelings regarding parents' marriages.</strong> It's a stupid piece of paper and the people who know, KNOW.
Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]
Oh for sure - totally agree. Take the high road. This is not the place to air any grievances you may have.

Girlie1030 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:8942a3ba-27cf-4078-8d1b-3d5b5b6d3482">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : I don' t know which comment offended you -- if it was I don't agree with steps=parents, I stand by it. <strong> A stepparent is not a parent</strong>. If a step is offended by being identified as mom or dad's spouse, then so be it. Many people will get offended at wedding, for example, people who are not invited, people who were not BMs, etc. Being offended doesnt mean someone should be catered to, and doesn't mean someone else is guilty of bad etiquette. I understand YOUR situation, its not everyones.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Maybe in your narrow-minded world. My best friends step-father was more a parent to her than her bio-dad ever was. Do you feel that an adopted parent is not a real parent either?

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:8942a3ba-27cf-4078-8d1b-3d5b5b6d3482">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : I don' t know which comment offended you -- if it was I don't agree with steps=parents, I stand by it. <strong>A stepparent is not a parent.</strong> If a step is offended by being identified as mom or dad's spouse, then so be it. Many people will get offended at wedding, for example, people who are not invited, people who were not BMs, etc. Being offended doesnt mean someone should be catered to, and doesn't mean someone else is guilty of bad etiquette. I understand YOUR situation, its not everyones.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>Would you like to tell my daughter that? Or my friend who was raised my her stepmother upon her mother's death and father's remarriage? Or my adult step sister who helps take care of my dad when he's sick? Or about a zillion other people who've had excellent step parents?</div><div>
</div><div>So, just so I get this straight NYU, what have I been DOING for the past 17 years with my daughter? What term do you suggest for the driving her to every actvity, teaching her to do things, going to ball games, helping with homework, listening to her concerns, being there for her and loving her unconditionally? </div>

amyb140 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:8942a3ba-27cf-4078-8d1b-3d5b5b6d3482">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : I don' t know which comment offended you -- if it was I don't agree with steps=parents, I stand by it. <strong> A stepparent is not a parent</strong>. If a step is offended by being identified as mom or dad's spouse, then so be it. Many people will get offended at wedding, for example, people who are not invited, people who were not BMs, etc. Being offended doesnt mean someone should be catered to, and doesn't mean someone else is guilty of bad etiquette. I understand YOUR situation, its not everyones.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
But see, that's too much of a generalization. Just because you don't see YOUR step-parent as a parent doesn't mean that no one does.

LittleMonkey1 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:52810e9d-b3eb-4b9d-b249-b026c0c4f7b3">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : OMG - anyone who knows your FI's family will know the timeline, and anyone who doesn't know the family well enough to know the timeline won't care whether the guy wiped your FI's behind as a baby or woudl barely recognize him on the street. The proper way to list him is with mother as step father. No further explanations of timelines or relationships is necessary. The program is informational. it is not the place to be passing judgement or making statements about the status/longevity/seriousness of anyone's relationship. See the post a few down about the girl and her FI who left the step parents off of the announcements cause they didn't like them and pissed off her FI's parents. If you try to lessen the importance of the relationship by overly explaining it all you will end up with is hurt feelings. Use Hockey's wording from above, or
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm very sorry that this seemed judgy of me or anything like that. I have absolutely no problem with them being married at all. I guess I forgot that you guys don't know the situation and that comment may have come off the wrong way. My FI's dad had a huge freak out because we put his mom's husband on the invitations as well. and He was the one to keep saying we were trying to replace him and make everyone think that mom's husband helped raise him and was more of a dad then him. He was very offended to see the other man's name on there. But we still wanted to honor their marriage and make him feel included as well. </div><div>So I just wanted a way for the new husband to be included on the program but not offend FI's dad and make it seem like his mom's husband is a new dad too..

</div>

LittleMonkey1 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:d7560d42-bc08-461c-b9d9-a179e76b294b">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is the thing....Are your guests going to be shocked/horrified/upset that the step parent is listed with their spouse? No. Could your parent and step parent be upset about being slighted in the program? Yes. How can you not see how simple this is?
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>The guests are not the ones I am worried about offending. </div><div>My FMIL would be offended if her husband was left off the programs. But my FFIL will be offended if her husband is included. So I am just trying to find the most correct way to list them. We want to include FMILs husband but don't want FFIL to think that we are implying that her husband is also a parent to him and helped raise him. This was the argument that came about after we listed him on the invitations.</div>

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:b07400fa-cf2a-4fad-b66c-64d348290ec7">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]If a stepparent adopted the child, then they are a parent. A parent is a defined term. Some people are raised by their grandparents -- does that make them parents? I certianly don't have an objection, Wally, if your stepdaughter refers to you as a parent, but to turn it into an etiquette faux pax if EVERY stepdaughter doesn't, or to include a step parent pari parseu as a parent, or to treat the "social unit" rule as referring to other than invitations, is a vast overstep
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think you answered my question. </div><div>
</div><div>Further, I do see it as a huge etiquette faux pas to intentionally split up their names or refuse to put a step parent's name on a wedding program. The only purpose of doing so is to make some sort of 'statement' against them. Being purposely passive aggressive and knowingly hurtful is always a breach of etiquette. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: LittleMonkey, sounds like your H's dad needs to grow up a bit and be confident in his role in his son's life. Like I said before, people who know, KNOW. </div><div>
</div>

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

Little: I am sorry your FFIL is acting like a CHILD and causing this drama.

Loopyseven · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:237284df-c7ed-4a73-8ccf-5bf030aa8081">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : I'm very sorry that this seemed judgy of me or anything like that. I have absolutely no problem with them being married at all. I guess I forgot that you guys don't know the situation and that comment may have come off the wrong way. My FI's dad had a huge freak out because we put his mom's husband on the invitations as well. and He was the one to keep saying we were trying to replace him and make everyone think that mom's husband helped raise him and was more of a dad then him. He was very offended to see the other man's name on there. But we still wanted to honor their marriage and make him feel included as well. <strong>So I just wanted a way for the new husband to be included on the program but not offend FI's dad and make it seem like his mom's husband is a new dad too.. </strong>
Posted by LittleMonkey1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>While I understand not wanting to hurt is bio-dad's feelings, I still think this comes back to those who know the family, know the situation, and those who arent' close enough to know the situation aren't going to be interested enough to read that far into a listing of "parents of the groom" with 3 names in it. Divorces and remarriages are (unfortunately) all too common these days. It is not a big shocker to see an additional spouse, or 2 or 3 or 4 on a program or invitation. It just means he's married to FI's mom. Nothing more. If you draw attention to it you will likely hurt FMIL's feelings. I'd have your FI tell his dad to suck it up and be an adult for an evening because you're not going to slight FMIL just to save imaginary face fro FFIL. </div><div>
</div><div>Hell, it was on the verge of raining on my wedding day and in the haste of the "should we move the ceremony to the rain location (same venue) or keep it out side, my programs were never even handed out. Which reminds me, programs are optional - you don't have to have them. Just don't even have programs and then you don't have to worry about it at all :).

</div>

LittleMonkey1 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:88950861-ced4-45d5-8d45-cc457996c25b">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]Little: I am sorry your FFIL is acting like a CHILD and causing this drama.
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, FI's parents have been divorced for ten years.. but in the last few months since FMIL got married, every little thing to do with our wedding is setting off FFIL. But we don't want to slight FMIL and feed into all his drama. So he has been told on many occasions to suck it up. </div>

LittleMonkey1 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:7cd554dc-03dd-499c-87f4-8da07518ce6e">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : While I understand not wanting to hurt is bio-dad's feelings, I still think this comes back to those who know the family, know the situation, and those who arent' close enough to know the situation aren't going to be interested enough to read that far into a listing of "parents of the groom" with 3 names in it. Divorces and remarriages are (unfortunately) all too common these days. It is not a big shocker to see an additional spouse, or 2 or 3 or 4 on a program or invitation. It just means he's married to FI's mom. Nothing more. If you draw attention to it you will likely hurt FMIL's feelings. I'd have your FI tell his dad to suck it up and be an adult for an evening because you're not going to slight FMIL just to save imaginary face fro FFIL. Hell, it was on the verge of raining on my wedding day and in the haste of the "should we move the ceremony to the rain location (same venue) or keep it out side, my programs were never even handed out. Which reminds me, programs are optional - you don't have to have them. Just don't even have programs and then you don't have to worry about it at all :).
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah I have no problem with any of the guests reading into it too much or any of that. I thought it was very common to put step-parents on the programs. I just wanted to make sure. And FFIL has been told on quite a few occasions to suck it up after complaining about FMILs husband being included. He wanted us to reprint all the invitations after they were handed out already and send people new ones without FMILs husband on them. Maybe we will just make sure he doesn't get a program:) (kidding:) )

</div>

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:08208475-f24c-4f31-9c4a-b78b3d061e01">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Programs and Parents. : Wally, it's an etiquette column, I am not going to answer about your relationship, or others. I did not suggest splitting up stepparent/parents on program, I suggested identifying them politely. I would suggest that many people value their own parents and do not care to see that title minimized by indiscrimantly applying it to others. To suggest that ALL stepparents function as parents is erroneous. To suggest it is wrong not to call all stepparents parents is crazy. All stepparents are stepparents.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>So you don't have an answer then, I guess. </div><div>
</div><div>You are correct here: To suggest that ALL stepparents function as parents is erroneous. They don't. But they are still CALLED 'step parents' because they are married to the bio parent and that is the word for that spot in the family tree, whether you like it or not. Suggesting no step parent is a parent is ludicrous, because many, many ARE. </div><div>
</div><div>Further, even when their children are adults, many parents are still concerned about those children. A bio parent's new spouse is very likely to be the sounding board for those concerns as well as being the one to share the worries and the joys with that bio parent. They help support the bio parent emotionally which is <strong>hugely</strong> necessary when it comes to parenting and marriage. </div><div>
</div><div>I think that warrants enough clout to be listed on the damn wedding program. </div><div>
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crash2729 · August 2012

OP,

I had a similar situation. H has his Mom and (Step)Dad and his Bio-Dad and his wife.

FMIL threw a fit when she found out that SMIL was going to get flowers. I felt it would be rude to leave her out since she is his bio-dad's wife.

I stood my ground on the flowers but I skipped on programs for this very reason.

Are you having a Catholic(or another kind of long) ceremony where programs would be necessary?

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_programs-and-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff94bfe-f02c-42bb-a138-34470a6751b9Post:40ff3e27-ef5a-42fc-bbe6-fb92a3ac00d6">Re: Programs and Parents.</a>:
[QUOTE]Wally, yes steparent has the word parent in it. And bridesmaid has the word bride in it. You certainly are not going to say that a bridesmaid is a type of bride. A stepparent is defined as ths spouse of one's parent. Wally, for the nth time, I did not suggest leaving stepparent off program, <strong>I just suggesting identifying the stepparent as such. </strong>Some people find the word stepmother or stepfather demeaning. I do not. It's just a description. But that is why I suggested, what I did. Several people liked i. <strong>I do not think that etiquette demands that a stepparent be treated the same as a parent. </strong>
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>I only find those terms demeaning when people such as yourself make blanket statements that say 'step parents are not parents.' </div><div>
</div><div>As I've stated previously there are many types of step parents, just as there are many types of biological parents. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, 'identifying the step parent as such' would entail listing them properly as Mr. & Mrs. Whatever or John and Sue LastName, not splitting them up or putting them on seperate lines or otherwise making some sort of statement. Etiquette is about propriety and not hurting people's feelings, even if that means not getting your passive-aggressive on.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm starting to wonder if you believe the fairy tales where step parents are portrayed as 'evil' or if you had one that really was. Either way, I'm sorry your view of parents/families is so narrow and hope to hell you never have to deal with a child who isn't biologically your own. </div>

Programs and Parents.

Re: Programs and Parents.

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