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Wedding Etiquette Forum
SugarBrideOct10
member
all this talk of gifts...
If someone came to your wedding and didn't give you a gift, would you stiff them at their wedding? Or if someone gives you $100 (or $1000 )for a gift, would you give them the same amount for their wedding?
I probably wouldn't get a gift for someone who didn't get me anything. Or maybe I would get them something ugly
I probably wouldn't get a gift for someone who didn't get me anything. Or maybe I would get them something ugly
This discussion has been closed.
Re: all this talk of gifts...
For the second part, I don't think you need to price match the gifts given. In a perfect world you could, but people are in different financial situations and that would dictate what type of a gift is given.
And you? You are petty. Not getting someone something because they didn't get you something? Jerk.
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I guess I can understand the financially downtrodden ppl who truly can't afford to give an appropriate gift. I would give them what I thought appropriate regardless of what they gave me. But not for the people who are just cheap.
I had friends who came to the wedding and gave us an IOU for dinner someday when their finances are better. I thought it was a sweet gesture.
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The Margarita Evolution
[QUOTE]If nothing else, the Etiquette board is a constant reminder of how awesome the people I choose to have in my life are. It amazes me that people like this actually <strong>exits.</strong> I mean, it shouldn't surprise me anymore, but it does.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
Sadly, people like this usually don't exit your life.
Wow, that vikings fan is harsh! You are NOT a jerk, Sugarbride! Does everyone know the history of weddings?? It goes back to the old days when the brides father would provide a dowry to the couple for the establishment of new household. Of couse, that has evolved, and now everyone chips in at a wedding and helps give the couple a little something to start their new life together.
That being said, I think that 99.5% believe in gift giving at a wedding and couples have come to accept that! So to say you just want your friends and family to spend the day with you is sweet and everything, but clearly the average american couple would not be throwing an event that averages a cost of $30,000 if the custom of gift giving was thrown out the window. Because helloooooo, that $30,000 spent would then be taken and spent on a home down payment instead of on a party.
Step forward. Now.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
We had all different amounts of gifts at our wedding. And since it was family and good friends we are pretty familiar with most of their financial situations. So we know who doesn't have money, and who was cheap. We had several friends at our wedding who are engaged and planning their own weddings. We probably can't travel for their wedding but will give them at least the same amount, and we won't even cost them anything. But we aren't saving for a wedding like they were, and we will give what we want to give.
[QUOTE]WHO SUMMONED THE CRAZY PEOPLE. Step forward. Now.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
<div>I did. Just for fun.</div><div>
</div><div>Okay, no I didn't. If only I had that power. I've been missing the crazy MUD lately.</div>
As for trying to distinguish between the "financially downtrodden" and those who are "just cheap," there is no way. People can have financial demands or financial reversals you know nothing about.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: all this talk of gifts... : I did. Just for fun. Okay, no I didn't. If only I had that power. I've been missing the crazy MUD lately.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
I swear its been all over the place today. i've been ridiculously bored today so I've basically been on here all day, and its been bad.
that's all
[QUOTE]If someone came to your wedding and didn't give you a gift, would you stiff them at their wedding? Or if someone gives you $100 (or $1000 )for a gift, would you give them the same amount for their wedding? I probably wouldn't get a gift for someone who didn't get me anything. Or maybe I would get them something ugly :)
Posted by SugarBrideOct10[/QUOTE]
No one quoted OP? Shame on you, people.
Sugarbride - Weddings are about one's presence, not one's presents. You should probably learn the difference. Or you can go through the rest of your life keeping score. Because that sounds like a great way to live.
http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
[QUOTE]Wow, that vikings fan is harsh! You are NOT a jerk, Sugarbride! Does everyone know the history of weddings?? It goes back to the old days when the brides father would provide a dowry to the couple for the establishment of new household. Of couse, that has evolved, and now everyone chips in at a wedding and helps give the couple a little something to start their new life together. That being said, I think that 99.5% believe in gift giving at a wedding and couples have come to accept that! So to say you just want your friends and family to spend the day with you is sweet and everything, but clearly<strong> the average american couple would not be throwing an event that averages a cost of $30,000 if the custom of gift giving was thrown out the window. Because helloooooo, that $30,000 spent would then be taken and spent on a home down payment instead of on a party.
</strong>Posted by stephasuasu[/QUOTE]
Um, yeah. Obviously everyone goes into wedding planning thinking they're going to make that money back in gifts. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
Most people spend money on a wedding because they like the idea of having a party with their friends and family; not because they expect the party to be paid for. If that was the case, one would just charge admission to the event. And, there are MANY, MANY people who have a small wedding and spend the rest of their money to buy a house. I would include these people in the category of "average american."
http://tidetravel.weebly.com/index.html
I had one set of friends who did not get us something. They can definitely afford it, but honestly, I think they just forgot. Her mother and his father had passed away within a month of each other, about a month or two before our wedding. I knew what a difficult time they were both having, especially my girlfriend as her mom had lived with them. These two people are very special to me, and I was just so happy they were there at our wedding.
And I did send them a nice thank you note expressing how happy I was they were there, and that it meant so much to me for them to be there after they'd been going through such a difficult time.
You know, because I have a heart.
[QUOTE]I happen to find it pretty 'jerky' to come to a party empty handed. Even when I go to a dinner party, I bring some wine. A birthday party, I bring a present. A wedding?! You should definately bring SOMETHING! So to the one person who didn't get us a gift (and is not poor by any means), we are probably not getting him much of anything for his wedding. <strong> Maybe he could consider the free dinner and amazing entertainment at our wedding our gift to him?</strong>
Posted by SugarBrideOct10[/QUOTE]
<div>More like him being allowed to be around you is your wedding gift to him. :)</div>
[QUOTE]I would NEVER attend a wedding in which I couldn't afford to give a proper gift. I would be too embarrassed. I make it my rule of thumb to give a little more than I know they spent on me to eat (well an estimation.) I wouldn't want someone to skip my wedding because they couldn't afford a gift, but I just know I would feel embarrassed being in that situation.
Posted by LowerEastSiiide[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>You better hope none of your friends go by your rule if you want them at your wedding. I would much rather have my friends there and forget the gift if that is the only thing keeping them away. If my friends thought I would hold that against them and make them feel embarrassed or ashamed for not getting me a gift, I would have no idea why they would want me as their friend in the first place.</div><div>
</div><div>As I said to OP in a different thread: Gifts are <u>never</u> mandatory.</div>
SugarBride, if you are considering not getting someone a gift because that same person didn't get you one, I say you should do it. Poor guy deserves to know what kind of person you truly are so he can start running for the hills.
Stephasu, I hope that your expensive wedding provides you and brides like you enough happiness to get you through those long nights in the shelter after your poor financial decisions leave you homeless.
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Yeah, that's about what I think of the tit for tat gifting. Give what you can afford to give and don't concern yourself with keeping score.