Venting about FI

redheadfsu · December 2011

The thing is everyone has issues. But what matters is how you work through them. My H & I have had issues...but we can talk/joke/etc. it out and then we understand each other better. We LISTEN to each other and don't talk at each other. If I said, "Honey, can we talk?" He doesn't roll his eyes. Instead he wants to make sure we are ok. Because he wants to make this work as much as I do.

Your FI is shutting down, which is not healthy. Having an objective third person can tell you both what each of you are doing wrong and ways to communicate better.

MyUserName1 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:31b73450-863d-4e68-bea8-3189675bdca6">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Lol, I'm pretty sure he started watching the Mentalist JUST because the lead guy wears them all the time.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

<div>Same with Darth FI. While watching the show he talks about nothing but this week's shadow plaid.</div><div>
</div><div>He does the same with Ryan on Castle.</div><div>
</div><div>I knew he loved me when he made me a space in his closet.</div>

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:0ab237e9-d47b-4bff-9781-26dff1394e04">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Communication is so,so,SO important.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. What if you can't communicate about bills, work issues, future children, etc.? You might be great and compatible with other things but if you can't talk I don't know how this would survive.</div><div>
</div><div>AATB - I literally just LOL'd at the thought of a clown suit. If I saw FI in that I'd probably kill him. Unless he was a professional clown.....</div>

Rosie109 · December 2011

I stopped reading when OP said she compromised and settled on black jeans. That shiit aint right.

ErinG93 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:2af23a1a-f4e0-4726-8435-ecd3c451c017">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]Anna- FI doesn't like jeans. He prefers to wear dockers or dress pants all the time. I bought him a pair of jeans when we first started dating and he has maybe wore them a 8 times in 3+ years. He finds them more comfortable than jeans.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Put me in slacks and flats and I'm feeling pretty damn comfortable. This whole "dress clothes are uncomfortable" is a line of BS. Pantyhose = uncomfortable. A fitted pair of slacks = comfortable. I know the clothes is beside the point (way, WAY beside the point) but seriously, his argument is silly.

</div>

kcscejal · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:57b851cd-097e-4876-8f7d-789183f1be17">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]We're not marrying in a church so our religion/ etc. doesn't require it. I appreciate all of the feedback I'm getting, though. And no replies are offending me. Our marriage might look like a "failure" from the outside, but I'd beg to disagree. We may have to work on things like communication (obviously) but we're good for one another in many different aspects.
Posted by santana9505[/QUOTE]
Umm, communication is kind of a biggie. No way would I marry someone if we had communication issues. If you don't get that resolved you'll either break up eventually when you can't resolve a conflict or force yourself to stay in the relationship because you're sooo in love and be completely miserable. Being able to communicate is the only way to resolve any other marital issue, of which there will be many.

J&K10910 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:365ae967-cceb-445c-976b-d67a50624008">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Why would you have hated it? Have you done one before? We did one in college. I'm pretty sure that I got the same answer as this time. Not sure if I got as good of a description of what my answer meant.
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]
I'm just personally biased against them. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to sound like I'm bashing your marriage counseling. I know a lot of people really like them, and I'm glad you got something out of it! I have a bad attitude towards them, and I'm sorry I commented at all.

MattsPenguin · December 2011

I apologize, it's Myers-Briggs. I thought that I was spelling it wrong.

I think that I'm an ENTJ. Matt's either an INTJ or INFJ. I forget. I know he's an I though. Gosh is he an I.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:64e354e2-b927-467f-bc08-8d035e8bdae2">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Put me in slacks and flats and I'm feeling pretty damn comfortable. This whole "dress clothes are uncomfortable" is a line of BS. Pantyhose = uncomfortable. A fitted pair of slacks = comfortable. I know the clothes is beside the point (way, WAY beside the point) but seriously, his argument is silly.
Posted by ErinG93[/QUOTE]

I wonder what dress pants this guy could be talking about. The ones that come with fire ants in the pockets? Yeah. Those aren't very comfortable.

annakb8 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:818f2b07-2078-4d0c-8943-2d242b8e5814">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]I stopped reading when OP said she compromised and settled on black jeans. That shiit aint right.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

<div>I like black jeans!</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe not for the menfolk though.</div>

santana9505 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:818f2b07-2078-4d0c-8943-2d242b8e5814">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]I stopped reading when OP said she compromised and settled on black jeans. That shiit aint right.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

Welp..sorry but I thought the whole big picture is all about compromise. I'm trying my best, but I'm just not getting the 50/50 back from him.

And because the shiitt aint' right that's why I came here to see what everyone else would do.

So far I've gotten marriage counseling our get rid of his ass.

achiduck · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:649945d9-a3ef-4a2a-ae9e-7ea187ff7f47">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really glad H acts like a grown up
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

Me too. FI complains a little bit about having to wear his suit but he sucks it up and wears it when required.

Rosie109 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:39981e76-56c9-45ea-ab55-0b73ae71ccd2">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : I like black jeans! Maybe not for the menfolk though.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

All I can see is OP's FI rocking black jeans and a wolf t-shirt.

Not like a cute pair of skinny black jeans with flats and a cute top. nothing cute about a man in black jeans.

J&K10910 · December 2011

It's a work in progress, always, Edie...but it really is amazing the difference it makes.

annakb8 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:2af23a1a-f4e0-4726-8435-ecd3c451c017">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]Anna- FI doesn't like jeans. He prefers to wear dockers or dress pants all the time. I bought him a pair of jeans when we first started dating and he has maybe wore them a 8 times in 3+ years. He finds them more comfortable than jeans.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, I don't really find jeans that comfortable either. And my H never wore jeans at all until he graduated law school. It was only khakis before then.

</div>

Birdie1483 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:818f2b07-2078-4d0c-8943-2d242b8e5814">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]I stopped reading when OP said she compromised and settled on black jeans. That shiit aint right.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

I wuv you

MattsPenguin · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:e194fc9a-0266-495d-92f2-4fd275a28bff">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : I'm just personally biased against them. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to sound like I'm bashing your marriage counseling. I know a lot of people really like them, and I'm glad you got something out of it! I have a bad attitude towards them, and I'm sorry I commented at all.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Oh, I was just curious. You are entitled to your opinion. I didn't really think much of it when we took it in college, but seeing the results for my significant other was really enlightening. Not everything was true, but it explained some of our behavior and just made me want to not get mad at him for acting how he does.

aragx6 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:0699ef02-4760-4a44-8fa1-1e5d65d1a3fc">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Welp..sorry but I thought the whole big picture is all about compromise. I'm trying my best, but I'm just not getting the 50/50 back from him. And because the shiitt aint' right that's why I came here to see what everyone else would do. So far I've gotten marriage counseling our get rid of his ass.
Posted by santana9505[/QUOTE]

I can't quite figure out what you have against counseling. I'd guess a majority (or close to) of knotties who post here have been through it -- and not because their relationship is terribly fuucked up, but because it can help you learn to talk to one another better.

J&K10910 · December 2011

Anna, you just had Box Kitty as your avatar on my screen for a second. It makes sense, given all the ditto-ing of each other we've been doing lately.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:0699ef02-4760-4a44-8fa1-1e5d65d1a3fc">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Welp..sorry but I thought the whole big picture is all about compromise. I'm trying my best, but I'm just not getting the 50/50 back from him. And because the shiitt aint' right that's why I came here to see what everyone else would do. So far I've gotten marriage counseling our get rid of his ass.
Posted by santana9505[/QUOTE]

Her point, I think, wasn't that black jeans are inherently bad, it's that they <em>weren't a compromise</em> - you wanted him in tux pants, he wants to wear jeans, so he's wearing.... jeans. Him winning and you pretending it's okay does not a compromise make. You need counseling, stat.

santana9505 · December 2011

I'm not against counseling at all. Scared a little, maybe, yes.

J&K10910 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:23d73657-324c-4e82-abe1-05055d405b1d">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Oh, I was just curious. You are entitled to your opinion. I didn't really think much of it when we took it in college, but seeing the results for my significant other was really enlightening. Not everything was true, but it explained some of our behavior and just made me want to not get mad at him for acting how he does.
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

No, I think that's the reaction (yours) that most people have to it. I'm just weird :) I just can't figure out how to say why I don't care for it without it sounding really...judgy and kind of pretentious? Even though I don't mean it that way at all. It's totally my crap.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:2f1f42ff-0f6c-4817-a341-afe61d65cc70">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : I wonder what dress pants this guy could be talking about. The ones that come with fire ants in the pockets? Yeah. Those aren't very comfortable.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I just spit soda onto my computer when I read this. STOP SAYING THE THINGS I WANT TO SAY BETTER THAN I CAN SAY THEM!!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:0699ef02-4760-4a44-8fa1-1e5d65d1a3fc">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Welp..sorry but I thought the whole big picture is all about compromise. I'm trying my best, but<strong> I'm just not getting the 50/50 back from him.</strong> And because the shiitt aint' right that's why I came here to see what everyone else would do. So far I've gotten marriage counseling our get rid of his ass.
Posted by santana9505[/QUOTE]

<div>Another reason to seek counseling, read some books, or have a come to Jesus talk about what you two can do to make communicating easier. So no it's not just get counseling or get rid of him.</div><div>
</div><div>A friend of mine was having issues with her BF and they gave themselves a few weeks to work on things and gauge their progress. It worked. All we are saying is there is a SERIOUS issue that needs fixing. Do what you will to fix it for heaven's sake.</div>

AllAboutTheBenjamin · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:0699ef02-4760-4a44-8fa1-1e5d65d1a3fc">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Welp..sorry but I thought the whole big picture is all about compromise. I'm trying my best, but I'm just not getting the 50/50 back from him. And because the shiitt aint' right that's why I came here to see what everyone else would do. So far I've gotten marriage counseling our get rid of his ass.
Posted by santana9505[/QUOTE]

How is it 50/50 when he refuses to wear the one thing you really want him to wear (black jacket)?

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:03d00d7d-4aab-4977-ab87-681ed7096023">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is everyone has issues. But what matters is how you work through them. My H & I have had issues...but we can talk/joke/etc. it out and then we understand each other better. We LISTEN to each other and don't talk at each other. If I said, "Honey, can we talk?" He doesn't roll his eyes. Instead he wants to make sure we are ok. Because he wants to make this work as much as I do. Your FI is shutting down, which is not healthy. Having an objective third person can tell you both what each of you are doing wrong and ways to communicate better.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

This. FI and I have had issues, but he always listens to me because it's more important to him that we are okay then whether or not he has to put on something besides jeans and a t-shirt. Having a third person would be extremely helpful.

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:3d6cecc4-b520-4ed0-9194-c5a9e1394440">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Me too. FI complains a little bit about having to wear his suit but he sucks it up and wears it when required.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

Same with my mine, this thread is making me so thankful

redheadfsu · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:0699ef02-4760-4a44-8fa1-1e5d65d1a3fc">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : Welp..sorry but I thought the whole big picture is all about compromise. I'm trying my best, but I'm just not getting the 50/50 back from him. And because the shiitt aint' right that's why I came here to see what everyone else would do. So far I've gotten marriage counseling our get rid of his ass.
Posted by santana9505[/QUOTE]

Because you two can't talk and the respect sounds very very low.

That is more important than shared interest, chemistry, same goals etc.

Being able to talk out problems and respect each other enough to not have an "FUUUCK THAT" attitude is the most important thing in a marriage hands down.

santana9505 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:1d19065b-4f6d-4981-8383-6e00b7a217b5">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : How is it 50/50 when he refuses to wear the one thing you really want him to wear (black jacket)?
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

Well, it's obvious we're not 50/50. I'm like 80 he's probably 20.

MattsPenguin · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0b8c084e-59d3-49d6-89df-094a35fad14bPost:c71e2957-63a6-4aa1-aae6-7b16a35eedf0">Re: Venting about FI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting about FI : No, I think that's the reaction (yours) that most people have to it. I'm just weird :) I just can't figure out how to say why I don't care for it without it sounding really...judgy and kind of pretentious? Even though I don't mean it that way at all. It's totally my crap.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Like horoscopes? They write just enough so that you say "THAT'S ME!! WOW!" but it could apply to almost anyone?

And how it's only like 40 questions long?

Venting about FI

Re: Venting about FI

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