Poll: The first time...

AnnaW11 · February 2010

My very soon to be FI and I are waiting until marriage. We have been dating about a year and four months and are planning on getting married next May. It is definitely for religious convictions. But, I would like to throw out there that it is those same convictions that make us ok with not living together or having sex. We both know that there are going to be things that drive us crazy about each other (and already know some of those) and things that are hurful that we do to each other, but we believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment, for the great and the ugly, and that part of the beauty of marriage comes from enduring the ugly about each other. We have been through a lot with each other, and I doubt arguments over who does that dishes compare to the level of other things we have faced together.

Now, don't take this to mean that we have no chemistry. We were friends for a year and a half before we started dating, and that was what I was worried about. But after a year and four months I can say we were definitely wrong. Now, are things going to be awkward and slightly weird our wedding night, absolutely, Ihave no doubts about that. But we are both committed to what sex and marriage mean. (I don't expect any of you to hold the same beliefs, I'm just trying to explain mine so that maybe you can understand my/our viewpoint better).

That being said, I am excited about spending the rest of my life with this man, even if he leaves the toilet seat up, turns the air down too low, or annoys me when I cook. In the end, no matter what person I chose to marry, I would face difficulty and be irritated because no one is perfect and no one is going to match my preferences, instead I should be thankful for the man I've been blessed with and learn how to handle conflict with him.

I hope that explains at least my reasons for waiting and why I'm ok with them

. No harm intended!

katanne9 · February 2010

We're waiting for marriage and my FI and I both still have our V-cards

We're both religious and decided long before we met that it's what we wanted to do. After dating for 3.5 years, we're very much looking forward to getting married. We know it will be awkward and messy for a while, but that comes with the territory of wanting to share sex only with your husband. But we're also glad we didn't rush into marriage just for sex.

And also, I'm not sure how someone can't figure out if there's NO sexual chemistry without having sex. I know waiting isn't for everyone, but I'm still not how sure this is possible.

tjcarter87 · February 2010

We had known each other for a year before dating, and had sex about a hear after we started dating... but in all honesty i would have jumped his bones sooner had I not been a virgin. lol.

*sigh* I'm such a loser.

katangel1987 · February 2010

FI and I met at a dance club (scetchy), he moved to D.C. and I ignored his calles for two weeks until he came back in town because my friends thought he was scetchy but then we went on seven dates in seven days, after which he asked me officially to be his gf. I mean after the third date he was sleeping over at my house, just sleeping, and going to work with me. We were inseperable. He only left my side to go get more clothes. I knew I was going to marry him on our first date. He stuck around for another week before having to go back to D.C. But then about a month after him asking me to be his GF we were doing the naughty. It probably would have happened earlier if he didn't live in D.C. at the time.

jlmarks83 · February 2010

FI and I were together about 6 weeks-ish when we had our first time. We only waited that long so I could get back on the pill. But yeah, we had our first kiss on our first date...which was also the day we first met. Incredible. I was floating on air. Our first time was great, too. We had said our first "I love you"s a week earlier and I don't think it could have been more perfect.

fryks · February 2010

We've known each other for 8 years: highschool sweethearts. We only started having sex 2 months ago. We're not religious, just wanted to take our time and be sincere, since we'd known each other for so long! Also, we're long distance and didn't want to put that kind of strain on our relationship until we knew we could fly out to see each other every few weeks.

Every couple is different, though. I think that--when you're meant for one another--it doesn't matter when you choose to have sex. So long as you love and respect each other.

sjnsjnsjn · February 2010

Second date. Would've been the first, but I'd begun a new 'rule' about that...

sjnsjnsjn · February 2010

P.S. I totally respect the idea/morality behind waiting, but as someone who has been playing the field for a long time, the reality is, some people you can love so much in every way, but the s-x is just no good. Inexplicable, but true. And good s-x is really crucial, at least to me. That's just my utterly unsolicited and likely unwanted two-cents.

katanne9 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:be90d596-9f81-4a67-86e4-9b8f850a270c">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]P.S. I totally respect the idea/morality behind waiting, but as someone who has been playing the field for a long time, the reality is, some people you can love so much in every way, but the s-x is just no good. Inexplicable, but true. And good s-x is really crucial, at least to me. That's just my utterly unsolicited and likely unwanted two-cents.
Posted by sjnsjnsjn[/QUOTE]

But for those who are waiting to have sex, you wouldn't think it was bad if you had nothing to compare it to. Isn't the benefit of monogamy learning how to please someone, if not right away, over time?

AstrumAngelus · February 2010

4 months; it was great... we were together every single day since our first day..so it was a million dates later! either way..it was great and I love him so much! I can't wait to marry him in two months!

vitamint · February 2010

I too totally admire the Stack family! "MIL would tell us every.single.day that she hoped neither of us died before the wedding day because we would most certainly not be forgiven for our sins." This made me laugh out loud in a shocked Catholic guilt type of way...- I am in awe of your strength! Best wishes to everyone: may you be happy, healthy and loved!

amlaplante · February 2010

He wanted to be respectful and wait. I wanted to do it. Finally after about 2 months of having the "are you sure you want to do this?" conversation I said, "let's just do it already!" So we did and it was nice

NJMom050911 · February 2010

The first time we dated for like 2 weeks in high school and than a bit later broke up and didn't see each other for 10 years....the day we met up again it happened that night and we have not slept apart since.

falling4hale · February 2010

we still weren't "technically" dating. and it was outside, up against the wall of my house. it's quite possbily the craziest and most spontanious thing I've ever done. =]

cukimerrydoll · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:6e3d13c3-e477-46fb-9d36-56cd5796bc65">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]We technically slept together before our first date.

Yeah, I outwhore all of you.

(But, in my defense, we had known each other for 8 years, he asked me out on a date while we were at a party one night, I just decided to take him home with me that night and test out the goods. We went on our first official date about a week later)
Posted by lpstl[/QUOTE]

Not sure about that. We started officially dating 2 months after we had sex... and we had been fooling around before that too. But we'd also known eachother for a long time.

MrsHaH101010 · February 2010

We had known each other for about 6 months before anything started to happen. In fact, at the time we worked together so when we did have sex I thought it was just a fling and my fiance thought it was more than than. Oops! I guess it all worked out in the end!

tommyandy · February 2010

HeatherM10, Ain't it great to re-find the right one at the right time?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:49ea0dd4-267c-4f58-b4a7-7400a50024c6">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : But for those who are waiting to have sex, you wouldn't think it was bad if you had nothing to compare it to. Isn't the benefit of monogamy learning how to please someone, if not right away, over time?
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

I brought this up with a friend once, who was a virgin when she married, and she told me, "No. At that point I had never had great sex and I was 17, but I could still tell it was bad."

ashleypastori · February 2010

Our first time we "tried" was about 2 1/2 months after we started dating. We knew it would happen because it was our first overnight trip together. We stayed at a very nice hotel with a great view and had a very nice dinner, then went dancing. About 1-2 minutes into it, he became violently ill. Fortunately, we later found out that he had a kidney stone - it wasn't me making him sick!!! It eventually happened a few weeks later. We can laugh about it now but we were pretty worried about him at the time.

smwiggle · February 2010

If I had my way, we would have sex by our second date, but FI had to be a gentleman and waited until out 4th date. And it took forever to get to our 4th date, it took us almost 3 months to get to our 4th date. And we had our first kiss and first sex.

tommyandy · February 2010

Can you imagine living with someone who puts the TP on wrong or not at all? Or someone who leaves wet towels on the floor every single time they shower? Or drinks from the jug? Or leaves a dirty plate in the living room overnight? Or puts off paying the bills until the power gets cut off? It usually takes about 6 to 9 months of living together for the best behavior to stop & for you to see how they really live. I feel it is better to find out if you live together well before getting married. Otherwise you are stuck with someone who does the one little thing that makes you want to pull your hair out & they do it twice a day every single day. As I've gotten older, I have found that any housework (except for dishes) that I personally did not have to do has been done just right.

kikicurlytop · February 2010

My FI was my first, it wasn't like I was waiting for "the one" or something, he was just also my first bf, even though I was 19, because through high school I was so focused on school that I didn't think twice about a relationship. It was about a month and a half into the relationship, and like someone before said, I knew it was right because I had no fears. He was actually the scared one, he had never done it with a virgin before and he was afraid he was gonna kill me or something, LOL!

MrsP2B12 · February 2010

Our first time was 1 year and 3 months into our relationship. and yes, It was the first time for both of us..
We were relatively young (we started dating when I was 15 and he was 17) so waiting a year wasn't that big of a deal. Not saying that there wasn't anything else happening in that particular area of our lives.. but we wanted to make sure that the physical part of our relationship developed at the same speed (or slower) than the emotional part. We were both nervous our first time... But it was great! And it has been ever since and keeps getting better.

I had originally planned on waiting until I was married, but then I met my fiance lol. As soon as I knew he was "the one", and that I could be with him for the rest of my life, I was ready.
He said that he would have been ready by about the 6 month mark but he always told me that I held the reins when it came to that particular part of our relationship.

We've been together for over 4 years now and we've never had any regrets about waiting so long or not waiting until we were married.

kbreen7170 · February 2010

we're super traditional, maybe even a little conservative, and waiting 'til we get hitched. I can't tell you how long 466 days feels. We've fooled around a little before, too, so it makes it harder to wait. We think it's worth it, though. I also kinda like the looks people give me when I answer this question this way, haha.

deb84 · February 2010

We went to high school together and started dating years after we both graduated. It happened on our fourth date (about two weeks after our first date). It was his birthday.

sulve · February 2010

About four weeks into "dating," though we had been friends for two years before and always secretly wanted to do it. It was after a Halloween party - off with the costumes and into the sack!

[Deleted User] · February 2010

We are waiting for both personal & religious reasons. I have no doubts about compatibility or chemistry given how long we've been together & the experiences we have shared. (212 days to go, haha.) I also believe it is a choice that is not meant or works for everyone and don't condemn anyone for their decision to wait or not.

simplebride_24 · February 2010

We had dated about 3 months before we had our first time, but we decided that it was time. As well as I was leaving for 2 months the next day for Europe. We continued our relationship through everything. Over the next 2 years I traveled because it was something that I wanted to do after high school. My FI was perfectly fine waiting for me to have fun over seas without him. While he was here making money, and when I returned we moved in together and on the 23rd we celebrated our 8 year anniversary!

ungraceful13 · February 2010

We had sex the first day we were boyfriend/girlfriend. We had dated each other and others for 4 months before that. We have been together almost 4 years so I'd say it has worked out so far. lol

mg321 · February 2010

We're both virgins and waiting! One of the most difficult things EVER, in my opinion... But I'm glad to know we're not the only ones, because sometimes it feels that way. Seventeen days to go! Hope it lives up to the hype...just kidding, I have no doubts it will be one of the most incredible (and probably awkward, at first) experiences ever!

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