POLL: How long did you wait....

mana8503 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:eae338fd-061e-4823-bd90-f191b9a4acb3">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : Agreed, my honey is so cute its impossible. But I have said that we're cutting it off 3 months before the wedding when that happens.
Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]

Yea, I mentioned his and got the saddest puppy face from him. Honestly, tears came to his eyes! And I only said a MONTH!

CASK85 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:2dde2c1b-4547-481d-be4a-0b0f02a52bc0">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : Yea, I mentioned his and got the saddest puppy face from him. Honestly, tears came to his eyes! And I only said a MONTH!
Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]
I don't understand the logic behind this - anyone wanna try to explain it to me? Won't it just make it so neither of you last long on your wedding night?<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" /> If you're already doin' it regularly. . . why stop?

Elle1036 · December 2010

I'm am so loving this thread.

Anyway, I voted "other" because technically BF and I were sleeping together before we were a couple.

I'd like to add, though, that both of us had each been with only one person prior, and had been in relationships with those people for a quite a while. We aren't sluts; we just had a lot of physical chemistry in the early stages of our relationship. I'm actually glad that we just gave into it, so I was able to expend my mental energy building an emotional connection with him, rather than focusing on keeping my pants on.

Elle1036 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:c2a83891-1b29-47af-9110-9049e35c8174">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]I voted over 6 months, because that's what happened although ideally I had really wanted to wait until marriage. Which is exactly why I need to limit the amount I drink with BF. Sooo that's how I voted but maybe I'm an "other" because we agreed to abstain from now on (I know, I know I'm a terrible GF).
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Bren, what you guys did hardly counts. From my perspective, you're still in the "waiting til marriage" camp.

CFar13 · December 2010

Our story is kind of complicated but, we met and kinda crushed but didn't really start talking til a couple weeks after we met. We talked about a month before dating. We dated a month before sleeping together. We dated 5 months before becoming "official."

CASK85 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:a37cc984-9fe3-4f71-ad9b-bb7b3e30ffda">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm am so loving this thread. Anyway, I voted "other" because technically BF and I were sleeping together before we were a couple. I'd like to add, though, that both of us had each been with only one person prior, and had been in relationships with those people for a quite a while. We aren't sluts; we just had a lot of physical chemistry in the early stages of our relationship. I'm actually glad that we just gave into it, so I was able to expend my mental energy building an emotional connection with him, rather than focusing on keeping my pants on.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
Finally found something we differ on LOL

Elle1036 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:aa2a66dd-ea50-4e73-8a5f-7ec1c83f14f7">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : Finally found something we differ on LOL
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

I can't decide if I'm relieved or bummed.

heyimbren · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:f0b78c79-17f4-474f-bef5-76cb309f1190">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : Bren, what you guys did hardly counts. From my perspective, you're still in the "waiting til marriage" camp.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Haha yeah, seeing as I don't really recall a whole lot I think I'd like to settle in that camp too.

Chiano, I'm not really sure I get that either. I guess I kind of can with the added excitement from waiting, but I'm not sure. I'd be interested in hearing people's reasons! :)

mana8503 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:da24e24e-2768-4618-914b-972c723c1270">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : I don't understand the logic behind this - anyone wanna try to explain it to me? Won't it just make it so neither of you last long on your wedding night? If you're already doin' it regularly. . . why stop?
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

This how I put it to the BF. I asked him, when was our top 3 hottest/best bow chica wow wow in his opinion? Seriously all 3 were after a long time without (I got sick for a month, he went to NC for 2 weeks, we were on a break due to issues...).

calindi · December 2010

Bren, look at it this way - you barely remember the uncomfortable part of losing your virginity. When you guys get married, you'll likely be able to enjoy sex right away without the discomfort. I consider that a win - especially if you end up with BF, then he'll still be the only guy you've ever been with! No harm, no foul, right?

Best laid plans of mice and men... and all that jazz... I'm sure it's not the way you would have planned it, but there are positives to the situation at least!

heyimbren · December 2010

Cate, that's exactly what I figure. The worst is over, all I have is the good stuff to look forward to now

I feel more like a hypocrite than anything, but what's done is done. I won't live in the past.

Desert, I feel like the NEY board didn't back up your theory very well haha.

Narwhal · December 2010

We waited 7 months. Intended to wait longer but one day we were just like "screw it!" (pun not intended.) I don't think that everyone shouldn't wait until their married, but I know that it really helped our relationship and our communication.

CASK85 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:241f61b6-4d6f-46e1-aebf-3e5d28b383ed">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]Cate, that's exactly what I figure. The worst is over, all I have is the good stuff to look forward to now ;) I feel more like a hypocrite than anything, but what's done is done. I won't live in the past. Desert, I feel like the NEY board didn't back up your theory very well haha.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
I don't think you're a hypocrite as long as you're not running around preaching and judging other people. Which you're not. :)

calindi · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:241f61b6-4d6f-46e1-aebf-3e5d28b383ed">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]Cate, that's exactly what I figure. The worst is over, all I have is the good stuff to look forward to now ;) I feel more like a hypocrite than anything, but what's done is done. I won't live in the past. Desert, I feel like the NEY board didn't back up your theory very well haha.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't worry about the hypocrite part. It's not like you're sleeping with him and telling everyone else they're going to hell for pre-marital sex... like my college boyfriend's roommate did. He was a charmer... and a hypocrite.

You made a mistake, it happens to the best of us. What's admirable, as previous posters mentioned, is that you felt so strongly about it that you didn't just let things unravel. You made a point to re-establish your vow of chastity, and I also admire your boyfriend for doing the same. It isn't easy, and it shows just how committed you are to that idea.

Elle1036 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:241f61b6-4d6f-46e1-aebf-3e5d28b383ed">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]Cate, that's exactly what I figure. The worst is over, all I have is the good stuff to look forward to now ;) I feel more like a hypocrite than anything, but what's done is done. I won't live in the past. Desert, I feel like the NEY board didn't back up your theory very well haha.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but we're weird here. For all we know, what works for us is probably the exact wrong thing for the rest of the population.

motoLyn · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:3ec19ea4-b37e-400b-a091-bf5963bf0e53">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : Yeah, but we're weird here. For all we know, what works for us is probably the exact wrong thing for the rest of the population.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

We are weirdos, how else would we put up with one another. Well I'm an oddball but I can group that in with being special, you know the air quotes kind of special. I think a PP already said it, its more than how long you wait to sleep together, it also has other variables that come into play. Mental and emotional levels and if he or she is ready for long term. Just cause a person wants long term doesn't mean they're ready for it. I dated a guy once for 6 months before sleeping with him and he and I dated for 4 years. I dated a guy that I slept with after dating a couple of weeks and we were together for over 3 years. It all hinges on so many factors.

leia1979 · December 2010

Sorry I'm late to the party. Meetings.

Anyway, FI and I had been "officially" together a little over a month. It was almost two months from our first real date, and we'd known each other/been talking for a month plus before our first date.

On the other hand, I've also had six-month relationships that didn't go past second base. For the four relationships I've had that did go all the way, it was usually around 1-2 months.

AudgiePodge · December 2010

When I came back from living in Alaska to live back in Vegas last November, FI and I were just going to be roommates. He picked me up from the airport, I put my things in my new room and we went at it. We decided to have a relationship a couple of days later. Short version: before we were 'together' I am a slut.

sessionswedding · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:293193d1-751b-474e-9f80-15c7f13ec5e6">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally clicked my answer and now I feel like a slut, lol. In my defense, regular sex didn't occur until the 2 month mark. I honestly dont know how people can wait till marriage, with the attraction and all. I know its the christian thing, and you don't have to worry about being knocked up but it just seems to me marrying without ever having sex is like buying bread without giving it a squeeze to see if its stale. Not to knock anyones beliefs though, total props to you guys who can make it, I just know its something I would need to know before thinking about marrying someone.
Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]
I hear that a lot, and my response is this: if you were with someone who you loved enough to marry - they were hands down the best person IN THE WORLD you could have ever asked for in a BF/FI/H - then you have sex, and it's not that spectacular, are you going to dump them like a stale loaf of bread? Is whether or not he can make you O a bigger determining factor than whether or not he treats you nicely, genuinely loves you, finds you attractive, has compatible beliefs/likes/wants, etc.? Just the other side of the story. ;-)

Elle1036 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:1de26ddf-e860-495f-9a29-a58c21fa6f76">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : I hear that a lot, and my response is this: if you were with someone who you loved enough to marry - they were hands down the best person IN THE WORLD you could have ever asked for in a BF/FI/H - then you have sex, and it's not that spectacular, are you going to dump them like a stale loaf of bread? Is whether or not he can make you O a bigger determining factor than whether or not he treats you nicely, genuinely loves you, finds you attractive, has compatible beliefs/likes/wants, etc.? Just the other side of the story. ;-)
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

This is a good point. There's a lot more to a relationship than sex, and a less-than-perfect sexual connection shouldn't justify leaving an otherwise great relationship. But that may just be me.

My main argument for having sex before marriage, which I kinda mentioned in my post, is that the prospect of sex is a much bigger deal than the actual act in my opinion. Sometimes, the waiting, wondering, and overcoming frustration can distract you from building an intellectual connection.

Again, though, that may just be me.

LADY324 · December 2010

We only waited about 6 weeks and now we are getting married so it worked out for me

calindi · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:1de26ddf-e860-495f-9a29-a58c21fa6f76">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: How long did you wait.... : I hear that a lot, and my response is this: if you were with someone who you loved enough to marry - they were hands down the best person IN THE WORLD you could have ever asked for in a BF/FI/H - then you have sex, and it's not that spectacular, are you going to dump them like a stale loaf of bread? Is whether or not he can make you O a bigger determining factor than whether or not he treats you nicely, genuinely loves you, finds you attractive, has compatible beliefs/likes/wants, etc.? Just the other side of the story. ;-)
Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

Honestly? I'd break up with someone because the sex wasn't good. To me, it's a deal breaker. We all have our deal breakers and the things we don't mind compromising on.

I've dated guys who are really sweet, wonderful guys. We totally clicked, there was chemistry and attraction when we kissed/hooked up, we enjoyed spending time together. But once we had sex, it just wasn't working. Nope, no sexual compatibility. I'm not talking about an average romp - we all have those, especially after being together several years. I can't explain it better than to say that it simply doesn't work with some people - poorly fitting puzzle pieces maybe? So for me, that's too big of a gamble to wait until after we're married to find out.

That said, if I had made the decision to wait until I was already married, and the sex was less than stellar, I would make the effort to find ways to make it work since I had made that commitment. That's not to say you can totally compensate for a lack of compatibility, but like you said, if you love someone so much that you're willing to work and overlook certain aspects if they turn out to not be stellar, then that's great. And I'm a big fan of self-help in the form of toys, so there's always that to supplement a situation.

ravenray · December 2010

Bleh. I am late too, school sorry.

BF and I are waiting for marriage. But let me explain a little more. I have a big sex drive... its huge. So we pretty much went as far as you can go without having "Sex." Then we stopped. Completely. Nothing. All we do now is kiss and snuggle. It sucks in some ways but in other ways it has made our relationship so much better. We don't fight as much and can just enjoy spending time together rather than wanting to be alone to get it off... Even thought I really miss sexy time, I love how our relationship is now and wouldn't go back to how we were for the world. For us it was right. And going back I wouldn't have started myself up. It was and is completely right and I get more out of my relationship with him now than I did before.

sparkles88 · December 2010

I clicked other. BF and I dated for 1.5 months, but we had some bad communication skills. We both wanted to do it, but I have my own rule that I wouldn't unless we were actually a couple. He made a move on me early on, but it was before we were official so I turned him down. He expected me to tell him when I was ready, which I tried, but he didn't pick up on. Needless to say, we broke up shortly after due to frustration, but remained close friends.

Three months later we decided to get back together, and the deed was done in like 6 days. It would have been even sooner if we both wouldn't have been busy with finals in our summer classes!

desertsun · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_poll-long-did-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:58b21805-b498-4b84-aa5d-434b0822c1c8Post:241f61b6-4d6f-46e1-aebf-3e5d28b383ed">Re: POLL: How long did you wait....</a>:
[QUOTE]Cate, that's exactly what I figure. The worst is over, all I have is the good stuff to look forward to now ;) I feel more like a hypocrite than anything, but what's done is done. I won't live in the past. Desert, I feel like the NEY board didn't back up your theory very well haha.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Well, you know, it looks like the majority of people waited more than a month, so actually, I think there is some support for my theory. :)

But I also think that longer term relationship success has to do with being emotionally mature and having a strong, positive sense of self worth.

Sleeping with a guy early may be a symptom of underlying issues that are the REAL reason some women don't have the serious relationships they want.

loves2shop4shoes · December 2010

hmmm... FI and I had sex before our first date. We were friends for a while and we'd started hooking up. I originally intended him to be a booty call...just FYI, I'm KUI! First exam over...BOOYA!

Ana_2985 · December 2010

I definitely agree that low self-esteem could lead someone to sleep with other people too quickly. But I don't think people who don't wait long necessarily have low self-esteem.

I also don't think that having sex early in the relationship prevents it from being a long term successful relationship. It probably just seems that way because the percentage of people waiting to have sex that also want a serious relationship is likely higher than the percentage of people who would have sex right away and also want a serious relationship.

Not sure if that makes any sense.

sapphirebaby926 · December 2010

We didn't even wait until we were dating - we started officially dating a month after we first slept together.

In general I don't think that works for most people though. We talked after that and decided that if we wanted to have a relationship then we needed to really get to know each other outside of sex. It helped that we lived long distance at first so it was easy for us to talk and get to know one another without having sex all the time.

GreenPepperBurger · December 2010

I made BF wait an entire year. We were 16 when we started dating, and it was important to me to lose my virginity to someone I trusted and was serious with.

stemms8810 · December 2010

We waited just shy of two months. I was so happy we waited a little while because the guy I dated before him we did it way too soon and I so truly believe that is part of the reason it didn't work out for us. I really liked my BF and thought it would be better if we waited and I think it worked to our benefit. I am not saying it doesn't work out for those who do it really soon but for us it worked better.

POLL: How long did you wait....

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