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Pre-wedding Parties
strawberriquen
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Can't Afford Friend's Bachelorette Party, she is mad!
In early March I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding that is in August. She was in my wedding that actually took place this past month. She currently lives in Washington DC, but will be having her wedding in Boston, where I and her other bridesmaids live. She traveled to my wedding this past month.
Last month, she asked me if I could afford to attend a bachelorette party in Las Vegas. I looked up ticket prices and found they were around $450-500 range, and between drinks and meals for the whole weekend, it would be over $800 for the weekend, and I just knew that wasn't doable. I let her know right away that I couldn't afford it.
After my wedding, my new husband and I went to Galveston for a few days to get away because my sister works for a hotel chain and got us a terrific rate, plus my husband travels often, and we got cheap tickets through using his Airline miles. Also, my parents are graciously paying for us to go to Maui this summer as an incredible wedding present, and we are super grateful.
Two days ago, my friend texts me and says, "Wow, that's nice you can go to on two trips when money is so tight." I was very upset because she knows nothing of my finances. My husband and I have a mortgage, car payment, utilities, etc. every month. Before all this happened she and I were planning a trip in which I was going going to visit her in DC for a weekend and party. I've been saving up for this trip for three months now, putting away some money each paycheck, but now I feel this is not going to be good enough for her. Should I suck it up and put a trip to Vegas on the credit card or stand my ground? Thanks!
Last month, she asked me if I could afford to attend a bachelorette party in Las Vegas. I looked up ticket prices and found they were around $450-500 range, and between drinks and meals for the whole weekend, it would be over $800 for the weekend, and I just knew that wasn't doable. I let her know right away that I couldn't afford it.
After my wedding, my new husband and I went to Galveston for a few days to get away because my sister works for a hotel chain and got us a terrific rate, plus my husband travels often, and we got cheap tickets through using his Airline miles. Also, my parents are graciously paying for us to go to Maui this summer as an incredible wedding present, and we are super grateful.
Two days ago, my friend texts me and says, "Wow, that's nice you can go to on two trips when money is so tight." I was very upset because she knows nothing of my finances. My husband and I have a mortgage, car payment, utilities, etc. every month. Before all this happened she and I were planning a trip in which I was going going to visit her in DC for a weekend and party. I've been saving up for this trip for three months now, putting away some money each paycheck, but now I feel this is not going to be good enough for her. Should I suck it up and put a trip to Vegas on the credit card or stand my ground? Thanks!
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Re: Can't Afford Friend's Bachelorette Party, she is mad!
The bride shouldn't be planning her own bp.Whoever is planning it, should have made sure it was affordable for everyone.
You don't need to justify your trips to us, or to her. That said, if this friendship is something you want to save, you may want to consider biting the bullet and explaining the situation.
But you shouldn't have to. What you do with your money is your business, and she needs to understand that just because people may be willing to spend money on themselves doesn't mean they need to be willing to spend that same money on others.
Why don't you talk to her about doing a BP closer to home and having it be just as fun? (or as close to fun as Vegas could be, LOL.) I'm sure she would appriciate someone else planning her party than to expect Vegas.
And just to reiterate what everyone else said before me, she is totally out of line on giving you a hard time for not flying to Vegas to drop something like a mortgage payment on her self-planned party. You do not owe her any explaination for the trips you are already going on, or anything regarding your finances.
If I had that kind of extra money for a trip, it certainly would NOT be for someone else's party.
My comeback would be to ask her if she would like you to cancel your two previously booked trips so you can accomodate her. If she has even one thread of integrity, she knows that yes would be the wrong answer.
For the sake of salvaging the friendship I'd say something to her about it. Just what you did to us- you don't need to go into gory detail about how much money you have or spend a month/year.
FI was going to do his bachelor party in Vegas and got really hurt when a lot of guys couldn't make it. We had the same conversations "well so-in-so can't make it but I know they just bought X" or "I know he took off work for Y." I had to gently remind FI that $800 for a weekend may not be doable and we don't know everyone's finances. It's a big financial commitment- that someone would jump at and others would definitely stay away from. After some coaxing FI changed his bachelor party location and soooo many more guys can go now. He was hurt personally by people not agreeing to go, I just had to remind him that it's not personal- strictly financial. He understood what I was saying and is really happy now that he's changed his location. They'll still have fun, there will be more people there and it will be much cheaper.
She may have just seen that you went on your trip and "spoke" too soon. She probably (hopefully!) realizes she should have kept her mouth shut. If you want to work on the friendship, just approach her nicely about it. A lot of times women will say things without thinking just based on how they feel at the time. I'd give her another chance (and see how she reacts!).
You definitely should not put this trip on your credit card. There is no friend or family member that is worth going into debt for, particularly for a stupid party that she's having a major attitude about.
If you'd like to resolve the situation without hurting the friendship (although with that type of person, I'm not sure that I would), I would let her know that you saved for a short HM and that you are being gifted the trip to Hawaii, so she shouldn't make assumptions about your financial situation and that if you could afford it, you really would have liked to go.