Wedding Etiquette Forum

Very good friend and a Not nice girl! Sorry..Vent!

Okay so here is the story....

One of my best friends, we will name him Corey, has been dating a girl for about 2 years. She is absolutly awful! She lives with him, and he has a 2 other roomates(1 being his brother\the other being his best friend since pre school). They both DISPISE her!!!She is so mean to Corey.  His whole family doesn't like her..He has been told multiple times that she is not right for him, and if he doesn't get out now he is doomed. She was talking about "their wedding" the other day, and I just rolled my eyes. She began to say that Corey's best friend(his roomate) would not be invited to "her" wedding, that he is an A-Hole, and she won't have it. I was completely shocked.

I get along with everyone. But, I literally cannot stand her. She is from Boston, and when we were out to dinner last week (corey, me, the witch, and corey's sister) she told all of us that "we talk too weird" and we have "philly trashy accents" but she said she could tell especially with me...Gee thanks!

Anyways, my wedding is coming up in August. Corey has already said he is putting off buying a house in August because he doesn't want her to move in with him. And the only reason he is with her is because "he can't throw her out on the streets" because she literally has NO friends (hmmm i wonder why?) I already decided that I am not inviting her to my shower, even though I am inviting Corey's mom and sister (they are invited to the wedding also). But, now i am debating whether or not I even want her at the wedding. I don't want her to ruin my day with some stupid comment, or make Corey miserable or leave early. I spoke with Corey's sister and she said just to invite her to "keep the peace". How awful is that? I have to invite a girl to my wedding just so she doesn't "verbally abuse" my friend. I want to say NO because I don't want her in my wedding pictures, and plus they obviously aren't going to be together long term so what should i do??
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Re: Very good friend and a Not nice girl! Sorry..Vent!

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No, you do not have to invite a girl just so she doesn't verbally abuse your friend...BUT...yes, you do have to invite the girl because she is your friends girlfriend.  Whether you love her or hate her they are a social unit and they must be invited together.

  • Wow.  Judge much?   You don't sound much better than this girl.  Though I bet she didn't come to some internet message board to complain to complete strangers about YOU.
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  • Does Corey consider her his girlfriend?  If so, she needs to be invited.

    I know it sucks, but honestly, this is Corey's problem, not yours.  It sounds like he needs to grow a pair and shake this woman off, but if he doesn't, and he chooses to still be in a relationship with her, then they are a social unit and must be invited together.

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  • If Corey is in a relationship with her at the time your wedding invites go out, then you have to invite her.

    If Corey is single at the time your invites go out, then you can invite him with a +1 and he can bring whoever or you can just invite him by himself.

    You don't have to invite her to your shower.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:04cc0549-8476-42c1-ad52-8a44ee36e990">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does Corey consider her his girlfriend?  If so, she needs to be invited. I know it sucks, but honestly, this is Corey's problem, not yours.  It sounds like he needs to grow a pair and shake this woman off, but if he doesn't, and he chooses to still be in a relationship with her, then they are a social unit and must be invited together.
    Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly this.  If he considers himself in a relationship, he needs to be invited with her.</div>
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  • agreed with PP.

    maybe they'll break up before the wedding. Maybe they'll even break up before invites go out. who knows. but if they're together whe invites go out, you need to invite her.

    (although I'm from Philly too and she's a total douche for saying 'philly trash')
  • agreed - she must be invited ... and I have a girl I can't stand that I have to invite b/c she is the gf of one of FI's best friends so I know how you feel. Hopefully they will break up before then?
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  • Did she turn you into a newt?

  • Agreed...you have to invite her.  Like her or not, she is Corey's girlfriend.

    Not inviting her to the wedding will strain your relationship with HIM alot more than you may think.  You're making him pick between his friend and his live-in girlfriend.  That's not a good place to put your friend.   Plus, he very well may end up marrying her.  Until he actually breaks up with her, you have to assume she will be around for a long time. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:806aeb09-7173-43a4-84e2-7eb06942660e">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did she turn you into a newt?
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    <div>CQTM.  You so silly :)</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:c403ff6a-2b6b-4491-885f-19e90cd91750">Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so here is the story.... One of my best friends, we will name him Corey, has been dating a girl for about 2 years. She is absolutly awful! She lives with him, and he has a 2 other roomates(1 being his brother\the other being his best friend since pre school). They both DISPISE her!!!She is so mean to Corey.  His whole family doesn't like her..He has been told multiple times that she is not right for him, and if he doesn't get out now he is doomed. She was talking about "their wedding" the other day, and I just rolled my eyes. She began to say that Corey's best friend(his roomate) would not be invited to "her" wedding, that he is an A-Hole, and she won't have it. I was completely shocked. I get along with everyone. But, I literally cannot stand her. She is from Boston, and when we were out to dinner last week (corey, me, the witch, and corey's sister) she told all of us that "we talk too weird" and we have "philly trashy accents" but she said she could tell especially with me...Gee thanks! Anyways, my wedding is coming up in August. Corey has already said he is putting off buying a house in August because he doesn't want her to move in with him. And the only reason he is with her is because "he can't throw her out on the streets" because she literally has NO friends (hmmm i wonder why?) I already decided that I am not inviting her to my shower, even though I am inviting Corey's mom and sister (they are invited to the wedding also). But, now i am debating whether or not I even want her at the wedding. <u>I don't want her to ruin <strong>my day</strong></u> with some stupid comment, or make Corey miserable or leave early. I spoke with Corey's sister and she said just to invite her to "keep the peace". How awful is that? I have to invite a girl to my wedding just so she doesn't "verbally abuse" my friend. I want to say NO because <u>I don't want her in <strong>my</strong> wedding pictures</u>, and plus they obviously aren't going to be together long term so what should i do??
    Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]
    Are you marrying anyone or just yourself? "MY DAY" makes me eye roll. Sorry. <div>
    </div><div>However, I assume we'll be getting one of these:<div>
    </div><div><img id="il_fi" style="padding-right:8px;padding-top:8px;padding-bottom:8px;" src="http://gifs.gifbin.com/122010/1291371993_cartman-whateva-i-do-what-i-want.gif" alt="" width="380" height="287" /></div></div>
  • The picture's not showing, LDY, but I assume it's an "It's my special effin day!" image.  At least I hope it is...
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  • Ummm, if they've been together for two years, then they are kind of in it for the long haul. 
  • bellefille42bellefille42 member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:379d3433-f71e-454c-9a78-830b9e68a957">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  Judge much?   You don't sound much better than this girl.  Though I bet she didn't come to some internet message board to complain to complete strangers about YOU.
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    This is one of the reasons we come to the knot, Avion, to be able to say these things that we can't say to people we know. Sounds like you have a little judgement issue yourself.
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  • Thanks guys! I get what you are saying...I am just going to send his invite out with a plus 1 and hope he isn't with her lol!

    He does consider her his girlfriend but he has said many times that he knows how awful she is, he knows he needs to break up with her, he just feels so guilty. He is such a sweet guy, and has so much going for him. He doesnt know it! This girl is so mean to him, sometimes i want to be like "do you know how gorgeous your man is that in our area he is like a 10+++++ and he could get any girl!!"

    Thanks guys!

    Avion22- I am judgemental when it comes to my friends girlfriend that say awful things to people...that is about it. I have been out with this girl about 10 times and each time she has gotten worse. It takes alot to rile me up and she has done it. Even his mother hates her, and his mother doesn't hate anyone. And no, she probably isn't complaining to people online\her friends because she doesnt have any!!! Also, i thought this is what this is for? to get other people's opinions... 
  • The influx of "vents" these days is exhausting.

    OP, this is Corey's girlfriend, so they need to be invited together at the wedding, regardless of your distaste. My advice, since it sounds like Corey isn't a fan of her either, is that he man up and dump the chick if he doesn't like her.

    Problem solved.

    Until then, you're stuck with her.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:2246ca84-f929-4217-87f9-2c58ab5e9ab4">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks guys! I get what you are saying...I am just going to send his invite out with a plus 1 and hope he isn't with her lol! He does consider her his girlfriend but he has said many times that he knows how awful she is, he knows he needs to break up with her, he just feels so guilty. He is such a sweet guy, and has so much going for him. He doesnt know it! This girl is so mean to him, sometimes i want to be like "do<strong> you know how gorgeous your man is that in our area he is like a 10+++++ and he could get any girl</strong>!!" Thanks guys! Avion22- I am judgemental when it comes to my friends girlfriend that say awful things to people...that is about it. I have been out with this girl about 10 times and each time she has gotten worse. It takes alot to rile me up and she has done it. Even his mother hates her, and his mother doesn't hate anyone. And no, she probably isn't complaining to people online\her friends because she doesnt have any!!! Also, i thought this is what this is for? to get other people's opinions... 
    Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]

    So, Philly has trashy guys?! You just lambasted this chick for judging your accent, but now you're judging your own city's selection of males?
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  • This is one of those situation where I'd be more mad at/judgy of your friend who continues to allow this toxic person in his own life and the lives of his friends. That being said, it's entirely his choice who he dates, and if he considers her his girlfriend, then you're SOL and need to invite her. No one's making him date her, there isn't a gun to his head. If he hasn't broken up with her already, it may be unlikely that he does before your wedding. That's unfortunate. But he's choosing to be with this girl, who knows, maybe he gets something out of it that none of the rest of his friend know about or gets off on humiliation and verbal abuse?
    image
  • I totally know what you mean, one of my FI's groomsmen has an awful person of a girlfriend. She yells at him and belittles him in public and it is so embarrassing. I am however inviting her and am probably going to have her sit at the head table with us as well. I don't like the idea of spiltting up couples no matter how truly evil I think she is.

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  • Yes you need to invite her, and you need to invite her by name, not just Corey and guest.
    Anniversary
  • I am marrying my fiance', my best friend. And no i'm not one of those "this is my day" wahh type of girls. I just think i put "my wedding" as apposed to "her wedding" that is all.
    You are right, i should invite her, and i most likely will. Corey has a special place in his heart for her, and as much as she treats him like crap he will always because this is his first "real girlfriend". He will not be with her long term, i know that. He has said it multiple times. I guess he is just too worried about the backlash that will happen once he pulls the plug? i dont know..

    I will put him as +1 until i have to make the final decision..if he is still with her she will come if not, he will go stag. And one of his "highschool hookups" is one of my bridesmaids and she is hoping he is single! ha ha
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:c403ff6a-2b6b-4491-885f-19e90cd91750">Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so here is the story.... One of my best friends, we will name him Corey, has been dating a girl for about 2 years. She is absolutly awful! She lives with him, and he has a 2 other roomates(1 being his brother\the other being his best friend since pre school). They both DISPISE her!!!She is so mean to Corey.  His whole family doesn't like her..He has been told multiple times that she is not right for him, and if he doesn't get out now he is doomed. She was talking about "their wedding" the other day, and I just rolled my eyes. She began to say that Corey's best friend(his roomate) <strong>would not be invited to "her" wedding,</strong> that he is an A-Hole, and she won't have it. I was completely shocked. I get along with everyone. But, I literally cannot stand her. She is from Boston, and when we were out to dinner last week (corey, me, the witch, and corey's sister) she told all of us that "we talk too weird" and we have "philly trashy accents" but she said she could tell especially with me...Gee thanks! <strong>Anyways, my wedding is coming up in August.</strong> Corey has already said he is putting off buying a house in August because he doesn't want her to move in with him. And the only reason he is with her is because "he can't throw her out on the streets" because she literally has NO friends (hmmm i wonder why?) I already decided that I am not inviting her to my shower, even though I am inviting Corey's mom and sister (they are invited to the wedding also). But, now i am debating whether or not I even want her at the wedding. I don't want her to ruin my day with some stupid comment, or make Corey miserable or leave early. I spoke with Corey's sister and she said just to invite her to "keep the peace". How awful is that? I have to invite a girl to my wedding just so she doesn't "verbally abuse" my friend. I want to say NO because I don't want her in my wedding pictures, and plus they obviously aren't going to be together long term so what should i do??
    Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]

    If you invite him, you need to invite her if they're still together.

    And as for the bolded... I'm assuming the quotes around "her" is you giving her a hard time for calling it her wedding and not their wedding.. but you also just did the same thing.

    She sounds like a horrible person, but the best thing you can do is just ignore her and be supportive of your friend.  You also don't have to make sure she's on the guest list for your shower and stuff.
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:806aeb09-7173-43a4-84e2-7eb06942660e">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did she turn you into a newt?
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    She got better.

     

  • No Meegles, i was saying my town..not that Philadelphia has ugly guys and he is the best looking.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:3c24e901-78d0-431c-a76d-412075190a38">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am marrying my fiance', my best friend. And no i'm not one of those "this is my day" wahh type of girls. I just think i put "my wedding" as apposed to "her wedding" that is all. You are right, i should invite her, and i most likely will. Corey has a special place in his heart for her, and as much as she treats him like crap he will always because this is his first "real girlfriend". <strong>He will not be with her long term, i know that. He has said it multiple times</strong>. I guess he is just too worried about the backlash that will happen once he pulls the plug? i dont know.. I will put him as +1 until i have to make the final decision..if he is still with her she will come if not, he will go stag. And one of his "highschool hookups" is one of my bridesmaids and she is hoping he is single! ha ha
    Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I had a friend who said that too...they are now engaged to be married in October.

  • I am putting all married\engaged couples as their names on the invites...she will be "corey and guest" because they aren't married or engaged. It is not anything against her or corey it is how its going to be for everyone.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:0061efd0-7f3e-4652-bddc-a50e54fde877">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes you need to invite her, and you need to invite her by name, not just Corey and guest.
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    <div>Honest question here... seeing as I will be dealing with this myself soon but do you really have to put the name of the SO if they are dating?  I understand married, engaged, GOOD friend, etc. would be a definite name in my book.</div><div>
    </div><div>For example, I have friends/family who are dating people (nothing really long term) and I have never met them and for some I don't even know their names.  I guess I always "thought" that you would put the name of the person you knew and then just add the plus one?  </div><div>
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:078198be-25f2-4e5e-8df6-419964a8b653">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent! : Yeah, I had a friend who said that too...they are now engaged to be married in October.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]


    This happens all the time. You can't always believe that people are actually going to leave their SO. They usually just say it to appease the people who don't like their SO.

    image
  • Yeah i hear ya, Maggie. I hope he doesn't decide to stay with her. I've known him since pre-school, and everyone that is important in his life sees that she is not good for him. It's kind obvious. She has a nasty attitude, and he is a successful attractive guy and can do better. I hope he does what is right for him in the end. He knows deep down how mean she is to him, and to everyone. But, i dont know why he isnt doing anything about it..At least she won't be around me at the wedding!
  • I think you know what you should do, and PPs are correct.

    "Corey" needs to sack up and end the relationship if he isn't happy.
    image
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