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Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???

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Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???

  • In Response to Re:Bride believes reception fancy drunk fest???:[QUOTE]Wasn't defending my quot;rightquot; to do anything. Was, however right, wrong, or indifferent stating that if it were my wedding and my FI planned on acting like an asshat, I'd want to know. That's all. Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

    That is not even remotely close to what you actually said though. Seriously, if this isn't backpedaling then you need to work on your written communication skills.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:08448887-1267-490e-ad82-6f37d9d20281">Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>When it came up, I asked, while laughing, why she wanted to get smashed... she answerd as stated above, and I said, "well, alright then!" and that was the end of the conversation.</strong> Steph - I'm not pissy, or backpedling. And yes, by smashed she fully meant fall over drunk... at least, that's what I interpreted when she said "If I haven't fallen down and ruined my dress by 10:30, something's wrong, and you need to get me more shots." So, you're right, maybe I'm reading too much into it and she just meant she wanted to drink and have a good time, without all of that "sloppy" nonsense. Look, I get what you ladies are saying, and the thing that makes me laugh sitting here is I agree with you. If my OP made it sound like I was going to run out and b!tch at her, or whine to my brother, or whatever, then that's on me for having piss poor communication when typing on here. My bad. However, since I did clarify that I have no intention of saying anything, can we at least all agree that intentionall fall on your face drunk is never classy, regardless of who/where you are?
    Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Honestly, I'm with the OP here.  I think it's wierd and tacky (the falling down drunk at your expensive reception bit), and if I had been the one listening to the bride-to-be, I think my response would have been much less neutral than what mandi did say.  Kudos for the OP for not saying something stupidly blunt and honest at the moment.
    </div>
  • I don't think it's that you're old, I'm 22 (will be 23 at the wedding) and I wouldn't even consider getting drunk at my wedding, but people want what they want. 

    You're brother is marrying this woman, unless it's some kind of arranged marriage situation, he probably already knows that she likes her liquor.  Don't say anything, because it's not your business, it's theirs.  Do I think it's tacky to get drunk at your wedding? For sure.  But that doesn't mean you should do anything but bite your tongue, and maybe carry some extra altoids for the bride if you're feeling exta helpful. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:2b12f95d-1427-4b29-af41-df2b53700531">Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest??? : Honestly, I'm with the OP here.  I think it's wierd and tacky (the falling down drunk at your expensive reception bit), and if I had been the one listening to the bride-to-be, I think my response would have been much less neutral than what mandi did say.  Kudos for the OP for not saying something stupidly blunt and honest at the moment.
    Posted by PrincessJas[/QUOTE]
    Thank you! Thank you! Everyone keeps saying "you sound like you WANT to say something."... or "You're totally out of line if you say something..." Yes, I know this, which is WHY I didn't say anything. Did I want to, honestly, yes. I think it's so classless to intend to be an asshat like this; however, I know it's not my place to say anything. What I WANTED to say would have been something that would have obviously caused issues between she and I (and other than this single issue, I LOVE her), and possibly my brother and I.
    Eddie, Steph, etc... maybe if you re-read what I had stated you would see I'm not all whiney and self-righteous, but actually just smh and wondering if I'm alone in this.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:3c7a1213-75f9-42ee-8ea4-6e87d79c4825">Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it's that you're old, I'm 22 (will be 23 at the wedding) and I wouldn't even consider getting drunk at my wedding, but people want what they want.  You're brother is marrying this woman, unless it's some kind of arranged marriage situation, he probably already knows that she likes her liquor.  Don't say anything, because it's not your business, it's theirs.  Do I think it's tacky to get drunk at your wedding? For sure.  But that doesn't mean you should do anything but bite your tongue, and maybe carry some extra altoids for the bride if you're feeling exta helpful. 
    Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

    Thank you for the altoids suggestion... the funny thing in all of this is I DO adore her enough to do things like that to try to save her the embarrassment.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:e0eabfc8-418b-4107-82ae-060f27dc89bc">Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest??? : I never said you were whiney or self-righteous.  You just sound like you want to say something. And you even admit you want to say something. I understand you're concerned for your brother but I really wouldn't waste time worrying about this.
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

    Apologies for putting words into your mouth there, my mistake.
    And you're right, I DO want to say something, as I'm not the type to bite my tongue, and I love them both and don't want to see her make a fool out of herself, and embarrass herself and my brother... however, she's a big girl, and I have to let her learn on her own (even though she is begging me, via text, as I type this to make sure she doesn't upset our family or embarrass herself; but to let her be drunk and "it's ok if I fall"... )
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  • I'm from Wisconsin too, and frankly amazed that you haven't known anyone else who got completely trashed puking falling down drunk at their wedding. It is the thing to do here, I mean people use it as an excuse "I'm from Wisconsin, of course we're gonna get flucked up!". In my circle it is just what's done, so it's no big deal to me. 

    Now I'm not going to get wasted at my wedding because I want to remember every minute, but at my first one I totally did. We were all falling down drunk, I got into a fight with the best man, there was puking by exH's younger brothers (11 and 14), it was a total drunkfest and everyone had a blast. If she grew up in a similar environment I'm sure she does think it's completely expected.
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  • I get the "I'm from WI, let's drink" thing, I'm used to that, and I've worked in enough bars here to know it's "normal" here... but I don't see it as normal. I guess I missed the memo that in order to have a good time, one needs to be intoxicated. (I'm not saying anyone here has said that, but that seems to be the mentality here... I'm out = I must get hammered, because if not, it was a bad night)...
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  • Mandi, you need to take your own feelings out of this. You keep saying you don't want her to be "embarassed," but guess what? She WON'T be. She doesn't find this behavior embarassing. If she did, she wouldn't do it. She won't "make a fool out of" anyone except herself by getting sloppy drunk at her own wedding, and if it's not going to embarass her, why should it bother you? As I said before, I think you are way too wrapped up in something that truly has nothing to do with you. It doesn't reflect on you, it doesn't affect your life, and it has no bearing on you. Let. It. Go.
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  • Steph, thank you. I agree with you on most of this. However, she is the kind that WILL be embarrassed after the fact... it's kind of "normal" for her.
    "OMG, I can't believe I did xyz this weekend, so embarrassed, never drinking like that again..."
    *insert tears, embarrassment, apologies to people*
    *fastforward one week*
    *repeat*
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:1b461018-482e-4c46-9552-2fa835d0d9d1">Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I get the "I'm from WI, let's drink" thing, I'm used to that, and I've worked in enough bars here to know it's "normal" here... but I don't see it as normal. I guess I missed the memo that in order to have a good time, one needs to be intoxicated. (I'm not saying anyone here has said that, but that seems to be the mentality here... I'm out = I must get hammered, because if not, it was a bad night)...
    Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Oh, I totally agree that you don't need to drink to have a good time, but I know MANY people that think the night is a waste if you remember it all, and fully expect/want to get sick/ruin their dress/get in a fight at their wedding. I don't think it's a good plan of course, but many people do and are totally happy with that choice. It is what it is.</div>
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Umm, I'm surprised people even have time to get sloppy drunk at their own wedding. I come from a big drinking group (both family and friends).  I've never seen a sloppy bride or groom.


      We all assumed DH would catch at least a buzz at our wedding.  Nope, we were so busy talking, hugging and dancing to take more than a sip every now and then. That's the way it generally is at weddings in our group.

    He did get drunk the next day and then passed out on the plane.  It was a red-eye to Amsterdam so it was all good.

    Honestly, I don't get why someone would want to be smashed at their wedding. However, I would not try to talk them out of it either.   I dont feel like it's my busy.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:524070d0-f84f-4505-8bec-31e1ad737a5e">Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest??? : Thank you! Thank you! Everyone keeps saying "you sound like you WANT to say something."... or "You're totally out of line if you say something..." Yes, I know this, which is WHY I didn't say anything. Did I want to, honestly, yes. I think it's so classless to intend to be an asshat like this; however, I know it's not my place to say anything. What I WANTED to say would have been something that would have obviously caused issues between she and I (and other than this single issue, I LOVE her), and possibly my brother and I. Eddie, Steph, etc... maybe if you re-read what I had stated you would see I'm not all whiney and self-righteous, but actually just smh and wondering if I'm alone in this.
    Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

    I'm with you and I can't believe people are attacking you for this so much.  My sister is getting married next year a few months before me.  If I heard her fiancee say something along the lines of how he planned to get so hammered he likely wouldn't remember the wedding - OF COURSE I'd be concerned because I know how upset my sister would be if he actually acted liked that - and SHE's my family, not him (yet).  I think your brother's fiancee saying that to you puts you in a really awkward position.  She's free to do what she wants but its both of their weddings, not just hers, and her getting drunk to the point of oblivion may ruin it for your brother.

    Likewise, if my fiancee told my sister he planned to get f*&ked up beyond belief at our wedding, and wasn't joking, I'd want to know about it BEFOREHAND so I could address it with him.  Getting a nice buzz on and enjoying yourself is one thing but I can't think of single friend or family member who wouldn't raise an eyebrow if the groom was falling down drunk at our wedding.  And since the reception is a "thank you" to your guests for making the trip and attending the wedding, it's not unreasonable to consider their feelings as well.

    In short - its her wedding but the night isn't just about her, and any drunk-to-the-point-of-sloppy behavior on her part could really ruin the night for a lot of people - including your brother.  Your concern is totally warranted and only you really know your relationships with your brother and his fiancee and if it would be appropriate/appreciated for you to say anything to either of them. Good luck.
  • DH was wasted at our reception... he started drinking in the early afternoon with all of his GM. Everyone was drunk at our wedding; parents, grandparents, GM, BMs... sadly, even H's 10 year old cousins were imbibing the bottles of wine at their table. One of our guests got so drunk that he nearly passed out outside in his own vomit. After making sure that he was okay, we all had a good laug about it. The only reason I wasn't drunk was because I kept getting pulled back to the dance floor and, since I didn't want to spill on my dress, I kept putting my drinks down and the servers kept clearing them before I could finish. Really, if the bride wants to get drunk and make a fool of herself, its no one's business but hers. Frankly, drinking/the open bar was what most of our guests were looking forward to, not the wedding itself.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:faa121ef-1ed9-4ebc-9188-1d8068adfb7f">Re:Bride believes reception fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]DH was wasted at our reception... he started drinking in the early afternoon with all of his GM. Everyone was drunk at our wedding; parents, grandparents, GM, BMs... sadly, even H's 10 year old cousins were imbibing the bottles of wine at their table. One of our guests got so drunk that he nearly passed out outside in his own vomit. After making sure that he was okay, we all had a good laug about it. The only reason I wasn't drunk was because I kept getting pulled back to the dance floor and, since I didn't want to spill on my dress, I kept putting my drinks down and the servers kept clearing them before I could finish. Really, if the bride wants to get drunk and make a fool of herself, its no one's business but hers. Frankly, drinking/the open bar was what most of our guests were looking forward to, not the wedding itself.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    That's 100% fine as long as you and your fiancee were okay with that kind of vibe at the wedding.  From OP's posts it sounds like her brother would not be okay with that kind of behavior - hence the cause of her concern.  I definitely plan on drinking at my wedding and expect fiancee to do the same - but I would be pretty bummed if one/either/both of us couldn't remember the night. To each their own - my concern is just that OP's future SIL and brother don't sound like they're on the same page in terms of the level of inebriation that's expected.
  • Did I want the "vibe" of people puking and drunk 10 year olds stripping? No, not particularly. Certainly isn't what I'd always dreamed my wedding would be... but ultimately, the day had culminated with me marrying the love of my life. Pretty hard to get upset when considering that fact. If the OP's FSIL chooses to drink to the point of offending her new H, that's for THEM to handle. If concerned, OP's brother can say to his new wife: "hey, you're getting a little out of hand. How about you slow down on the drinks?" I'm fairly certain that, considering they're getting married and all, he's well aware of how she acts around alcohol and/or her intentions for drinking on the wedding night. If not, perhaps they should be reconsidering the marriage until they know each other better.
  • Thanks for the input, ladies; and for letting me know you agree with me and/or can relate. After being called judgmental over this, it's refreshing to know that I'm not a crazy person. Thank you!
    Praying for a miracle!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-believes-reception-fancy-drunk-fest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf7a63c1-6f59-43e2-856f-7eb76aa0240aPost:4f60bf91-5e74-41ac-b10c-3e2f963addd2">Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride believes reception = fancy drunk fest??? : True. And I've "met his FI before", knowing her for 5 years, being by her side as a close friend while he (my brother) was deployed overseas, and going out with them a handful of times/year know her pretty well... Since they are planning an extremely elegant, very expensive, classy wedding and reception, I was shocked that she'd go from that to "LETS GET SHITFACED!" and again, I have no intention of telling her what to do, I was simply asking, if you'd read again, if I was out of line for THINKING that was nuts?
    Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

    And my response, if you'd read again, didn't say d!ck about you telling her what to do or even tattling on her to your brother. My response dealt with you assuming that because you're his sister, you think you have the right to treat him like a precious little porcelain doll, and how if that is the case and he needs your protection because he might break if he's exposed to the big bad real world, he shouldn't be getting married.

  • I'm pretty sure FI and I will both be drunk or buzzed at our wedding, that being said we won't be completely trashed and make a fool of our selves. Our families are drinkers so I know non of them will have issues with us drinking. But I do agree that I want to remember our wedding. I have made comments to my closest friends about wanting to get smashed, but I won't be that bad. Nothing worse then a bad hangover.
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  • Well H and I attended a wedding where the bride was so drunk she was vomiting in her dress while her mother held her hair back in the bathroom and the groom was sloppily yelling that he was getting a BJ that night in the parking lot. So I do know that people CAN and DO get that drunk at their weddings at least occasionally.

    Did I think it was tacky? Yes. But I didn't say anything to them, and if they had told me in advance they wanted to get drunk, I wouldn't have said anything either. If anyone looked poorly that night, it was them. Not really my place to get involved. So I would just stay out of it. If it happens, it happens. I don't think telling her not to would really dissuade her necessarily anyway.


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  • If the thought of getting drunk at YOUR wedding reception is distasteful, more power to you.  I fall into that camp.  In fact, I don't drink.

    BUT ... if your FSIL wants to conduct herself in that way at HER wedding, more power to her.  To answer your question directly, I think you are out of line for "reminding" her that she may not want to get wasted.  It's her wedding, not yours. It's her choice, not yours.  If her behavior gets out of line and offends you, leave.

  • I will be barely 24 when I get married. My fiancé and our friends love to get pretty drunk on occasion. I want my friends to have fun and take full advantage of the bar... But no, I would never dream of being falling down drunk at my wedding. I plan to get fairly tipsy, but I wouldn't want to embarrass myself in front of either of our families.
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  • Yeah drunk brides are taky. Mandi I agree with u. I dont drink, an if I did I still wouldnt at my wedding.
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  • Shlby, really, you wouldn't drink at your own wedding if you did drink?  That's so strange to me.  P.S., its spelled "TACKY", but I think I've mentioned this to you before in another post.
  • If my Dad wasnt an alcoholic then maybe but I dont drink, so I wont drink. I don't care if u guys drink but I dont think people should be sloppy drunk.
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  • I would side eye anyone who told me their plan was to get completely smashed at their wedding, but I judge anyone who plans to get wasted anyway.  I've never been drunk and have no desire to do so, so I just don't get it.  Whether or not I would say anything would depend on my relationship with them.  In this case, I'd smile, nod and move on.
  • To want to say something is one thing, to say something is another. I understand the disconnect between what you did at one age and what others find "normal" for that age.

    Do not bring it up to anyone because if she does get black-out drunk, it will be her loss and her regret. If you brother does bring it up, make a joke about how he should make sure there are some crackers and gatorade in the suite with a solid brunch the morning after.
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  • Let her make an a$$ out of herself. SHE will have to explain her actions and DEAL with the consequences AFTER the fact.
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  • Thank you all for your input. As an update, I haven't said anything (and don't intend to)... glad to see that there are some out there who would side-eye in this situation, and also that many wouldn't. To each their own, I guess.
    Praying for a miracle!
  • You're totally right and I would be just as disgusted as you are. But, it's her decision as an adult to get wasted on her wedding day. If she regrets it in 5 or 10 years, that's her own boulder to carry. Don't bother trying to change her mind, you'll only end up frustrating yourself.
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