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Wedding Etiquette Forum
BrideErin2012
member
Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?
Hi!!
I would like some opinions on how to nicely but effectively ask my little guests to back off and not help me open gifts. At the same time giving their moms the hint. I don't mean to be rude about it. I just really don't want them going crazy opening gifts that my guest will have spent a lot of money and time to purchase!! Plus, figures-crossed, I get some china!!
Thanks for your thoughts!!
I would like some opinions on how to nicely but effectively ask my little guests to back off and not help me open gifts. At the same time giving their moms the hint. I don't mean to be rude about it. I just really don't want them going crazy opening gifts that my guest will have spent a lot of money and time to purchase!! Plus, figures-crossed, I get some china!!
Thanks for your thoughts!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!?
[QUOTE]Is this something that commonly happens at showers you've been to? My flower girl was at one shower and tried opening a few of my gifts, but after letting her open one from my mom, I just said "Abby, do you mind if I open the next presents?" and she was fine. Just don't sit right next to the kids, and ask them nicely to not open your gifts. I don't think there needs to be any statement made to their parents - I'd assume the parents would know that this isn't a time for their kids to be opening gifts.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]
I went to one in college where a 4 year old threw a screaming tantrum when she wasn't allowed to open the gifts, and the mom's way of dealing with this was to get mad at the bride for not letting her do it. The guest took her gift and her brat and left. Made me wonder what the kid did at birthday parties, Christmas, etc.
It's also common in H's family (apparently it's a Polish thing?) for the slightly older kids (7-10 probably) to walk gifts around the room so that guests can see. Of course it has to be something they can physically handle and won't risk breaking. If you're not opposed to them being by you just give them another job. If garbage detail or walking the gifts around isn't appealing what about walking the bows over to your MOH (if she's making a bow bouquet). I'm sure you could come up with something.
I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it. They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
[QUOTE]I've seen it. Usually it's just been that kids want to open every wrapped gift they see and the parents do nothing to stop them from doing it. <strong> I have a few friends who always let their kids open gifts, whether the gift is for the child or not, just because it's their kid.</strong> Yeah, I think it's rude of the parents to assume everyone else wants their kid to open all the gifts. I would have no problem piping up and saying "Mary, could you come get Sally please? It's time for me to open my gifts." And if she gives me any lip, I'd physicallly deliver little Sally to her so I could open my stuff in peace. Fortunately with my friends, just the first sentence would embarass them enough that it wouldn't be a problem, if I even needed to say anything in the first place. I went to one in college where a 4 year old threw a screaming tantrum when she wasn't allowed to open the gifts, and the mom's way of dealing with this was to get mad at the bride for not letting her do it. The guest took her gift and her brat and left. Made me wonder what the kid did at birthday parties, Christmas, etc.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ugh I had this happen at my shower. I had a surprise shower that my FI grandmother planned so it was a TON of people I didn't even know, and it was one of their children so I didn't even know either of their names to address it. Luckily my mother was there who is a pre-school teacher so she helped take care of the situation. She asked the girl to stand to the side (she was literally trying to climb on my lap to open things in my hands) and then when I was finished taking the wrapping paper off handed it off to the little girl and asked if she could take it to the trashcan and get it in there. It helped distract her inbetween presents so I could open them and by the time she got back she had more wrapping paper to get rid off. I also gave her the bows to put all the bows together in a pretty way. GL!
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!? : Ugh I had this happen at my shower. I had a surprise shower that my FI grandmother planned so it was a TON of people I didn't even know, and it was one of their children so I didn't even know either of their names to address it. Luckily my mother was there who is a pre-school teacher so she helped take care of the situation. She asked the girl to stand to the side (she was literally trying to climb on my lap to open things in my hands) and then when I was finished taking the wrapping paper off handed it off to the little girl and asked if she could take it to the trashcan and get it in there. It helped distract her inbetween presents so I could open them and by the time she got back she had more wrapping paper to get rid off. I also gave her the bows to put all the bows together in a pretty way. GL!
Posted by FutureMrsSS[/QUOTE]
Sounds like your mom did a great job of politely distracting the child, but it shouldn't have been her (or your) problem to deal with. Where was this child's parent? And why did you not call her attention to the child's behavior? I mean, I would be beyond embarassed if someone had to ask me to control my child, but some parents just plain need to be woken up.
I've found that garbage duty is always a good solution. But in all honesty, there shouldn't be a solution because it shouldn't be a p[problem in the first place.
I would really try one of the distraction techniques people suggested above.
Wedding stuff.
When I got down to just the cards, I had her sit on my lap and help me read the cards.
I hate being crowded and even watching my daughter open gifts where the kids all crowd her makes me anxious. So like I said, have the host request they back up and give the bride space.
They don't need to help and you shouldn't have to find "jobs" for them to do so they're out of your way.
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift? I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it. They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]
Yes, the kids may be excited about opening gifts, and yes, guests shouldn't get pissed if a bride doesn't open the gift herself, but shouldn't the bride be able to open gifts given to her?
PPs have given great suggestions for handling this, if it were to happen!
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift? I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it. They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]
You're one of those parents that lets their kid try to open other people's gifts, aren't you?
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
http://www.amazon.com/Bringing-Up-Bebe-Discovers-Parenting/dp/1594203334
OR!
Send them this:
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert?currentPage=1
In case you can't tell, I think children are indulged to their detriment. I love children! That is why I am sad that parents hobble them with their coddling.
Good luck, OP.
OP, has your host already sent out the invitations for your shower? Maybe you can speak with the host and request that she invite the adults only?
If that ship has already sailed, then I agree with Stacks that it would be a better idea to ask the host to watch out for kids trying to tinker with presents and climb on top of you, and direct them differently [[not that this should even be the hosts job at all -- WFT are the parents doing?]].
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift? I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it. They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have to disagree here. A shower is the perfect opportunity to teach little Susie Belle that she is not the center of attention and she needs to sit quietly and let the bride be the guest of honor and open her own gifts. This is where a child learns these lessons and I think it is absoltuely imperative that children learn that they are not included in everything and are to sit, be quiet, and watch.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't see children being taught this very often at all.
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While I think it's obnoxious that parents don't tell their kids they can't open other people's presents, I was fine with the kids doing it at my shower in MA. But that's because I have horrific social anxiety and I hated having everyone staring at me. H's cousin's kids were toddlers and they loved helping me unwrap the first few presents (but then got bored when they realized that I wasn't unwrapping anything they considered "fun").
I can see why other people would be irritated by it, though.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
[QUOTE]Can they "help" you open the gift? I mean they are excited about unwrapping it and you are excited about what is inside. I can't imagine ANY guest being pi$$ed that you the bride to be didn't open it. They will see how kind and gracious you were to include a child.
Posted by IamTheMommaOfTheBride[/QUOTE]
Or they'll see a parent that can't be bothered with controlling their child. As I guest, I find it incredibly annoying and rude when kids get pushy, stand RIGHT IN FRONT of the guest of honor, no one else can see what's going on because the kids are in the way, and the parents don't do anything about it. There's no reason the kids need to open other people's gifts.
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I'm also surprised more people haven't seen this, as it's far and away my biggest pet peeve at bridal/baby showers.
It doesn't bother me until they're right in your face to the point you feel you can't breathe or show everyone else the gifts.
At my family/close friends shower, we had the kids help bring gifts to me. That seemed to work well to distract them. One of the BMs was helping them with the heavier ones and handing them ones they could handle themselves.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids helping to open shower gifts... how to say no without sounding mean?!? : You're one of those parents that lets their kid try to open other people's gifts, aren't you?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
LOL nope!
Actually I am one of those parents that looked at any opportunity to leave their kids at home with their dad for an evening or afternoon out, at a shower.
Just looking at the bigger picture, we're all adults
Well said.