Registry and Gift Forum

Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?

Let me just begin by saying that there is no way to say the following except bluntly: I do not care if anyone finds HM registries tasteless/tacky/rude/etc. I can only assume that if you comment saying so that you have nothing better to do with your time. So let's all keep in mind the motto: If you don't have anything nice (or in this case, helpful) to say, then don't say anything at all.

Especially because I am an excited bride-to-be, confident in my planning/decisions, and don't care what any naysayers who aren't going to be at my wedding have to say! :)

Now... I am looking into both TJ and Honeyfund and have seen great reviews about both. Just wanting some feedback from any other Knotties who may have used one or the other so I can compare the two from personal experience a little better. I am leaning towards TJ but HF seems to be awfully popular. Thanks ladies! :)
ascrystalSkidzy915StickEmUpKitty
«13

Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:a6cc7fcf-d374-4fa0-a3d3-7f0f1b56846f">Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let me just begin by saying that there is no way to say the following except bluntly: I do not care if anyone finds HM registries tasteless/tacky/rude/etc. <strong>I can only assume that if you comment saying so that you have nothing better to do with your time.</strong> So let's all keep in mind the motto: If you don't have anything nice (or in this case, helpful) to say, then don't say anything at all. <strong>Especially because I am an excited bride-to-be, confident in my planning/decisions, and don't care what any naysayers who aren't going to be at my wedding have to say!</strong>:) Now... I am looking into both TJ and Honeyfund and have seen great reviews about both. Just wanting some feedback from any other Knotties who may have used one or the other so I can compare the two from personal experience a little better. I am leaning towards TJ but HF seems to be awfully popular. Thanks ladies! :)
    Posted by eguerra23[/QUOTE]

    1. Actually, some of us have insomnia and TV at this hour is awful.

    2. Yes.  God forbid that you get advice from people who have already been down the roads you're starting to go down.  As confident as you are, you really don't know anything yet.  Wait...you'll see.

    3.  You can't tell people what they can answer about what you post.  In answer to your question though, as tacky as hell as this idea is, any HR site is going to take a percentage of what people donate.  They aren't actually buying a piece for you, what they contribute goes into a pot.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • TK is not a good site to ask this question on.  We tend to believe in actually following etiquette rules and telling posters when they are doing something that might offend their friends and family.  If you don't care about those things, try weddingbee.
    Married 10/2/10
    Liatris2010
  • edited September 2010
    If that's what you want, might I suggest a trip to weddingwire or weddingbee? They will only tell you things you want to hear.
    image
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Blue_Bird
  • hahaha hahaha. 

    Anyway, a friend of mine that got married earlier this year used Honeyfund.  One person bought their shuttle ride from the airport to the resort ($20) and that was all anyone purchased, so good luck with that.

    I don't know what your situation is, but I really hope you already have the honeymoon paid for because you should not expect people to pay for your honeymoon.  Personally, I would give someone a boxed gift if they had a honeymoon registry just because it is so rude.  But you know your friends/family, and I'm sure "they just all love the idea and think it's great and are really excited about it."
    image
    Blue_Bird
  • Just adding my 2 cents:  I hate honeymoon registries with a passion.  They just make the couple look so greedy.  Leaves a bad taste in my mouth and makes me think poorly of them, which always sucks when it is your friends.  I try not to judge, but really, pay for your vacation yourself like the rest of us do.
  • To be honest, while you think I'm "wasting my time", you might want to know that the few people I know that made HM registries really didn't get that many things paid for. One of the couples only received the luggage they requested (And not even the complete set), another only had one dinner paid for, and a third couple didn't get anything at all.

    Pretty sure if nobody pays for anything (Or only a few things are purchased) off your registry, you're going to wish somebody told you to at least be prepared to pay for your entire HM on your own.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:4bcd18b8-4354-4a5e-9956-1f919a3e66f0">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just adding my 2 cents:  I hate honeymoon registries with a passion.  They just make the couple look so greedy. 
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    Actually, I think it makes the couple look broke.  Seriously, you can't afford a honeymoon? It doesn't have to be some extravagant excursion to the Cayman Islands.  If you need help with paying for a honeymoon (which having a HR hints at) then maybe you should consider two nights away at a cozy inn, putting off the HM until you can afford -- but then that would just be a "vacation" --, or scrap the whole idea of a HM altogether.  Now, I'm not saying that registering for a Kitchen Aid mixer makes someone look broke.  There's a huge difference between a gift registry and a honeymoon registry.  One is socially acceptable while the other is still highly frowned upon.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:0d06441f-dc17-4c1d-b0ee-0006ad82fd8e">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]To be honest, while you think I'm "wasting my time", you might want to know that the few people I know that made HM registries really didn't get that many things paid for. One of the couples only received the luggage they requested (And not even the complete set), another only had one dinner paid for, and a third couple didn't get anything at all.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    For the record, I got enough cash from the wedding to pay for my honeymoon.  And that was WITH a gift registry.
    image
    murrayed
  • eguerra23eguerra23 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    edited September 2010
    ^ And especially when so many are so quick to shoo me away and tell me to go elsewhere. I never said "OMG I hate knotboard, y'all r so mean 2 me :(", all I wanted was just ANSWERS to the specific questions I asked, not all this other BS to weed through that truly won't affect me in any way because I'm going to do the HMR and that's that. But clearly some Knotties can't pass up the chance to open their mouths. I should have known my post would be like bait to some of you! :)

    For the record, I'm not going anywhere. ;) Hope you guys have a fabulous, proper day!
    Skidzy915StickEmUpKitty
  • Glad you can take criticism with a good attitude, that will serve you well in life!

    But:  here's why we all reply with how tacky/rude it is.  Just in case you don't know it, we hope that by seeing how many people find it rude/tacky, you might reconsider.  Afterall, I would never TELL my friend/family member that I think it is rude/tacky.  So, while you may think your friends and family are all on board with it, they might be talking behind your back saying "can you believe egueraa23 is having a honeymoon registry?  That's so rude!".  Of course that is not true in all cases, but we put it out there on the off chance that maybe we can help.

    We're not saying it to be mean.  The fact is that we're more honest to you than the people you know will be.  We're just trying to help.
  • Why does having fun = breaking etiquette rules?  I don't get that.

    DH and I had an awesome wedding that people still talk about in its awesomeness.  However we made sure not to break any etiquette rules in the process.

    So what's the deal?  Is it hard to have fun while heeding the laws of social decorum?
  • eguerra23eguerra23 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    edited September 2010
    Certainly not at all! I just know my wedding is doing several things that is expected in MY family (culturally) that people here would freak out about (ex. dollar dance). My mistake if that comment read as "etiquette = boring", I think what I should have said is that my wedding is obviously not going to be 100% per the book, but it simply doesn't matter to me. We're not going to drink Coors out of a can and run around asking people to empty their wallets - it's a classy event but I can guarantee if I outlined the events at my wedding, people would think it was tasteless simply because they don't know it's part of my culture. Call me trashy if you want, but I know we'll have a classy, fun wedding and it just won't bother us if it's not proper.

    noodle_oo, I can't really tell if you're being sarcastic :-/ but  let me just say I appreciate your further clarification. I'm just as blunt/sarcastic/say-it-how-it-is as the next girl, but some of these comments seem to be FAR from being helpful. Telling me to go elsewhere, that I don't know anything yet, or insinuating that I don't truly know how my fam/friends will respond is not all that helpful. And I've just seen a lot of girls really bummed out by the way some of these Knotties tend to talk down to them, and I'm not one of those girls. I guess the thing is that I am WELL aware after being on TK boards that there is a chance that guests may find HMR to be tacky, so all the comments HERE telling me so are about the 7 billionth time I've heard it. My attitude towards that is that's fine! If they think it's tacky, obviously they won't contribute, so that's absolutely fine with me. If there is one thing I am SURE of is that our guests will love us no matter what, and if an improper registry changes that, then they truly weren't friends/fam at all to begin with.
    vainemeraldStickEmUpKitty
  • In all seriousness and I'm not trying to be douchey, maybe you should have looked at previous posts regarding HMRs (God knows there's plenty).  There are people who have had them and posted that they had them.  Maybe sending those people a PM is the way to go when the topic is so "touchy".  I agree 100% with Noodle.  People won't tell you to your face that it's a bad idea.  On here, sometimes it takes 20 knotties to sway you out of a decision.  I hope it works out.  Who knows maybe it will be commonplace to have a HMR when it's time for our kids (if you choose to have them with your H -- another touchy subject) to get married. 

    Planning Bio ~ Updated 9/23/11

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:ce2c7017-68dc-4a51-8232-f8152f96da29">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Glad you can take criticism with a good attitude, that will serve you well in life! But:  here's why we all reply with how tacky/rude it is.  Just in case you don't know it, we hope that by seeing how many people find it rude/tacky, you might reconsider.  <strong>Afterall, I would never TELL my friend/family member that I think it is rude/tacky.  So, while you may think your friends and family are all on board with it, they might be talking behind your back saying "can you believe egueraa23 is having a honeymoon registry?  That's so rude!".</strong>  Of course that is not true in all cases, but we put it out there on the off chance that maybe we can help. We're not saying it to be mean.  The fact is that we're more honest to you than the people you know will be.  We're just trying to help.
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    My Brother and SIL did one of these.  Do you think for a minute I told them not to do this?  No.  I tell everyone here to not make the same mistake.

    And OP - I didn't say you were young in years or immature.  I said that you don't know as much as you think you do.  When you post that you don't care what everyone else thinks because you are secure in your decisions, that just begs someone to tell you that as much as you think this is true, it won't be a few months from now.  The actual planning process will change your mind about a lot.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:83e6aaa6-a8ea-4898-a045-708d5ae1594d">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ladies, quit being catty. Here is a bride planning her honeymoon and making a decision that LOTS of brides are making these days. She wanted helpful comments and you flooded the board with useless comments. <strong>BTW, obviously people dont study social geography,but in Portland, OR (where I live) customs and "ettiquite" are much more different than they would be in New York or Texas, so keeping that in mind, not everyone agrees with your closed-minded view of the world.</strong>
    Posted by KTHD[/QUOTE]
    Proper etiquette is proper etiquette no matter where in the country you are located.
    image
  • Out of curiosity what is the big issue with a HMR vs a regular one? What part of it makes it "tacky"? Is it the "cash aspect" of it? Is it that different from allowing gift cards on a traditional registry? Does it make more sense to look grabby over household items that you probably don't need since a lot of couples live together before marriage?

    Those of you who are anti HMR what are your suggestions for registering? I feel one can only have so many kitchen-aid mixers and spatulas.

     I know that past tradition says a couple should register for items to make their marital house a home, but past tradition didn't prepare for couples living together or frankly adults living on their own prior to marriage. Things change shouldn't traditions?


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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    edited September 2010
    Eguerra:  I actually was 100% NOT being sarcastic!  You have a good attitude and I like that.  So many other people get all mad and "you girls are SO mean!  I hate you!" when they don't hear what they want.  I find them funny and immature.  It is kind of refreshing that you are not.  :)

    I can't necessarily explain why a HR is rude/tacky and regular one is not.  All I can say is when I've had friends do them, it makes me feel like they are flaunting their awesome vacation and asking you to pay for it.  Which just bugs me.  A regular registry is for lasting gifts that you can see enhancing the couple's life together.  Somehow that makes me smile, while paying for a couples massage for a honeymoon gives me the creeps.  It is also basically asking for cash, which also bugs me.  If I want to give you cash, I'll write you a check.  It is pretty much like a home downpayment registry, which is just SO wrong I can't even fathom why people think that it is okay.

    And like PP poster said, maybe they will be acceptable for our kids and I'll be the "traditional" PITA MOTB who says it isn't, but that is not the case right now.

    But that is just me.  :)
  • FWIW, you can still register for upgrades.  Blankets, sheets, towels and other textiles wear over time and need to be replaced.  We also upgraded our cookware to All-Clad and other great items.  Plus, we did at China and stemware.

    The thing with honeymoon registries is two-fold for me:

    1) I'm really anti cash registries and that's what a honeymoon registry essentially is.

    2) I'm not a fan of saying that if you already have "stuff" then you register for something that's "up a tier".  It does come off as rather braggy to me.

  • equerra:  here's my take on your post.  Let me start by saying that I am adamantly against HRs.  I find them distasteful, and can honestly say that if that were the single only registry, I'd be buying a gift of my own choosing for the couple before I'd use a HR.  But if you want to do something that many of your guests will also find distasteful and poor form, okay.

    But my far bigger issue with your post is dictating how people can reply and what they can say.  You essentially told people that unless they agree with your choice of having a HR, they can't respond to your post.  Not your call.

    See, the question was posted by you, but the answers are not just for you.  My answer about finding HRs distasteful and poor etiquette is obviously not for you, as your mind is made up.

    But it's for the 317 other brides who will read your question today, and think "Huh~I was considering an HR too.  I wonder what others think." My reply is for them~the ones that might be on the fence, and might be open to hearing an honest, albeit perhaps blunt~to a question that gets asked several times a week.

    I'm not sure why you posted in the first place.  You're a self-described  excited bride-to-be, confident in my planning/decisions, [who doesn't]care what any naysayers who aren't going to be at my wedding have to say! :)

    If you're that confident in your planning and decisions, just pick one of the HRs and go with it.

    For the 316 other brides reading this today:  please carefully read what others have said about a HR before choosing that as an option.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:d457aab0-f46d-4297-a22d-df0221a0a985">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I don't see the difference between registering for nicer versions of stuff you already own<strong> (seems kind of wasteful)</strong> and a fabulous trip (which is an experience you and FI can enjoy and remember always). It almost seems braggy to upgrade to new stuff just because you can.   The cash aspect I can understand but again whats so different between that and allowing gift cards on a registry? 
    Posted by barkerspud[/QUOTE]
    When H and I moved in together a couple of years before we got married, we got mostly hand me down plates, silverware, kitchen items, etc.  We were able to register for matching dinner wear, silverware, and what not.  We have since passed on our old plates to other people just starting off on their own.  I do not see that as wasteful at all.  I feel great that I can give someone else something to help them along.
    image
  • I do see that aspect of and think it's great to pass along things you've upgraded, FI and are I doing the same,  but not everyone is in the boat of needing/wanting to upgrade everything they own so again I ask, what is the big issue with it? If you have everything you need or just don't want china you'll never use, why not? I genuinely do not get it, I'd love an actual answer as to what makes it "tacky". 
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  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010
    Is there actually a honeymoon registry out there that will actually book the purchased items for you?  If there was I might be able to get on board with them, but since neither of the two options the OP is researching does it just puts a bad taste in my mouth.  You get a check once (maybe twice) that is issued right before your wedding; in a lot of cases that may not be enough time to get your honeymoon extras booked.  Let's also not forget that a lot of honeymoon registries charge your guest a fee to purchase items.

    Asking people to pay for your honeymoon or any part of it is the equivalent of asking your parents to pay for your wedding.  This isn't the day and age where the bride goes from living in her daddy's house to her husband's house.  If the OP and her FI can afford to buy the things that are registry standards then they can afford to pay for their own wedding & honeymoon.
  • 1) Asking for cash is just rude no matter how you try to disguise it. A lot of guest will give cash gifts anyway so why make yourself look bad by asking for it.

    2) Majority of HR are deceitful. Your guests are under the impression that they are buying you an actually gift like dinner, massage but really you are just getting a check from registry minus the fees, which you can then put toward anything you want.  So why should I waste my time going to a HM registry to buy something, when the couple won't actually get that gift??

    Easier to just stick a check in a card with not expectations of what it will be use for and no deception involve.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:8edf43f5-ec35-4ffe-8d11-9dd17122b22d">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Isn't though talking about your honeymoon plan in general kind of flaunting it though?</strong> I mean TK has a whole board dedicated to it! :) I guess where I'm stuck is there comes a point where you can only have so much stuff, why not help a couple starting out make great memories through travel...  I do totally agree about the down payment thing though, if you don't have a down payment you probably shouldn't be buying a house. 
    Posted by barkerspud[/QUOTE]

    There is a difference between talking about a fabulous honeymoon you are going on vs. asking your guests to help pay for said fabulous honeymoon.  You are basically asking for cash and telling people what you are going to spend it on. That doesn't make asking for cash any more acceptable than just putting on your website "Cash gifts only please."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:afc484a6-567a-4991-b5a8-dc53461ae65d">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for actual answers ladies! I can get behind the "asking for money argument", though I still think it's better to register for activities then under-registering so that you get cash instead which is suggested a lot around here, but I can kind of see the point. <strong>Calling a HM deceitful might be a little much don't you think... Most people know and understand the concept at this point, at least in my social circle. 
    </strong>Posted by barkerspud[/QUOTE]

    Your circle is pretty unique then.  People for my brother's wedding thought they were buying the actual tickets, dinners, etc.  I didn't know how they worked until I joined TK.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • btw MNVegas, I noticed you suggest another bride on another post "spread the word she is working on her house and that gift cards would be appreciated" isn't that asking for cash in card form? 


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_travelers-joy-vs-honeyfund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1cfc2906-538e-4388-b39f-526a74b2c2b4Post:9800f79d-5110-494b-b2e5-b768bd2a276d">Re: Traveler's Joy vs. Honeyfund?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Going by word of mouth is fine, though. There's a difference between having family members and BP spread the word, and someone putting it out there on their invites. OTOH, if someone asks you directly, it's fine to tell them that they're so nice to think of you, and say that you're saving up for whatever.
    Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]


    Exactly! If I ask a family member where Bride is registered or what they need, I have no problem with someone saying they are registered at a certain store or are saving for something in particular in the form of cash or gift cards. This is much more subtle than being outright asked for cash.

    As far as HR being deceitful, I guess not everyone, including myself, are as sophisticated when it comes to this type of cash registry as you are.  If I see a list on a registry asking for dinner, drinks, etc. and I am being asked to purchase that gift, then I would have assumed I was purchasing the actual gift not just having the money I donate pooled with everyone elses in the form of one payment to the couple.  Thankfully people on TK have educated me on the process and I consider HR deceitful and tacky!
  • It's pretty lame to say "OMGGGG you don't have anything better to do than rag on innocent brides to be and I feel so sorry for you!!!!! You need help or therapy you are sooooo bitter OMG OMG!!!! You are so rude!!!!!! "
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