Hi Knotties,
I am new to the boards. For a bit of background, my SO and I are high school sweethearts and are both in our mid-20s now. We both have stable jobs and have been saving for about a year for our future wedding/life together. We definitely know we want to be together and that we will get married. We have both even talked extensively about October of next year for our date.
However, he is slow to action. We've ring shopped together, talked out our vision for the wedding day, how we want our marriage to be a deeper, stronger version of our current sweet relationship, etc. However, I'm having a hard time relaxing and just enjoying this pre-engagement. I'm just getting impatient.
What are somethings you do/have done to help lessen the anxiety of the waiting game?
Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged?
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio
Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
Tale as Old as Time (Updated 11/26)
There have been a few times when I have caught myself pouting about the lack of engagement but the problem with that is when I am focusing on that, other areas of our relationship and SO himself isnt getting the attention it and he deserve.
Yes a ring would be lovely but I would rather take it day by day and enjoy how wonderful the "dating" life is then stress myself out about when he's going to propose.
*No pony, no I do!*
[QUOTE]Stop looking at it as pre-engagement and that you're waiting to start your lives together. You already have started your lives together. Enjoy it. <strong>Somedays are "worse" than others with being impatient and, for me, it's usually days when people decide to ask why BF and I aren't engaged yet (we are also HS sweethearts and have been together for over 5.5 years now).</strong> Buying a house has taken a lot of the focus off getting a ring, but I don't suggest buying a house just because.
Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]
Sounds like my life.
I just try to focus on school and fun activities we can do together. I used to think about it way too much but there is no use in being anxious because we will have the rest of our lives together so waiting the next several months to be engaged is no big deal.
If you already have a tentative date in mind, I wouldn't worry about it too much, because it's probably coming sooner rather than later. Don't prod either because you just might end up ruining the surprise.
After coming on the NYE boards I took everyone's advice about just living in the moment and enjoying the relationhsip now. If you've taken the steps, talking about marriage and ring shopping then the ring is definitely coming so that's one less thing you have to worry about. Also put it in perspective you will be with this person for the REST OF YOUR LIFE (if you dont believe in divorce of course) that's how I look at it. So whats a few more months without a ring...no wedding planning stress, enjoying just being bf and gf and also the anticipation of waiting for the proposial is exciting too. Hang in there the ring will be here before you know it!
That and being determined to be satisfied that I was simply WITH the man I wanted to marry. Honestly, just enjoy the anticipation. It only happens once.
One year ago I was in the EXACT same place as you. Now I've been married for 6 weeks. I know everyone tells you it will be here before you know it, but seriously, it will.
Just sit back and wait. And when you get antsy, come talk to the girls on the boards or talk to your BF about it.
You're welcome!
[QUOTE]Now I've been married for 6 months.Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]
Is there something you aren't telling us? :)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : Is there something you aren't telling us? :)
Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]
I was confused about this, too. I thought katanne was married in August???
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : Is there something you aren't telling us? :)
Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]
HAHA! OMG I know, I just saw that and fixed it.
Sorry to mislead you OP.
Married Bio
Everyone else has pretty much said it all. Take time to enjoy your relationship - make sure you have date nights, even if it's just grabbing a cup of coffee and taking a walk. We don't have a lot of money (didn't before we got engaged, either), so we've never been able to afford to have "big" date nights. We've made free or really inexpensive date nights and I so appreciate those more than anything because they allow us to focus on us. They're the memories we'll keep with us forever.
Desert has it right in thinking about why you love him and want to be with him for the rest of your life. I started a monthly "why I love you" list that I would give now FI (January is 1 thing, October will be 10 things, etc). He thinks they're completely corny, but he loves them. I even slip him a note when I pack him a lunch every once is a while - I just write a quick note to tell him how special he is or something - I just discovered he's been keeping all of these in his wallet (no wonder he needs a new wallet).
Enjoy...and welcome aboard.
Anyways...
I just had to post to tell you guys I really appreciate the advice!
Back to my lurking status!!!
-Jocelyn.
but if only it was just that easy to "relax and enjoy this time!" I'm 35 so time is relative, I suppose. We've talked it all out and planned it all out... now it just needs to happen. I'm such a planner by nature and the not knowing part is what really has me, i think.
So yeah, that's me... inpatient control freak! (One lucky guy, huh?
[QUOTE]... but if only it was just that easy to "relax and enjoy this time!" I'm 35 so time is relative, I suppose. We've talked it all out and planned it all out... now it just needs to happen. I'm such a planner by nature and the not knowing part is what really has me, i think. So yeah, that's me... inpatient control freak! (One lucky guy, huh? )
Posted by deuberj[/QUOTE]<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
<div>I'm totally in the same shoes as you. Also 35 and can't stand the waiting! My biological clock has been ticking like crazy for the past ten years and I can't stand it! </div><div>
</div><div>My BF moved in to my house about a year and a half ago (we'll have been together for 2 years in Nov.). I thought he'd propose way back when he moved in...but still waiting. He has suddenly begun to slowly get on board the wedding idea and finally agreed to look at rings together. So now I can at least rest assured that he does intend to buy one and that I'll like the style he picks. But for some reason, that's still not enough...I keep trying to plan things out ahead of time. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm addicted to all the bridal shows on WE TV and I keep printing out bridal gowns and checking out potential venues online....driving myself nuts. I'm just glad I'm not the only obsessed control freak waiting for a ring!</div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and Hi everyone...I'm new to the board!</div></div></div>
About the pre-planning thing. Personally, I dont want a SUPER long engagement and I feel like 6mnth-1yr is a crazy amnt of time to plan such a memorable day.Not to mention, naturally I am a planner. Its just my thing. So things have to be perfect. I feel like, if you KNOW, theres nothing wrong with getting planning done ahead of time. Im not BOOKING anything but im getting quotes on things, flower ideas, venues,colors, etc etc! This website deff ROCKS with ALL planning things you need!! I could spend DAYS on here and never run out of things to do or look at!
So besides to SLIGHT pre-planning, lets cherish the moment we have now! We may never get it back!!
P.S. I'm kind of new to this whole mesg board thing so, NICE to meet you ladies!!
There, I said it.
[QUOTE]In response to everyone but especially CharityG87 ! Man, I came to these mesg boards to ask the SAME QUESTIONS! Is it ridiculous to start planning before having the ring!? Because that's what im doing right now! haha. Its so cool to know im not the only crazy, planning, control freak out there! lol. My BF and I knew almost immediately that we were going to be together forever after being friends for YEARS. And actually, for the first time in my life, he was the one to bring up the 'love and marriage' topic ! He's the one that told me to start looking at TIFFANY'S rings and gave me a budget to work with!! Crazy huh?!?! BUT <strong>he says we have to wait 3 or 4 years </strong>because we don't want to be in that "divorce percentile" and we need to save up so we dont get married out of debt. (Obviously hes the smart one of the relationship haha) Anyway, naturally i am SOOO impatient so this is deff not easy for me. But after reading all these posts and occupying my time with other things, its become much easier. And I dont talk or pressure him about the wedding thing hardly at all any more. The times I do bring up wedding ideas he loves talking about them! About the pre-planning thing. Personally, I dont want a SUPER long engagement and I feel like 6mnth-1yr is a crazy amnt of time to plan such a memorable day.Not to mention, naturally I am a planner. Its just my thing. So things have to be perfect. I feel like, if you KNOW, theres nothing wrong with getting planning done ahead of time. Im not BOOKING anything but <strong>im getting quotes on things, flower ideas, venues,colors, etc etc! </strong>This website deff ROCKS with ALL planning things you need!! I could spend DAYS on here and never run out of things to do or look at! So besides to SLIGHT pre-planning, lets cherish the moment we have now! We may never get it back!! P.S. I'm kind of new to this whole mesg board thing so, NICE to meet you ladies!! :)
Posted by allishiare[/QUOTE]
<div>You do realize that all of those quotes will probably be worthless 4 years from now, right?</div>
Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
Tale as Old as Time (Updated 11/26)
[QUOTE]In response to everyone but especially CharityG87 ! Man, I came to these mesg boards to ask the SAME QUESTIONS! Is it ridiculous to start planning before having the ring!? Because that's what im doing right now! haha. Its so cool to know im not the only crazy, planning, control freak out there! lol. My BF and I knew almost immediately that we were going to be together forever after being friends for YEARS. And actually, for the first time in my life, he was the one to bring up the 'love and marriage' topic ! He's the one that told me to start looking at TIFFANY'S rings and gave me a budget to work with!! Crazy huh?!?! BUT he says we have to wait 3 or 4 years because we don't want to be in that "divorce percentile" and we need to save up so we dont get married out of debt. (Obviously hes the smart one of the relationship haha) Anyway, naturally i am SOOO impatient so this is deff not easy for me. But after reading all these posts and occupying my time with other things, its become much easier. And I dont talk or pressure him about the wedding thing hardly at all any more. The times I do bring up wedding ideas he loves talking about them! About the pre-planning thing. Personally, I dont want a SUPER long engagement and I feel like 6mnth-1yr is a crazy amnt of time to plan such a memorable day.Not to mention, naturally I am a planner. Its just my thing. So things have to be perfect. I feel like, if you KNOW, theres nothing wrong with getting planning done ahead of time. Im not BOOKING anything but im getting quotes on things, flower ideas, venues,colors, etc etc! This website deff ROCKS with ALL planning things you need!! I could spend DAYS on here and never run out of things to do or look at! So besides to SLIGHT pre-planning, lets cherish the moment we have now! We may never get it back!! P.S. I'm kind of new to this whole mesg board thing so, NICE to meet you ladies!! :)
Posted by allishiare[/QUOTE]
But I'm a PLLAAAAAAANERRRRRRR.
::boom:: <------ that is my head. exploding.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How are you finding peace with being pre-engaged? : But I'm a PLLAAAAAAANERRRRRRR. ::boom:: <------ that is my head. exploding.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
this.
"Popular on the internetz..."
Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
Murried Bio