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planning your own proposal

SJM7538SJM7538 member
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in Chit Chat
So I was just lurking through the Not Yet Engaged board and I just don't understand this. There are multiple threads about women planning their own proposals or they've already started wedding planning but aren't actually engaged yet. It just made me curious...why would anyone want to do that? I'll admit my fiance was well aware that I wanted to to be engaged and plan my wedding but I had no idea how, when or where he would do it. I didn't pick out my own ring and I really only had ideas of what I wanted for my wedding before we got engaged, but nothing set in stone. I didn't even join TK until I was engaged!

Can someone enlighten me on this? Any of you plan your proposal or pre-plan your wedding.
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Re: planning your own proposal

  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I've always been perplexed by this too. I had no idea my proposal was coming and my ring is a family heirloom. I've never understood girls who try to dictate a specific ring or some sort of eleborate proposal. 

    I wandered over NEY for the first time the other day and was so confused and blown away by the planning but not engaged yet thing. That just seems completely crazy to me. If I was a guy and my girl was already wedding planning prior to proposing I'd see that as a big red flag that screams batshitcrazypants all over it. 
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  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:7198be5a-8806-4f88-96ef-7ad883164836">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've always been perplexed by this too. I had no idea my proposal was coming and my ring is a family heirloom. I've never understood girls who try to dictate a specific ring or some sort of eleborate proposal.  I wandered over NEY for the first time the other day and was so confused and blown away by the planning but not engaged yet thing. That just seems completely crazy to me. If I was a guy and my girl was already wedding planning prior to proposing I'd see that as a <strong>big red flag that screams batshitcrazypants all over it.</strong> 
    Posted by cnf2013[/QUOTE]

    This just made me laugh so hard!
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  • warpedredpenguinwarpedredpenguin
    100 Comments
    I knew he was going to propose, and he'd showed me the diamond he was going to use- an heirloom. He told me to pick the setting, because he didn't think he'd pick something I'd like. But, I didn't see the ring until he proposed, and I had no idea when or where that was going to be. 

    I don't get planning a wedding before being engaged either, or making demands about how the proposal plays out. 
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  • MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Wait, are they planning how their boyfriend is going to propose to them, or are they planning how they're going to propose to their boyfriend?

    Because the first one is kind of strange, but the second one is totally normal. 

    My now DH and I picked out my ring together, and paid for it together. So once it was in the house, I started reading up about wedding planning. Nothing was set in stone though, not for a few years (we had a long engagement, once he did propose).
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you actually paid any attention to the boards, you'd see that we call people out all the time for pre-planning and the chick who posted about planning her own proposal also got her ass handed to her.

    If people want to be coddled, they need to go to Weddingbee. NEYers don't let people get away with that sort of madness.

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  • JaneAustensGhostJaneAustensGhost member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Answer
    edited November 2012
    I picked out several rings I liked with the understanding that I'd be wearing it for the rest of my life so I should have something I really love.  I then let FI pick which one he wanted to propose with.  It worked beautifully.

    The thought of pre-planning a wedding makes me sad for those girls.
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    As a reg on NEY, we don't promote preplanning. A lot of first time posters come on all OMG I NEED TO PLAN MY WEDDING NOWWW!!!! And it doesn't go over well at. all. 

    There has been an influx of crazies lately thanks to Christmas being around the corner and lots of ring commercials on tv. BSC girls pressure their BF's to "have the talk" and the BF mentions a ring and the girl flips the hell out and comes on to NEY. And we get to save you guys from it. Woo,
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    As the other girls said, if you actually read the threads over on NEY, we don't condone pre-planning.  A lot of girls who are new to the board do post crazy stuff like that.


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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited November 2012
    I think it depends on how you define "engaged."

    Some couples start planning their wedding together before there is a ring or a proposal, though they have already agreed that they want to marry and that they are ready to start planning. These people ARE engaged (though some people don't think they are engaged yet).  Planning a wedding together means you are engaged, even if you don't have a ring.

    On the other hand, some women start planning on their own before their partners state their intent to get married.  These women are BSC.  
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:60aee54e-b231-4a8e-93a2-94612ff139cb">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on how you define "engaged."<strong> Some couples start planning their wedding together before there is a ring or a proposal, though they have already agreed that they want to marry and that they are ready to start planning. These people ARE engaged (though some people don't think they are engaged yet).  Planning a wedding together means you are engaged, even if you don't have a ring.</strong> On the other hand, some women start planning on their own before their partners state their intent to get married.  These women are BSC.  
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    <div>We have a flow chart for this reason. True facts. </div><div>
    </div><div>Some girls will plan the wedding with their BF, yet do not consider themselves engaged. They then come to the board whining and complaining: why oh why hasn't he proposed yet?? We're getting married in six months, but he hasn't propoooooooosed??? HELP MEEEEEEE!! And then when we tell them, hey, you're planning a wedding together, congrats! They come back all, we're not engaged! Who do you think you are!</div><div>
    </div><div>Lurk around NEY on the regular and you'll see it all. People can be crazy pants. </div><div>
    </div><div>And we occasionally get the BSC chick who's been dating her BF 2 months and is all OMG HE'S GOING TO PORPOISE!!!!</div>
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:a179dcb7-fe0f-4f8d-8ee1-477b0b36681e">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: planning your own proposal : <strong>We have a flow chart for this reason.</strong> True facts.  Some girls will plan the wedding with their BF, yet do not consider themselves engaged. They then come to the board whining and complaining: why oh why hasn't he proposed yet?? We're getting married in six months, but he hasn't propoooooooosed??? HELP MEEEEEEE!! And then when we tell them, hey, you're planning a wedding together, congrats! They come back all, we're not engaged! Who do you think you are! Lurk around NEY on the regular and you'll see it all. People can be crazy pants.  And we occasionally get the BSC chick who's been dating her BF 2 months and is all OMG HE'S GOING TO PORPOISE!!!!
    Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I love flow charts!!!

    </div>
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh, also, FI and I went ring shopping together. That's actually something we do encourage, in a healthy sense. Don't drag your BF along if he's obviously not wanting to get engaged, but if y'all are on the same page, then take him and show him what you like. If you want. If you want to be surprised, then don't. But I had no idea WTF I wanted. 

    FWIW, I knew a lot about my proposal, mainly bc my FI couldn't keep it secret, he was so excited. I don't see the issue in it. It also took some pressure off of him to make it this orgasmic, viral sensation. It was sweet and perfect and great for us. And I knew what was coming for 6 and a half weeks. 
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:7110627d-a5a2-4b0e-9cca-6b0d4f7ab2a8">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: planning your own proposal : I love flow charts!!!
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    <div>I will find it for you!</div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper


    Tada!
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:c916f850-e327-43e5-8c9d-8bc9f4083f0f">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my favorite classic Bette Davis films, "Old Aquaintance", has the line "No really nice woman ever wants to marry a man who doesn't want to marry her ." Ironicly, Bette was having an affair with her co-star's husband at the time.  Those ladies really hated each other!
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hahaha! We usually pull out the Jenna Marbles Face or the Prince gif. </div><div>
    </div><div>BTW, CMG, how is your son? He was in a fire a few months back, right?</div>
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:b46ee20c-d19d-4788-a0f4-2640c89d88bc">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tada!
    Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

    <div>Love it!!!</div>
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
     batshitcrazypants.   I think that may be my new favorite word.

    CMG - your son was in a fire?  I missed that post, I am sorry.  Is everything ok for him now?
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  • ftrmrsweatherdonftrmrsweatherdon
    100 Comments
    I think maybe girls get wrapped up in the fair tale of it all. They see all these sweet proposals on you tube and think they hope and pray their SO will do something equally as amazing.

    Unfortunately, not all proposals are as grand and romantic as the ones that are sensationalized on social media. Talking about how you hope SO will propose and thinking in depth about it will most likely only lead to disappointment. ( spoiler: theres a good chance your SO will not organize a flash mob with all your friends)

    By overthinking this, will only let you down in the long run.

    Sit back. RELAX. It will happen when it happens, if its meant to be. 
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  • ftrmrsweatherdonftrmrsweatherdon
    100 Comments
    I should probably post that on NEY but it came out here! haha
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited November 2012
    CMG - WHAT is it with engineers?  Mine just kind of decided we were getting married.  There was NO proposal.  I have told him for years he owes me one.  He is a wonderful, honest, loving man but there isn't a strand of romantic DNA in his body.

    ETA - so glad to hear your son is ok.  Any chance he is an engineer too?
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  • 1mobags1mobags
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:60aee54e-b231-4a8e-93a2-94612ff139cb">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on how you define "engaged." Some couples start planning their wedding together before there is a ring or a proposal, though they have already agreed that they want to marry and that they are ready to start planning. These people ARE engaged (though some people don't think they are engaged yet).  Planning a wedding together means you are engaged, even if you don't have a ring. On the other hand, some women start planning on their own before their partners state their intent to get married.  These women are BSC.  
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]



    We did this. We booked our venue, photographer, JP and I had my dress all before my ring. It was hard for me because although FI got congrats from everyone no one considered me "engaged" until there was a ring on my finger. In fact I pretty much jumped down a coworkers throat when he said "oh are you still planning your imaginary wedding?".

    Personally i don't get the importance of the ring. We were getting married way before it was on my finger,

    That being said I did venture to that board once..... And it was scary :)
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  • travelerkristravelerkris member
    10 Comments
    1mobags - AGREED.  We had our venue booked and I had my dress before he finished paying for the ring and before he'd gotten on one knee.  I knew when he was going to propose, but not where or how, and my proposal (suprised in Italy) was freaking fantastic.  I don't understand the vitriol on the NEY board.  They've all decided how things have to be (for everyone in the world), but it isn't always so black and white. 
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2012
    In Response to Re: planning your own proposal:
    [QUOTE] I don't understand the vitriol on the NEY board.  They've all decided how things have to be (for everyone in the world), but it isn't always so black and white.
    Posted by travelerkris[/QUOTE]

    In Response to Re: planning your own proposal:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: planning your own proposal : We were getting married way before it was on my finger, That being said I did venture to that board once..... And it was scary :)
    Posted by 1mobags[/QUOTE]

    Man, I sure do hear a lot of baww'ing all up in here.

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  • brittany634brittany634 member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:a179dcb7-fe0f-4f8d-8ee1-477b0b36681e">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: planning your own proposal : We have a flow chart for this reason. True facts.  Some girls will plan the wedding with their BF, yet do not consider themselves engaged. They then come to the board whining and complaining: why oh why hasn't he proposed yet?? We're getting married in six months, but he hasn't propoooooooosed??? HELP MEEEEEEE!! And then when we tell them, hey, you're planning a wedding together, congrats! They come back all, we're not engaged! Who do you think you are! Lurk around NEY on the regular and you'll see it all. People can be crazy pants.  And we occasionally get the BSC chick who's been dating her <strong>BF 2 months and is all OMG HE'S GOING TO PORPOISE!!!!
    </strong>Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

    Thats offensive to people who get engaged after a few months- my H proposed after 3 months- that doesn't make our relationship/engagement any less important than someone who waited 3 or 4 years. It just means we knew what we wanted.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:b98152b1-bfa7-4e69-923a-c160978c1783">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: planning your own proposal : Thats offensive to people who get engaged after a few months- my H proposed after 3 months- that doesn't make our relationship/engagement any less important than someone who waited 3 or 4 years. It just means we knew what we wanted.
    Posted by brittany634[/QUOTE]

    <div>When you're 17, it's crazypants.  End of story.</div>
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  • brittany634brittany634 member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:9240e50d-3318-4c39-8aae-cce004553e05">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: planning your own proposal : <strong>When you're 17, it's crazypants.  End of story.
    </strong>Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    thats fine, however making a statement saying that it's always crazy to get engaged after a short period of time is and can be offensive.

    Stage- I understand the point of the post, I was addressing the one statement. Not the post as a whole.
    image
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:ec0d95c9-d269-4cad-b2dc-d3d291ec2785">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: planning your own proposal : thats fine, however making a statement saying that it's always crazy to get engaged after a short period of time is and can be offensive. Stage- I understand the point of the post, I was addressing the one statement. Not the post as a whole.
    Posted by brittany634[/QUOTE]

    Drew wasn't trying to offend you with that statement.  Try not to take things so personally.  Does it surprise you that engagements that happen that quickly are often subject to a little skepticism?  There are exceptions to every rule, of course, and everyone knows that, but when all I know about a couple is that they got engaged after just a few months, I'm going to side-eye a little until I get to know them.  If you're secure in your relationship, that's all that matters.  If you're going to get offended every time somebody makes a comment like Drew's, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of indignation.

    Also, I don't think Stage was talking to you.
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  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Picking out a ring together, or giving suggestions to ones you like is one thing and I honestly think that's fine. It's girl who rave about 3 carat rings and whatnot, thinking they need something so over the top and trying to dictate that is another. Like I can't stand girls on pinterest, for example, who pin a huge like 5 carat perfect clarity ring with some stupid caption of "make sure someone tells my future husband about this". Yeah, okay. 

    I definitely agree about not needing a ring in order to be engaged. That girl getting married in six months claiming she's not engaged is being nutso. 
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  • 1mobags1mobags
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:8c8fc74e-e7a7-4fd8-8854-fe2efacea8a8">Re:planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:planning your own proposal:

    You may not have had a ring or a proposal yet, which is fine, but their point is that the definition of being engaged is intending and planning to get married. So you were literally already engaged.

    Saying you aren't engaged because you don't have an e ring or proposal is like saying you didn't have a wedding because you didn't wear a big white gown or have a tiered cake.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



    EXACTLY. That's is my point. We were engaged but not one person considered me engaged until the ring was on my finger, my point being it was a double standard. For him congrats all around..... For me it was make believe until I had my diamond.
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  • daveANDkristendaveANDkristen member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_planning-your-own-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e2a1b56e-f457-40c9-98b1-d228b04b642aPost:b46ee20c-d19d-4788-a0f4-2640c89d88bc">Re: planning your own proposal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tada!
    Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]

    I flucking love that flow chart!
    image
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