MOHzilla HELP!!!!

stephmford · December 2012

I have known my MOH forever, since middle school, and I knew she would be my MOH a very long time ago. However, she is kind of driving me crazy. First, she invited her new bf of 3 months or so to the wedding just assuming she will get at +1 which no one is..the only people who are bring dates are engaged married or living together and like I said, they just started dating. That is the main thing and I dont know how to tell her that he cant come. It really is a money issue...we cant even invite some of our coworkers because our families are so huge!!!!

How do I tell her that she cant bring him?? Please help!!!

OliveOilsMom · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:4c27a8f8-7a24-44d4-a85e-f2d6dcfa4d76">MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have known my MOH forever, since middle school, and I knew she would be my MOH a very long time ago. However, she is kind of driving me crazy. First, she invited her new bf of 3 months or so to the wedding just assuming she will get at +1 which no one is..the only people who are bring dates are engaged married or living together and like I said, they just started dating. That is the main thing and I dont know how to tell her that he cant come. It really is a money issue...we cant even invite some of our coworkers because our families are so huge!!!! How do I tell her that she cant bring him?? Please help!!!
Posted by stephmford@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

Your MOH is correct. She has a bf and he should be invited along with her, by name. Anyone who has a significant other, should be invited together. It is very rude to exclude bf/gf from the invite list. Only truly single people do not need a plus one. Many couples need to make painful cuts from their guest lists.

vanityink · December 2012

It's a touchy subject, the couples thing around here. Most say any SO on here, others point to the Emily Post advice that just says long term/living together/etc parties. I will leave that debate to others.

But it's generally good manners, either way, to give your wedding party a +1 no matter what. So it's understandable she would assume she has one. I don't see that as MOHzilla behavior at all if that's all she's done...

Anyway, if you're still going to insist she can't have a +1, you're just going to have to accept you're going to upset her and say you're not having plus 1 for anyone not living together/engaged/married.

AddieCake · December 2012

You're seriously saying your best friend, the MOH of your wedding party, cannot bring a date to the wedding? If I were her, the plus one problem would turn into a minus one problem....as in minus one person from your wedding party and friend from your life.

Summer2011Bride · December 2012

Her boyfriend needs to be invited. I am in the camp that thinks any SO should be invited, regardless of living together, engaged, etc. Some people choose to not get married or live together for a long time but are in very serious relationships. Some people can be very serious after only a few months. I have a friend who was engaged after only 6 months of dating and they have been married 5 years now. It's not up to anyone else to judge the seriousness of relationships.

Having said all that even IF you think people should be married/engaged/etc. this is your MOH, your lifelong friend, probably your closest friend. And you would really risk losing her and hurting her over one more invitation? ONE more person at your wedding? This does not compute to me.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

Your MOH and her BF are a social unit and social units should be invited together. It is not up to you to determine the seriousness of their relationship. I have a friend that was shopping for e-rings within an month and another relative who has simply been dating his GF for 25+ years. Who determines the seriousness of their relationship.

While it was wrong of her to assume, it was wrong of you to suggest that this person should be uninvited and potentially risk your friendship.

melb2013 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:7543c058-84e3-49b1-ae15-27af947fa2c8">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your MOH and her BF are a social unit and social units should be invited together. It is not up to you to determine the seriousness of their relationship. I have a friend that was shopping for e-rings within an month and another relative who has simply been dating his GF for 25+ years. Who determines the seriousness of their relationship. While it was wrong of her to assume, it was wrong of you to suggest that this person should be uninvited and potentially risk your friendship.
Posted by cajitasazules[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this. This is why I stand by the SO rule. If she has a bf, then you need to invite him. In my world, if they are serious enough to put a label on it, that's all I need to know to decide whether to invite that person or not. OP is correct in thinking that she doesn't need to give truly single people a plus one. We are not giving single people plus ones, but we are inviting the SOs of friends and family.</div>

Maggie0829 · December 2012

All I am going to say is that OP, you should really start a new account that doesn't use your email address as your screen name.

I just am not up to commenting on anything more than that.

SlothGoals · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:4c27a8f8-7a24-44d4-a85e-f2d6dcfa4d76">MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have known my MOH forever, since middle school, and I knew she would be my MOH a very long time ago. However, she is kind of driving me crazy. First, she invited her new bf of 3 months or so to the wedding just assuming she will get at +1 which no one is..the only people who are bring dates are engaged married or living together and like I said, they just started dating. That is the main thing and I dont know how to tell her that he cant come. It really is a money issue...we cant even invite some of our coworkers because our families are so huge!!!! How do I tell her that she cant bring him?? Please help!!!
Posted by stephmford@yahoo.com[/QUOTE]

<div>I think that you need to prepare for the idea that she may decline to be in your wedding if you tell her she cannot bring her BF. You do not get to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship and your arbitrary line of engaged/married/living together will offend your other guests who do not fit your criteria but have a SO.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, if this is the only thing she has done she is not a MOHzilla; you however are toeing the Bridezilla line.</div>

Peledreamsofrain · December 2012

You are supposed to be giving her a position of honor. It is not much of an honor to be forbidden company at an event that you sacraficed time and money to attend. Strict rules or no, I find it offensive when the bridal party doesn't get plus 1s. Being forced to sit alone at a wedding doesn't feel like an honor.

I gave all of my bridal party plus ones, and my FSIL (a BM), brought a friend of hers to the wedding. I didn't know the girl, they weren't in a relationship in any way, and our wedding was teeeeeeeny tiny, but I didn't even think twice about extending the +1.

I'm glad I did too, her friend was awesome, and super fun!!! She secretly arranged with my FSIL to have a circle of our family and friends at the end of the night sing to us before we made our grand escape. It made me cry, I was so touched .

freebread03 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:b472d0c3-5334-4c2f-9a10-7a7b45637d48">Re:MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]The OP asked for a way to let her MOH know that she wasn't allowed a plus 1 on the guest list, so I outlined it for her. Because her question was not whether it was APPROPRIATE for her MOH to bring the BF, but how to say she wasn't allowed to. <strong>As Retread pointed out, the single members of the bridal party are not entitled to a plus 1. You and I [and a few others on this thread] simply think that it would be nice to include the BF because it will make the MOH much more comfortable. </strong>And I [and several others] pointed out that while the OP can tell the MOH the BF is not invited, if they're serious by the time the wedding rolls around, the OP could likely lose her MOH simply because she was too rigid to allow a plus 1. Tone is hard to convey, but it isn't my concern if you can't pick up on the sarcasm in my first response. I explained it to you and stand by what I said. I would not personally tell MY MOH that she cannot bring her SO, but the OP is correct that etiquette allows her to say he is not invited. Whether or not this bride/MOH friendship survives because of her choice to exclude the BF is another matter and none of our business, and the OP isn't asking us to weigh in on that. I chose to, but I'm half expecting the OP to log back in and tell us to take a hike and not concern ourselves with the fallout. ETA: the MOH was out of line to assume she had a plus 1 and invite the BF without the bride and FI's permission. So the OP isn't the only one having issues with etiquette in this situation.
Posted by coopergirl15[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You are really having some trouble communicating here--both in your posts and understanding others' communications, since Retread did NOT say it would be "nice" to invite the MOH's boyfriend. Retread pointed out that it is "nice" to invite wedding party members with a date, but nowhere did she say it's "nice" but not required to invite people with their significant others.</div><div>
</div><div>It is appropriate etiquette to invite people with their significant others. That includes BOYFRIENDS. You do not get to judge the significance or seriousness of their relationship. If she considers him her boyfriend, then you invite him, with her, since he's her boyfriend. If they've been dating 3 months and your wedding isn't until March or April (I can't remember what you wrote) by that time they will have been togeter 6 or 7 months. I can't imagine you would want to be so rude as to not invite your MOH's boyfriend would you?</div><div>
</div><div>EDIT: And I think Retread was stating etiquette in a general sense--it is never required that singles get a date. But it sounds like OP's MOH is not single, so I don't think there should be any confusion by anyone as to whether her significant other should be invited. This isn't really that complicated.

</div>

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:e96293bc-3330-41d0-9164-b3011e81868b">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your MOH and her BF are a social unit and social units should be invited together. YOU ARE, FOR PURPOSES OF ETIQUETTE, INCORRECT. THEY HAVE BEEN *DATING* FOR A WEEK. THEY ARE NOT A "SOCIAL UNIT" YET. It is not up to you to determine the seriousness of their relationship. iT IS FOR PURPOSES OF HER WEDDING INVITATIONS. I THINK YOU NEED TO REVIEW ONE OF THE EXCELLENT ETIQUETTE MANUALS ON THIS QUESTION. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND MISS MANNERS, WHO RECOMMENDS THAT A BRIDE ASK, "OH, ARE YOU AND MR. JONES ENGAGED NOW? I HADN'T HEARD." WHEN A FRIEND PUSHES IN THIS MANNER. I have a friend that was shopping for e-rings within an month and another relative who has simply been dating his GF for 25+ years. Who determines the seriousness of their relationship. SEE THE ANSWER ABOVE. THE BRIDE WILL BE THEN BE OBLIGATED TO INVITE HIM WHEN THEY BECOME ENGAGED. SEE MY ANSWER ABOVE. SIMPLY PUT, YOU ARE WRONG HERE, AND NEED TO BACK OFF. While it was wrong of her to assume, it was wrong of you to suggest that this person should be uninvited and potentially risk your friendship. THE BRIDE IS NOT WRONG HERE. YOU ARE. PLEASE LOOK IT UP, AND STOP GIVING BAD ADVICE. THE MOH IS BEING PUSHY AND RUDE HERE, NOT THE BRIDE.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>*sigh* Thank you for yelling by typing in all caps...that's poor netetiquette. </div><div>
</div><div>Never my intention to give bad advice, but I've previously seen much of the same line of thought given by other posters here.</div><div>
</div><div>I simply gave all my guests, in relationships or not a plus one, to my wedding. OP stated they have been dating for 3 months. To some that's long enough to be exclusive. Who are we to judge?</div><div>
</div><div>Never my intention to flame or offend people at all with this post, simply to offer an opinion.</div>

Maggie0829 · December 2012

My stance, if someone has a SO (meaning BF/GF, FI, married, partner, etc) by the time invitations are to go out then the SO must be invited.

For our wedding, to make sure that we budgeted correctly in the event that every single person invited also had a SO we just went ahead and added a plus one to each invitee. When it was time for the invites to go out we made sure about how was truly single and who was in a relationship (did not matter the length) and invited accordingly. Lucky for us we did not go over our set budget and were able to extend plus ones to all the truly single guests. Of course if we had gone over budget or were trying to cut back we would have invited the single guests alone.

Maggie0829 · December 2012

Well I am certainly not going to debate this with you NYU because from previous posts and threads you have repeatedly said that unless there is a ring then there is no bring. Reasoning which I think is highly idiotic seeing as that would have meant that my H and I would have never been invited to events together for the 8 years we dated before he put a ring on my finger.

I think that the MOH in this situation overstepped a bit by assuming things, however, if I was in a committed relationship, no matter the length of time, I would probably assume that my BF would be invited as well seeing as we are a social unit.

I believe that the OP is overreacting by calling her MOH a MOHzilla, unless she has done something other then assume that her BF is invited (which I am sure we have all made the same mistake once or twice) then she certainly is far from being a zilla.

OP, yes there are etiquette rules that are written in books and then there is just common sense. Put yourself in your friends shoes. Wouldn't you think that your BF would be invited to a wedding that you were in as well? Especially if you have made it clear that you are in a committed relationship with that person? Wouldn't you feel hurt if your friend decided for herself that your relationship is not worthy enough or important enough in her eyes to invite your SO? OP, and others who think it is ok, you don't have the right to judge other peoples relationships. Some people get together and 3 or so months later are engaged and have set a wedding date others (like myself and H) take years before getting engaged and married and some never get married. None of the relationships are better then the others and no one (unless part of the actual relationship) has the right to say whether it is serious enough or not to deem an invite.

OP, your friend will be mad at you if you do not invite her BF (seeing that they are still together by your wedding). She will most likely still walk in your wedding but you brushing her BF and basically her relationship aside like it is not important will hurt her feelings and will most likely hurt your friendship.

AddieCake · December 2012

We firmly believed in giving ALL our guests a +1. We didn't care if they brought someone they had been dating or if they were single and wanted to bring their Saturday night hookup. We had one guest who brought her mother as her "date." It simply wasn't a big deal to us WHO their +1 was, and we could afford to give everyone that +1. I realize not everyone can afford to do that and perhaps they cannot extend +1s unless people have an SO. However, I firmly believe that anyone exclusively dating someone definitely should be permitted to bring that person. I don't care if they have been dating 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years. I don't feel it is my place to decide what level of "significant" a person's SO is. Edited to change "relationship" to "exclusively dating" since some of us differ in opinions on how long one must be dating before deeming it a "relationship."

[Deleted User] · December 2012

For me personally, and this is just my personal definition, not at all the official line, is that 15 year old would be invited as part of the family unit. I would invite anyone over 18 with a 1. We were able to include a 1 for all our guests. Some brought a date, others a roommate, another their sister, and some chose to come alone. I think my concern in all of this is the underlying friendship and the damage this could cause to that relationship. It may be etiquette to say no, but it's a case where an except might need to be made if it would cause more damage to a long term friendship, if the budget and venue allow. I agree that the friend overstepped her boundaries but I would like to think that for someone to be as close to her as a MOH, they might consider the friendship and potential damage. She should have asked the OP before the BF but that cannot be undone. A true friend should understand in any case. EDIT: Clarity and iPhone errors

AddieCake · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:e870e801-1fee-4668-bce2-11c886815826">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So Addie, by your rule, if my 15YO second cousin is dating someone "exclusively" they get a plus one?
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Yes, which is exactly why my 16-yr-old cousin brought his girlfriend.

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to Re:MOHzilla HELP!!!!:BUDGET and VENUE CAPACITY enter in here. Which is exactly a factor I mentioned. Understandably it can get dicey when you would have to do this for all and that may not be possible for any number of reasons. Basically at the end of the day, the MOH did overstep her boundaries. There are many factors at play, but a good friend, especially one who is close enough to be given the honor of being the MOH, should be able to understand and respect the situation. And as I do stand correct on my earlier misunderstanding of the etiquette breach, I apologize for any offense.

AddieCake · December 2012

The MOH has been dating the guy for at least 3 months. That's long enough not to be casually dating. By the time invitations go out, if they are still together, they will have been together for about 6 months. I cannot believe anyone would think she shouldn't be allowed to invite him after being with him for that long. It's not like she met him the week of the wedding and is springing this on the bride last minute. Etiquette "rules" about who MUST be invited vs. those for whom it is up to the hosts aside, I think that's just a d!ck move not to let her bring him.

Maggie0829 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:b6d76a95-78f5-4d89-968c-7ecce02b25b1">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]The MOH has been dating the guy for at least 3 months. That's long enough not to be casually dating. By the time invitations go out, if they are still together, they will have been together for about 6 months. I cannot believe anyone would think she shouldn't be allowed to invite him after being with him for that long. It's not like she met him the week of the wedding and is springing this on the bride last minute. Etiquette "rules" about who MUST be invited vs. those for whom it is up to the hosts aside, I think that's just a d!ck move not to let her bring him.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Totally agree.

Anyway, I do not understand why OP is being such a pain about this. It isn't like her invites are going out tomorrow. OP stop worrying about this until your wedding is closer. If your MOH is still in this relationship then he needs to be invited.

Peledreamsofrain · December 2012

I think etiquette was created to see to the comfort of those around you. Sticking to it strictly, even when it causes emotional harm to others, is cold. And in my opinion, misuse of etiquette.

Maggie0829 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:e6e59a23-c047-4a9d-bf69-e3588992d39f">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]no one (unless part of the actual relationship) has the right to say whether it is serious enough or not to deem an invite. Yes, actually, they do.....since they are the hosts. One does not invite one's own guests to someone else's social functions. Your comparison is invalid, because you and your SO dated for 8 years. It is quite obvious that you were in a relationship. This MOH wants to invite her current flavor of the month. Not the same. If they become engaged, or are still together after six months, by the time the wedding rolls around, then yes - the bride should squeeze him in if she can. Right now, the MOH simply refers to him as her new boyfriend. They are not in a relationship. They are DATING. This is not a difficult concept, and I don't understand why so many people are having problems with it.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I already said that the moh definitely made a mistake by assuming her bf was invited but I still don't believe it is anyone's place to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship especially after they have made it clear they are in a committed relationship.

And if boyfriend is not the correct term to use to state that you are in a relationship then what is?

AddieCake · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:aff844dd-fb6b-41f4-bbf1-58d4ca997047">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!! :

I already said that the moh definitely made a mistake by assuming her bf was invited but I still don't believe it is anyone's place to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship especially after they have made it clear they are in a committed relationship.

And if boyfriend is not the correct term to use to state that you are in a relationship then what is?
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

This is why I'm getting so miffed about this. I usually agree with everything Retread says, but I'm really confused here. How is this guy a "flavor of the month" if they have been together 3 months already? My husband and I considered ourselves serious by then, and so did our friends and family. Certainly serious enough that we were considered a social unit.

AddieCake · December 2012

I see what you're saying now, but I still feel that 3 months is long enough to be considered a "relationship," so if invitations were going out NOW, I still believe he should be invited. Perhaps it was wrong of the MOH to assume her boyfriend would be invited, but I would assume that in her place as well. It would never occur to me that someone would not deem my 3 month relationship as being serious enough to warrant an invitation. I mean, if we're all conceding he should get one at 6 months, I guess I'm wondering what is the all powerful number of months other people are looking at as the determiner?

Viczaesar · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:e6e59a23-c047-4a9d-bf69-e3588992d39f">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]no one (unless part of the actual relationship) has the right to say whether it is serious enough or not to deem an invite. Yes, actually, they do.....since they are the hosts. One does not invite one's own guests to someone else's social functions. Your comparison is invalid, because you and your SO dated for 8 years. It is quite obvious that you were in a relationship. This MOH wants to invite her current flavor of the month. Not the same. If they become engaged, or are still together after six months, by the time the wedding rolls around, then yes - the bride should squeeze him in if she can. Right now, the MOH simply refers to him as her new boyfriend. They are not in a relationship. They are DATING. This is not a difficult concept, and I don't understand why so many people are having problems with it.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
How on earth is someone she's been dating for 3 months and whom she considers her boyfriend the "current flavor of the month"? Also, is it just me or are you a heck of a lot more prickly and forceful since you became the moderator for this board?

Viczaesar · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:4a6bd5ce-2b8f-4aa6-ad7d-23bac7f217b6">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I cannot believe anyone would think she shouldn't be allowed to invite him after being with him for that long. We've all agreed that if they're still together at that time, then yes, he should be invited. Do any of you have friends who get into "serious, committed" relationships with every guy they date for more than a week? Friends who insist that "this is the one, and I'm so in love. I never knew it was possible to be so much in love...." every single time? The bride will be bound to her invitation if she invites the guy now - even if he isn't dating the MOH. Hopefully he'd have the good taste to decline the invitation, but one never knows. What if HE elopes and gets married? Then Bride must invite the clod PLUS his new wife. E www. Just ewww.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Who said anything about inviting him before the invitations go out?

AddieCake · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:a06fd21c-6344-4e5e-8682-db41d37b7699">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]A boyfriend isn't a significant relationships. They're dating. They only just started. They don't live together, they aren't engaged. .
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

So then in your opinion, how many months must a couple be together to be considered no longer just "dating" and have crossed the threshold of being in a "relationship"?

AddieCake · December 2012

That still doesn't answer my question about what is your magic number. Three, it seems, is not it, but you concede to 6. So I guess I will just assume for you, a dating couple turns into a RELATIONSHIP somewhere around 4 -6 months. My cousin was engaged to her husband after one month of dating, one month of having known each other. My husband and I were friends for 10 years before we decided to date. We dated for a year before getting engaged and moving in together. I find it disturbing that under these "rules," she and her fiance would have been invited together somewhere after a MONTH simply because they rushed an engagement, whereas my boyfriend and I would apparently not be afforded the same treatment after SEVERAL MONTHS simply b/c our relationship had a different label. In those 2 scenarios, who has really been together longer? I don't care what a book deems appropriate for this. It does not take into account individual relationships.

AddieCake · December 2012

I wouldn't have expected you to invite him while we were just friends, so I am not sure why you bring that up. While we were friends, I was in a relationship with someone else, and had been for 6 of those 10 years, so I imagine you would invite me with the man who was my boyfriend at that time. Provided, of course, we had crossed your time frame threshold. I mentioned our 10 year friendship to show that I have known and been close to this man for a hell of a lot longer than my then-engaged cousin (who, by the way had broken off an engagement to another man 2 months prior) and that it seems unfair that 2 people who barely know each other get to be considered a social unit because they are labeled "engaged" but if I only have been "dating"a man a few months whom I have known well for many years, I am not as "serious" because of a label and because I didn't rush an engagement to a stranger. I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this topic.

libby2483 · December 2012

Addie, I'm with you all the way on this one. As soon as a couple considers themselves to be in a relationship, I think the SO needs to be invited. If they don't label themselves as being in a relationship, and they consider themselves to be casually dating, I don't think that an invitation needs to be extended. But I agree there is no magic number of seriousness. If they consider themselves to be in a relationship, they should be invited together.

ConKFA319 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mohzilla-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b33507df-ed0f-45ba-bca5-c85973f2def3Post:a06fd21c-6344-4e5e-8682-db41d37b7699">Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>A boyfriend isn't a significant relationships. They're dating.</strong> ... <strong>They don't live together, they aren't engaged.</strong>
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>So, then, I suppose that because my H and I made the decision to not live together until we were married, we weren't serious? So, for the 6 years we were dating before we got engaged, when he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend, we weren't serious? You seem to be quoting a lot of antiquated notions about relationships here. That being the case, I would think that a couple who decide to live together prior to marriage would be considered to be "living in sin." That's not something that I believe personally, but it is the <em>traditional</em> view of things. And to my knowledge, there are very few people who still view cohabitation in this way.

These viewpoints change over time, as does etiquette. Etiquette dictates that you do what you can to make your guests comfortable. So yes, perhaps the MOH did overstep her bounds a bit making assumptions, but if she's still with her "flavor of the month" (which is such an unbelievably disrespectful way to refer to her SO that it makes my blood boil) by the time invitations go out, then he should absolutely be invited. There is no debating that. Living together or not. Ring or not. They're serious at that point. Hell, they could be serious now. As numerous other PPs have said, <em>we cannot judge the relationship of someone else because we are not in it.</em> The end.</div>

MOHzilla HELP!!!!

Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!

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