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Please please please help and advice needed!!!

Sorry so long, but I am definitely a bride in need of advice and help. Very sad situation...

My coMOH practically pouted until I made her coMOH. She was originally going to be a bridesmaid and my sister was going to be MOH. Well, I felt bad and it looked like she really wanted it so I went ahead and asked her to be a coMOH.

Ever since then, anything that my family asks her to help with she doesn't do. She arrives late to events and doesn't help set up or offer. She leaves early or on time and doesn't offer to help clean up. She is completely inappropriate at my showers and parties... she talks about partying and how she is dating 5 guys at once. She never comments on how good anything looks or gives compliments to those who set up...

Her mom had to BEG me in a private FB message to help her be on time with getting her passport because she wouldn't listen to her... She got it set up at the LAST minute because I had to get mad at her.

The kicker? She didn't have a card, present, or ANYTHING for me at my bridal shower... Know this: I do not NEED presents. But for my BEST FRIEND and coMOH to not even think of me REALLY hurt. That she night she had the nerve to call me and ask if I had extra alcohol to give her because she was out and needed a drink... She will post on FB about other friends, their birthday, their parites, etc. but NEVER about me or my wedding.

She has NEVER been like this and I always thought she was a good friend. I have NO idea what to do or what is going on. Needless to say, my family, friends, fiance, and his family are upset and see how inappropriate she is. WHAT DO I DO?

I want to blow up at her and I certainly don't have it in me to be "nice" at this point. All she cares about is planning the bachelorette party, which she won't even ask for my input on and keeps telling me "You have no say!" I want to "demote" her so that my sister can get the credit she deserves, but I don't want to cause a major fuss before Mexico and have it be awkward... EITHER WAY IT SUCKS! HELP! )': I've cried and lost too much sleep over this mess...
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Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:b20828b0-3f81-49bc-9e48-d630adcc15ba">Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry so long , but I am definitely a bride in need of advice and help . Very sad situation... My coMOH practically pouted until I made her coMOH. She was originally going to be a bridesmaid and my sister was going to be MOH. Well, I felt bad and it looked like she really wanted it so I went ahead and asked her to be a coMOH. Ever since then, anything that my family asks her to help with she doesn't do. <strong>She arrives late to events and doesn't help set up or offer.</strong> She leaves early or on time and doesn't offer to help clean up. <strong>She is completely inappropriate at my showers and parties.</strong>.. she talks about partying and how she is dating 5 guys at once. <strong>She never comments on how good anything looks or gives compliments to those who set up</strong>... Her mom had to BEG me in a private FB message to help her be on time with getting her passport because she wouldn't listen to her... <strong>She got it set up at the LAST minute because I had to get mad at her.</strong> The kicker? She didn't have a card, present, or ANYTHING for me at my bridal shower... Know this: I do not NEED presents. But for my BEST FRIEND and coMOH <strong>to not even think of me REALLY hurt.</strong> That she night she had the nerve to call me and ask if I had extra alcohol to give her because she was out and needed a drink... <strong>She will post on FB about other friends, their birthday, their parites, etc. but NEVER about me or my wedding.</strong> She has NEVER been like this and I always thought she was a good friend.<strong> I have NO idea what to do or what is going on.</strong> Needless to say, my family, friends, fiance, and his family are upset and see how inappropriate she is. WHAT DO I DO? I want to blow up at her and I certainly don't have it in me to be "nice" at this point. <strong>All she cares about is planning the bachelorette party,</strong> which she won't even ask for my input on and keeps telling me "You have no say!" I want to <strong>"demote" </strong>her so that my sister can get the credit she deserves, but I don't want to cause a major fuss before Mexico and have it be awkward... EITHER WAY IT SUCKS! HELP! )': I've cried and lost too much sleep over this mess...
    Posted by michellealynn[/QUOTE]

    Bolded remarks responses:
    1. What events?  Unless she is a host of a party, she has no obligation to help
    2. That stinks, but it only reflects poorly on her, not on you.
    3. Does she need to compliment these things?  Sure, it might be nice, but if they aren't decorated in her taste she shouldn't lie either.  I don't see this as an issue.
    4. I'm not sure what you have to do with her getting her passport.  If this is a reflection of her character, especially before you became engaged and asked her to be a part of the bridal party, I don't see why you are surprised about her behavior.
    5. She did think of you.  She came to your bridal shower.  Yes, showers are gift-giving events, but if she is planning your bachelorette, maybe THAT is her gift to you.
    6. Again, not sure what this has to do with anything.  Weddings are best kept off facebook for the most part anyway, especially if your entire friend list isn't invited.
    7. If this is not normal behavior, perhaps you should ask her if everything is ok - approach it as a friendship issue, because ultimately, that is what it is.
    8. You're getting a bachelorette party!  That's awesome!  Many brides don't get them at all.  If you don't want to do what she is planning, you may graciously decline the party, or nicely suggest something, but otherwise she can plan the party for you.
    9. Please do not 'demote' her.  That is a friendship-ending move and will cause hard feelings, no matter how 'nicely'  you phrase it.  All she really needs to do is buy the dress and show up for your wedding.
  • make them each feel special with a piece of jewelry or soemthing ..Tons of cute unique gift ideas! check out http://www.etsy.com/shop/moonstonecreation. it is such a cute shop with tons of handstamped jewelry, bottle openers, military related jewelry, keychains, cufflinks, etc... Makes great wedding gifts for bridesmaids & groomsmen. I really like the key chain with a friendship quote, or sister quote, etc... customized and handstamped. 

  • edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:b20828b0-3f81-49bc-9e48-d630adcc15ba">Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry so long , but I am definitely a bride in need of advice and help . Very sad situation... My coMOH practically pouted until I made her coMOH. She was originally going to be a bridesmaid and my sister was going to be MOH. Well, I felt bad and it looked like she really wanted it so I went ahead and asked her to be a coMOH. Ever since then, anything that my family asks her to help with she doesn't do. She arrives late to events and doesn't help set up or offer. She leaves early or on time and doesn't offer to help clean up. She is completely inappropriate at my showers and parties... she talks about partying and how she is dating 5 guys at once. She never comments on how good anything looks or gives compliments to those who set up... Her mom had to BEG me in a private FB message to help her be on time with getting her passport because she wouldn't listen to her... She got it set up at the LAST minute because I had to get mad at her. The kicker? She didn't have a card, present, or ANYTHING for me at my bridal shower... Know this: I do not NEED presents. But for my BEST FRIEND and coMOH to not even think of me REALLY hurt. That she night she had the nerve to call me and ask if I had extra alcohol to give her because she was out and needed a drink... <strong>She will post on FB about other friends, their birthday, their parites, etc. but NEVER about me or my wedding. </strong>She has NEVER been like this and I always thought she was a good friend. I have NO idea what to do or what is going on. Needless to say, my family, friends, fiance, and his family are upset and see how inappropriate she is. WHAT DO I DO? I want to blow up at her and I certainly don't have it in me to be "nice" at this point. All she cares about is planning the bachelorette party, which she won't even ask for my input on and keeps telling me "You have no say!" I want to "demote" her so that my sister can get the credit she deserves, but I don't want to cause a major fuss before Mexico and have it be awkward... EITHER WAY IT SUCKS! HELP! )': I've cried and lost too much sleep over this mess...
    Posted by michellealynn[/QUOTE]


    This is what I really don't get - why on earth does this bother you?? 

    Have you tried just sitting down and talking to her?  Maybe she's never been a part of a bridal party before and doesn't really understand your expectations.  If I was attending an event someone else was hosting I don't think it I would think it was my job to stay and clean up either.  How many showers/parties have you had by the way??  Your post gives the impression that it's several....you don't expect her to bring a gift to all of them do you?  It seems like she's being very nice by planning your bachelorette - and trying to keep it a surprise for you.

    Aside from saying you want to blow up at her, nowhere in your post do you mention speaking to your friend.  Talk to her!  In a calm, rational manner.  If you really think her behavior is out of character then maybe she has something else going on.  You never know if you don't ask.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2012
    Who posts on FB about someone else's wedding?  Unless it's to say, "Hey, I'm currently AT someone else's wedding"?  Your expectations aren't just too high, they're borderline delusional.

    It doesn't sound like you even like this person.  Why would you ask her to be a bridesmaid?  And if she's never been a good friend, why are you surprised that you're getting married and she's not being a good friend?
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:fb987b75-d3d3-468f-b979-ff02d82a9444">Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Please please please help and advice needed!!! : This is what I really don't get - why on earth does this bother you??  Have you tried just sitting down and talking to her?  Maybe she's never been a part of a bridal party before and doesn't really understand your expectations.  If I was attending an event someone else was hosting I don't think it I would think it was my job to stay and clean up either.  <strong>How many showers/parties have you had by the way??  Your post gives the impression that it's several....</strong>you don't expect her to bring a gift to all of them do you?  It seems like she's being very nice by planning your bachelorette - and trying to keep it a surprise for you. Aside from saying you want to blow up at her, nowhere in your post do you mention speaking to your friend.  Talk to her!  In a calm, rational manner.  If you really think her behavior is out of character then maybe she has something else going on.  You never know if you don't ask.
    Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]
    And that with a destination wedding.  So apparently the people spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars on her isn't sufficient.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Oy vey, seriously?  The world does not revolve around you just because you're getting married.  The ONLY thing ANY of your ladies NEEDS to do is get the dress (chosen with their individual budgets and comfort in mind) and show up for the wedding itself.  There is no "credit" that goes along with being co-MOH.  There are no additional duties.  She doesn't have to even attend your pre-wedding parties, let alone plan, pay for, or help clean up after them.





  • Isnt the fact that she is getting a passport and flying to your destination wedding enough to show you that she cares about you? I definitely wouldnt do that for many people.
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  • edited August 2012
    I'm sorry but really everyone? You have every right to be upset! She pouted to be your MOH in the first place..she should expect that there are duties that come along with this. From my understanding the MOH is to go above and beyond what a bridesmaid would need to do..like show up wearing the dress that was selected. Such as planning and hosting a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Your best option is to talk to her because maybe she really doesn't know! I really think demoting her as MOH is unecessary but if you talk to her and it seems to be an attitude problem that might be best.. because for me..my bestfriend who was a bridesmaid not my MOH was more than happy to help with everything even tho she didn't have to!. A true friend would be happy to help.. Obviously there is some credit and recognition in being MOH..if not why was it a big deal to her!
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:6abcf65a-81c0-4d4b-bbf9-1915ef8c0910">Re:Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry but really everyone? You have every right to be upset! She pouted to be your MOH in the first place..she should expect that there are duties that come along with this. From my understanding the MOH is to go above and beyond what a bridesmaid would need to do..like show up wearing the dress that was selected. Such as planning and hosting a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Your best option is to talk to her because maybe she really doesn't know! I really think demoting her as MOH is unecessary but if you talk to her and it seems to be an attitude problem that might be best.. because for me..my bestfriend who was a bridesmaid not my MOH was more than happy to help with everything even tho she didn't have to!. A true friend would be happy to help.. Obviously there is some credit and recognition in being MOH..if not why was it a big deal to her!
    Posted by shinae21[/QUOTE]
    Your understanding is incorrect.  It's no one's job to host parties in the bride's honor.  These are gifts that can be given by anyone who offers.  The point of a MOH is to honor someone's place in your life, not make them your wedding slave or source of free labor.<div>
    </div><div>Demoting someone is a) ridiculous, as you are not their employer, and b) a friendship ending move.  Brides who do this are douches.</div><div>
    </div><div>And no, a "true friend" would not be happy to help.  That's a ridiculous standard of friendship. </div>



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:6abcf65a-81c0-4d4b-bbf9-1915ef8c0910">Re:Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry but really everyone? You have every right to be upset! She pouted to be your MOH in the first place..she should expect that there are duties that come along with this. From my understanding the MOH is to go above and beyond what a bridesmaid would need to do..like show up wearing the dress that was selected. Such as planning and hosting a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Your best option is to talk to her because maybe she really doesn't know! I really think demoting her as MOH is unecessary but if you talk to her and it seems to be an attitude problem that might be best.. because for me..my bestfriend who was a bridesmaid not my MOH was more than happy to help with everything even tho she didn't have to!. A true friend would be happy to help.. <strong>Obviously there is some credit and recognition in being MOH..if not why was it a big deal to her!</strong>
    Posted by shinae21[/QUOTE]
    The credit and recognition is of the bride acknowledging her very closest friend.  That's it.  People who want to help with wedding stuff will, and people who don't want to help with wedding stuff won't, regardless of title.  That's exactly as it should be, and the only problems with that situation are created when selfish brides pitch a fit over people not paying enough attention to their perfect selves.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • None of my bridesmaids have mentioned my wedding on facebook!  I'm going to fire them all!
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  • My best advice to you is to think about the comments and advice you have been given, and try not to repeat any of what you have said in your post to anyone again. It really paints you in a negative light.

    If she is there, sober, on your wedding day, ready to stand by her friend, that's all that really counts.

    You may have high expectations based on what you have seen at other weddings/ on facebook, but you need to be more realistic of what you expect from her.

    Try to be a gracious Bride to be, and an understanding friend, who knows that just because it's your wedding, everyone elses life doesn't revolve around it.
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  • If she needs a passport, I wouldn't count on any gifts from her or really anyone at your wedding.  I'm not saying that they won't give them but take a good long hard look at just how much people will be spending to be there.  The destination wedding I was in cost me thousands of dollars, and no, the B&G did not get any gifts from me.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP, how old are you?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:816b95cf-052b-4873-ac60-8158e76f3b88">Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My best advice to you is to think about the comments and advice you have been given, and try not to repeat any of what you have said in your post to anyone again. It really paints you in a negative light. If she is there, sober, on your wedding day, ready to stand by her friend, that's all that really counts. You may have high expectations based on what you have seen at other weddings/ on facebook, but you need to be more realistic of what you expect from her. Try to be a gracious Bride to be, and an understanding friend, who knows that just because it's your wedding, everyone elses life doesn't revolve around it.
    Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

    This was a very thoughtful answer!  I totally agree.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:ef7933d5-5330-4fd1-8062-c98059d743c3">Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!! : This was a very thoughtful answer!  I totally agree.
    Posted by julibug86[/QUOTE]

    Thanks! I hope she takes it to heart, and doesn't think im just being" mean".
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
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  • Please change your entitled, self-absorbed behavior before it causes permanent damage to your personality.

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  • Good lord.  Presumably, she is an adult.  Her mom shouldn't be nagging her to get her passport and enlisting you to join in the nagging.  And getting upset that someone isn't posting about your wedding enough on facebook is absolutely ridiculous.

    While traditionally a shower is a gift-giving event, considering that you're expecting her to spend an exorbitant amount of money to go to your wedding in Mexico, in this case I don't think it was inappropriate for her to skip the gift.  As far as helping out, are these things she has committed to do and then flakes out, or does she just decline peoples' request for help?  If it's the former, yeah, that's pretty rude.  But she isn't obligated to help out with events hosted by other people.

    If this really is new, out-of-character behavior for her, you might want to consider that there is something serious going on in her life.  Do you think she might have a drinking problem?  Have you tried talking to her about anything other than your wedding over the last few months?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:2bbf02d4-0a63-441f-8178-82e87198149d">Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If this really is new, out-of-character behavior for her, you might want to consider that there is something serious going on in her life.  Do you think she might have a drinking problem?  Have you tried talking to her about anything other than your wedding over the last few months?
    Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

    This is what I was thinking. 

    And truthfully, I can understand being upset with her behaviour at these events but please let go of whatever tasks, duties or acknowledgements you think she's supposed to be doing or owes you. 
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:6abcf65a-81c0-4d4b-bbf9-1915ef8c0910">Re:Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry but really everyone? You have every right to be upset! She pouted to be your MOH in the first place..she should expect that there are duties that come along with this. From my understanding the MOH is to go above and beyond what a bridesmaid would need to do..like show up wearing the dress that was selected. Such as planning and hosting a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Your best option is to talk to her because maybe she really doesn't know! I really think demoting her as MOH is unecessary but if you talk to her and it seems to be an attitude problem that might be best.. because for me..my bestfriend who was a bridesmaid not my MOH was more than happy to help with everything even tho she didn't have to!. A true friend would be happy to help.. Obviously there is some credit and recognition in being MOH..if not why was it a big deal to her!
    Posted by shinae21[/QUOTE]

    Thank You Shinae21-I totally agree. I would be upset too, of the way she was/is acting. I've been in several weddings, and I thought its the bridal party, along with mom and MIL to help with the bridal shower, not THE BRIDE. I helped at all the showers, bacherlorette parties and I was there early and left late, as far as the gift well the shower and bacherlorette party is the gift, now if all the BM's get together and wanna buy one extra gift and all put in money that is fine, but at least yes buy a nice card, especially if some BM's might be on a budget. that is what I did, I contribute what I could afford, even if I just got coffee I still helped setting up and giving ideas.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:f6b6280d-6e34-419f-bd5e-26d1ad85a882">Re:Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Please please please help and advice needed!!! : Thank You Shinae21-I totally agree. I would be upset too, of the way she was/is acting. I've been in several weddings, and I thought its the bridal party, along with mom and MIL to help with the bridal shower, not THE BRIDE. I helped at all the showers, bacherlorette parties and I was there early and left late, as far as the gift well the shower and bacherlorette party is the gift, now if all the BM's get together and wanna buy one extra gift and all put in money that is fine, but at least yes buy a nice card, especially if some BM's might be on a budget. that is what I did, I contribute what I could afford, even if I just got coffee I still helped setting up and giving ideas.
    Posted by slgirl21[/QUOTE]
    But did you do all that because you genuinely wanted to help the bride have a great party?  Or did you do it because someone guilted you into it, or because you felt obligated or wanted to avoid a tantrum from the bride?<div>
    </div><div>It's great that you did all of that, and no one is saying that you shouldn't have.  But all that stuff is above and beyond the minimum, and someone's not necessarily a bad friend for just doing the minimum.</div>
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Ok, I'm too busy laughing over the Facebook comment to post anything thoughtful.

    too too too Jersery Shore! waaaahahaa!

    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • I find that everyone is being very rude!--I find being a MOH or coMOH a honor! I would also be upset if my MOH was acting in this fashion.  She is suppose to be a friend and be excited for you! not using your wedding as just a way to party (Bachelorette party) I understand that the destination wedding will be expensive for friends and family to travel to. as the Bride stated, she did not need or was not asking for an expensive gift. It was the thought of the coMOH could have even got her a $2 card to so the thought.  The facebook comments about all the other friends but not the bride is hurtful!  even if its not about the wedding but it seems to me if she never mentions you then it is although she may be embarrassed or not have the feel of honor being a MOH.  If she cared enough to pout over being your coMOH, then she should show it!  If she has time to go partying with friends, she should have time to help you with planning etc because as your friend it should be an exciting time for her as well!

    My advice to you is to talk to her about it. However I would try not to blow up on her and just see her reasoning.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:d0c44558-a5ab-429d-ab0b-63bdf02df3d3">Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I find that everyone is being very rude!--I find being a MOH or coMOH a honor! I would also be upset if my MOH was acting in this fashion.  She is suppose to be a friend and be excited for you!
    Posted by heymank[/QUOTE]

    I really think everyone is trying to put things into perspective for the OP. You can be in a wedding party, and be excited for a wedding without needed to post about it on facebook, or arrive early to help set up a shower.

    Basically, if she is having legit trouble with her friend, she should talk to her about it, but I find most of the things she is concerned about to sound selfish, immature, and lacking perspective other than from the Brides POV.

    As other people have said, it's great when bridesmaids/ MOH go above and beyond, but it should not be expected, and a friendship should not hang in the balance of these high expectations.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
    image 70 Are ready to party!
    image 10 Will be missing out!
    image 15 Are MIA!
  • OP, you need to lower your expectations. A MOH / Co-MOH has no obligation to do anything for you. Honestly, i stopped reading after your ridiculous FB comment.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:d0c44558-a5ab-429d-ab0b-63bdf02df3d3">Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I find that everyone is being very rude!--I find being a MOH or coMOH a honor! I would also be upset if my MOH was acting in this fashion.  She is suppose to be a friend and be excited for you! not using your wedding as just a way to party (Bachelorette party) I understand that the destination wedding will be expensive for friends and family to travel to. as the Bride stated, she did not need or was not asking for an expensive gift. It was the thought of the coMOH could have even got her a $2 card to so the thought.  The facebook comments about all the other friends but not the bride is hurtful!  even if its not about the wedding but it seems to me if she never mentions you then it is although she may be embarrassed or not have the feel of honor being a MOH.  If she cared enough to pout over being your coMOH, then she should show it!  If she has time to go partying with friends, she should have time to help you with planning etc because as your friend it should be an exciting time for her as well! My advice to you is to talk to her about it. However I would try not to blow up on her and just see her reasoning.
    Posted by heymank[/QUOTE]
    This attitude couldn't possibly be why you're having problems with your own MOH.  You're naturally the best person to be giving advice on how to maintain a smooth relationship there, and couldn't possibly have perspective and priority issues of your own.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • myrinaemyrinae member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:b20828b0-3f81-49bc-9e48-d630adcc15ba">Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE] My coMOH practically pouted until I made her coMOH.[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You don't come across as someone who can easily be steamrolled. It was your decision to make her a co-MOH, own and accept it. You're acting like you did her a favor and now she owes you. She doesn't. You made the decision; all she has to do is show up--apparently out of the country--for your wedding in the dress you chose for her. </div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE] <span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">Ok, I'm too busy laughing over the Facebook comment to post anything thoughtful.</span> posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>This.^ I can just picture the OP sitting in her pjs and veil, mascara running down her face as she scrolls through her feed sobbing and obsessively hunting for posts that menton her wedding. Seriously, OP, if this is what you're losing sleep over, you need more in your life to actually worry about. This isn't a big deal. Instead of being peeved that she's not mentioning you in FB posts (seriously, this sounds like something my middle school students would pout about), try and be a real friend to her and see if there's a reason she's acting out-of-character. 

    </div>
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  • I think you should have a conversation with her. It seems like you had very different expectations of her duties than she did. While I agree with PP that she doesn't really have any duties other than to stand up in the wedding, if you never had a clear conversation about it, you might just be crossing signals. As others have said, there is a whole industry that thrives on the idea that brides, bridesmaids, etc are "supposed to do" a whole boatload of uselessness, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for why you have those expectations and not automatically assume you are naturally self-absorbed.

    It seems like the two of you need to hang out more on non-wedding time so you can ascertain if there is something else going on like others have suggested.

    Finally, some posters have seemed confused on the passport comment, but that is the one example I can definitely see where OP is coming from 100%. This co-MOH agreed to be in a destination wedding in Mexico (I am assuming she knew this information when she agreed to participate). For this event she knew she would need a passport. If she did not get one in time, that would be a MASSIVE failure on her part, and would basically guarantee her inability to show up for the wedding. Her actions added unnecessary stress to the bride on that occasion--so I agree with that point.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_please-please-please-help-and-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6b96ac9a-486e-4151-b353-da4a23efa9ffPost:d0c44558-a5ab-429d-ab0b-63bdf02df3d3">Re: Please please please help and advice needed!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I find that everyone is being very rude!--I find being a MOH or coMOH a honor! I would also be upset if my MOH was acting in this fashion.  She is suppose to be a friend and be excited for you! not using your wedding as just a way to party (Bachelorette party) I understand that the destination wedding will be expensive for friends and family to travel to. as the Bride stated, she did not need or was not asking for an expensive gift. It was the thought of the coMOH could have even got her a $2 card to so the thought.  The facebook comments about all the other friends but not the bride is hurtful!  even if its not about the wedding but it seems to me if she never mentions you then it is although she may be embarrassed or not have the feel of honor being a MOH.  If she cared enough to pout over being your coMOH, then she should show it!  If she has time to go partying with friends, she should have time to help you with planning etc because as your friend it should be an exciting time for her as well! My advice to you is to talk to her about it. However I would try not to blow up on her and just see her reasoning.
    Posted by heymank[/QUOTE]



    Lol, this Facebook crap is ridiculous. 'Oh my God, my friends aren't posting about me on Facebook so they must not care about me!'...give me a break. STOP, TAKE A LOOK AND REALIZE THAT YOU ARE BASING YOUR FRIENDSHIP AROUND AN INTERNET SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITE! Now if you still can't see how ridiculous that is, there's no hope for you.

    I normally don't get snotty with people when responding to threads on message boards but the way most people view Facebook is so idiotic. So I couldn't resist, haha.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sorry, but I would n't have "promoted" someone to CoMOH (and if I was your sister, I would have been really irked about that) if they pouted their way into it.

    Now you're stuck.  Sorry!
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