Poll: The first time...

louisvillebride21 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:cac4a650-dccf-4574-a5c2-06dcd2bba6fe">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]LVB, I too want to pull my hair out when FI gets all up in my grill while I'm trying to cook. Cooking is one of the few things I actually know more about than FI does, and really, I don't want his input past what he'd like to eat.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

I can't wait to use this line on him next time. I can do it if we have the intention of cooking together. I'll give him a job like cutting soemthing up and we can work well together. But he has this awful habit of coming over right as things are all crazy, wanting to taste everything, asking if he can 'help'. I give him the look and he usually goes away.

louisvillebride21 · February 2010

Duh, married now. We considered doing that for awhile, but figured it was best just to be LDR because he had a good job. and I didn't want to transfer schools.

TheBeckmeister · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:f00170fd-cb0e-4835-8a64-509bd08893b5">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Like I said before, I don't think living together before marriage is necessary, but spending the night together on the weekends is no where even close to the same thing as living together.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

So what part of living together am I missing?
We cook together, do the dishes (or not, then one person bitches at the other), fight about what temp to keep the house at to be warm but cheap, lay around in bed all day or set an alarm to get up early and accomplish things around the house, mow the lawn/shovel the driveway, do laundry, and get in each other's way in the bathroom. No, we don't look over each other's utility bills and pay rent together, so maybe that's what I'm missing here...

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:abc83200-c3de-490d-9e23-7cbaa003d266">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Well, we're doing it now. :) But yeah, we lived together for 2 and a half years before getting married. At the time, it was for purely financial reasons--H followed me up here for school and hadn't found a job yet. We kept separate bedrooms, not just for the sex issue but also so we'd just each have our own space. In the end, I'm glad we lived together before getting married, because there wasn't that whole mess of getting used to each others' habits and quirks.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

So even religious/waiting-for-whatever-reason FIs have stinky socks and leave the seat up sometimes? :)

(I mean that in the sweetest most endearing way possible bc I adore you and am in no way judging your choices.)

squirrly · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:f00170fd-cb0e-4835-8a64-509bd08893b5">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Like I said before, I don't think living together before marriage is necessary, but spending the night together on the weekends is no where even close to the same thing as living together.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Yeah, until he's told you you've got too much crap, and you've told him to stop ruining your jeans in the wash and fought over who is doing which household chore - it's not at all the same. It's one thing to deal with when he goes to bed and how he sleeps and whether he eats breakfast and where to put your toothbrush. It's another entirely to merge two households into one and not kill each other.

squirrly · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:6e6a33ab-439a-45dd-abaf-6e5dffb77587">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : So what part of living together am I missing? We cook together, do the dishes (or not, then one person bitches at the other), fight about what temp to keep the house at to be warm but cheap, lay around in bed all day or set an alarm to get up early and accomplish things around the house, mow the lawn/shovel the driveway, do laundry, and get in each other's way in the bathroom. No, we don't look over each other's utility bills and pay rent together, so maybe that's what I'm missing here...
Posted by TheBeckmeister[/QUOTE]

Have you been forced to give up half your closet space? Can you cram everything you own into his place? Which bed do you keep and what do you get rid of? What type of Christmas ornaments are going on your tree? You'll be suprised one day when you get there what things can be contentious when you move in together.

I like my glassware next to the fridge. He likes it next to the sink. The fridge and the sink are not side-by-side. . .

laurenclaire1386 · February 2010

So what part of living together am I missing?
We cook together, do the dishes (or not, then one person bitches at the other), fight about what temp to keep the house at to be warm but cheap, lay around in bed all day or set an alarm to get up early and accomplish things around the house, mow the lawn/shovel the driveway, do laundry, and get in each other's way in the bathroom. No, we don't look over each other's utility bills and pay rent together, so maybe that's what I'm missing here...

Paying bills together is a huge thing. It took a little while for me to get used to the fact that we were sharing a house. He would be there ALL THE TIME. I mean, obviously we still spend time apart and have hobbies outside of eachother, but getting used to the fact that a place is a shared space and not solely yours is a big thing, if you've been living alone. It's hard to put it into words, but when two people and their stuff move into the same place, it's an adjustment. Even for the happiest of couples. Just day to day stuff that you don't really think about will be the stuff that changes.

opalsky007 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:2cbba149-3b08-4ef5-a4bf-9b5bf43f1e55">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : So even religious/waiting-for-whatever-reason FIs have stinky socks and leave the seat up sometimes? :) (I mean that in the sweetest most endearing way possible bc I adore you and am in no way judging your choices.)
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]

Yep, sure do. :)

louisvillebride21 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:1ecb70c9-7cb4-45a1-9aa4-18733b9d72c0">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Yeah, until he's told you you've got too much crap, and you've told him to stop ruining your jeans in the wash and fought over who is doing which household chore - it's not at all the same. It's one thing to deal with when he goes to bed and how he sleeps and whether he eats breakfast and where to put your toothbrush. It's another entirely to merge two households into one and not kill each other.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Agreed, and I don't even live with FI yet. It's just...different. Like, you let yourself go more when you're together in 'your' home together.

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:f06a7652-c677-49b6-986b-7da30c6164d8">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Yep, sure do. :)
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

hehehe. btw, any word on pro pics? it's been a month or so, right? have they given you any sneak peaks yet?

opalsky007 · February 2010

Yeah, there are some teasers in my married bio (the "and now" in my siggy).

I'm getting anxious for more too--it's been five weeks, and during a slow time of year. Maybe it means I'll have a lot of pics to choose from?

kd.joseph · February 2010

I was probably a month after our first date. On our first date we made out for a long time in my car. So he always jokes he could've had me on the first date.....NOT. I made him wait. And we were long distance for 5 years so I had to travel, and spend the weekend. I was his first after his divorce, so it was kinda awkward at first.But it all worked out. would'nt change a thing.

Morfudd · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:a775acff-b6fd-4da4-9d5f-111820ebd7af">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Have you been forced to give up half your closet space? Can you cram everything you own into his place? Which bed do you keep and what do you get rid of? What type of Christmas ornaments are going on your tree? You'll be suprised one day when you get there what things can be contentious when you move in together. I like my glassware next to the fridge. He likes it next to the sink. The fridge and the sink are not side-by-side. . .
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I'm actually surprised by how little issues like this (and like the ones Lauren's discussing-- laundry, bills, and just the "always here-ness" factor) were discussed at our required pre-marital skills class. The first class we talked about chore division, and one day we talked about finances (mortgages an insurance, mostly), but they just assumed everyone wasn't following church teaching and was already living and sleeping together, and they didn't have to talk about techniques for getting through that change. I was a little frustrated by it. We talk somewhat about things like our different ideas about how to set-up house, but talking is different than doing.

andyandhillary · February 2010

Waiting for a whole slew of reasons.

stina93446 · February 2010

I feel like a hussy, but we were going to have sex 3 weeks after meeting. However, DH was super nervous(something about me being the hottest chick he had ever been with) and we couldn't do it.....So we waited until a month and a half into our knowing each other....

bethsmiles · February 2010

We are waiting. Partly because of religious reasons, we arent super religious (i dont even remember when the last time i went to church was) but its part of our beliefs. I was hesistant to post though because on other posts girls have gotten ripped apart for waiting and I guess they sounded too preachy. But anyways I think every couple has to do whats right for them and waiting is whats right for us.

HEATHERM10 · February 2010

Okay we met at 12 messed around at 16 then quit speaking for 14 years and when we saw eachothwer for the first time in all that time we made love that night. And weather I had known him or not for as long as I have I think it still would have happened that night. It wasnt what either of us had in mind for the night but it worked for us. LOL Been inseperable ever since

kate51485 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:e9e86dab-6562-40e7-b426-ae4ddcc07466">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]We are waiting. Partly because of religious reasons, we arent super religious (i dont even remember when the last time i went to church was) but its part of our beliefs. I was hesistant to post though because on other posts girls have gotten ripped apart for waiting and I guess they sounded too preachy. But anyways I think every couple has to do whats right for them and waiting is whats right for us.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

That's the thing -- you acknowledge that there could be another way other than your own, that could be right for someone else. I think people usually get negative reactions when they think their way is the only way for everyone, end of story. Your response is more tolerant of other possibilities.

laurenclaire1386 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:5e7e6d60-c019-4bb0-a43f-36eee4706325">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : I'm actually surprised by how little issues like this (and like the ones Lauren's discussing-- laundry, bills, and just the "always here-ness" factor) were discussed at our required pre-marital skills class. The first class we talked about chore division, and one day we talked about finances (mortgages an insurance, mostly), but they just assumed everyone wasn't following church teaching and was already living and sleeping together, and they didn't have to talk about techniques for getting through that change. I was a little frustrated by it. We talk somewhat about things like our different ideas about how to set-up house, but talking is different than doing.
Posted by Morfudd[/QUOTE]

Get ready to compromise on seemingly unimportant stuff. You will compromise on almost EVERYTHING EVERY DAY. Pick your battles. If you have a really good reason for wanting something done a certain way, or keeping something in a certain place, voice that. Then he'll have a really good reason for doing opposite. So then you work at it until there's an arrangement suitable to you both. "compromise" sounds like the most trite, cliche advice, but I swear it's the only way.

thesuninherhead · February 2010

3 date rule... which was maybe, 1 week and a half in? We saw each other a lot, despite both proclaiming from the start that we didn't want anything serious. ha!

kate51485 · February 2010

One of the first days after we moved in our first apartment, FI hung some stuff up while he was off but I was at work. I got home and saw it, and I hated it. He could tell from the look on my face that I hated it. We went back and forth about it for a while...and eventually I realized, what do I care how it's hung on the wall? It's our wall, it's our stuff, there are more important things in life to think about...

Cheesy but oh so true that compromise is vital.

LoveWins88 · February 2010

My FI and I dated for about a year before we did it. Some people might call that crazy, but we knew it would change our relationship. I wanted to get to know him better, and he's not pushy, so we waited. We ended up sleeping together after spending the day at the Georgia Aquarium with my Dad and his girlfriend.(awkward!) So it's always a joke between us that we have tickets to our first time. (FI kept the aquarium tickets).

It actually took me FOUR months of dating to kiss him willfully. (He kissed me on our second date, but it was awkwardly one sided.) So, you could definitely say we took things slow.

And I can respect people who want to wait for marriage, so long as they don't think that sexuality is this awful, dirty thing that you're magically supposed to embrace on your wedding night. My cousin's getting married in a couple of weeks (they're waiting) and she couldn't even say the anatomical names out loud. This, to me, would lead to a traumatic wedding night. $:\$

JessAndTrav · February 2010

We waited until our wedding night, but I don't judge those that didn't wait.

JanoBean75 · February 2010

We sort of got together on Labor Day. We were both at our friend's house for the weekend and we hung out and fooled around. At this point, we'd known each other for years.

First official date was about two weeks later. We had dinner, had sex, went to sleep and the next day went to a wrestling show.

Sarah-Jean · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:e9a36766-9c10-4a69-97e7-3fd9418293d7">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Bah, you're right. It probably would have happened, regardless of how long we'd known eachother. I slept with whomever I wanted to whenever I wanted to all through college and never made any apologies or excuses for it. I'm glad I slutted around for a little while. Made settling down easier to stomach.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

This is how I feel. FI & I did it on the 2nd date & it was the best I had ever had. Neither of us were 'looking for a relationship' & I think our great sexual chemistry is what kept us dating long enough to get to know eachother & fall in love.

kimheartsscott · February 2010

My fiance and I started dating in Jr. High, so obviously it was a few years before we got that far.

carrieoz_76 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:f00170fd-cb0e-4835-8a64-509bd08893b5">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: The first time... : Like I said before, I don't think living together before marriage is necessary, but spending the night together on the weekends is no where even close to the same thing as living together.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]
Totally late to the conversation, but I completely agree. FI and I spent a lot of weekends together before moving in together. The big difference is spending happy easy fun free time with each other (i.e. weekends) versus stressed out, busy, scheduled time with each other (i.e. the rest of the week), and things like working out who's going to clean the kitchen when you're both dead tired and cranky.

KA2 · February 2010

we're waiting ...

steph_edw7588 · February 2010

We'd probably been dating close to two months... I had just gotten out of a pretty nasty relationship, so I wasn't looking to rush into anthing...

Planning Bio

lindseroo · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9e41122-b808-4ee8-97e6-c9bd4d3664e3Post:ef17c036-2bd9-4ef5-9032-61dd6e353292">Re: Poll: The first time...</a>:
[QUOTE]FI was my first and only. I wasn't necessarily a "wait until marriage" girl, but I take sex really seriously.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

This. I didn't care that he necessarily was the ONLY one, but sex is about love to me and I wanted to be sure of that. Also, I didn't want to build our relationship on sex. Anyway, we went away for the weekend on our first dating anniversary and probably would've done it then but I got APPENDICITIS of all things! Horrible timing. (To set the stage, you must know we both live with our parents. He wasn't at the beginning of our relationship but moved back with them, so we don't just get the chance all the time.) Anyway, it FINALLY happened when we got engaged. Six months later lol. So we'd been together for a year & a half.

I'm definitely glad that we waited. Not only does our relationship not rely on sex (we really only get the chance to do it like once every two weeks...lol), but I think it made it more special. But that's IMO =)

Poll: The first time...

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