Bride being pushy about guest list

BostonGIrl4732 · April 2013

It's fun to play in the mud!

itsjustanae · April 2013

Okay, so I doubt that you're my FMIL (dates don't match up), but, just in case you are...

I have let you make nearly every decision for our wedding. I did that because the actual wedding is not terribly important to me. I know that having a "traditional wedding" is important to FI because it is important to you and his father, so we're dipping into our savings to have this. Very generously, you and my parents have both offered money. We are very grateful. However, I let you take our guest list from 50 to 150 people and I can't allow anymore. Since I told you no, you have become very cold towards me and it's unfair. If this is you, FMIL, and you are saying these things about me where anyone (myself included) can see, you, me, and FI are going to need to have a very serious conversation.

winelover123 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

Oh boy, gues I can't do anything by myself either. Looks like I've been doing my relationship wrong for years now. Tonight I'll make sure that I get home before FI and have dinner on the table. I need to fancy myself up a bit too, since this is 1950. Oh shoot, am I allowed to wear pants or do I need to change into a skirt?

OP, it sounds like you are being unbelievable controlling and judgmental. Cut the apron strings - your son is a grown man who is capable of washing a dish and going to a catering meeting. It sounds like BOTH your son and FDIL don't want THEIR wedding to turn into a party for you. I don't blame them. And it is very difficult to find a job - job hunting is like a full time job in itself. I spend hours at home looking for jobs after I get done work. HOURS. Back out of their wedding planning AND their relationship.

harper0813 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. <strong>She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.</strong>
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

<div>... What? She wants him to help her run their home? She's not waiting on him hand and foot?! UNHEARD of.</div><div>
</div><div>I moved to St. Louis for my fiance's job. I was only employed part-time and from home for five months. He NEVER expected me to take care of everything at home. That was not a role I wanted to fall into. I spent my time looking for jobs and working and getting to know the new city. You have no idea how she spends her days. I cooked dinner because I enjoyed it, and he washed dishes. We cleaned our apartment TOGETHER.</div>

BostonGIrl4732 · April 2013

I could see my FMIL posting something like this (we're inviting 180, so not her!). Seriously? Your son probably agrees with her and doesn't want to talk to you about it because there's nothing to say. Discussion closed. He's probably going back to his future wife saying "I'm so sorry my mother is crazy baby!" If you aren't careful, it's going to turn into "I'm so sorry my mother is crazy baby! I think we should deal with her less." Just saying...

winelover123 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:1275d0ec-a466-439a-9f1b-8d48327f2e9d">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so I doubt that you're my FMIL (dates don't match up), but, just in case you are... I have let you make nearly every decision for our wedding. I did that because the actual wedding is not terribly important to me. I know that having a "traditional wedding" is important to FI because it is important to you and his father, so we're dipping into our savings to have this. Very generously, you and my parents have both offered money. We are very grateful. However, I let you take our guest list from 50 to 150 people and I can't allow anymore. Since I told you no, you have become very cold towards me and it's unfair. If this is you, FMIL, and you are saying these things about me where anyone (myself included) can see, you, me, and FI are going to need to have a very serious conversation.
Posted by itsjustanae[/QUOTE]

I sincerely hope this isn't your FMIL. If she is, you have my condolences.

STARMOON44 · April 2013

I'm not a huge fan of traditional roles, but since you seem to be I'd advise following the "traditional" role for the mother of the groom "shut up and wear beige"

moonraffe · April 2013

My FMIL got a little over excited and starting inviting lots of people to our wedding. I had my FI tell her she had to stop. You know what she did? Apologized profusely and asked if she should tell some of the people they couldn't come. We said no, it was fine, but we needed to stop our guest list from climbing more. Because that is a normal adult reaction. I value my relationship with her and she does too. I also don't work full time. In fact, I work about 10 hours/week. My FI works full time and is going to school. When he gets home, he asks what he can do, can he cook? Clean? Do laundry? Normally I say I've got it (because I like doing those things), but he offers because he sees us as a partnership. It's not up to you to decide how their relationship should be or how big their guest list should be (unless you were paying for everything and they had accepted the money knowing you had control). And your son refusing to discuss it? Yeah, that's because he agrees and supports his FI, not because he's secretly eye rolling her to you. He sounds like a great guy, be proud of him and stop your judging of his soon to be wife.

itsjustanae · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:4f700e5b-631f-4ef3-aad7-f646ddf9389a">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Wow. Tripled the guest list?
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, it's really complicating things because I generally don't do well in crowds. I just get very nervous and I prefer not to deal with it. I really did not intend to pay for my own discomfort.</div>

lyndausvi · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:477a2e92-2230-4b66-bf32-523b6c28903f">Re:Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not a huge fan of traditional roles, but since you seem to be I'd advise following the "traditional" role for the mother of the groom "shut up and wear beige"
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>LIKE</div>

libby18bell · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:1275d0ec-a466-439a-9f1b-8d48327f2e9d">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so I doubt that you're my FMIL (dates don't match up), but, just in case you are... I have let you make nearly every decision for our wedding. I did that because the actual wedding is not terribly important to me. I know that having a "traditional wedding" is important to FI because it is important to you and his father, so we're dipping into our savings to have this. Very generously, you and my parents have both offered money. We are very grateful. However, I let you take our guest list from 50 to 150 people and I can't allow anymore. Since I told you no, you have become very cold towards me and it's unfair. If this is you, FMIL, and you are saying these things about me where anyone (myself included) can see, you, me, and FI are going to need to have a very serious conversation.
Posted by itsjustanae[/QUOTE]
<div>I'm sorry things are tough between your FMIL and you. The OP mentioned the guest list is capped at 50 people, so this may not be your FMIL, just a heads up. IF it is, I am truly sorry for you.</div>

musicalcanadianbride · April 2013

Excuse me, OP? Since when is it 1950 and a man cannot care about the flowers or the cake, or do some housework? I find your comments extremely offensive.

You need to get off your high horse and suck up the fact that this is not your wedding. If you don't like how they're spending your money, withdraw it. They are paying the majority of the wedding, so they get to call the shots. You gave a blanket sum, and the guest list is restricted to 50. Would you honestly be ok with the idea of them having to nix their friends in favour of yours?? This is their wedding, after all. You had yours.

melb2013 · April 2013

Listen up OP, I have in laws very similar to you, so I'll try to be nice about this.

1. This is THEIR wedding and they can choose who they invite and who they do not invite. It is NONE of your business.

2. She is correct to put her foot down with you as you keep wanting to add more and more people. Very much like a child, you give an inch, they take a mile.

3. I would advise your son to reject your original offer of money so that you have nothing to hold over them.

4. when someone asks you why they weren't invited, you tell them the truth, "My son and his FI have chosen to have an intimate celebration."

5. When your son said that he would not discuss this any further it was an indication of two things: a) that they are united in their decisions and b) that the discussion is OVER

6. Nobody is holding a gun to your son's head. He has chosen this women to marry. They are obviously united in their decisions. You need to respect that.

7. While I don't judge you in how you perceive gender roles, they have chosen to not see those roles in the same way. Respect that.

8. This is their marriage, their wedding, and their lives- it is none of your business.

I would advise your daughter in law to not be in any further communication with you. Her son should be the one to put you in your place, not her.

I would advise you to call them and apologize for your rudeness. Tell them that you got over excited and hope they can forgive you and that you are very excited to attend what will surely be a wonderful event.

Keep up this current behavior and I wouldn't plan on seeing any grandchildren very often.

AddieCake · April 2013

So....OP joins today with some muddy nonsense, and now the possible bride in this scenario, who also joined today, shows up in the thread. Mmmmmm hmmmm.

rajahmd · April 2013

Whether this is MUD or not, I'm seriously thankful for my FMIL. She's awesome.

kmbryant2413 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:a32dbc40-ac89-490a-b7ab-22c14dd83b2d">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]So....OP joins today with some muddy nonsense, and now the possible bride in this scenario, who also joined today, shows up in the thread. Mmmmmm hmmmm.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
<img style="width:450px;height:296px;" class="CSS_LIGHTBOX_SCALED_IMAGE_IMG" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Toea9NntmlA/Tfon6bSkvdI/AAAAAAAAK-k/DMdzHGjD6X4/s1600/rottingfish.jpg" alt="" />

peekaboo2011 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:a32dbc40-ac89-490a-b7ab-22c14dd83b2d">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]So....OP joins today with some muddy nonsense, and now the possible bride in this scenario, who also joined today, shows up in the thread. Mmmmmm hmmmm.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>I smell a rat.</div>

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list:[QUOTE]So....OP joins today with some muddy nonsense, and now the possible bride in this scenario, who also joined today, shows up in the thread. Mmmmmm hmmmm.nbsp; Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I agree with you, except that the potential bride is an AE. It could be someone that normally lurks or posts and didn't want people to know her FMIL was that bad.

MayDay513 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:b9930408-7824-4d89-a4d4-56424fdb97fe">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : I smell a rat.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing

ladytori · April 2013

So, who do you is the next person from "this wedding" who will join the knot today and participate in this discussion? Would it be the darling finance who will start complaining about his mom and her tightly wrapped apron strings? Or would it be the MOB who is upset that her daughter is wearing a mermaid style dress instead of a traditional ball gown?

I would love to end this post with soap opera music. It just seems fitting.

peekaboo2011 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:f38985f2-7477-4521-9a2b-588027a4eb96">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]So, who do you is the next person from "this wedding" who will join the knot today and participate in this discussion? Would it be the darling finance who will start complaining about his mom and her tightly wrapped apron strings? Or would it be the MOB who is upset that her daughter is wearing a mermaid style dress instead of a traditional ball gown? I would love to end this post with soap opera music. It just seems fitting.
Posted by ladytori[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmmm, my vote is for MOH. FMIL can't get Groom to talk to her about these issues, so she's started complaining to MOH, and turning MOH against Bride.</div>

PrettyGirlLost · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. <strong>She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.</strong>
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

Oh Lord.

So are you saying that in your "traditional" family you raised your son to lunge around and do as he pleases and expect his wife to do everything for him at all times?

If this is the case, I sure hope they do not have children and seek some pre-marital counseling.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:315bef08-5e81-4e5c-a7c6-e4329f4f7dec">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : My FI was interested in being involved in absolutely every detail. No way could I have left him at home to pick out everything with my mom and bridesmaids like the "old days." We had to both agree on every vendor and design or we didn't go with that vendor or design.
Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]

My Fi is very involved in everything too, and it's been great!

melb2013 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:a32dbc40-ac89-490a-b7ab-22c14dd83b2d">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]So....OP joins today with some muddy nonsense, and now the possible bride in this scenario, who also joined today, shows up in the thread. Mmmmmm hmmmm.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Huh? Who's the bride? I missed that.</div>

Peledreamsofrain · April 2013

So, FIL tried to do this exact same thing to our guest list. Inviting people to a wedding WE were mostly financing; without asking. And then tantrumming when he didn't get his way, while going behind our backs and inviting more people.

He has brain damage though... so that's his excuse for that kind of appalling rudeness.

Stina51286 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:1275d0ec-a466-439a-9f1b-8d48327f2e9d">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so I doubt that you're my FMIL (dates don't match up), but, just in case you are... I have let you make nearly every decision for our wedding. I did that because the actual wedding is not terribly important to me. I know that having a "traditional wedding" is important to FI because it is important to you and his father, so we're dipping into our savings to have this. Very generously, you and my parents have both offered money. We are very grateful. However, I let you take our guest list from 50 to 150 people and I can't allow anymore. Since I told you no, you have become very cold towards me and it's unfair. If this is you, FMIL, and you are saying these things about me where anyone (myself included) can see, you, me, and FI are going to need to have a very serious conversation.
Posted by itsjustanae[/QUOTE]

WTF!?

AddieCake · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:8f7b1d84-07a8-4282-b342-605c0f688d38">Re:Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list: I agree with you, except that the potential bride is an AE. It could be someone that normally lurks or posts and didn't want people to know her FMIL was that bad.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
You're sure she's an AE? I missed that. I'm still skeptical. I'm always skeptical when someone posts and then someone else from the situation shows up in a thread. I know it's a small world, but the Nancy Drew in me seldom buys it. <div>
</div><div>
</div>

blueikaos · April 2013

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/interesting.gif

kmbryant2413 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:6c2b1726-6bf9-4bfd-a15e-7567e56f4839">Re:Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list : You're sure she's an AE? I missed that. I'm still skeptical. I'm always skeptical when someone posts and then someone else from the situation shows up in a thread. I know it's a small world, but the Nancy Drew in me seldom buys it.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Her name is <span style="background-color:#ebf4fb;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">itsjustanae.</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ebf4fb;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">
</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ebf4fb;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">It's just an AE. <3!!</span></div>

misshart00 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:6c2b1726-6bf9-4bfd-a15e-7567e56f4839">Re:Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list : You're sure she's an AE? I missed that. I'm still skeptical. I'm always skeptical when someone posts and then someone else from the situation shows up in a thread. I know it's a small world, but the Nancy Drew in me seldom buys it.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I'm not <em>sure</em> she's an AE, but it says it in her name. I agree though; it's pretty fishy.

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