Hairy Bridesmaid

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

AJuliaNJ · May 2013

You don't have to purchase every photo your photographer takes. There will likely be plenty bridal party photos where her pits don't show. I can't think of many situations where your pits would show in a photo unless you were raising your hand or dancing with your hands up.

I love whoever suggested photoshopping Ryan Gosling in their photos. I want to do that.

AddieCake · May 2013

jess1669 said:

have you guys even thought that this will take away from the bride too? Her guests will be noticing and coming up to the bride asking her why her bridesmaid didn't shave? I'm that's something she doesn't want to put up with on anight where she just wants to dance and celebrate.
WTF? Nobody is going to go to the bride and ask about the bridesmaid's pits.

AJuliaNJ · May 2013

jess1669 said:

I'm totally on Kefryar's side here. This whole thing is getting way out of hand! We are talking about armpit and leg hair!! Shaving that off is not a drastic and permanent change here! Geez! IT GROWS BACK!!! It will be back within a week. She's not asking for her to loose weight or anything!

No one is putting themselves in the bride's shoes! And everyone thinks she is going to lose a friend over this?? Do you know what kind of relationship they have? No! So no one knows that a friend will be lost. Only she can judge that! Everyone is being way too sensitive about this.

While I don't disagree that this is a frustrating situation, I don't think there is any polite way at all to ask someone to change their appearance for you. Well, unless she had a tattoo on her arm, saying, "*No no word", you, kefryar and her FI," I'd ask her to cover that crap up.

Jessa617 · May 2013

jess1669 said:
have you guys even thought that this will take away from the bride too? Her guests will be noticing and coming up to the bride asking her why her bridesmaid didn't shave? I'm that's something she doesn't want to put up with on anight where she just wants to dance and celebrate.

Um what? Nothing will take away from the bride unless jumanji started happening during the wedding. I've scrolled through bridal party images on google and I didn't see any armpits.

Jessa617 · May 2013

jess1669 said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

have you guys even thought that this will take away from the bride too? Her guests will be noticing and coming up to the bride asking her why her bridesmaid didn't shave? I'm that's something she doesn't want to put up with on anight where she just wants to dance and celebrate.

Wtf planet do you live on that people are this rude? Someone would have to be mentally damaged to do that.

You're all being way too liberal. I am entitled to my opinions and beliefs and will stick with them. Sorry you don't feel the same way I do. Am I only aloud to post comments where I can only disagree with the bride and agree with everyone else? I have been reading all of these other forums and you guys are really rude to these girls who come on here to ask for help. And....they all disagree with the bride! I guess it's because it's always the same people that answer.

But I'm not being rude. Take a look back at all the other forums at who's being rude. But I can show you rude if you like....here....YOU'RE ALL BITCHES!

That's not very nice. Name calling is against TOS just so you know. We try to help brides not become zillas and save friendships.

daria24 · May 2013

But I'm not being rude. Take a look back at all the other forums at who's being rude. But I can show you rude if you like....here....YOU'RE ALL BITCHES!

That's not very nice. Name calling is against TOS just so you know. We try to help brides not become zillas and save friendships. I don't care! You are all rude and I don't know why anyone would want to get advice from you guys. You're the zillas!

Ha that's hilarious, considering most of us haven't been brides for awhile. FYI we are 'keyboard gangstas" now.

Jessa617 · May 2013

jess1669 said:

Jessalyn2013 said:

Peledreamsofrain said:

have you guys even thought that this will take away from the bride too? Her guests will be noticing and coming up to the bride asking her why her bridesmaid didn't shave? I'm that's something she doesn't want to put up with on anight where she just wants to dance and celebrate.
Wtf planet do you live on that people are this rude? Someone would have to be mentally damaged to do that.

You're all being way too liberal. I am entitled to my opinions and beliefs and will stick with them. Sorry you don't feel the same way I do. Am I only aloud to post comments where I can only disagree with the bride and agree with everyone else? I have been reading all of these other forums and you guys are really rude to these girls who come on here to ask for help. And....they all disagree with the bride! I guess it's because it's always the same people that answer.

But I'm not being rude. Take a look back at all the other forums at who's being rude. But I can show you rude if you like....here....YOU'RE ALL BITCHES!

That's not very nice. Name calling is against TOS just so you know. We try to help brides not become zillas and save friendships. I don't care! You are all rude and I don't know why anyone would want to get advice from you guys. You're the zillas!

Sure. Whatever you say.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

Viczaesar · May 2013

jess1669 said:

It's also the etiquette of being in the bridal party. I think she could shave her armpits and legs for that matter. It will grow back if she's really into that. It's not like you're asking her to cut off 12 inches of her hair to get a pixie cut for the wedding. THAT'S being superficial. Plus, what about dancing?? She's going to have those arms up for all your guests to see when dancing.

FFS, do you even know what etiquette means? There is absolutely NO etiquette rule about having to groom your body in a certain way if you're in a wedding party.

It's nobody's damn business if they can see her armpit hair when she's dancing. Not the bride's, not the other bridesmaids', not the guests'. SMDH.

Viczaesar · May 2013

jess1669 said:

daria24 said:

jess1669 said:

I'm totally on Kefryar's side here. This whole thing is getting way out of hand! We are talking about armpit and leg hair!! Shaving that off is not a drastic and permanent change here! Geez! IT GROWS BACK!!! It will be back within a week. She's not asking for her to loose weight or anything!

No one is putting themselves in the bride's shoes! And everyone thinks she is going to lose a friend over this?? Do you know what kind of relationship they have? No! So no one knows that a friend will be lost. Only she can judge that! Everyone is being way too sensitive about this.

If you had a GM with a beard? Would you tell him to shave it off? IT GROWS BACK. What if I wanted all my BMs to have bald heads? IT GROWS BACK. What if I dictated everyone had to have uber short nails? IT GROWS BACK. Wax their eyebrows? Get a spray tan? yada yada yada

Lord brides need to calm their tits about the personal appearance of people they invite to their wedding. The only person's body you have a right to control is your own. Let other people be, stop worrying about their choices and you will have a lot less stress.

Get off your high horse! Seriously!!!! Lord knows if you were in this situation, you would totally be asking your bridesmaid to shave.

And actually all of our GMs are going to be clean shaven and a couple of them have a goatee. They don't care because yes IT GROWS BACK! But it is also the NORM for a man to have facial hair. Yes, I said it! It's the NORM. It's not the norm for women to have armpit hair.

You damn well know that this....What if I wanted all my BMs to have bald heads? IT GROWS BACK.... is going WAY too far.

Having UBER (whatever that means. That's not in my dictionary. Anyone else knows what that means?) short nails is not a big deal. Waxing eyebrows and getting a spray tan....as long as the bride pays for a spa day! Woo hoo!!

My bad. I didn't realize you were unhinged. Commence the drinking and merriment!

phira · May 2013

Wow. Okay.

Can you ask her to shave? Sure.

Can you ensure her feelings won't be hurt? Nope.

Is it okay for you to ask her? Uh, no. Not even a little.

It's true that body hair is not the same as, say, a scar or disfigurement that's not voluntary. It's true that it's not something like a tattoo that's voluntary but not permanent. But it's her body. Full stop.

You don't know why she chooses not to shave, and it's not up to you to decide if her reasons are valid or not. Furthermore, she's not having body hair AT you. She's not trying to ruin your wedding day.

I'm not going to say that you need to stop being upset about this; sometimes there are things that will upset you and you can't really turn that off. But this is gonna be one of those things that you're just going to have to be upset about. This is your friend who wants to celebrate with you on your wedding day. If she doesn't shave, she's not trying to make a statement, or challenge you in some way.

bunni727 · May 2013

Does the "you're all bitches" apply to me? I've never had a newb freak out on me.

missfrodo · May 2013

I know I'm late to the party, but...

FI wanted my dad to grow his mustache back for the wedding. He shaved it off when I went to college b/c my mother hates kissing him with the scruff, and she says she won't kiss him if he grows it back (it goes up her nose and scratches her).

Speaking of adding hair, OP's solution should be armpit toupees for her other BMs, so they all match.

AddieCake · May 2013

bunni727 said:

Does the "you're all bitches" apply to me? I've never had a newb freak out on me.

Welcome to the dark side, Bunni!

bunni727 · May 2013

@TXKristan, she did say you all. And you have given advice in this thread, sooo you're probably a bitch too. Congrats!

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

Jessa617 · May 2013

Hey I need a medal too! Gahd knows I won't get one tomorrow after my 5k

CowgirlK39 · May 2013

I'm late to the party here but I just had to chime in. My brother and I are very different. He is a high class business man, and I am a redneck. For my wedding I told him it was okay to dress casual, or even in jeans. He wore a suit instead. He looks 100% out of place in my pics but what was I gonna do about it? Six months later, he was getting married. He invited my DH and I out to his joint bparty, and proceeded to lecture us about "acceptable dress" and even went so far as to mock what we typically wear. Was I mad? Sure but you know what, I love my brother enough and I know how he is. I went out and got a nice top and had to force my poor DH into a shirt and tie. We sucked it up because he is family and we love him, even though what he said about us was a bit hurtful. We were out of our element the whole time but we handled it. I guess what I am trying to say is that if SHE cared about you as a friend, she would understand that weddings have standards. If a BM showed up stoned and drunk would you just say "well, that's just how she is!" I agree that confronting her about it is probably not going to go well, but I believe the OP does have a reason to be upset. You are more than welcome to be yourself....when its appropriate. This is no different when attending a job interview, or an exclusive restaurant that requires proper attire. Heck, even golfers must wear specific clothes. One more thing.... How the OP didn't see this coming is beyond me. If this truly is a "good friend" I would think she would expect this sort of behavior. I ALWAYS tell people to be careful when picking WP members because what you see is what you get. This girl was probably always "different" and so this "sudden change" (which again makes me wonder how well the OP knew this girl if this was "so sudden") wasn't really out of her norm. If the OP is concerned about such things, she shouldn't have asked this girl, especially knowing how stubborn she can be. So I see both sides. The BM should understand that her personal style isn't acceptable everywhere, and the OP should have known better than to ask someone who behaves like this.

Viczaesar · May 2013

CowgirlK39 said:

I'm late to the party here but I just had to chime in. My brother and I are very different. He is a high class business man, and I am a redneck. For my wedding I told him it was okay to dress casual, or even in jeans. He wore a suit instead. He looks 100% out of place in my pics but what was I gonna do about it? Six months later, he was getting married. He invited my DH and I out to his joint bparty, and proceeded to lecture us about "acceptable dress" and even went so far as to mock what we typically wear. Was I mad? Sure but you know what, I love my brother enough and I know how he is. I went out and got a nice top and had to force my poor DH into a shirt and tie. We sucked it up because he is family and we love him, even though what he said about us was a bit hurtful. We were out of our element the whole time but we handled it. I guess what I am trying to say is that if SHE cared about you as a friend, she would understand that weddings have standards. If a BM showed up stoned and drunk would you just say "well, that's just how she is!" I agree that confronting her about it is probably not going to go well, but I believe the OP does have a reason to be upset. You are more than welcome to be yourself....when its appropriate. This is no different when attending a job interview, or an exclusive restaurant that requires proper attire. Heck, even golfers must wear specific clothes. One more thing.... How the OP didn't see this coming is beyond me. If this truly is a "good friend" I would think she would expect this sort of behavior. I ALWAYS tell people to be careful when picking WP members because what you see is what you get. This girl was probably always "different" and so this "sudden change" (which again makes me wonder how well the OP knew this girl if this was "so sudden") wasn't really out of her norm. If the OP is concerned about such things, she shouldn't have asked this girl, especially knowing how stubborn she can be. So I see both sides. The BM should understand that her personal style isn't acceptable everywhere, and the OP should have known better than to ask someone who behaves like this.

Nope. There is no objective set of wedding standards that lists "Women must have shaved armpits and legs and waxed 'stashes."

vsgal · May 2013

jess1669 said:

It's also the etiquette of being in the bridal party. I think she could shave her armpits and legs for that matter. It will grow back if she's really into that. It's not like you're asking her to cut off 12 inches of her hair to get a pixie cut for the wedding. THAT'S being superficial. Plus, what about dancing?? She's going to have those arms up for all your guests to see when dancing.

Really? It is just hair.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

artbyallie · May 2013

I hope none of you who have such a problem with body hair ever go to Europe. AFAIK it's pretty common there for women to go unshaven.

Granted, I like my own underarms and legs shaved, but that's my personal grooming habits and should not be foisted on anyone else.

Also, my H would probably drop out of a wedding if he was told to shave for it. He's done so for a couple costumes, but that was portraying someone he isn't. Why would you ask your friends to be someone other than themselves when you're presumably asking them to stand up because you care about them and love them as they are? If you wanted props, you should have gotten cardboard cutouts. Or, you know, models.

CowgirlK39 · May 2013

RetreadBride said:

Cowgirl, the couple has no right to dictate, or discuss, the attire of anyone outside the wedding party. The wedding party's attire is negotiable. Their BODIES are not.

Some people, by the way, can't shave. They really DO have skin "that sensitive." Others have bleeding disorders, or are on medication that prevents them from risking a nick. My first husband was not allowed to shave because part of his heart regimen included high-dose blood thinners. (He later died of a heart attack, by the way).

Has anyone read figure skater Peggy Fleming's autobiography, "The Long Program"? Her domineering mother, who planned and paid for her wedding, wouldn't allow her husband's brother in the wedding party just because he had a beard and wouldn't shave it off. Quote: I wish we had stood up to her, because those kinds of slights take years to overcome.

This is a good way to lose a friend forever.

Spare me the STUPID line, "Well, if she's a real friend, she'll understand."

A REAL FRIEND WOULDN'T EVEN *THINK* OF BRINGING THIS UP IN THE FIRST PLACE.

How many guests will be looking at the bridesmaids' armpits????

Get real, get some sense, get over this.

How many will look at her??? Probably everyone. Sure it may be acceptable in Europe but it doesn't sound like that's where this wedding is. That's all fine and dandy that that is her body and she can do what she wants but defying social norms is going to come with some backlash. Any one who does so can probably expect that. I'm not suggesting the OP do anything about this though, mind you. I agree that saying something is not right. I think she should have seen this coming if this girl is such a special person. I just get so sick of this whole idea that everyone can do whatever they want these days with no regard for decency or standards, because "that's not nice and you can't judge me!" IMO, if you wanna be a freakshow, go right ahead but do not expect everyone to be okay with it.

phira · May 2013

CowGirl, thanks for calling women who don't shave "freakshows."

Kate61487 · May 2013

CowgirlK39 said:

I'm late to the party here but I just had to chime in. My brother and I are very different. He is a high class business man, and I am a redneck. .... proceeded to lecture us about "acceptable dress" and even went so far as to mock what we typically wear. Was I mad? Sure but you know what, I love my brother enough and I know how he is. I went out and got a nice top and had to force my poor DH into a shirt and tie. We sucked it up because he is family and we love him, even though what he said about us was a bit hurtful. We were out of our element the whole time but we handled it. I guess what I am trying to say is that if SHE cared about you as a friend, she would understand that weddings have standards. .... You are more than welcome to be yourself....when its appropriate. This is no different when attending a job interview, or an exclusive restaurant that requires proper attire. Heck, even golfers must wear specific clothes. ... The BM should understand that her personal style isn't acceptable everywhere.....

CowgirlK39 said:

RetreadBride said:

..........

How many will look at her??? Probably everyone. Sure it may be acceptable in Europe but it doesn't sound like that's where this wedding is. That's all fine and dandy that that is her body and she can do what she wants but defying social norms is going to come with some backlash. Any one who does so can probably expect that. I'm not suggesting the OP do anything about this though, mind you. I agree that saying something is not right. I think she should have seen this coming if this girl is such a special person. I just get so sick of this whole idea that everyone can do whatever they want these days with no regard for decency or standards, because "that's not nice and you can't judge me!" IMO, if you wanna be a freakshow, go right ahead but do not expect everyone to be okay with it.

I'm sorry; I had to do a double take to make sure this actually was the same poster. Do you have multiple personalities @cowgirlk39? You can't seriously rant about how people should conform to societal norms and in the same breath whine about the fact that your FI had to wear a tie to a formal occasion.

Also, I think it's hilarious that a troll started this just for shits and giggles and then the crazies who actually agree with her come out of the woodwork. Too funny.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

AddieCake · May 2013

OP never answered my question about her preferred shaving technique. I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, DAN!

Viczaesar · May 2013

Hide the bunnies!

AddieCake · May 2013

Thanks for getting it, Vic!!!!

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