Wedding Etiquette Forum

WEDDING HAS HAPPENED UPDATE - Rude Rsvp (?) WWYD?

laradolllaradoll member
25 Love Its 10 Comments
edited June 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We got a RSVP from FI cousin and his family yesterday. He filled it out all proper but included a note in the envelope asking if his daughter (who is 8) could bring her 'boyfriend'

I called him and his wife no answer so I left a message. I was nice but said that unfortunately we didn't have room for their daughter to have a friend at the wedding but that there will be lots of children there for the daughter to play with (which I thought was the thinking behind it)

Today I received an email from the cousin

Very wordy but in essence saying that as we were inviting partners we should extend this to their daughter. And that their daughter did not like being around children she doesn't know and they are concerned that some members of my family may have "rough" children that may scare there daughter. So her bringing her 'boyfriend' would make her more comfortable. And that we as hosts should make all our guests welcome.

Well yeah. I have no clue how to respond and it has made me realise why FI always calls this cousin 'his mad cousin'

pabride56
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Re: WEDDING HAS HAPPENED UPDATE - Rude Rsvp (?) WWYD?

  • "I'm very sorry but we can't accommodate your daughter's friend.  We look forward to seeing  you at the wedding."

    Just to cover all the bases - is she a special needs child?  If so, that could change my answer.
    NYCMercedes[Deleted User]Jlp818
  • kmmssg said:

    Just to cover all the bases - is she a special needs child?  If so, that could change my answer.
    Nope - just spoilt
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I was like Stage. My dad reminds me all the time that when I was playing at the playground, if other kids came along, I would leave. I was even almost too shy to go up to Mickey and Minnie at Disneyworld. 

    But I agree their reasons sound ridiculous and pushy, and I would stick to your guns. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Ditto Stage and Addie.  I was (and still am) shy unless I know the people well, and are comfortable around them. 

    But still, they don't have the right to demand this.  You're not obligated to invite the daughter's friend.  Besides, if you're inviting the 8 year old's boyfriend, you'd probably have to add SOs of everyone else under 18 to make it fair.  Like PPs have said, stick to your guns.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • krizzo17 said:
    Not gonna lie, I'm a little creeped out by this girl. And by the parents, who recognize their 8 year old's "relationship". I have no advice, other than that this definitely wouldn't fly at my wedding.

    I was going to say the same thing. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Their response is ridiculous.  I would respond with "I am sorry but we cannot accomodate your childs friend." and leave it at that.


    NYCMercedesPrettyGirlLost
  • - their daughter will know other children at the wedding. Other of FI cousins have children as do some of FI siblings - all children that this girl will know
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Then stand your ground.
    PrettyGirlLostkk181805
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Make a short and sweet reply, as other PP have suggested. You were polite when they were out of place to ask. To ask a second time is incredibly rude. Do not engage them. Continue to say no and keep it short and sweet.
  • Yikes, I would definitely stand your ground. Also, I know many children have "bf's" and "gf's" in elementary school but I find it a little disturbing that the parents are arguing this as a partner-level relationship. If they had asked if she could bring a friend since she's shy I'd still say to politely say no, but would be a lot more sympathetic.
    StephanieDMluckysnorkel
  • You are not obligated to accommodate additional guests that you did not invite to your wedding - it's totally at your discretion. That said, IMO there's so much that's odd about this - an 8 year old bringing her 'boyfriend' as a plus one is plenty strange enough. I agree with PP that the best route is to respond to their email (obviously their preferred means of communication since they didn't return your phone call), and say something simple like, "Thanks for reaching out to us on this, but unfortunately, we cannot accommodate additional guests. Thanks for your understanding and we're looking forward to seeing you at the wedding!" Or something else polite, yet clear that this is not OK. Let them figure it out - don't let this be your burden. With any luck, they'll leave their daughter with her boyfriend's family for the weekend and everyone will be happy.
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    Blue_Bird
  •  
    laradoll said:
    Very wordy but in essence saying that as we were inviting partners we should extend this to their daughter. And that their daughter did not like being around children she doesn't know and they are concerned that some members of my family may have "rough" children that may scare there daughter. So her bringing her 'boyfriend' would make her more comfortable. And that we as hosts should make all our guests welcome.
     
     
     
    The bolded is flucking ridiculous.  She's in grade school - the boy is not her "partner".  It is always nice to accomodate a guest's request, but if you can't or simply don't want to, you are completely within your rights. 
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    southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLostradleyboo
  • Wow, that is ridiculous. A child of 8 years old does not have a "partner".
    StephanieDM
  • cmacchcmacch member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Every time I think I've seen/heard it all, something like this pops up.  Absurd.  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Wowsers.  An 8 year old having a "partner".  It's really creepy her parents refer to her friend that way, but I agree with Stage, don't make it about the child's "need" to have her friend because they'll just keep arguing that.  If you don't want every kid to be able to bring a friend you have to stand firm.
  • Don't indulge this ridiculous behaviour. 
    PrettyGirlLosts-aries8990harper0813StephanieDM
  • When I was 8, I had a crush on a boy named Kevin.  We used to chase each other around the playground at recess.  That was the extent of our 'relationship'.  I didn't want him anywhere near my house or family, though.  It was just a schoolyard crush.  My parents would have locked me in the basement for a decade had they known I even thought he was cute.

    As a parent, I am appalled that these people think it's appropriate in any way to think that an 8 year old is mature enough to even begin to understand a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship.  My 9 year old step-son talks about girls at school.  We tell him it's fine to think that girls are cute, but we are friends with everyone.  There is nothing ok about encouraging this CHILD to foster a relationship at this age!  This makes my flesh crawl.

    It's even worse that they are pushing you to allow this other child to attend!  No way.  PP's gave good advice.  Stand your ground and watch out for this poor 8 year old as she grows.  Sounds like she'll need additional guidance as she gets older.   
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    jenn5628luckysnorkel
  • Why are you responding to them at all? This is your FI's family. He should be the one dealing with them, not you.
    PrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Because she is the one who got the email.
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Jen4948 said:
    Because she is the one who got the email.
    Doesn't matter. She should have her FI handle it. When I get emails from FI's family, I forward them to him and let him respond. Eventually, his relatives get the point.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If they keep emailing her and he doesn't handle it, she's stuck in the middle.
  • If their daughter can't handle it, they can find her a babysitter.

    I wouldn't say that to them...but that's my rationale. Don't let them bring her friend
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    An eight-year old doesn't need a +1. End of story. If she's shy, she can hang with her parents all night. If they don't want to tend to their child all night, they can hire a sitter.

    I was a shy kid, so I pretty much clung to my dad during weddings. He'd hold my hand as we walked around, and when I was really little, he'd pick me up and hold me so I could bury my head in his shoulder. If it was a fancy wedding, they hired a sitter. It was no big deal. They wouldn't have dreamed of asking if I could bring a friend to keep me company. It's a wedding, not a play date.
    [Deleted User]StephanieDMjendemeyer
  • I agree with PPs, but I have to add that I find the ridiculousness of his request hilarious.  I mean seriously?  An 8 year old with a 'partner'.  FFS these people have some screws loose.

    Anyways, ditto the wording suggestions on how to reply to him, but I also recommend you save the email.  It will be funnier to you when the whole situation is over.
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