Dollar Dance (cringe)

CheleLyn · May 2013

There are a few so called customs in the area that I live that I'm not thrilled about. The garter toss and bouquet toss is one of them, but everyone here actually looks forward to it. J is looking forward to it and I really don't want it to become this obscene thing I've seen at other receptions. Once it starts, it's really out of my control so I'm working on convincing him of why it's a bad idea.

Another common thing is the dollar dance. Isn't it the same as asking for money? I've seen brides get A LOT of money from it, but I kind of feel like it's almost akin to dancing for money.

I will NOT be having a dollar dance because I'm just not comfortable with it, but what is the general opinion of them?

AddieCake · May 2013

Mixed emotions here on TK about Dollar Dances, but the people who are RIGHT will tell you they are tacky as cock.

If the garter toss makes you uncomfortable, make sure you let your fiance know that. If he really wants to do it and you want to compromise, make sure he understands you don't want some tacky, overly sexual display.

southernbelle0915 · May 2013

I'm not doing a dollar dance at our wedding for the same reason as you. I just don't feel comfortable "asking for donations" (or whatever you want to call it) when guests already took the time to support, gave a gift, etc. I'm also not doing a garter toss... I'm a pretty private person so to imagine family and friends around me watching while my husband puts his face up my dress and pries off lingerie with his teeth makes me blush just thinking about it. Some people love these traditions. Just not for me. I guess what I'm saying is I don't think it's "against etiquette" to decide to leave these rituals out. You're within your rights to not do it if it makes you uncomfortable.

Salsera29 · May 2013

AddieL73 said:

Mixed emotions here on TK about Dollar Dances, but the people who are RIGHT will tell you they are tacky as cock.

If the garter toss makes you uncomfortable, make sure you let your fiance know that. If he really wants to do it and you want to compromise, make sure he understands you don't want some tacky, overly sexual display.

Love this line!

radleyboo · May 2013

I honestly didn't know the Dollar Dance existed until I started reading these boards. I've never seen it done in real life at any wedding I've ever been to, so the concept is foreign to me. We are not having dancing at our wedding, so obviously, no dollar dance.

As for the bouquet toss and garter toss, I like those traditions, but we aren't doing those either. We are having a small, family-oriented wedding, and it just doesn't seem to fit the atmousphere that we're hoping to achieve. I was actually excited because my florist gives the bride a complimentary toss bouquet, and my daughter chose to carry that instead of scatter petals.

Do what you'd like! They can be as showy or low key as you'd like, it's all in the execution. I don't think anyone would miss them if you left them out, either. Good luck!

wittykitty14 · May 2013

The Dollar Dance is REALLY common in my area. Not side-eyed by most people. I'm personally not doing one, for a few reasons. It's just another way to ask for cash, and it's tacky. But for me, I have a big personal space issue, and don't like touching anyone unless I'm really comfortable with them. There's at least one person who's coming that I do NOT want to dance with, and he's the type who'll definitely participate. It's not as if I can say no to a dance, so we're just not doing it. My mom was really shocked when I told her I'm not doing it, but she got over it. The only thing I've ever liked about the dollar dance is that it gives you a minute to say congrats to the bride/groom.

I'm also not doing the garter toss. The wedding is going to be hard enough for me in terms of being the center of attention and having PDA, even at a small level. I can't wrap my head around having people watch FI retrieve the garter. And then having whoever catches the garter put it on the girl who caught the bouquet is horrible awkward. I'll still do the bouquet toss, but we're ditching the garter business.

annathy03 · May 2013

I've seen them and HATE them. I think they're super tacky, and as a guest if I bring singles it's to tip the bar staff for making a good drink, not to pay to talk/dance with my friend for a few seconds. I will probably do the garter/bouquet toss, but plan to lower the garter a bit and tell FI to keep it clean.

ETA: To clarify, I don't side-eye them when weddings I attend have them (knowing they are tradition in some family circles), I just don't personally like them and won't be doing one.

AddieCake · May 2013

Dollar Dances were common among my crowd many years ago, but I never approved. I also never said anything to the bride or groom about them, of course.

And that's what I wish people here would understand before they flip out. There are a ton of things you might think are ok, expected, approved, etc among your friends and family, but what you may not realize is that just b/c nobody says anything to your face,doesn't mean a lot of people didn't judge you hard core for it. We're just trying to stop that from happening to anyone. Personally, I always prefer to err on the side of caution.

winelover123 · May 2013

Dollar dances are really common on both my and FI's side of the family. My family is mostly Hungarian, so that's where we got the tradition from and it's just a tradition in FI's family's circle. I'm fairly certain that no one we're inviting would actually side eye the dance, but we're not doing it anyways. We just don't like the idea.

As for the garter toss, if you choose to have one, I'd talk to FI and let him know the boundaries you are comfortable with. The groom can just have the tossing garter at the ready so he doesn't have to go up your skirt to get it if he really wants to do it.

audreyecu61 · May 2013

AddieL73 said:

Dollar Dances were common among my crowd many years ago, but I never approved. I also never said anything to the bride or groom about them, of course.

And that's what I wish people here would understand before they flip out. There are a ton of things you might think are ok, expected, approved, etc among your friends and family, but what you may not realize is that just b/c nobody says anything to your face,doesn't mean a lot of people didn't judge you hard core for it. We're just trying to stop that from happening to anyone. Personally, I always prefer to err on the side of caution.

Very well said!

NerdyLucy · May 2013

radleyboo said:

I honestly didn't know the Dollar Dance existed until I started reading these boards. I've never seen it done in real life at any wedding I've ever been to, so the concept is foreign to me.

I've never seen one either, but I learned about them back when MSN still had a Miss Manner's Etiquette board. I'd never even heard of them before that.

lcobb517 · May 2013

I don't know where you're from, but all three are common in my area too. I've been to weddings with varying combinations from just one to all three of these.

Dollar Dances - Always kind of annoying, but something I do because every other guest acts like they're into it even if they're not and treat you like you're being a jerk if you don't participate. I almost always get surprised by this at a wedding where I forgot to bring cash.

Garter Toss - Almost universally uncomfortable. I've been to one wedding where the "toss" garter was put on a football and tossed, no up-the-skirt moment. So, there's an option for you.

Boquet Toss - I might be in the minority here, but as a single female guest, I absolutely hate this. There are always those jackwagon people who go around rounding up females they know are single to put on display on the dance floor. It's kind of humiliating, especially as the number of single female guests gets smaller and smaller. And even if you don't intend for single women to be singled out for it, someone be an idiot and go around doing so, believe me.

OjitosVerdes · May 2013

I hear you - dollar dances are very common in FI's culture, but we're not doing it for all the reasons people stated above. We're also not doing the garter/bouquet toss for a couple reasons. First, I'm just not comfortable with FI crawling under my skirt in front of 200 people. And second, we're in our mid 30's and most of our friends are in relationships. I feel like it's awkward to put the spotlight the few that are single. Not because there is anything wrong with being single - at all - but most of these people are happily so by choice, and it seems a little insulting to force a custom on them that suggests "oh maybe you too can be the next lucky one to find a significant other!"

wrigleyville · May 2013

My family is Polish, and we're from the Detroit area, so the Dollar Dance is extremely common/expected at weddings. We've had relatives push for it even when the couple didn't want to do it. My brother skipped it, and we're skipping it. My brother, our parents, and I all hate it, mostly because it takes up so much time and we're uncomfortable asking for money. I've been to weddings where it takes a half-hour or more because there are so many people, some who get in line twice. The drunker people are, the longer it lasts. I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate that tradition. It made sense back in the old country when the newlyweds were basically kids and had absolutely nothing, but it's high-on ridiculous when the newlyweds are in their thirties and just paid for a $40,000 shindig. Eff that.

As for the garter toss, I think it's tacky, especially when they do something obscene. If my FI put his head up my dress, I'd be absolutely horrified. Even his hand is just too much. I don't want my relatives to see that kind of behavior, especially set to "The Stripper". FFS. We're skipping it.

We're also skipping the bouquet toss because we only have a couple of single women coming, and I refuse to single them out and put a spotlight on them.

We're doing an anniversary dance instead of all of these other traditions. I've never seen it at any of the weddings I've been to. I learned about on TK, and I think it's great. I'm sure a lot of our guests will enjoy it too. We're going to include everyone, not just married couples (we have a few couples coming who don't want a legal marriage and a couple of gay couples who aren't allowed to get married

). I'm going to hand my toss bouquet to the couple who has been together the longest.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

I have been to weddings with dollar dances. I stayed in my seat. A friend of mine once went to a wedding with a dollar dance and NO ONE got up to do it. Apparently that was the moment everyone went out for a smoke break. So everyone who says it's "totally expected!!!!" in Western PA has their head up their arse.

Also, we will not be doing the garter toss. It grosses me out. Haven't decided on the bouquet yet. We won't have many single guests that aren't under 10 years old.

PhoneCardLady · May 2013

It seems that the dollar dance is more of a Polish/Italian custom. Some of the weddings I've attended had it, other didn't. Never thought of it as the bride wanting money - if I had the money I'd do it if I wanted to participate, otherwise no.

I do respect others that are totally against it and I would never bash anyone who decided to have one.

wrigleyville · May 2013

The newer tradition I've seen is that the bride and groom set up a small table nearby and pour everyone a shot as they come up, so at least you get more than a dance for your dollar, but that's also when things start getting stupid. People keep coming up for shots and a dance, and it just goes on forever and ever and ever. It's the "smoke break" dance in our circle. I usually chat with people or mess around on my phone. It's so irritating.

MuppetFan · May 2013

I think ANY wedding-related fundraiser is super tacky and rude and refuse to participate....and totally judge the couple. FI thought they were normal and thought I was un-fun for rejecting it. I let him have the chicken dance in compromise.

We went to a wedding in Dec. that had a dollar dance and another thing where a volunteer at the table had to take out a bill bigger $20 or bigger to loan to the table and you played pass the $ until the music stopped and whoever was left had to bring the bride the money.... the person who had taken the money out initially had no idea they were losing it....and were seriously pissed. I couldn't believe the bride just sat stood there accepting it and counting it. She told me later they made about $300 between that and the dollar dance. I was mortified.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

MuppetFan said:

I think ANY wedding-related fundraiser is super tacky and rude and refuse to participate....and totally judge the couple. FI thought they were normal and thought I was un-fun for rejecting it. I let him have the chicken dance in compromise.

We went to a wedding in Dec. that had a dollar dance and another thing where a volunteer at the table had to take out a bill bigger $20 or bigger to loan to the table and you played pass the $ until the music stopped and whoever was left had to bring the bride the money.... the person who had taken the money out initially had no idea they were losing it....and were seriously pissed. I couldn't believe the bride just sat stood there accepting it and counting it. She told me later they made about $300 between that and the dollar dance. I was mortified.

WHAT?!

AddieCake · May 2013

Holy, cock, Muppet, that is outrageous.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Garter tosses and bouquette tosses can be done in a non tacky manner as long as you've got your FI and DJ on the page ahead of time. Dollar dances? Not so much.

annathy03 · May 2013

I let him have the chicken dance in compromise.

@Muppet, best compromise ever. And I'll third the WTF to that cocked up hot potato musical money chairs scheme.

artbyallie · May 2013

I had never heard of the dollar dance until I came here. I think it's tacky and horrible.

I had also never heard of the garter going on the bouquet-catcher until here. Ew. Granted, that ended up happening at our wedding, but only because the two happened to be actually a couple.

AFAIK, I have never seen a guy put his head up a wedding dress or remove the garter with his teeth, except perhaps on TV. H didn't even lift my dress, just slid his hand up my leg to where my garter was, just above the knee.

MuppetFan · May 2013

No one's ever heard of that? I knew when they asked to "borrow" a bill that something was going to happen like that from experience. The person who took out the money gets the center piece ($1 store bowl with a tea light in it) and the person holding it when the music stops gives the money to the bride.

I told everyone at my table what was happening, so no one pulled out any money...and the DJ wouldn't progress until he had a representative from each table.

This wedding also had a cash bar, which didn't bother anyone except me because soft drinks weren't included. That's my peeve with cash bars...when soft drinks have to be paid for. At least they had a pitcher of water available.

MuppetFan · May 2013

annathy03 said:

I let him have the chicken dance in compromise.

@Muppet, best compromise ever. And I'll third the WTF to that cocked up hot potato musical money chairs scheme.

I thought it was good. I also let him pick the DJ because he didn't think that I'd pick one that was any fun. He picked DJ but left me to do all the paperwork and arrangement...so it is explicitly on my instructions that cash games are not an option.

I don't want to do a garter toss. He thinks that's me being no fun either. Blech. I'll do a bouquet toss tho.

Jen4948 · May 2013

I find these "traditions" really tacky too and don't miss them when they're skipped.

ejvanstee · May 2013

I totally agree! I think the dollar dance is super tacky and awkward for the guests. I've never enjoyed them as a guest. I also don't like the bouquet toss. All those "customs" just seem so showy. You're getting married - not performing a show!

jenn5628 · May 2013

lcobb517 said:

Boquet Toss - I might be in the minority here, but as a single female guest, I absolutely hate this. There are always those jackwagon people who go around rounding up females they know are single to put on display on the dance floor. It's kind of humiliating, especially as the number of single female guests gets smaller and smaller. And even if you don't intend for single women to be singled out for it, someone be an idiot and go around doing so, believe me.

Agreed. At weddings in my circle, 'single women' are anyone who is not married. At my brother's wedding last year I got dragged onto the floor even though I was there with FI (then boyfriend). And the long term partner of one of his groomsmen got dragged up too because they weren't married - they'd been together for like 12 years, and had a child together... sheesh. We'll be doing an anniversary dance instead.

daffydillie · May 2013

We did the bridal dance (many here called it the dollar dance) and had a blast. Everyone went through the line an average of twice. Some paid, some didnt, everyone took a shot and everyone got to dance with me. DH's family wasnt sure about it, then after they danced with me and heard my family and I singing along in Czech they joined in and they had a blast. His family even participated in the circle to keep me away from DH who ended up crowd surfing to get me. LOL. My MOH luckily kept the pinning of the bills off of me but we did have some heavily knotted bills as punishment. I think it depends how you do it, if its a fundraiser it comes off wrong but if folks see the family tradition (I am in the first generation on my moms side off the boat and second with my dads and our families are very young with my dad only being 45 and mom 43 while I am 27) they are more likely to have fun doing it. But bills werent required.

We also did the garter, DH just reached up my dress and was laughing and it was not obscene. We had an adult only wedding so no children in the catches. The two that caught the garter and bouquet were a couple and I laughed so hard my insides hurt. It was super cute.

MoxieMickie · May 2013

Since you're uncomfortable with the garter toss, why not just switch it up and have you remove part of your new husband's undergarments in front of everyone?

Less sarcasticlly, yes, there are ways to make it more sexualized, but at the end of the day, he's still throwing your undergarments to the crowd. If you aren't thrilled about doing it, that's the end of the conversation.

MuppetFan · May 2013

There's some film footage (like...film film in a canister) of my uncle (who was maybe 14 at the time) groping my mother's leg with the garter toss. My mom was hot, you could tell he was very excited about touching her leg. I was creeped out.

So there's that defense too. You don't want to creep your kids out 15 years later when your husband decides it'll be fun to share your wedding with the kiddos.

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