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Wedding Woes

I...I...where do I #$%@! begin?

edited May 2013 in Wedding Woes
Thank you for your time.

[Deleted User]
«13

Re: I...I...where do I #$%@! begin?

  • edited May 2013
    Thank you for your time.
  • You are never to old for flower crowns. 
    Its not the destination so much as the journey, they say. - Captain Jack Sparrow Wedding Countdown Ticker
    06JeepGirlshaylagirl
  • You're 46; why are you talking to your mother so often and about so much?!

    46???? And what mommy thinks still matters this much? I mastered that brush off in my 20s.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    Seriously, at 46 and moving out of the country you should be more capable of dealing with her.

  • You're 46; why are you talking to your mother so often and about so much?!
    46???? And what mommy thinks still matters this much? I mastered that brush off in my 20s.
    Right? This was my whole question. She's 46 *and a mother herself*. I told my mother to keep her opinions to herself when I was 21 - and it only got "worse" after I had a kid.Time to cut those apron strings, lady. 
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  • baconsmom said:
    You're 46; why are you talking to your mother so often and about so much?!
    46???? And what mommy thinks still matters this much? I mastered that brush off in my 20s.
    Right? This was my whole question. She's 46 *and a mother herself*. I told my mother to keep her opinions to herself when I was 21 - and it only got "worse" after I had a kid.Time to cut those apron strings, lady. 
    all of this.
  • You are giving your mom way too much power and influence in your life. I doubt that she just started acting this way so I don't know why you would expect her to be different during wedding planning. You are adult, time to stop craving your mother's approval, and live your own life.
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    MissMolly
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Wear a flower crown whenever you want.  I wear them randomly sometimes, just for fun!
    imageimage
    06JeepGirlMiss Esa
  • Not her wedding and if she doesn't like it don't come.

     

    Have to agree with everyone above you gave her WAY too much power in this situation.  To be honest it seems as though your mother not only wants to control your big day but also plans on showing off to all her friends/family.  Also she could be upset about your move and this is the way it's showing.

    This day is not about her it's about you and your fiancé taking the next step in your lives together.  have the shabby chic country wedding your dreaming of and don't feel bad about it.  Like you said, this is your one and only wedding so do you really want to look back and remember it in a bad light?

    If your mom loves you, she will get over the stupid crap she thinks is so important.  Next time leave her out of the decision making process and save yourself the trouble!

    MissMollyjarednmeganPrettyGirlLost
  • I couldn't read all of that; it was too long. I skimmed. I agree with PPs. If you are: 46; a mother in your own right; old enough to get married; old enough to move to Switzerland; you are certainly old enough to put on your big girl panties and tell your mother that, while you appreciate her opinions, you're not going to follow them, thankseverso, and change the subject. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I agree with Ashley.

    Another thing I want to say is a big congratulations to your and your future hubby!! It sounds like you have been through much in your life, and have managed quite well to put yourself through college and raise a child. Kudos to you, and I think you deserve the wedding that you dream of, complete with flower hair wreath!

    Not her wedding and if she doesn't like it don't come.

     

    Have to agree with everyone above you gave her WAY too much power in this situation.  To be honest it seems as though your mother not only wants to control your big day but also plans on showing off to all her friends/family.  Also she could be upset about your move and this is the way it's showing.

    This day is not about her it's about you and your fiancé taking the next step in your lives together.  have the shabby chic country wedding your dreaming of and don't feel bad about it.  Like you said, this is your one and only wedding so do you really want to look back and remember it in a bad light?

    If your mom loves you, she will get over the stupid crap she thinks is so important.  Next time leave her out of the decision making process and save yourself the trouble.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    sarahurban451
  • edited May 2013

    Thank you for your time.

    chaiteachick
  • edited May 2013

    Thank you for your time.

  • Can I just say....your issue is not the damn flower crown.  Wear it.  Voila, answer.

    Your mother sounds a lot like my great grandmother, who was fond of telling me that I needed to lose weight, that I should wear a girdle if I couldn't, that my face was too Indian, my hair was too short, etc.  I ignored her most of the time, told her to go to hell sometimes and laughed at her others.  Her problem was that she couldn't imagine a way to make it in the world that didn't involve trying to be the most beautiful woman in the world (and she had been amazingly beautiful in her day).  I actually always felt sorry for her, especially as she aged and beauty faded.  I still loved her, but I didn't like her and kept her at arm's length during her lifetime that she shared with me.  You might have to do something similar.  Recognize her neuroticisms and figure out how you are going to deal with them.  She isn't going to change, you can only change how you react to her.
    MissMollychaiteachick
  • Way to refute the feedback about your post being too long.

    I think you spend way too much time trying to seek everyone's approval.  All that nonsense about your mother, and then however many paragraphs arguing with an internet stranger.  I mean this in the nicest possible way, but definitely look into therapy.

    GBCK
  • I am totally picking up what your putting down.  My fiancés family is very much the same but express it a bit differently.

    I think that your brother and dad are in her corner simply because it is easier to hurt you (which sounds awful) then hurt your mother as her consequences are much harsher than yours. 

    It's unfortunate and it should never come to that but as you said you know it wont change.

    and back to you flower crown, I've been seeing that trend in a lot of wedding mags as of late so honestly go for it!  Age is just a number and if you close your eyes to dream about how you look on your wedding day and that flower crown is on your head, it's meant to be!

    I would try and meet with your brother and dad one last time to see if you can sort some of these things out.  Try meeting in a public place (so things can't get out of hand) and write down some of the important points you would like to make so nothing is missed.  If they still choose to side with her and will not try and help you in your situation then I guess it is what it is.  At least you tried.

     

    Congrats on your big day and I am sure you will make a beautiful bride no matter what you wear!

    sarahurban451MissMollyjarednmegan
  • I don't mean that you talk to your mother too often, though you may.  I mean that you let her in to the discussion of things that aren't any of her business, when you know she's a pill.

    If the topic is already broached, for some reason, and she offers an unwanted opinion about anything (your size and shape, your hair covering, whatever), shrug and say "Well, you're entitled to your opinion," and talk about something else.  When she tries to press, and she will, repeat it, and add "...but I'll do it in the way that I think is best."  Don't argue, try to convince her of your opinion, or in any way give her reason to believe that she is any part of making the decision; when you argue, you implicitly tell her that the decision can't be made until she agrees to it.

    In the future, when she asks you about something you know damn well she's going to try to take over and make into her show, just smile and tell her it's going to be a surprise when it happens.  And when she presses, tell her with another smile that you won't let her ruin the surprise.
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    baconsmom
  • edited May 2013
    Thank you for your time.
  • edited May 2013
    Thank you for your time.
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Wear the crown.
    NerdyLucy
  • Are you aware that the flower crown amidst this whole mess is akin to writing a whole novel about how your house is on fire, and then saying "anyway, does anyone know how to get the post office to hold my mail?"
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    NerdyLucybaconsmomWzz
  • Love.

     

    Not apologizing for post-length. Never intended to. Didn't even refute because it was never up for discussion in the first place. However, to refute for you: this isn't Twitter; it's a blog forum. And I was born in a generation with enough attention span to read, like, whole books all at a go--and certainly some paragraphed blog posts. I can't believe this is even a point of contention. Oh, wait, yes I can. I live in America, home of ADHD and the lowest literacy rate among first-world countries.

    Sarah, you have to stick around.

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    chaiteachickashleyp0420PrettyGirlLost
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    She doesn't seem to realize that this is NOT actually a blog forum.
    It's a message board.  (not the same thing)
    tawillersshaylagirl
  • If the length of peoples posts mattered the Knot would have put a cap on that.


  • If the length of peoples posts mattered the Knot would have put a cap on that.

    But you don't, however, suppose that this concept can also be applied to the tone of people's posts.
    image
  • edited May 2013
    Thank you for your time.
  • You don't have to cut off your mom entirely; just stop engaging her.

    Look, I'm going to do you a big favor.  Get this book, read it, and internalize it:

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Dance-Intimacy-Harriet-Lerner/dp/006091646X/ref=pd_sim_b_2

    image
  • Post length is an issue when you're blathering on about 'me, me, me!' or unimportant issues...Like flower crowns.

    I can sum up your post in just a few sentences...Your mother is frustrating to deal with and has been your entire life.  She's never been supportive of you and wants to run the show and tell you how to do things. If you don't do them 'her' way, she turns into a hosebeast. You want to know how to fix 46 years of this so you can have your moment in the sun on your wedding day, complete with a flower crown (that she says you're too old for) without her ruining it.   Plusalso, you're moving far away after you get married and that is likely compounding issues.

    Dude, weddings DO NOT change people.  And they sometimes bring out the worst in people. Sorry your mom sucks, but she's not going to change.  Maybe it is a good thing you're going to be so far away from her. 


  • edited May 2013
    Thank you for your time.
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