So our wedding is 90% family and 10% friends, my fiancee has a LARGE family, and our location only allows for 80 people. We will be throwing a pot luck reception a few weeks after the wedding so that the friends we couldn't invite can celebrate with us. My MOH wants to throw a bridal shower for me and has requested a list with addresses. I have read all the etiquette that states that you shouldn't invite someone to the shower if they are not on the guest list; but is this really a hard and fast rule? If they aren't invited to the wedding but are invited to the second reception couldn't I include them on the shower guest list?
84 Invited
68 Yes
16 No
0 Unknown
Re: Bridal Shower HELP!!!!
A get together with your friends is fine. Even having a potluck or BYOB is fine. Just don't call it anything relating to your wedding. "Sorry we couldn't invite you to the wedding because our venue was too small and we can't afford to host you properly now so bring a dish to pass for our celebration of our 3 week anniversary!"
Yeah, no.
The only guests invited to your bridal shower should come from the list of 80 invited to your wedding and reception.
You don't invite anyone to a shower who is not invited to a wedding. That's a hard and fast rule. If you want to invite them to anything, you make the event non-wedding-related.
It's also not a good idea to use a potluck as a wedding reception. Wedding guests, especially OOT ones, should never be asked to bring their own provisions on top of getting gifts and incurring other costs to attend a wedding.
Your FI's family can host an engagement party or BBQ or whatever to introduce you to his extended family - and invite whoeve they want. Your family can host an engagement party to introduce your FI to your extended family.
But the shower is just for the bride's closest friends - hosted by her MOH, assisted by the BMs. So on your guest list, you put some other girls that you are close to, who have been with you every step of your courtship with FI. Then invite your mom and your aunt and your grandmother, and FI's mom if you want.
And yes, you should only be inviting wedding guests to the shower. Otherwise, you are telling people that they're only good enough to give you gifts.
Not to be rude, but honestly these are terrible ideas.
"Oh we didn't get invited to the wedding, but we made the cut for the second reception! And yay I even get to make my own dish to bring! And yes I still get to go the the shower and buy them an additional gift!!" SAID NO ONE EVER.
Please don't do this. Only guests invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower. You are more than welcome to have a pot-luck gettogether afterwards but do NOT label it something wedding related. If one of our friends did what you suggested they would come across as so greedy we wouldn't friends anymore.