I'll try to keep this as short as possible without skipping any important details.
FI lost his job a little over a week ago. It was a temp job, expected to last until the end of this month. That would have been perfect, since our wedding is July 19th, and we're moving 1000 miles away within a couple weeks. My mom is really upset that he's not working anymore, as am I, because we're really struggling to pay for the wedding and the move and grad school that starts in August for me. There's nearly 0 chance that FI can work until we leave. We've been looking. There's not much in this area, and he doesn't have a car. He also doesn't have time to apply for a regular job, get hired, get trained, and then say "oh yeah, I'm moving in 2 weeks..." He also is doing a project for my uncle, which he will get paid for as a wedding gift. My FI calculated it, and it will take him about 4 weeks to finish it, and it will pay more than he's going to get paid if he worked anywhere else. It's not ideal, but it's all we have. My mom doesn't think this is acceptable, and she gives many reasons, only some of which are valid. I'm trying to explain this as best as possible, but it's hard to shorten this. We live with my mom. It wasn't the plan, but we were desperate last fall, and she let us stay there until we move. She would not accept rent. This was mistake #1 on our part, staying with her, and not paying "rent" (we contribute in other ways though). In a nutshell, my mom is borderline mentally abusive towards me. I say borderline because I'm not willing to admit anything more than that. Let's just say this past year has been a nightmare. My whole life really.
Here's where this gets worse. My mom offered to pay for our reception (at least most of it- my FI and I, and my dad are contributing). FI and I are paying nearly everything else. My mom was really insistent that she pay (which we hadn't planned on). She said she'd be hurt if she we didn't accept. Mistake #2-We accepted. Overall, the planning process has gone smoothly. The three of us have gone to meetings and tastings at the venue together, and it's gone well. Until now.
I was hoping this wouldn't happen, but this morning she threatened to not pay for the reception, because FI doesn't have a "real" job. I anticipated this, because she's said from time to time how she "won't support our marriage" if FI doesn't work. (our definitions of work differ, I might add). But she's told me that she has no issue with him and that he's great for me, so I'm confused. I think it's a control thing plus panic that I'm moving. (Btw, I'm the youngest child). Anyway, she played that final card this morning. I beandipped her, and left for work. She called me numerous times on my way to work, which I did not answer (I was on the phone with my therapist trying to gain perspective on this). She called me 9 times in 30 minutes. Then once more when I got to work. Then she texted saying to call her NOW, and I wrote back saying I was at work and didn't really have any privacy (which is 100% true). She never wrote back, and called again 30 minutes later. I'm terrified.
Ok, so I had to give you the background. I left out a lot, but I hope it was clear enough. My question is, now what? She has a history of making empty threats like this, but what happens if she absolutely refuses to pay? FI and I CANNOT pay for it. There is absolutely no way. We couldn't even put a dent in it. We invited 180 guests. I think my mom thinks that by doing this, she'll stop us from getting married, which isn't true. We'll still get married that day, whether or not anyone is there to see it. We could afford to host our BP and a few VIPs if we go out to eat somewhere after the wedding. But we can't pay for anyone else. How do we go about explaining this to our guests? They'll be devastated, and so will FI and I. Almost half are driving in from OOT. Most of the people we've heard yes's from so far though are fairly local. Most OOTs haven't responded yet. In case this is an empty threat, I don't want to react too soon. But I don't know. How do I do this? What do I do? Please help me. TIA.