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MOH stealing my thunder?

I have been dating my fiancé for five years and we have a child together. On September 3, 2012, he finally popped the question! I immediately asked his sister, my best friend, to be my maid of honor. We are planning a end of summer/ early fall 2014 wedding.

Last weekend, she and her boyfriend of four months got engaged. I'm very happy for them but now she wants to have her wedding in June of 2014. She has asked me to be her maid of honor and, in the moment, I said yes.

Now, I'm starting to feel like she's trying to "steal my thunder." She's planning her wedding right before mine and I don't feel like either of us are going to be able to enjoy our duties as MOHs. Not only that but her family (my fiancé's) are all from out of town and I don't know if they will have the time or money to travel for two weddings in two months. I just feel like I'm getting shafted by her and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm stressed and upset that my wedding isn't about me anymore. Everyone keeps making jokes about having "dual" showers, "dual" bachelorette parties and even "dual" weddings! I don't find them funny and it really hurts my feelings! HELP!!

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Re: MOH stealing my thunder?

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    I doubt she's really trying to steal your thunder. Why should she have to plan her wedding around your timeline? Be upset, then get over it.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    I have been dating my fiancé for five years and we have a child together. On September 3, 2012, he finally popped the question! I immediately asked his sister, my best friend, to be my maid of honor. We are planning a end of summer/ early fall 2014 wedding.

    Last weekend, she and her boyfriend of four months got engaged. I'm very happy for them but now she wants to have her wedding in June of 2014. She has asked me to be her maid of honor and, in the moment, I said yes.

    Now, I'm starting to feel like she's trying to "steal my thunder." She's planning her wedding right before mine and I don't feel like either of us are going to be able to enjoy our duties as MOHs. Not only that but her family (my fiancé's) are all from out of town and I don't know if they will have the time or money to travel for two weddings in two months. I just feel like I'm getting shafted by her and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm stressed and upset that my wedding isn't about me anymore. Everyone keeps making jokes about having "dual" showers, "dual" bachelorette parties and even "dual" weddings! I don't find them funny and it really hurts my feelings! HELP!!

    MOHs don't have any "duties".

    You get one wedding day, and she gets one wedding day. Neither of you own the summer of 2014.

    FWIW, I had two of my closest friends get married within one-two months of DH & I. It was such a non-issue.

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    Don't worry about it. I know it's kinda disappointing at first, but you'll get over it. You get a day, not  month, year, or season. It'll be fine. And the day of your wedding, no one will be looking at, talking about, or thinking about anyone but you! It does suck that not everyone will be able to travel for both, but it happens. Anything could have happened to prevent some from traveling. And, if traveling is involved, they may not have made it anyway. 

    There are no duties to worry about. The only thing is to buy a dress and show up sober for the ceremony. Her wedding doesn't necessarily interfere with you being able to do that, or with her being able to do that for you. Anyone can throw a shower or party, and you are under no obligation to do it. 

    Just be happy for your sister, and have fun planning your wedding. Let the "dual" jokes roll off your back. Smile and move on. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    You may have some guests that cannot attend both, and you know what?  that's the way it is. People have to make decisions for their travel budgets.

    Still though, you get one day, she gets one day.  There is no thunder stealing.  You and your FI have been dating for 5 years, and you having a 2 year engagement.  You can't seal off every date between the date he proposed and the date you get married. 

    Your wedding will be about YOU and your FI and hers will be about HER and her FI.  But, you don't get the be the center of attention for the whole summer.  And the only MOH duty there is, is to show up in the dress, and if you have the time, budget & desire, throw a shower, b-party, etc.  But, even that isn't mandatory.

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    I doubt she's trying to steal your thunder either.  Honestly I think a lot of brides getting engaged one summer plan their wedding for the next summer just because it is convenient.  If you don't want a dual shower or bachelorette you are of course free to politely decline (though I might not give that as the reason).  Your FI's family may surprise you with their willingness to travel, as well.  You might consider doing STD's once your date is set so that they have all the information and can plan to come to both if they would like. 

    Exhale.  Try to enjoy going through wedding planning with your best friend!  Also, maybe try to go out once a month or so for drinks and NOT talk wedding.  Taking a break now and then is healthy!
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    itzMS said:



    I have been dating my fiancé for five years and we have a child together. On September 3, 2012, he finally popped the question! I immediately asked his sister, my best friend, to be my maid of honor. We are planning a end of summer/ early fall 2014 wedding.

    Last weekend, she and her boyfriend of four months got engaged. I'm very happy for them but now she wants to have her wedding in June of 2014. She has asked me to be her maid of honor and, in the moment, I said yes.

    Now, I'm starting to feel like she's trying to "steal my thunder." She's planning her wedding right before mine and I don't feel like either of us are going to be able to enjoy our duties as MOHs. Not only that but her family (my fiancé's) are all from out of town and I don't know if they will have the time or money to travel for two weddings in two months. I just feel like I'm getting shafted by her and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm stressed and upset that my wedding isn't about me anymore. Everyone keeps making jokes about having "dual" showers, "dual" bachelorette parties and even "dual" weddings! I don't find them funny and it really hurts my feelings! HELP!!

    MOHs don't have any "duties".

    You get one wedding day, and she gets one wedding day. Neither of you own the summer of 2014.

    FWIW, I had two of my closest friends get married within one-two months of DH & I. It was such a non-issue.

    RE: "neither of you have 'duties'". I respectfully disagree. Planning a wedding can be very stressful and having someone who can give advice, help with planning, and possibly even help with crafting if you're a DIY bride, is so nice! It's difficult to really be there to help the other person if you're busy planning your own big day.
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    I have been dating my fiancé for five years and we have a child together. On September 3, 2012, he finally popped the question! I immediately asked his sister, my best friend, to be my maid of honor. We are planning a end of summer/ early fall 2014 wedding.

    Last weekend, she and her boyfriend of four months got engaged. I'm very happy for them but now she wants to have her wedding in June of 2014. She has asked me to be her maid of honor and, in the moment, I said yes.

    Now, I'm starting to feel like she's trying to "steal my thunder." She's planning her wedding right before mine and I don't feel like either of us are going to be able to enjoy our duties as MOHs. Not only that but her family (my fiancé's) are all from out of town and I don't know if they will have the time or money to travel for two weddings in two months. I just feel like I'm getting shafted by her and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm stressed and upset that my wedding isn't about me anymore. Everyone keeps making jokes about having "dual" showers, "dual" bachelorette parties and even "dual" weddings! I don't find them funny and it really hurts my feelings! HELP!!

    Do you think the relationship might not last? Getting engaged after dating for four months is quick. This could be a non-issue, so I wouldn't start a fight over nothing.
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    I have been dating my fiancé for five years and we have a child together. On September 3, 2012, he finally popped the question! I immediately asked his sister, my best friend, to be my maid of honor. We are planning a end of summer/ early fall 2014 wedding.

    Last weekend, she and her boyfriend of four months got engaged. I'm very happy for them but now she wants to have her wedding in June of 2014. She has asked me to be her maid of honor and, in the moment, I said yes.

    Now, I'm starting to feel like she's trying to "steal my thunder." She's planning her wedding right before mine and I don't feel like either of us are going to be able to enjoy our duties as MOHs. Not only that but her family (my fiancé's) are all from out of town and I don't know if they will have the time or money to travel for two weddings in two months. I just feel like I'm getting shafted by her and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm stressed and upset that my wedding isn't about me anymore. Everyone keeps making jokes about having "dual" showers, "dual" bachelorette parties and even "dual" weddings! I don't find them funny and it really hurts my feelings! HELP!!

    The first bold comes off as judgmental and not really relevant at all.  How long her and her FI were dating before they got engaged doesn't matter.  Please don't say anything like this to her as it would be really hurtful.

    To the second bold, there aren't really any MOH duties other than showing up and buying a dress.  So I'm pretty sure you both will be able to handle both.

    In general, try to see the positives.  No one is going to be as excited as you are about your wedding.  You probably talk about it way more than you realize.  Having your MOH planning her wedding at the same time gives you a person to whom you can freely gush over flower arrangements and invitations about.  I would love that!  

    If you don't want dual pre-wedding events, than simply decline any offers to host them.  These events are gifts that aren't required anyways.

    As far as scheduling, you only get one day.  If you are really concerned that there might be some issues with family members not being able to attend both, then change your wedding date since it sounds like you haven't set a date yet.  You don't get to block off an entire season (or two).  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    What is she supposed to do?  Wait until winter 2014 to get married so that it doesn't interfere with yours?  Some people don't want to wait over a year for their wedding.  If June is what works for them, then be happy for them.

    Really, we've seen brides on this board whose friend/sister/whatever was getting married the WEEK before.  That I understand being a little upset over because it would mean a lot of guests couldn't attend both and one couple may have to miss the other's wedding due to the honeymoon.

    But it sounds like you have at least a couple months buffer.  That's plenty of time in between.  Just be happy for your friend!

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    I think someone needs to stop reading TK articles and magazines.
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    RE: "neither of you have 'duties'". I respectfully disagree. Planning a wedding can be very stressful and having someone who can give advice, help with planning, and possibly even help with crafting if you're a DIY bride, is so nice! It's difficult to really be there to help the other person if you're busy planning your own big day.
    Yes, it's nice to have help if it's offered, but it is not required. You ask people to be in your WP because you want them to know how important they are to you, not for their free labor. All the MOH has to do is buy her dress and show up. If planning her own wedding means the OP can't help much with her friend's wedding, and vice versa, then that's the way it is.
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    I was going to say if you're bothered by the date proximity, you can change YOUR date, but then I realize you had not even picked a date. If you are concerned about having the dates too close together, you can move your not-yet-assigned date to earlier or later in the year. I wouldn't mind a dual bachelorette, but I'd feel a little disappointed about a dual shower. I get that. I doubt anyone is serious about the dual wedding.

    This seems easily-solved, really.
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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    Viczaesar said:

    I seriously hate the assumption that the bride's female friends, by dint of having a vagina, either have to or should want to help the bride and groom plan their wedding.  I have absolutely no desire to help someone plan a party, nor do I have the time or money to, frankly. 


    So much of this!  Seriously, I'm not even that
    super duper excited about planning my own wedding.  I mean I'm enjoying wedding planning way more than I thought I would (throw away the bridal magazines and get off pinterest, seriously, it makes it so much better).  That said, any time someone tries to talk to me about what flowers I want on "my big day" or some other thing that I couldn't care less about, I throw up in my mouth a little bit.  So yeah, I certainly don't have any desire to discuss floral arrangements for someone else's party.  

    ETA-spacing and the quote box won't let me out.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    Viczaesar said:

    I seriously hate the assumption that the bride's female friends, by dint of having a vagina, either have to or should want to help the bride and groom plan their wedding.  I have absolutely no desire to help someone plan a party, nor do I have the time or money to, frankly. 
    Yup.  My MOH wasn't too interested, didn't have the money, and didn't have the time to do this stuff.  And that's OKAY... I didn't expect her or anyone else to.

    That is what your FI is there for (yes, he may have a penis, but he can still help with wedding stuff!).  And if it's too much for you or FI, then maybe you need to talk about scaling things back.

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    I have 3 friends who had all been engaged MUCH longer than me when I got engaged in February. They are all getting married between September 22nd and October 26th. They all had their dates WAY before mine. Did I pick October 12th out of spite or to steal anyone's thunder? Heck no! We wanted a fall wedding and didn't want to wait a year and a half. OP, I think you need to heed the advice of previous posters and not be so negative about all of this.
    Thunder Stealer.  I can't believe these friends still speak to you.  

    *Sarcasm*
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2013
    Bahahahaha Vic I just spit out my water that was hilarious !!!
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    You know, you COULD be excited to be going through the same experience at the same time as your friend. You COULD realize that this means you can't bore each other with wedding talk, which is what normally happens. You COULD take this as a bonding experience.


    OR you could just throw it all away and pout like a child about your 'thunder'. Up to you.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    I planned my wedding for June 2013. FI had been together for 5 years when we chose this date. Younger brother planned his wedding for September 2013. He and his FI had been together for 8 years when they chose their date. For the record, I was engaged months before him. So is he wrong for getting married 3 months after me? Was i stealing his thunder or vice versa? Nope! Because we both acknowledged that neither of us owned the year or the season or even the month for that matter. He was in my wedding and I will be in his. I had my DAY an he will get his DAY, because thats all it is... one day. My wedding is now over, everyone survived, and we are none the worse for wear. You, too, will survive your day.
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    Punch your pillow, stomp your foot, open your car window and yell at the wind.

    Get it out of your system, then let Sweet Reason remind you that you do not own the month, the season nor the year.

    Just decline any suggestion of dual showers, etc.
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    I totally understand your disappointment - I would probably feel that way too. But like others have said, I doubt she did it for the purpose of stealing your thunder. On her wedding day no one will be thinking about your wedding, and on your wedding day no one will be thinking about hers.
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    RE: "neither of you have 'duties'". I respectfully disagree. Planning a wedding can be very stressful and having someone who can give advice, help with planning, and possibly even help with crafting if you're a DIY bride, is so nice! It's difficult to really be there to help the other person if you're busy planning your own big day.
    Damn. I knew I should have asked my kindergarten arts & crafts teacher to be my MOH instead of one of my best friends who was too busy with med school to plan my wedding for me and hubby.

    You live, you learn.
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    FBIL is getting married 3 weeks after FI and I. Know what we did when we found out? Absolutely nothing. I'm not going to lie, the mutual family is not happy with FBIL for setting a date so close to ours. But we come out smelling like roses because anytime someone asks us if we're upset, we say no, we really aren't. If someone complains about it to us, we just smile and say nothing.

    There's no thunder stealing. Freak out for a hot minute, then chill out.
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    Viczaesar said:
    By the way, OP, Thor asked me to tell you both he wants his thunder back.

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    I wouldn't stress over it too much. My FI proposed to me about 4 months after his mom got engaged but we've been perfectly happy talking about planning and such together. Neither of us wants to steal the other's thunder because we're both happily getting married and that's what the focus is on. Their Italian family is coming over for hers so they more than likely won't make it for ours, but that doesn't mean they're not equally happy for us.

    The "dual" jokes get old but bad jokes are part of getting married. Or at least that's my experience...

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