Deleted.

banana468 · July 2013

StageManager14 said:
Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?

I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary.

My apologies for the thread jack!

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

banana468 said:

Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?
I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary. My apologies for the thread jack!

We know, sheesh.

I think the point of the sarcasm was unless she was actually the Virgin Mother, then there has to be another party involved in knocking her up, and hence another person capable of taking care of the baby during a wedding ceremony.

BlondieBia21 · July 2013

I am having our first child 3 months before our wedding. There are babysitters who can take care of her, other family members who have offered to take care of her, FI will stay with her during certain events. I highly doubt any mom would bring a baby to a bachelorette party. There's no way you can tell her she can't bring her child if there are other children at your ceremony. Babies cry, is it going to ruin your day? If so, you shouldn't be getting married. Your ceremony is about who you end up with and marry. Guests know that babies cry. If she/he starts to cry, someone can walk her out of the ceremony and into another area. You also can't ask her to not be a bridesmaid if you're wanting to keep your friendship. Especially because the "worst thing she's done" is have a baby 4 months before your wedding. You can't ask/tell them how to take care of their child, the baby may be very well behaved and not be an issue at all. You can't guess how a baby will act.

ETA- Also, in my WP, 3 of the bridesmaids have kids under 4. On FI's side, 2 have kids that will be under a year. Many of the SO's/wives/husbands have said that they are just going to come to the reception instead of coming to the ceremony, too. That could always be a possibility. Who knows if friend's hubby will even want to come to the ceremony, they could just be planning on bringing baby to the reception because then, her "duties" for your day are over.

Jen4948 · July 2013

SMarie89 said:

Jen4948 said:

SMarie89 said:

I have shitty logic because she already said that she is inviting other children?...

Your logic is shitty because she does not have to invite any children she doesn't want to-bridesmaid's child or not-any more than she has to invite any adults she doesn't want. Parents and children are not "social units."

No, but if you are inviting the children of your guests and not the child of a member of your wedding party, you need to question what your friendship with that person means to you.

Sorry, I don't agree. My parents attended weddings when I was a small kid without bringing me, and there were other kids at the weddings. My parents did not get pissy or feel the need to question their friendships with the couples that didn't invite me.

SMarie89 · July 2013

mollygates said:

I think there is a huge difference in inviting a 7 year old and inviting a 4 mo. old

Oh, Christ. Are you and Jen the same person? Because you are both keen on defending dumb points with shitty logic. Yes, there is a difference between a 7 year old and a 4 month old - the main one being that, if your bridesmaid is nursing, she needs to be near the 4 month old. Don't lump kids by their age - that 7 year old could very well have a tantrum and ruin your ceremony, too. The 4 month old would easily be taken care of by having daddy bring him/her out of the ceremony. As a former nanny, there is no shutting up a tantrum by an older child. Just sayin'...

You need to calm down and take a step back. Your wedding is important. This baby is also important. They can both co-exist in harmony. Like I said before, your bridesmaid and her baby are going to be much more inconvenienced by your wedding than you are by them. Calm down.

Edited for: spelling

LiLe422 · July 2013

mollygates said:

Also, I have been a bridesmaid in more than 14 weddings and have been asked FAR more ridiculous things than this.

Hey, at least you admit your idea is ridiculous.

Please don't ask Dad to miss the ceremony *in case* the baby fusses. Trust me, you will not notice if he excuses himself to tend to the baby.

Jen4948 · July 2013

No, @SMarie89, she isn't me.

You're the one who "needs to calm down and take a step back."

It's up to whoever is hosting mollygates' wedding to decide who is and isn't invited-and that includes babies. Children aren't "all or none."

You can get as pissed off as you want about that, but at the end of the day, it's not a breach of etiquette to invite parents without their children-even if other children are invited. Only SOs need to be invited together-not every single child of everyone who might be a parent.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

You have legitmit concerns. That being said, put them aside for now and enjoy your wedding planning process. If she brings the baby to the bridal shower, not a big issue. I'm sure if you have girls night on the town she will either decline the event or find someone to watch the baby. She may need to go home soon due to either nursing or just exchaustion from being a new mom, but as long as you tell her that you understand, it will be ok.

In regards to your wedding, if she brings having the baby in the wedding, just kindly tell her that you think the baby will be too young to really participate. Don't ask her to step down as a BM as that will ruin your friendship. However, if after having the baby she comes to you and says that she can't be a BM, try to be understanding and realize it isn't going to ruin your wedding day if you're down a BM. Hopefully she has an easy pregancny & the baby is born healthy, but in case something does go wrong, try to work with her. Depending on her babysitting options, she may need to bring the baby to the reception, which you can ask venue if they have a chair they can put baby carrier on, but then chances are they'll leave early (after dinner).

I had a 4 month old at my wedding. She did start crying during the ceremony. The parents quickly wisked her to the back of the church to calm her down. We heard her briefly, but we weren't video taping the ceremony so it didn't impact it.

I do understand your concerns, but breath, relax, enjoy your engagement, enjoy your friends pregnancy and deal with each issue as it actually comes up. It is so easy to worry about the what ifs, we've all done it. I'm sure you'll figure things out together.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

SMarie89 said:

mollygates said:

I think there is a huge difference in inviting a 7 year old and inviting a 4 mo. old

Oh, Christ. Are you and Jen the same person? Because you are both keen on defending dumb points with shitty logic. Yes, there is a difference between a 7 year old and a 4 month old - the main one being that, if your bridesmaid is nursing, she needs to be near the 4 month old. Don't lump kids by their age - that 7 year old could very well have a tantrum and ruin your ceremony, too. The 4 month old would easily be taken care of by having daddy bring him/her out of the ceremony. As a former nanny, there is no shutting up a tantrum by an older child. Just sayin'...

You need to calm down and take a step back. Your wedding is important. This baby is also important. They can both co-exist in harmony. Like I said before, your bridesmaid and her baby are going to be much more inconvenienced by your wedding than you are by them. Calm down.

Edited for: spelling

I'm confused, did you literally mean Christ? :-P

KDM323 · July 2013

One of my bridesmaids is pregnant.

She has made it to dress fittings, a party hosted by my parents, etc. She is actively involved in wedding planning (she helped me find both my DJ and photographer) and she even volunteered to help me address Save the Date envelopes. (And she has VOLUNTEERED all of this...I'd never ask it of her)

She isn't ordering her dress until the very last minute (she is due approximately 4 1/2 months before our wedding) because she wants to make sure she orders the best size/size that can be altered appropriately.

She's already pro-actively sought out a babysitter (her mother) for the evening of our rehearsal dinner and our wedding. She wants to be able to enjoy the evenings without having to worry about a fussing baby. (She plans on breastfeeding AND pumping, so the babysitter will just use the pumped milk).

I think as time goes by this will bother you less and you will realize that it will all work out somehow. Relax for now.

Jen4948 · July 2013

jss0302 said:

Jen4948 said:

No, @SMarie89, she isn't me.

You're the one who "needs to calm down and take a step back."

It's up to whoever is hosting mollygates' wedding to decide who is and isn't invited-and that includes babies. Children aren't "all or none."

You can get as pissed off as you want about that, but at the end of the day, it's not a breach of etiquette to invite parents without their children-even if other children are invited. Only SOs need to be invited together-not every single child of everyone who might be a parent.

What about babies who are breastfeeding and need to be near their mother? Does that mean mom has to miss out?

It might. Not every nursing baby is welcome everywhere.

Note: This is not necessarily what I would do-it's whether or not etiquette requires it. It doesn't require that nursing babies be invited everywhere with their mothers. In practical terms, if a nursing mother isn't invited to bring her baby but can't leave it, she may well have to make the decision not to accept the invitation for herself. But also in practical terms, if the hosts are willing to make some accommodation for the baby and mother, it's a nice thing for them to do.

So in this instance, it really depends on what mollygates and her FI and/or their hosts want to do. If they really don't want to accommodate a nursing newborn, then they don't have to. I'm not arguing that it wouldn't be *nice* for them to do so-just what the minimum of etiquette requires.

SMarie89 · July 2013

Jen4948 said:

No, @SMarie89, she isn't me.

You're the one who "needs to calm down and take a step back."

It's up to whoever is hosting mollygates' wedding to decide who is and isn't invited-and that includes babies. Children aren't "all or none."

You can get as pissed off as you want about that, but at the end of the day, it's not a breach of etiquette to invite parents without their children-even if other children are invited. Only SOs need to be invited together-not every single child of everyone who might be a parent.

Oh, sugarplum. I am not pissed off. I just think it's bullshit when people think that their "day" is only theirs. OP supposedly says this is her best friend so why isn't she treating her like one?

STARMOON44 · July 2013

Oh for goodness sake calm down! She just announced her pregnancy- of course she's a little over the tip. Give her a while to settle into the idea. And to get yourself used to the idea that your wedding isn't a movie. This little baby may fuss and need to be taken outside. Your flowergirl might have a cold and blow her nose 10 times. Great-aunt gertie might fart loudly just before you say I Do. And at the end of the day you will still be married.

Jen4948 · July 2013

SMarie89 said:

Jen4948 said:

No, @SMarie89, she isn't me.

You're the one who "needs to calm down and take a step back."

It's up to whoever is hosting mollygates' wedding to decide who is and isn't invited-and that includes babies. Children aren't "all or none."

You can get as pissed off as you want about that, but at the end of the day, it's not a breach of etiquette to invite parents without their children-even if other children are invited. Only SOs need to be invited together-not every single child of everyone who might be a parent.

Oh, sugarplum. I am not pissed off. I just think it's bullshit when people think that their "day" is only theirs. OP supposedly says this is her best friend so why isn't she treating her like one?

Because her best friend isn't one of the two people getting married or paying for the wedding.

Just because someone is your "best friend" doesn't give them rights over your wedding-pregnant or not.

banana468 · July 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

StageManager14 said:
Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?
I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary.

My apologies for the thread jack!

We know, sheesh.

I think the point of the sarcasm was unless she was actually the Virgin Mother, then there has to be another party involved in knocking her up, and hence another person capable of taking care of the baby during a wedding ceremony.

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

StageManager14 said:
Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?
I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary.

My apologies for the thread jack!

We know, sheesh.

I think the point of the sarcasm was unless she was actually the Virgin Mother, then there has to be another party involved in knocking her up, and hence another person capable of taking care of the baby during a wedding ceremony.

You don't need to explain it to me. I was born at night but it wasn't last night

winelover123 · July 2013

Don't ask the dad to sit outside during the ceremony, that's really rude. If the baby starts crying, he'll take the baby outside. It's not a distraction. You can certainly say no to having the baby in the ceremony, and, to my understanding, you technically do not have to invite the newborn to the wedding. I think you should though - he/she will probably need to be near the mom. I doubt you'll notice a newborn at the ceremony or the reception.

SMarie89 · July 2013

Jen4948 said:

SMarie89 said:

Jen4948 said:

No, @SMarie89, she isn't me.

You're the one who "needs to calm down and take a step back."

It's up to whoever is hosting mollygates' wedding to decide who is and isn't invited-and that includes babies. Children aren't "all or none."

You can get as pissed off as you want about that, but at the end of the day, it's not a breach of etiquette to invite parents without their children-even if other children are invited. Only SOs need to be invited together-not every single child of everyone who might be a parent.

Oh, sugarplum. I am not pissed off. I just think it's bullshit when people think that their "day" is only theirs. OP supposedly says this is her best friend so why isn't she treating her like one?

Because her best friend isn't one of the two people getting married or paying for the wedding.

Just because someone is your "best friend" doesn't give them rights over your wedding-pregnant or not.

Letting someone bring a baby is giving that someone rights over your wedding? Jesus... That's a little much, don't you think? My whole point is that, under the circumstances, OP would be a huge jerk to say the baby is not allowed to attend the wedding (or as she is now saying, to be in the same room as the ceremony). You can't do that to someone you supposedly call your best friend. If it comes that easy to you, you need to reevaluate your friendship and your commitment to that friend. That's all I'm saying.

Of course children are not mandatory invites. But for someone who is your best friend, I feel like you'd be making special exceptions FOR her and the baby, not against them.

AddieCake · July 2013

obxbride14 · July 2013

My MOH just found out she's pregnant and will have a (maybe) 8 week old at my wedding. She is my best friend and I couldn't imagine not having there. I would never ask her FI to sit outside the ceremony. If the baby cries, then she cries. I have confidence in her FI to realize that he should step outside if it comes to that. I also realize that at the end of the day, ill be married and it won't really matter if I or anyone else noticed a baby crying for 30 seconds. She is also bringing her mother so that if the baby does get fussy, grandma can come pick her up.

As a nanny, I would be more worried about the behavior of a 7 year old than a newborn.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?
I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary. My apologies for the thread jack!

We know, sheesh.

I think the point of the sarcasm was unless she was actually the Virgin Mother, then there has to be another party involved in knocking her up, and hence another person capable of taking care of the baby during a wedding ceremony.
You don't need to explain it to me. I was born at night but it wasn't last night

Then why did you need to explain it to us, lol? I'm confused. . .

kmmssg · July 2013

This is really kinda nuts.

OP - DH and I have reared 5 kids and helped with countless babysitting of nieces/nephews and 6 grandkids. We've got the kid thing down fairly well. And for the record, I really enjoy kid free weddings - even the ones that exclude my grandkids.

You said your wedding would be 20 minutes. Statistically - what do you think the chances of that child screaming his/her lungs out during that particular 20 minutes of the day are? The baby needs to sit with daddy and daddy needs an aisle seat so he can take the baby out if necessary. This solves your ENTIRE problem.

Four month old babies are pretty darned hearty unless they have health issues. A 4 month old isn't likely to freak out at new surroundings like a much older infant would. It isn't a rock concert with blaring music and strobe lights, it's a wedding, which is usually pretty understated. If Daddy has a bottle, a pacifier, and an aisle seat you are golden. There is no rocket science here - it is a minor deal.

As for the shower and bachelorette? If she is nursing, I would let her bring the baby to the shower. I think you are well within your rights to say absolutely no baby at the bachelorette party. Babies don't belong there.

OP - being pregnant with your first child is most likely the most significant thing to ever happen to your BM. This is the biggest life change she will most likely experience. She is giddy, excited, scared, nervous, and that's often quite normal. Let her get some of this out of her system. Closer to the wedding, if she brings up having the baby in the wedding, you can tell her it isn't what you want and you can find a polite way to make sure her husband knows to please take the baby out if he/she cries. Most likely, by 4 months, Daddy will know the tricks that keep the baby happy for 20 minutes.

Simply Fated · July 2013

I wouldn't worry about this just yet. A lot can change from now until then. In your friend's eyes, she might be picturing having her baby at the shower and pushing her down the aisle in a white and pink chiffon covered stroller, but this is still new news for her.
Wait until she has the kid and all she wants to do is sleep and not look at spit up for, like, five minutes. Then cross the bridge.

Asking her husband to stand outside of the ceremony is ridiculous and you know it. You're inviting him to the ceremony, so therefore he is allowed to attend the ceremony. If the baby cries, hopefully he take it outside. Or maybe they'll decide they want a night out without the baby. These are all just what ifs for now. So please dont' stress about it until the baby comes.

And, yeah, you do get a say in the guest list for the prewedding parties and the wedding itself. If you don't want the baby including that's one thing, but if your friend decides not to attend these events (or can't attend) because of that, then will you be okay with that?

banana468 · July 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

StageManager14 said:
Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?
I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary.

My apologies for the thread jack!

We know, sheesh.

I think the point of the sarcasm was unless she was actually the Virgin Mother, then there has to be another party involved in knocking her up, and hence another person capable of taking care of the baby during a wedding ceremony.
You don't need to explain it to me. I was born at night but it wasn't last night

Then why did you need to explain it to us, lol? I'm confused. . .

Are you freaking kidding me? I took two seconds to threadjack because of the common but incorrect belief that the conception of Jesus was the Immaculate Conception.

Is there a reason you're continuing to harp on this?

stantokm · July 2013

We had several babies/toddlers at our wedding; only one was loud and I only know about it because I asked his mother where he was at the reception (she had dropped him off with his grandparents in between because she didn't want him fussy at the reception, too). We never heard him. We also didn't hear any of the other babies, but we have pictures of their moms holding them just outside the ceremony space because they removed themselves when they thought their kids might become a distraction.

One of the babies was six weeks old at my bridal shower. He was kind of just a quiet lump--and I was just happy that my cousin (his mom) was able to attend because she couldn't get a baby-sitter and her husband had to work. He took no attention away from me. For my bachelorette party, several moms came and none of them brought their kids nor expected to have them invited. Her baby coming to your shower will NOT matter.

Please don't ask your friend's husband to stand outside the ceremony. It's incredibly rude. By doing so, you're implying that you don't think he's smart enough to remove a loud baby. I'd be very offended if my best friend said something like this to my husband as if he had zero common sense.

daveANDkristen · July 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?
I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary. My apologies for the thread jack!
We know, sheesh.

I think the point of the sarcasm was unless she was actually the Virgin Mother, then there has to be another party involved in knocking her up, and hence another person capable of taking care of the baby during a wedding ceremony.
You don't need to explain it to me. I was born at night but it wasn't last night
Then why did you need to explain it to us, lol? I'm confused. . .

I think what Banana was trying to say is that the Immaculate Conception refers to the conception of Mary, not the virgin conception of Jesus. Even though Immaculate Conception is often used incorrectly to mean when Mary became pregnant with Jesus.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

Did she get knocked up through Immaculate Conception? Is there not a father around?
I totally agree with the sentiment of your post but there is one large misunderstanding in it: the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary. My apologies for the thread jack!

We know, sheesh.

I think the point of the sarcasm was unless she was actually the Virgin Mother, then there has to be another party involved in knocking her up, and hence another person capable of taking care of the baby during a wedding ceremony.
You don't need to explain it to me. I was born at night but it wasn't last night

Then why did you need to explain it to us, lol? I'm confused. . .
Are you freaking kidding me? I took two seconds to threadjack because of the common but incorrect belief that the conception of Jesus was the Immaculate Conception. Is there a reason you're continuing to harp on this?

I'm not kidding or harping on anyone, I'm being super cereal :-)

ETA: And I misread your post so my bad!

Xstatic3333 · July 2013

I'm having a mostly no kids wedding and actually made exceptions for two infants, not the other way around. OP I beg you not to worry about this. Just let Dad handle his child, and you will be way too busy getting married to notice.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

This isn't really useful advice, but I am having a ton of kids at the wedding. I HOPE people bring their kids. I LOVE BABIES. As someone who can't wait to have kids, I just can't imagine a baby crying for 15 seconds prior to being carried out as something that could ruin my day. The day is going to be way too awesome to be ruined that easily.

cbrown828 · July 2013

I was holding my sleeping 8 week old niece before my brother's wedding. When the processional music began, she woke up and began to fuss. My brother made a joke by saying hi to the baby, and I stepped away (outside wedding so I went off to the side and back) while my sister (baby's mom) fetched a bottle, because it was about feeding time anyway. My brother and his wife still got married, the entire day was beautful, and no one scolded my sister for her baby fussing during the wedding. That same baby will be six months old at my wedding. If my sister (my MOH) is walking up the aisle or standing at the altar with me and her baby fusses, I trust that her bf or another family member will know what to do. Heck, if the baby wants mommy bad enough my sister can just hold her!

My point is that you're doing what I call awfulizing. This baby will be 4 months old. Mom and Dad will know how to handle him/her. Quit looking for drama where there isn't any.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

cbrown828 said:

I was holding my sleeping 8 week old niece before my brother's wedding. When the processional music began, she woke up and began to fuss. My brother made a joke by saying hi to the baby, and I stepped away (outside wedding so I went off to the side and back) while my sister (baby's mom) fetched a bottle, because it was about feeding time anyway. My brother and his wife still got married, the entire day was beautful, and no one scolded my sister for her baby fussing during the wedding. That same baby will be six months old at my wedding. If my sister (my MOH) is walking up the aisle or standing at the altar with me and her baby fusses, I trust that her bf or another family member will know what to do. Heck, if the baby wants mommy bad enough my sister can just hold her!

My point is that you're doing what I call awfulizing. This baby will be 4 months old. Mom and Dad will know how to handle him/her. Quit looking for drama where there isn't any.

I like this term, well done.

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