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Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

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Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

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    allispainallispain member
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    edited September 2013
    Maggie0829 said:
    grumbledore said:
    @acove2006 ftw

    I have a cousin who insists on writing like this on FB.  She is 7 years older than me.  It's embarrassing.

    image
    Back in my last year of college I had a professor that had to tell her students to not use text language in their reports.  Apparently there were many students who would use u for you and ur for your in their papers.  I just sat there shaking my head because I was so dumbfounded at the thought.


    I get e-mails from students all the time like this - "u," "ur," no proper punctuation, no capitalization, etc. Makes me want to scream. Luckily I teach foreign languages, so at least they can't do it in class :-)

    ETA - quoting was messed up.
    image
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    misshart00misshart00 member
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    I just wanted to refer everyone back to point #11.  No one here can stop you from doing it, but why try and argue that it's okay on an ettiquete forum?  Just let it go and enjoy your tack-tacular, oh-so-special, all-about-me wedding day.
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    cideficidefi member
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    I want to apologize for disrespecting everyone yesterday by using that very unnice word. It was very immature and uncalled for from me. I was frustrated and felt attacked by very judgemental people. I do realize that this is an Etiquette forum, that there r very proper ways to do things and rules to follow. But I don't come here and participate to end up feeling attacked. Weddings to me r very personal, and that rules r meant to be guidelines that can be and do usually change according to the couple. I am an older bride to be, so I feel differently about about certain things and situations. I handle them differently from someone who might be 20 years younger then me, and this is not my 1st marriage, it is however my 1st wedding. I do come here for advice on etiquette and tradition, but I tweek what I find to benefit myself, my FH, and our wedding. I don't need to be corrected on how I type unless it is an grammerical error. I never ever tell another person what to with their wedding, I only try to speak from my experiences and from a "what would I do" point of view. Now I know that some of what I say might not be proper, that people will not always agree with me, but these r just my opinions, and as grown ups I feel like we should be able to agree to disagree. I understand that there r hard core traditionalist in these forums who believe that we should follow all the rules all the time, but I don't feel that way. And I should be able to speak my mind without being attacked. Again I do apologize for my behavior yesterday.
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    cideficidefi member
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    KnotPorscha said:

    Thank you for notifying me. @cidefi you have a private message.

    Thank u I received it, and read the rules.
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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    Being told you have a poor idea from a whole bunch of people isn't an attack. It's an opportunity to reconsider your decisions. 
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    cideficidefi member
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    I've read everyone's responses and I will say this for the ump tenth time...and if u had really read my words then u would already know this....

    I AM NOT HAVING A CASH BAR. I HAVE NEVER EVER SAID I WAS HAVING A CASH BAR!!! I am having an open bar during my cocktail hour. My FH and I do not want to continously serve alcohol throught the entire reception, 1 reason being that we don't want our guest to go overboard with the drinking. Now maybe that has never been ur experience at a wedding before, but it has been mine. And I do not want to worry about people driving drunk once they leave my wedding. Period. Dont assume that people won't overdrink. I don't think there is anything wrong about my etiquette in the decision and I don't think I'm being rude about it.

    2ndly what I did say was that I didn't have a problem with people who do have cash bars at their receptions. I suggested that they add it to the menu card or something so that their guest wouldnt be surprised. That's it. Is it proper...NO. Would I do it...NO. Is it done...YES. Has anyone ever died from having to pay for a drink at wedding...IDTS.
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    cideficidefi member
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    Uuummm correction being told by a bunch of people that I'm tacky for doing something that I'm not even doing, makes u people wrong and judgemental!!! And yes I see that as a form of attack. And then u all have the nerve to try me what I am or am not liable for. U don't know the laws in my city/state. Stopping assuming that u all know everything about everything.
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    cideficidefi member
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    IDK what FFS means.
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    cidefi said:
    I've read everyone's responses and I will say this for the ump tenth time...and if u had really read my words then u would already know this.... I AM NOT HAVING A CASH BAR. I HAVE NEVER EVER SAID I WAS HAVING A CASH BAR!!! I am having an open bar during my cocktail hour. My FH and I do not want to continously serve alcohol throught the entire reception, 1 reason being that we don't want our guest to go overboard with the drinking. Now maybe that has never been ur experience at a wedding before, but it has been mine. And I do not want to worry about people driving drunk once they leave my wedding. Period. Dont assume that people won't overdrink. I don't think there is anything wrong about my etiquette in the decision and I don't think I'm being rude about it. 2ndly what I did say was that I didn't have a problem with people who do have cash bars at their receptions. I suggested that they add it to the menu card or something so that their guest wouldnt be surprised. That's it. Is it proper...NO. Would I do it...NO. Is it done...YES. Has anyone ever died from having to pay for a drink at wedding...IDTS.
    @cidefi - Well then, just have a dry wedding if you're that concerned about people drinking.  But as I stated earlier, what you're planning is a tease.  You are teasing your guests with an open bar during cocktail hour and then take it away from them for the rest of the reception.  Nobody likes a tease.
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    cideficidefi member
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    If I wanted a dry wedding then I would have 1. That's not what we want.
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    WildMageletWildMagelet member
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    cidefi said:
    Uuummm correction being told by a bunch of people that I'm tacky for doing something that I'm not even doing, makes u people wrong and judgemental!!! And yes I see that as a form of attack. And then u all have the nerve to try me what I am or am not liable for. U don't know the laws in my city/state. Stopping assuming that u all know everything about everything.
    Calm down.  Nobody is targeting or attacking you specifically.  Nobody knows who you are, this is not about you.  Stop taking everything so personally.  People are trying to correct you on what is perceived to be a bad idea etiquette-wise on an etiquette forum.  Posters on the etiquette board do not condone poor etiquette.  If anyone (not just you) posts something that is against etiquette on this board someone is going to correct them on it.  If you don't want people correcting you on etiquette then don't post on the etiquette board.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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    cideficidefi member
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    Fran1985 said:

    @cidefi I do know about liability- you are never liable for having an open bar, in any state, when you have a licensed bartender. 

    flutterbride2b said:


    cidefi said:

    Uuummm correction being told by a bunch of people that I'm tacky for doing something that I'm not even doing, makes u people wrong and judgemental!!! And yes I see that as a form of attack. And then u all have the nerve to try me what I am or am not liable for. U don't know the laws in my city/state. Stopping assuming that u all know everything about everything.

    Calm down.  Nobody is targeting or attacking you specifically.  Nobody knows who you are, this is not about you.  Stop taking everything so personally.  People are trying to correct you on what is perceived to be a bad idea etiquette-wise on an etiquette forum.  Posters on the etiquette board do not condone poor etiquette.  If anyone (not just you) posts something that is against etiquette on this board someone is going to correct them on it.  If you don't want people correcting you on etiquette then don't post on the etiquette board.

    I didn't ask for anybody's corrections. And yes it attacking me, and yes I am taking it personal. Its fine for people to make suggestions. And its ok for people to tell me that I am doing something wrong, that's why I'm here. But the name calling, and funky pictures r so uncalled for. And really please stop correcting the way I type.

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    cidefi said:
    @cidefi I do know about liability- you are never liable for having an open bar, in any state, when you have a licensed bartender. 
    cidefi said:
    Uuummm correction being told by a bunch of people that I'm tacky for doing something that I'm not even doing, makes u people wrong and judgemental!!! And yes I see that as a form of attack. And then u all have the nerve to try me what I am or am not liable for. U don't know the laws in my city/state. Stopping assuming that u all know everything about everything.
    Calm down.  Nobody is targeting or attacking you specifically.  Nobody knows who you are, this is not about you.  Stop taking everything so personally.  People are trying to correct you on what is perceived to be a bad idea etiquette-wise on an etiquette forum.  Posters on the etiquette board do not condone poor etiquette.  If anyone (not just you) posts something that is against etiquette on this board someone is going to correct them on it.  If you don't want people correcting you on etiquette then don't post on the etiquette board.
    I didn't ask for anybody's corrections. And yes it attacking me, and yes I am taking it personal. Its fine for people to make suggestions. And its ok for people to tell me that I am doing something wrong, that's why I'm here. But the name calling, and funky pictures r so uncalled for. And really please stop correcting the way I type.
    People are going to comment on the way you communicate when the way you communicate affects our ability to easily read and understand your posts. 

    Who exactly called you a name?



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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    If my googling a term YOU made up and posting the first thing that popped up is that upsetting to you, perhaps the internet isn't for you. 
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    cidefi said:
    I've read everyone's responses and I will say this for the ump tenth time...and if u had really read my words then u would already know this.... I AM NOT HAVING A CASH BAR. I HAVE NEVER EVER SAID I WAS HAVING A CASH BAR!!! I am having an open bar during my cocktail hour. My FH and I do not want to continously serve alcohol throught the entire reception, 1 reason being that we don't want our guest to go overboard with the drinking. Now maybe that has never been ur experience at a wedding before, but it has been mine. And I do not want to worry about people driving drunk once they leave my wedding. Period. Dont assume that people won't overdrink. I don't think there is anything wrong about my etiquette in the decision and I don't think I'm being rude about it. 2ndly what I did say was that I didn't have a problem with people who do have cash bars at their receptions. I suggested that they add it to the menu card or something so that their guest wouldnt be surprised. That's it. Is it proper...NO. Would I do it...NO. Is it done...YES. Has anyone ever died from having to pay for a drink at wedding...IDTS.

    What language is this?
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    auriannaaurianna member
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    edited September 2013
    cidefi said:
    I didn't ask for anybody's corrections. And yes it attacking me, and yes I am taking it personal. Its fine for people to make suggestions. And its ok for people to tell me that I am doing something wrong, that's why I'm here. But the name calling, and funky pictures r so uncalled for. And really please stop correcting the way I type.
    I know you didn't ask for corrections on your etiquette ideas, however as this is an etiquette forum and some people just lurk/read and do not post, it's important for us to point out when certain suggestions are not proper etiquette so that other people reading the forums don't follow that advice thinking it's polite. We're not correction you to make you mad, but rather to help other members that might read the posts down the road.

    The way I interpreted our original post was you were doing open bar at cocktail hour and then you were only hosting lemonade and tea; I thought you were still serving alcohol but just not paying for it anymore. I will say that if after the cocktail hour you truly aren't having any alcohol available at all (as in everyone is getting sweet tea or lemonade, and hopefully diet beverages for those who can't do a lot of sugar) and alcohol isn't even available for purchase... I don't think that's nearly as bad as having a cash bar.
    I agree with others that it's sort of a tease and I'd probably be disappointed if I found out after the cocktail hour was over that there wasn't anymore. And I think you seriously run the risk of people getting drunk very early and very heavily at the beginning part of your wedding because they want to fit in what they can before the bar closes. But as long as you aren't doing a cash bar during any part of the evening... I've seen far worse.
    Still not saying I think it's totally proper. As a general rule, it's most comfortable and less confusing for one's guests if you keep consistency throughout. But on the faux-pas hierarchy I personally feel like it's lower down.
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    cideficidefi member
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    artbyallie said:


    cidefi said:


    I want to apologize for disrespecting everyone yesterday by using that very unnice word. It was very immature and uncalled for from me. I was frustrated and felt attacked by very judgemental people. I do realize that this is an Etiquette forum, that there r very proper ways to do things and rules to follow. But I don't come here and participate to end up feeling attacked. Weddings to me r very personal, and that rules r meant to be guidelines that can be and do usually change according to the couple. I am an older bride to be, so I feel differently about about certain things and situations. I handle them differently from someone who might be 20 years younger then me, and this is not my 1st marriage, it is however my 1st wedding. I do come here for advice on etiquette and tradition, but I tweek what I find to benefit myself, my FH, and our wedding. I don't need to be corrected on how I type unless it is an grammerical error. I never ever tell another person what to with their wedding, I only try to speak from my experiences and from a "what would I do" point of view. Now I know that some of what I say might not be proper, that people will not always agree with me, but these r just my opinions, and as grown ups I feel like we should be able to agree to disagree. I understand that there r hard core traditionalist in these forums who believe that we should follow all the rules all the time, but I don't feel that way. And I should be able to speak my mind without being attacked. Again I do apologize for my behavior yesterday.






    I don't know why nobody's commented on this yet, but you did absolutely have a wedding before. You got married; you had to have a wedding to do so. Getting married = wedding. It is not the dress and party that makes a wedding, but the act of marriage. I am sorry you consider the party the more important part. That makes me sad for you.

    Also, you sure don't act like someone 20 years older. You type and react like a middle-schooler.


    Yes I had a wedding before but I did not plan anything, my 1st husband. It was a very simple JOTP cermony.
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    crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
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    grumbledore said:
    acove2006 said:

    @grumbledore....okay I'm embarrassed, what's ftw mean? lol

    @maggie0829 that's pretty said. I knew it was time to stop the text speak while texting when I started saying "l-o-l" when actually speaking. I still "lol" a bit too much on forums (obviously) but have seriously toned down my craptastic texting ways. But if a teacher had to tell me to stop, a professor at that, I would just tell myself to jump off a bridge for being that stupid.

    For the win.  Something I picked up from my little brother.  :)
    got it :-)
    aurianna said:
    cidefi said:
    I didn't ask for anybody's corrections. And yes it attacking me, and yes I am taking it personal. Its fine for people to make suggestions. And its ok for people to tell me that I am doing something wrong, that's why I'm here. But the name calling, and funky pictures r so uncalled for. And really please stop correcting the way I type.
    I know you didn't ask for corrections on your etiquette ideas, however as this is an etiquette forum and some people just lurk/read and do not post, it's important for us to point out when certain suggestions are not proper etiquette so that other people reading the forums don't follow that advice thinking it's polite. We're not correction you to make you mad, but rather to help other members that might read the posts down the road.

    The way I interpreted our original post was you were doing open bar at cocktail hour and then you were only hosting lemonade and tea; I thought you were still serving alcohol but just not paying for it anymore. I will say that if after the cocktail hour you truly aren't having any alcohol available at all (as in everyone is getting sweet tea or lemonade, and hopefully diet beverages for those who can't do a lot of sugar) and alcohol isn't even available for purchase... I don't think that's nearly as bad as having a cash bar.
    I agree with others that it's sort of a tease and I'd probably be disappointed if I found out after the cocktail hour was over that there wasn't anymore. And I think you seriously run the risk of people getting drunk very early and very heavily at the beginning part of your wedding because they want to fit in what they can before the bar closes. But as long as you aren't doing a cash bar during any part of the evening... I've seen far worse.
    Still not saying I think it's totally proper. As a general rule, it's most comfortable and less confusing for one's guests if you keep consistency throughout. But on the faux-pas hierarchy I personally feel like it's lower down.

    @cidefi Please read and re-read this. If you want nice, @Aurianna hit the nail on the head (like usual!). Everyone here just wants you to be able to have the (second) wedding you dream of while still being a good host. Does it really matter how wonderful your wedding was if people leave grumpy and offended? Or insanely wasted because they stocked up before the bar closed?

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    cideficidefi member
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    Well @acove2006 thanks for ur concern, but its not really needed. If I had to choose, I would rather my guest get drunk before dinner, have a chance to sober up and leave my reception in tact, then to have people over drink for 4 or 5 hours, leave my reception and kill somebody!! If people r gonna over drink their gonna do regradless to when i serve alcohol. But it eases my mind to know that they had a meal and time to get sober before leaving.
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    arrippaarrippa member
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    @grumbledore -  You should make a sticky about PPDs.
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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    moemacWed30594 said:
    @grumbledore -  You should make a sticky about PPDs.
    So many faux pas, so little time!  Not a bad idea though...  What would we name it?

    "So, you're married and you want to get married again...  Everything you need to know!"

    "Legally married, now having a "real" wedding?  Stop here first!"

    "Always dreamed of your perfect wedding but had to get married for insurance/a green card/because your parents didn't want you to live with your fiance/because there was a discount on the sidewalk in Vegas?  Come on in!"

    "It's not REAL until you wear a big white gown and get lots of presents!"



    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    SKPMSKPM member
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    "Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first!"
    This, exactly, has my vote. Ridiculous how common it's becoming around here (and presumably in real life).

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
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