• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

145791028

Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

  • Jen4948 said:
    ashleyep said:
    Jen4948 said:
    @STBMrsEverhart

    You said in the post I quoted that if your friends don't like what you are hosting, they are welcome to buy drinks from the bar.  That's a cash bar, and again, it should never be an option.  It doesn't matter who "you" is.
    She's have an event in a private room at a bar. She's hosting a number of beverages, including some alcoholic beverages, but she can't prevent her guests from going out to the main bar. Hopefully they will respect what she's hosting, but there's nothing she can do to stop it short of hosting every beverage the bar offers. Let's not argue over semantics here, she's not having a cash bar.

    Are we supposed to tell brides now that if they choose to have an event at any venue that offers a separate bar to the public (bar, restaurant, hotel) that they have to host every option that bar provides?
    No, but I think part of being a good host involves not putting guests in the situation where the hosts don't want to pay for drinks, but they're available around the corner at the bar if the guests pay for them. I can only speak for myself in this instance and say that we chose our party venue based on a place that we knew our guests would love. 95% of our friends are bartenders, snow boarders, and other hospitality industry types. We're hosting a number of items. We WANT them to have options because it's a super informal party, not our actual wedding reception. Their ability to consume mass amounts of craft beer, Jameson, Grand Marnier and high-end tequila is staggering (to outsiders) and was in part one of our reasons we opted for a small DW in the first place. I believe choosing a party venue one's guests will enjoy is every bit as important as who pays the bar tab. We could host a party with a full bar at an otherwise dry location that wouldn't be nearly as fun and that's just not an option. It's something to keep in mind when looking for venues-not to choose a place that will still try to entice the guests to open their wallets when the hosts don't want to pay for whatever themselves.

  • NYCBruin said:
    @Jen4948, at the risk of sounding really bitchy, "you" who? I'm assuming you're referring directly to me because you quoted my last post, but I hope you're using the general "you" to needlessly reiterate the fact that cash bars are rude at weddings to the masses. I'll state this in plain english a third and final time and we'll see if it sticks: we're having an open bar at our wedding. I like open bars at weddings SO MUCH I had one at my first wedding in 2000 and am keeping the tradition alive next year. We are then, upon returning to the US, throwing a party (not a wedding) where we'll host food, na bev and signature drinks. This party, as I've mentioned twice now, will be held in a public place that serves alcohol during its normal business hours. There is absolutely NO WAY for us to stop any sober adult over the age of 21 from purchasing something different than what is hosted should they choose to. I'll agree all day long that cash bars at weddings are rude. I'll also state that I've lived in VERY different places across the US and what is regionally acceptable varies from place to place regardless of its etiquette ramifications.  I'm also not the type to get up in arms if I end up at a wedding with a cash bar, nor would I EVER show up to a wedding without cash on me because I think people who don't tip their bartenders regardless of whether their hosts pay for their drinks or not are even MORE rude and clueless and tacky than people who throw weddings with cash bars! 
    Just FYI the hosts of the party are responsible for tipping bartenders. I'm not saying that it's not ok to tip them extra for really great service, but assuming you must tip them because otherwise they won't get tipped at all is to assume that the hosts are really quite rude/cheap. Yes, I realize whose responsibility it is to see that the bartender(s) receive their contracted 18-20% of the alcohol bill. I'm in the hospitality industry and am intimately acquainted with all things bar-related. I can tell you from personal experience the bartenders are taking these gigs hoping for more and will be quite disappointed without additional cash coming there way. We always tip bartenders additionally at weddings. Either per round or we throw a $20 the first trip to the bar. The only people who generally get their drinks faster is the bride and groom  ;-)


  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    NYCBruin said:
    @Jen4948, at the risk of sounding really bitchy, "you" who? I'm assuming you're referring directly to me because you quoted my last post, but I hope you're using the general "you" to needlessly reiterate the fact that cash bars are rude at weddings to the masses. I'll state this in plain english a third and final time and we'll see if it sticks: we're having an open bar at our wedding. I like open bars at weddings SO MUCH I had one at my first wedding in 2000 and am keeping the tradition alive next year. We are then, upon returning to the US, throwing a party (not a wedding) where we'll host food, na bev and signature drinks. This party, as I've mentioned twice now, will be held in a public place that serves alcohol during its normal business hours. There is absolutely NO WAY for us to stop any sober adult over the age of 21 from purchasing something different than what is hosted should they choose to. I'll agree all day long that cash bars at weddings are rude. I'll also state that I've lived in VERY different places across the US and what is regionally acceptable varies from place to place regardless of its etiquette ramifications.  I'm also not the type to get up in arms if I end up at a wedding with a cash bar, nor would I EVER show up to a wedding without cash on me because I think people who don't tip their bartenders regardless of whether their hosts pay for their drinks or not are even MORE rude and clueless and tacky than people who throw weddings with cash bars! 
    Just FYI the hosts of the party are responsible for tipping bartenders. I'm not saying that it's not ok to tip them extra for really great service, but assuming you must tip them because otherwise they won't get tipped at all is to assume that the hosts are really quite rude/cheap. Yes, I realize whose responsibility it is to see that the bartender(s) receive their contracted 18-20% of the alcohol bill. I'm in the hospitality industry and am intimately acquainted with all things bar-related. I can tell you from personal experience the bartenders are taking these gigs hoping for more and will be quite disappointed without additional cash coming there way. We always tip bartenders additionally at weddings. Either per round or we throw a $20 the first trip to the bar. The only people who generally get their drinks faster is the bride and groom  ;-)

    So just to be clear then, based on your original post on this:

    You think that people that don't tip on top of the 20% a bartender is already receiving are rude???

    Oh and FWIW I always tip bartenders extra at weddings, but I think your comment is absolutely insanely ridiculous.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    KeptInStitchesAPDSS22grumbledore
  • NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    @Jen4948, at the risk of sounding really bitchy, "you" who? I'm assuming you're referring directly to me because you quoted my last post, but I hope you're using the general "you" to needlessly reiterate the fact that cash bars are rude at weddings to the masses. I'll state this in plain english a third and final time and we'll see if it sticks: we're having an open bar at our wedding. I like open bars at weddings SO MUCH I had one at my first wedding in 2000 and am keeping the tradition alive next year. We are then, upon returning to the US, throwing a party (not a wedding) where we'll host food, na bev and signature drinks. This party, as I've mentioned twice now, will be held in a public place that serves alcohol during its normal business hours. There is absolutely NO WAY for us to stop any sober adult over the age of 21 from purchasing something different than what is hosted should they choose to. I'll agree all day long that cash bars at weddings are rude. I'll also state that I've lived in VERY different places across the US and what is regionally acceptable varies from place to place regardless of its etiquette ramifications.  I'm also not the type to get up in arms if I end up at a wedding with a cash bar, nor would I EVER show up to a wedding without cash on me because I think people who don't tip their bartenders regardless of whether their hosts pay for their drinks or not are even MORE rude and clueless and tacky than people who throw weddings with cash bars! 
    Just FYI the hosts of the party are responsible for tipping bartenders. I'm not saying that it's not ok to tip them extra for really great service, but assuming you must tip them because otherwise they won't get tipped at all is to assume that the hosts are really quite rude/cheap. Yes, I realize whose responsibility it is to see that the bartender(s) receive their contracted 18-20% of the alcohol bill. I'm in the hospitality industry and am intimately acquainted with all things bar-related. I can tell you from personal experience the bartenders are taking these gigs hoping for more and will be quite disappointed without additional cash coming there way. We always tip bartenders additionally at weddings. Either per round or we throw a $20 the first trip to the bar. The only people who generally get their drinks faster is the bride and groom  ;-)

    So just to be clear then, based on your original post on this:

    You think that people that don't tip on top of the 20% a bartender is already receiving are rude??? Yes, that is precisely what I'm saying. And I said it to educate the masses. Because if there's one thing I've learned here at TK, you folks really care what people think of you - especially your strict adherence to not being, or not being perceived as rude. I wouldn't want to make the crass assumption that this adherence to good manners doesn't extend to "the help."

    Oh and FWIW I always tip bartenders extra at weddings, excellent, you absolutely should. but I think your comment is absolutely insanely ridiculous. As insanely ridiculous as it may sound, I want you all to know you're not only being judged by your guests but by those working your events too. 


  • NYCBruin said:
    NYCBruin said:
    @Jen4948, at the risk of sounding really bitchy, "you" who? I'm assuming you're referring directly to me because you quoted my last post, but I hope you're using the general "you" to needlessly reiterate the fact that cash bars are rude at weddings to the masses. I'll state this in plain english a third and final time and we'll see if it sticks: we're having an open bar at our wedding. I like open bars at weddings SO MUCH I had one at my first wedding in 2000 and am keeping the tradition alive next year. We are then, upon returning to the US, throwing a party (not a wedding) where we'll host food, na bev and signature drinks. This party, as I've mentioned twice now, will be held in a public place that serves alcohol during its normal business hours. There is absolutely NO WAY for us to stop any sober adult over the age of 21 from purchasing something different than what is hosted should they choose to. I'll agree all day long that cash bars at weddings are rude. I'll also state that I've lived in VERY different places across the US and what is regionally acceptable varies from place to place regardless of its etiquette ramifications.  I'm also not the type to get up in arms if I end up at a wedding with a cash bar, nor would I EVER show up to a wedding without cash on me because I think people who don't tip their bartenders regardless of whether their hosts pay for their drinks or not are even MORE rude and clueless and tacky than people who throw weddings with cash bars! 
    Just FYI the hosts of the party are responsible for tipping bartenders. I'm not saying that it's not ok to tip them extra for really great service, but assuming you must tip them because otherwise they won't get tipped at all is to assume that the hosts are really quite rude/cheap. Yes, I realize whose responsibility it is to see that the bartender(s) receive their contracted 18-20% of the alcohol bill. I'm in the hospitality industry and am intimately acquainted with all things bar-related. I can tell you from personal experience the bartenders are taking these gigs hoping for more and will be quite disappointed without additional cash coming there way. We always tip bartenders additionally at weddings. Either per round or we throw a $20 the first trip to the bar. The only people who generally get their drinks faster is the bride and groom  ;-)

    So just to be clear then, based on your original post on this:

    You think that people that don't tip on top of the 20% a bartender is already receiving are rude??? Yes, that is precisely what I'm saying. And I said it to educate the masses. Because if there's one thing I've learned here at TK, you folks really care what people think of you - especially your strict adherence to not being, or not being perceived as rude. I wouldn't want to make the crass assumption that this adherence to good manners doesn't extend to "the help."

    Oh and FWIW I always tip bartenders extra at weddings, excellent, you absolutely should. but I think your comment is absolutely insanely ridiculous. As insanely ridiculous as it may sound, I want you all to know you're not only being judged by your guests but by those working your events too. 

    I'm all for tipping, and always do (with the exception of one time when I accidentally went to a wedding and left all of my cash at home, in which case a friend threw up a few extra bucks for me), however, in reference to the bolded, welcome to the real world. A lot of people work hard at their jobs, and have high expectations of what they should be making. To expect to be paid, tipped and then tipped again, and to be disappointed when people don't tip 18-20% ON TOP of the 18-20% already being tipped by the B&G is absolutely ridiculous. Be happy with the tip that you've already gotten from the B&G, graciously accept any additional tips, and drop the entitled attitude.
    NYCBruinPrettyGirlLostperdonami
  • I'm not sure if many of you realize that at most venues (not all, different places have different structures) the included gratuity is placed in a pool to be divided amongst the service staff. So the bartender doesn't walk away with the full 20% of the bar tab and depending on the state their hourly wage may be far less than minimum wage. Many places expect a cut of a service person's gratuity to go not to them, but to support staff. If it's reported income (such as monies paid on a credit card) they pay income tax on money they never see. So in a short answer, what the fuck do I think a bartender should be tipped on top of their portion of the included gratuity? As much as they can. For the record, my attitude isn't entitled, I've not been a tipped employee for many years, I am salaried. But I advocate for tipped employees whenever I can because most people don't know any better and they actually believe service people automatically walk away with 100% of auto-grats. They simply don't. 

    perdonami
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm not sure if many of you realize that at most venues (not all, different places have different structures) the included gratuity is placed in a pool to be divided amongst the service staff.   Yep, that is pretty much standard.  The salon where I get my hair done divides all of the tips out amongst everyone every day.  So the bartender doesn't walk away with the full 20% of the bar tab and depending on the state their hourly wage may be far less than minimum wage.   Yep, also seems to be standard in the restaurant industry and a practice I think is awful.  Many places expect a cut of a service person's gratuity to go not to them, but to support staff. If it's reported income (such as monies paid on a credit card) they pay income tax on money they never see. So in a short answer, what the fuck do I think a bartender should be tipped on top of their portion of the included gratuity? As much as they can. For the record, my attitude isn't entitled, I've not been a tipped employee for many years, I am salaried. But I advocate for tipped employees whenever I can because most people don't know any better and they actually believe service people automatically walk away with 100% of auto-grats. They simply don't. 
    So when a venue writes an 18%-23% service charge into the reception contract and states that is the staff gratuity, do the bartenders then split the additional tips they make from any guests with the other staff members who worked the reception?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    grumbledore
  • To answer the questions last left by @NYCBruin and @PrettyGirlLost if you are actually concerned with who is getting what in the form of gratuity there are a lot of things to consider. Many an event contract includes wording such as "gratuity" "gratuity tax" "service fee" etc. Where that money ends up is anybody's ball game. First of all there's an excellent chance the service staff never gets to see a copy of the contract, so what they receive they have to believe is the correct amount. Hopefully they don't work for a shady venue, restaurant or caterer. We show our service staff contracts, not everyone does. Second of all if you're paying gratuity on service fees for rentals, etc., you may want to renegotiate. A service fee is fine, the venue is going to offset the labor they must pay to have someone set the room(s) up with it. But they're already grossly overcharging you, I personally wouldn't want to pay an extra 18-23% knowing full well how this game works. 18-23% on actual food and beverage is just fine, rentals, linens, etc., not so much. Not event the service staff expects that - UNLESS they are the ones in charge of set up. Depending on what is involved generally tables, chairs, A/V, etc. is set up by laborers so as to not have sweaty, gross servers work your party. They may polish your silverware, buff wine glasses and cut your lemons but that may be the extent of it. @NYCBruin, your particular event sounds as though the service staff is responsible for set up / break down. But again, don't always trust that they know beforehand what they are even supposed to receive, let alone are truly receiving it. This is the reason I have never nor would never embark on banquet serving in my career. 

    As for whether bartenders split their cash tips with other service people, that also depends. Are we talking about at an event held in a restaurant, a venue that provides staff or a venue that does not and outside catering may be used? The closer they are as people to other service workers may help answer the question. If they're all temps working for a caterer, probably not. All work together in a restaurant or venue and most likely have formed bonds, yes. The burden to assist the bartenders would be greater at that point (servers will help get ice, set up, break down, barback if necessary). The concern that bartenders may make more money than other workers is fairly unnecessary. There's a hierarchy in all professions. Bartenders make the most money in the hospitality industry. They just do, and probably more than their bosses, just the way it is. A hostess wants to make more money, she pays her dues and becomes a server when experience allows. A server wants to make more money, she pays her dues and becomes a bartender when experience allows. 

    If one truly believes the only one who needs to tip their bartender is the party host, there's nothing I can say to change their mind. But please believe your bartender is paying attention and is most likely going out of his or her way to take his sweet time getting to your drink, short-pouring it when he does and I'll leave out all the gory details of the other heinous shit he may be doing if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day and finds himself serving individuals who clearly took the attitude that he's making 'enough' money that day and couldn't be bothered to chuck a ten spot his way. I know I'm never a candidate for Visine dosed ice cubes so I'm covered. 

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    The service fees weren't negotiable at any of the venues we went to. . . just the nature of the wedding industry beast.

     While some guests may tip the bar tenders at weddings, I don't think anyone tips the servers, so I would seriously hope that if bartenders are being tipped beyond what the bride and groom are paying for in their gratuity/service charge that they are splitting it with the other servers.


    STBMrsEverhart said:
    If one truly believes the only one who needs to tip their bartender is the party host, there's nothing I can say to change their mind. But please believe your bartender is paying attention and is most likely going out of his or her way to take his sweet time getting to your drink, short-pouring it when he does and I'll leave out all the gory details of the other heinous shit he may be doing if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day and finds himself serving individuals who clearly took the attitude that he's making 'enough' money that day and couldn't be bothered to chuck a ten spot his way. I know I'm never a candidate for Visine dosed ice cubes so I'm covered. 
    And the servers and cooks will spit in your food if you are an asshole.  I have never had an issue with a bar tender, their pours, or their services at a wedding or at a restaurant/bar, for that matter.  I would expect people to act professionally and not criminally, no matter how much gratuity they think they deserve.  I have never denied anyone a tip, even if I felt I had bad service.  I just don't tip at weddings.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    aurorajanetteKeptInStitchesgrumbledore
  • I never said "any and all bartenders/cooks/etc will in fact fuck with your shit if you're not nice to them" - but would I leave myself open to it, oh hell no, not after the things I've seen over the years. I know a TON of professionals who would NEVER fathom doing such such things, myself included. But I know A TON of shady fuckers too. As far as how I treat other blue collar types, yea, I go out of my way to be nice to them too, that's just how I am. I guess my point wasn't made clear enough that most well-paid bartenders are that way BECAUSE of being tipped additionally (whether at weddings or just well tipped at their restaurant/club/concert venue, etc.). They're also at your mercy simultaneously. 

  • If a bartender is working a wedding, that's all he is doing. Our contract included 6 hours of open bar. If anyone had a short drink, they would just wind up getting another one earlier.

    I'm not even understanding the logic that a guest should be expected to tip the bartender at an open bar wedding any more than he should throw a few bucks at his server.

    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesgrumbledorehuskypuppy14
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I never said "any and all bartenders/cooks/etc will in fact fuck with your shit if you're not nice to them" - but would I leave myself open to it, oh hell no, not after the things I've seen over the years. I know a TON of professionals who would NEVER fathom doing such such things, myself included. But I know A TON of shady fuckers too. As far as how I treat other blue collar types, yea, I go out of my way to be nice to them too, that's just how I am. I guess my point wasn't made clear enough that most well-paid bartenders are that way BECAUSE of being tipped additionally (whether at weddings or just well tipped at their restaurant/club/concert venue, etc.). They're also at your mercy simultaneously. 
    I made he comment I did about spitting in your food because I have heard stories about things like that from friends and family in the restaurant business.  Sorry if you thought I was being snarky with you.  I agree that it can happen and have been told that it does happen.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2013
    Let's take weddings out of it, and say its a company outing where the boss is paying. If it's open bar, I'm not tipping because the company is already taking care of it. If it's cash bar, then I'm buying my drink and tipping, so where is the double tipping coming from in that instance. Because we all know people are not tipping 40% when it's a cash bar, so why should the bartender expect 40% when it's an open bar?


    image
    image

    image


    aurorajanetteNYCBruingrumbledoreMaggie0829
  • I never said "any and all bartenders/cooks/etc will in fact fuck with your shit if you're not nice to them" - but would I leave myself open to it, oh hell no, not after the things I've seen over the years. I know a TON of professionals who would NEVER fathom doing such such things, myself included. But I know A TON of shady fuckers too. As far as how I treat other blue collar types, yea, I go out of my way to be nice to them too, that's just how I am. I guess my point wasn't made clear enough that most well-paid bartenders are that way BECAUSE of being tipped additionally (whether at weddings or just well tipped at their restaurant/club/concert venue, etc.). They're also at your mercy simultaneously. 
    I made he comment I did about spitting in your food because I have heard stories about things like that from friends and family in the restaurant business.  Sorry if you thought I was being snarky with you.  I agree that it can happen and have been told that it does happen.
    I didn't think you were being snarky. All sorts of gross and/or undesirable things can and do happen in places that serve food and drink. That's certainly not the norm and many professionals wish these facts never came to light because it makes us all look bad. Watch the (fictional) movie Waiting with an industry veteran and you'll see us laugh because we know or have known each one of the over-blown characters and may not agree but can recall such behaviors or antics. I'm a realist and accept the fact that shady things will happen. One of the best ways to avoid falling victim is of course treating service people fairly. Cold hard cash practically guarantees more than fair treatment, it ensures over and above treatment. Most people realize this but the amount of crude nonsense I see service staff subjected to, I seriously wonder. Where tipping is concerned all sorts of people who think their manners are spot-on are often dead wrong. Perhaps I shouldn't have used the old visine-ice cube example, it's been a long while since I've seen that maneuver employed, but I was hoping to be very illustrative. People are free to make their own decisions where tipping is concerned, like everything else. Everyone can agree or disagree what is proper in this instance. I'll continue to heavily tip bartenders at weddings and elsewhere. If nothing else it generates a ton of good industry karma for us. 

  • NYCBruin said:
    I never said "any and all bartenders/cooks/etc will in fact fuck with your shit if you're not nice to them" - but would I leave myself open to it, oh hell no, not after the things I've seen over the years. I know a TON of professionals who would NEVER fathom doing such such things, myself included. But I know A TON of shady fuckers too. As far as how I treat other blue collar types, yea, I go out of my way to be nice to them too, that's just how I am. I guess my point wasn't made clear enough that most well-paid bartenders are that way BECAUSE of being tipped additionally (whether at weddings or just well tipped at their restaurant/club/concert venue, etc.). They're also at your mercy simultaneously. 
    So really your original post about it being "rude" to not tip extra at weddings really should have been "I recommend tipping your bartender as an insurance policy to get good service."
    No, I wrote what I meant the first time I wrote it. I'm quite deliberate that way. It is rude to not tip your bartender, even at a hosted bar at a private event. It's also rude to not close your tab (and tipping appropriately) after sitting at a bar while waiting for a table then transferring your tab at a restaurant. Restaurants allow it to be gracious to their guests, but it's still rude. As is not tipping on the full amount prior to a comp being applied. I could list examples all night long that many people do all the time and have no idea that they're being rude. But this being an Etiquette board and all, I thought I'd offer my very own PSA. And yes, tipping bartenders in advance, like I mentioned we usually throw a $20 at the very start, ALWAYS ensures great service. Money is an excellent motivator. 

  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited November 2013


    NYCBruin said:



    I never said "any and all bartenders/cooks/etc will in fact fuck with your shit if you're not nice to them" - but would I leave myself open to it, oh hell no, not after the things I've seen over the years. I know a TON of professionals who would NEVER fathom doing such such things, myself included. But I know A TON of shady fuckers too. As far as how I treat other blue collar types, yea, I go out of my way to be nice to them too, that's just how I am. I guess my point wasn't made clear enough that most well-paid bartenders are that way BECAUSE of being tipped additionally (whether at weddings or just well tipped at their restaurant/club/concert venue, etc.). They're also at your mercy simultaneously. 
    So really your original post about it being "rude" to not tip extra at weddings really should have been "I recommend tipping your bartender as an insurance policy to get good service."

    No, I wrote what I meant the first time I wrote it. I'm quite deliberate that way. It is rude to not tip your bartender, even at a hosted bar at a private event. It's also rude to not close your tab (and tipping appropriately) after sitting at a bar while waiting for a table then transferring your tab at a restaurant. Restaurants allow it to be gracious to their guests, but it's still rude. As is not tipping on the full amount prior to a comp being applied. I could list examples all night long that many people do all the time and have no idea that they're being rude. But this being an Etiquette board and all, I thought I'd offer my very own PSA. And yes, tipping bartenders in advance, like I mentioned we usually throw a $20 at the very start, ALWAYS ensures great service. Money is an excellent motivator. 





    You have not responded to any of the many valid points on here explaining why it is only the hosts responsibility to tip at weddings. None of these other points are relevant to this discussion.

    As one PP said, if it was a cash bar at a company event, bartenders would be tipped by guests, the normal 20%. Why does the hosts choice to have an open bar suddenly entitle bartenders to double tips?

    You thinking bartenders should make more money (but showing zero concern for other waitstaffers) doesn't create etiquette rules that simply don't exist.


    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • NYCBruin said:

    Oh FFS of course I read my fucking contract and know exactly how the money allocation breaks down. Trust me, being a recent law school grad and not wanting to be an asshole to the waitstaff, I made sure I had that all in writing. 

    And thanks for making my point that bartenders already make more than everyone else so your previous point about "they need the money" is moot.  Most people think they deserve to make more money.  Doesn't mean they're entitled to it or are justified at doing a shitty job at work.

    And way to give bartenders a bad name.  Most bartenders aren't dicks.  Maybe you just know a lot of awful human beings.  Wouldn't surprise me.
    Congrats on your graduation. Making more money than someone else doesn't mean one doesn't need it. More money, more problems as they say. Most bartenders aren't dicks, you're right. But most bartenders aren't what you think they are either. Let's not concern ourselves with what many are, I'll let you believe what you want. I'm not here trying to torch the fantasy of "hospitality." As for my knowing some pretty awful human beings, yes, yes I do. My industry is made up by all sorts of drunks, addicts, thieves, sexual harassers, I look around some days and it's sometimes like the bar scene from Star Wars. But I know some amazing people too. Just last night one of my bartenders bought a lady $40 worth of to-go food because her card declined and she was so humiliated she started to cry. He took it right out of his wallet. And on his off time he deals weed and is sleeping with no fewer than 3 of our servers none of them the wiser. Clearly I'm surrounded by examples of relative morality on the daily. But the last individual I'd like my morals, or the morals of my friends, employees and loved ones judged by is a lawyer. That's just rich. 

  • NYCBruin said:

    Oh FFS of course I read my fucking contract and know exactly how the money allocation breaks down. Trust me, being a recent law school grad and not wanting to be an asshole to the waitstaff, I made sure I had that all in writing. 

    And thanks for making my point that bartenders already make more than everyone else so your previous point about "they need the money" is moot.  Most people think they deserve to make more money.  Doesn't mean they're entitled to it or are justified at doing a shitty job at work.

    And way to give bartenders a bad name.  Most bartenders aren't dicks.  Maybe you just know a lot of awful human beings.  Wouldn't surprise me.
    Congrats on your graduation. Making more money than someone else doesn't mean one doesn't need it. More money, more problems as they say. Most bartenders aren't dicks, you're right. But most bartenders aren't what you think they are either. Let's not concern ourselves with what many are, I'll let you believe what you want. I'm not here trying to torch the fantasy of "hospitality." As for my knowing some pretty awful human beings, yes, yes I do. My industry is made up by all sorts of drunks, addicts, thieves, sexual harassers, I look around some days and it's sometimes like the bar scene from Star Wars. But I know some amazing people too. Just last night one of my bartenders bought a lady $40 worth of to-go food because her card declined and she was so humiliated she started to cry. He took it right out of his wallet. And on his off time he deals weed and is sleeping with no fewer than 3 of our servers none of them the wiser. Clearly I'm surrounded by examples of relative morality on the daily. But the last individual I'd like my morals, or the morals of my friends, employees and loved ones judged by is a lawyer. That's just rich. 
    This is just about the most insulting thing so far. I am not a lawyer. I am in healthcare as previously stated. However your assumptions are outrageous. NYCBruin was merely trying to make the point that because of her background as a lawyer, she was very careful about the contract that was drawn up. She said nothing whatsoever about your morals or implied in any way that she was better than anyone else. She was merely drawing from what she know. Similar to how I draw from what I know in my posts.

    As a healthcare professional, receiving tips is illegal, and most of us are overworked and underpaid and get treated like shit on an hourly basis. We don't get the luxury of treating some people better than others because they give us money. We treat everyone equally because that's our job.

    So don't start again with this entitled "poor bartenders, they are under appreciated" BS! Many professions are not appreciated and we don't get the opportunity to get paid twice.

    As previously stated, I always tip, and I tip well, but I think that your comments come of as entitled and asinine. The bartenders are already being tipped. Anything in excess of that should be accepted graciously.
    APDSS22KeptInStitches
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards