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Living with mom and dad after the wedding?

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Re: Living with mom and dad after the wedding?

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You do what you have to do to be an adult. You cut back on your expenses as much as humanly possible, you do whatever it takes to afford an apartment - roommates, whatever. I have a 1 bedroom apartment that is right around fair market value for my area. Since I know rents are going to go up next year, I'm looking for a way to live with my BF and/or take a part-time job. It's about handling your own life.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    jtayl962 said:
    Umm excuse me all of you. IT NOT LIKE I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY PARENTS FOREVER. IF I HAD IT MY WAY MY FIANCE AND I WOULD BE BUYING A HOUSE ALSO BUT SINCE THE ECONOMY SUCKS WE CANT AFFORD THAT. OKAY, I PAY MY BILLS EXCUSE ME.
    WHO IS PAYING FOR YOUR WEDDING?
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    zitiqueen said:


    jtayl962 said:

    Umm excuse me all of you. IT NOT LIKE I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY PARENTS FOREVER. IF I HAD IT MY WAY MY FIANCE AND I WOULD BE BUYING A HOUSE ALSO BUT SINCE THE ECONOMY SUCKS WE CANT AFFORD THAT. OKAY, I PAY MY BILLS EXCUSE ME.

    WHO IS PAYING FOR YOUR WEDDING?


    Seconded.

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  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    So, I had the opportunity to do this and ultimately decided it wasn't the best plan. Here's why:

    I didn't want to be a long-term guest in their home.

    I wanted to learn to live with my boyfriend in our own place without anybody else around to influence our interactions and decisions.

    I wanted to have some say and power in my living space.

    I wanted proof that we could support ourselves and be a success without that level of assistance.

    Keep in mind that I love my BF's family and get along very well with them. They respect our relationship and would do what they could to give us privacy. I simply could not see myself living in their home just because we didn't want to rent or couldn't afford to be out on our own. That puts a lot of pressure on a young relationship. We really wanted to get married before now, but the timing sucked. So, we wait until we can support ourselves. His parents did not want another daughter when I started dating their son, and I don't want a new set of parents, so it works out :)
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    No, I haven't lived with my parents since the summer after my freshman year of college.  I love my parents, but there is no way in hell I would live with them at this point in my life.
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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't understand. Sit down, make a budget and stick to it. If I spent 20 minutes on the internet, I bet I could find you an apartment within your budget. It might now be exactly what you were hoping for, but it's a flat out lie to say that there are NO apartments with rent that are less than a mortgage payment.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Uh, no. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 19. I live in the NY metro area. I know about high rents. You don't even want to know what I've paid for a one bedroom apartment. But that's life. If you're adult enough to get married, you're adult enough to support yourself. Stop mooching off your parents.
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I would never do that.  We both love and get along with both sets of parents but I wouldn't want to live with them.  I moved out a month after I turned 18 and I don't ever want to live with them again.  I live with them on spring break for a week or at Christmas but that's about all I could handle.  I love them to death, but I also like living on our own, having our own life and not being influenced by them or asked about decisions we make, etc.


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  • 88beautymarked88beautymarked member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    ShesSoCold said:
    I pay over a grand a month in rent for a 1-bedroom apartment. Yes, it sucks. But yes, I pay it because I am an adult and we can't afford to buy a house right now. There are some months that we can't put very much into our savings. This is not my parents' problem. 

    Very few couples can afford to buy a house just starting out. I know my parents couldn't. But as adults, they supported themselves. 

    OP, do you have chores? A curfew? Does your mommy buy your groceries too? Does she pay for your BC? Or will she buy diapers if you have kids while still living in her house?

    This whole thing just blows my mind. 
    How rude and judgmental! If that's not cyber-bullying, I don't know what is!
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  • KytchynWitcheKytchynWitche member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm in a similar, but not exactly the same, situation.

    FI and I are currently living with his parents as a temporary measure, while we wait for a rental to open up here. However, we pay rent and utilities - and it's really more like living in a commune than living with parents, we all chip in when it comes to bills and chores.

    We're also saving towards owning our own home, which we would be doing anyway.

    We moved here in May from the city, because FI got a better job offer than anything he could have hoped for in the city. We had our names down on a waiting list for an apartment nearby, but the current tenants haven't shown any signs of wanting to move any time soon.

    I work from home, so whatever we take has to have at least 2 bedrooms so I can use 1 as my office (I'm sharing an office with FMIL at the moment - she also works from home), and there just aren't that many listings going up for 2 beds at the moment. The few that have gone up have been 2-3x what we can afford.

    This area is also totally stuck in the 80s - the estate agents do NOT list on the internet for rentals here, which means that once a week I buy the paper for the rental listings. There have been 2 or 3 listings since May that have been promising, but they've all turned out to be taken by the time we call. Or they're not pet friendly, and I refuse to re-home my cats - they're my children.

    It's a struggle living under someone else's roof after years of independent living, and we don't plan on being here any longer than absolutely necessary. Whether we rent or buy, we will DEFINITELY be in our own place before we get married.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    FI & I lived with his parents for two months while we closed on our house. Our lease was just ending and our apartment didn't offer month-to-month leasing. It wasn't ideal, but we survived. 
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  • selenathegreatselenathegreat member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    There's no one right way to live your life. A lot if the problems with our economy today are due to people who couldn't afford it buying houses. Lots of kids are moving back in with parents and parents in with kids. Different arrangements work for different people. I think what's important it that nobody is taking advantage of anybody else and that you're working towards what you want.

    I hope I never have to move in with either set of parents, but if something happened (health or natural disaster, house bought but not yet ready, sudden job loss and eviction) and that's what made sense, I'd be very grateful to do so! And I'd offer space to them or to my imaginary children in a similar situation.
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    ElcaB said:
    FI & I lived with his parents for two months while we closed on our house. Our lease was just ending and our apartment didn't offer month-to-month leasing. It wasn't ideal, but we survived. 


    This is different, to me. You had a short-term plan and a timeframe.

    And no, beautymark, I'm not bullying anyone. I'm seriously asking questions. When I was a child and lived at home, my mom bought my groceries. I'm wondering if OP's mom does the same. I'm genuinely curious as to how this works for adults.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I just want to say that even though renting is seen as throwing away money, I do think it is a great thing to do for a year or so.  I think this way because it will give you an idea of what you can and cannot afford.  If H and I didn't rent a town home before we bought one we would have never really known that we could afford the mortgage (which is about $170 more then our rent was) and all our other household bills plus personal bills.  Did we "throw away" 2 years worth or money towards rent? Some may say yes, but to us it helped us determine how much in regards to a house we could afford and how to budget correctly.  So us "throwing away" that money was actually a good thing for us.

    But back to the main question.  I love my parents but no way in hell would we want to live with them once we were married.  Hell we wouldn't have wanted to live with them before we were married.  We are adults and if we want to live together then we need to be able to support ourselves and live on our own.

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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    88beautymarked said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    I pay over a grand a month in rent for a 1-bedroom apartment. Yes, it sucks. But yes, I pay it because I am an adult and we can't afford to buy a house right now. There are some months that we can't put very much into our savings. This is not my parents' problem. 

    Very few couples can afford to buy a house just starting out. I know my parents couldn't. But as adults, they supported themselves. 

    OP, do you have chores? A curfew? Does your mommy buy your groceries too? Does she pay for your BC? Or will she buy diapers if you have kids while still living in her house?

    This whole thing just blows my mind. 
    How rude and judgmental! If that's not cyber-bullying, I don't know what is!
    It seems you don't know what cyber bullying is.

    Calling this cyber bullying is ill informed, and it makes light of truly horrendous behavior on the internet.  I urge you to go out and read some actual cyber bullying.  It is horrible, and it is a real problem.  Simply asking questions or disagreeing is not bullying.  
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    JaneAustensGhost said:
    How on earth can you have sex with your parents under the same roof?  The very thought skeeves me out.
    Very quietly and slowly so as to not squeak the bed.  And not as often as we would like.  Quickies when the house is empty.  ;)

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  • 88beautymarked88beautymarked member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    MyNameIsNot said:
    88beautymarked said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    I pay over a grand a month in rent for a 1-bedroom apartment. Yes, it sucks. But yes, I pay it because I am an adult and we can't afford to buy a house right now. There are some months that we can't put very much into our savings. This is not my parents' problem. 

    Very few couples can afford to buy a house just starting out. I know my parents couldn't. But as adults, they supported themselves. 

    OP, do you have chores? A curfew? Does your mommy buy your groceries too? Does she pay for your BC? Or will she buy diapers if you have kids while still living in her house?

    This whole thing just blows my mind. 
    How rude and judgmental! If that's not cyber-bullying, I don't know what is!
    It seems you don't know what cyber bullying is.

    Calling this cyber bullying is ill informed, and it makes light of truly horrendous behavior on the internet.  I urge you to go out and read some actual cyber bullying.  It is horrible, and it is a real problem.  Simply asking questions or disagreeing is not bullying.  
    Refering to her mother as "her mommy" is not condescending and belittling?
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  • 88beautymarked88beautymarked member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Dreamergirl8812 said:
    88beautymarked said:
    MyNameIsNot said:
    88beautymarked said:
    ShesSoCold said:
    I pay over a grand a month in rent for a 1-bedroom apartment. Yes, it sucks. But yes, I pay it because I am an adult and we can't afford to buy a house right now. There are some months that we can't put very much into our savings. This is not my parents' problem. 

    Very few couples can afford to buy a house just starting out. I know my parents couldn't. But as adults, they supported themselves. 

    OP, do you have chores? A curfew? Does your mommy buy your groceries too? Does she pay for your BC? Or will she buy diapers if you have kids while still living in her house?

    This whole thing just blows my mind. 
    How rude and judgmental! If that's not cyber-bullying, I don't know what is!
    It seems you don't know what cyber bullying is.

    Calling this cyber bullying is ill informed, and it makes light of truly horrendous behavior on the internet.  I urge you to go out and read some actual cyber bullying.  It is horrible, and it is a real problem.  Simply asking questions or disagreeing is not bullying.  
    Refering to her mother as "her mommy" is not condescending and belittling?
    So you still don't know what cyber bullying is?

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57602993/12-year-olds-suicide-spotlights-cyber-bullying-threat/

    http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/14/17747411-california-case-another-three-part-tragedy-of-rape-cyber-bullying-and-suicide?lite

    Please contact these parents and tell them that you too have bean a victim of cyber bullying. And then explain exactly what was said. Do it, please.
    You never answered my question.
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  • 88beautymarked88beautymarked member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @Dreamergirl8812 yes actually yes I do. A friend of mine's sister committed suicide b/c of cyber-bullying. I'm just saying that this is how it starts. People belittle and treat others like that, being condescending and one thing leads to another. So no, I will not let myself be taunted by you. Have a nice day.
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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    88beautymarked said:
    @Dreamergirl8812 yes actually yes I do. A friend of mine's sister committed suicide b/c of cyber-bullying. I'm just saying that this is how it starts. People belittle and treat others like that, being condescending and one thing leads to another. So no, I will not let myself be taunted by you. Have a nice day.
    What?  This makes no sense.

    Under that logic we should call kindergardeners PhD candidates since that's how it all starts with one thing leading to another.

    One instance of someone being a little condescending is NOT cyber bullying.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    NYCBruin said:
    88beautymarked said:
    @Dreamergirl8812 yes actually yes I do. A friend of mine's sister committed suicide b/c of cyber-bullying. I'm just saying that this is how it starts. People belittle and treat others like that, being condescending and one thing leads to another. So no, I will not let myself be taunted by you. Have a nice day.
    What?  This makes no sense.

    Under that logic we should call kindergardeners PhD candidates since that's how it all starts with one thing leading to another.

    One instance of someone being a little condescending is NOT cyber bullying.
    Thank you! Sure, I was a little snarky. But by no means was that or will it evolve into cyber-bullying. Nice try, beautymark. 

    And by the lack of answers to my questions, I'm guessing that mommy does buy groceries. 
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  • beachbum7212beachbum7212 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    We're living with my parents for a few months after the wedding because we both have new jobs and recently moved, we have a house lined up to rent but it's currently being renovated. My parents have a fully furnished basement and we're paying rent so at least it's OUR space. It sucks but it's only temporary, we all get along great and respect each other's privacy. Do what you gotta do.
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  • mmw&lmdmmw&lmd member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    FI and I rent out our parents downstairs apartment.  We pay rent, utilities, food, etc.  Everything we would pay if we were living in an apartment complex.  We are doing this because it is a huge financial help for us while we save up for our down payment as well.  We should be ready to purchase our home together right after our wedding. While it's not ideal - I mean, who wants to live at home? - it's the best situation for us right now to get us to where we want to be this time next year.

    We are fortunate enough to have awesome parents who treat us like tenants (meaning they don't come around so we don't mind being there at all).  Plus they help us out with watching our dogs while we're at work.  Win/win!
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  • mimiphinmimiphin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    mmw&lmd said:
    FI and I rent out our parents downstairs apartment.  We pay rent, utilities, food, etc.  Everything we would pay if we were living in an apartment complex.  We are doing this because it is a huge financial help for us while we save up for our down payment as well.  We should be ready to purchase our home together right after our wedding. While it's not ideal - I mean, who wants to live at home? - it's the best situation for us right now to get us to where we want to be this time next year.

    We are fortunate enough to have awesome parents who treat us like tenants (meaning they don't come around so we don't mind being there at all).  Plus they help us out with watching our dogs while we're at work.  Win/win!

    That is the only way I would ever live with parents, we have a basement suite and have offered many times for my future MIL to come live with us- messy divorce, future FIL cheated many times this time with HIS cousin, now they (the cousins) are living happily ever after It's a really long story.. MIL wasn't doing so well mentaly (is much better now)

    I would rather be homeless than move in with my dad or my MIL. We are grown adults, I have been on my own taking care of myself since before I was 16 (my dad was more like my roomate and not my parent)

    Also OP do you have your own space or do you live in your childhood room? I could not have sex in my kid room!

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't judge people who shack up with their parents for a while as long as they aren't mooching. In other words, if you're house hunting, undergoing renovations, recently moved to their area and in the process of getting settled, etc... As long as it's clearly temporary and there's an end in sight. 

    If someone just wants to live with their parents so they don't have to pay rent/utilities, cook, do laundry, etc.... those are all terrible reasons. Terrible. It's the epitome of not acting your age (unless you are legitimately still a child).
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    southernbelle0915 said:
    I don't judge people who shack up with their parents for a while as long as they aren't mooching. In other words, if you're house hunting, undergoing renovations, recently moved to their area and in the process of getting settled, etc... As long as it's clearly temporary and there's an end in sight. 

    If someone just wants to live with their parents so they don't have to pay rent/utilities, cook, do laundry, etc.... those are all terrible reasons. Terrible. It's the epitome of not acting your age (unless you are legitimately still a child).
    I will admit that sometimes this (bolded) sounds like heaven to me.  But then I snap out of it and realize that after a week of living with my parents I would go crazy.

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  • Char91Char91 member
    First Comment
    All the negative comments that are being left here really aren't necessary, she simply asked if anyone else was in this situation, and I'm sure she was not expecting to get all this backlash. Sure, living with your parents after marriage may not be ideal or considered the "norm" to most people, and if you disagree that's fine, you just don't have to be mean about it. In our society we are taught to be independent, but in other cultures living all together as a family is normal and comfortable to them, you don't know the situation. Plus, I'm sure she is not holding a gun to her parent's heads and forcing them to allow her to stay, it has to be a mutual decision. I know plenty of people who have done that for some time before moving out to their own place, and personally I don't see anything wrong with that. My parent's did that for a bit, as well as my fiance's parents. If you're doing it because you refuse to spend money then that's one thing, but when you are doing it because you are trying to save up and start a life and family of your own, then I say as long as your parent's are okay with it as well then there is no harm done. So again, if you don't like it that's fine and we all have the right to our own opinions, but there are ways to express them that might not be so harsh, Or, you don't have to say anything at all.
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