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Legally Married but PPD Wedding Later Complication - They are the same day.

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Re: Legally Married but PPD Wedding Later Complication - They are the same day.

  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    OliveOilsMom said:
    Also, the reasoning behind your wedding (you know the one you are having in CO), is not even applicable.  Obamacare has eliminated pre-existing conditions from insurance policies period. End of story.  So do you have any other reasons why you NEED to get married in CO and then have a fake wedding re-do (see, I didn't call it a PPD) in Mexico now?
    Obamacare (god help us all) only eliminates the refusal to insure an individual with pre-existing conditions. It does not regulate anything regarding the outrageous premiums a person with pre-existing conditions will pay. Why would we pay MORE money for his health insurance on a lesser quality plan? To avoid some girls on the Internet likening our wedding to some Disney-esque nonsense? Neither of us are that sensitive. And to be crystal clear, I had already stated we decided to file our license ahead of our trip prior to the medical issues even arising in the thread you're parsing from. No one involved wants us to spend 10 times or more for the same legal outcome. Except you all, who fortunately aren't making decisions regarding our health plans, finances or nuptials.
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    mobkaz said:
    @STBMrsEverhart said, "obviously). We truly do not care what the state or federal government considers our relationship or what neat little box they place us. The fact is, we decided in April of this year to get married in September of next year. We've always known we wanted to do it in Mexico if we're going to do it. When we found out the criteria to legally wed down there we knew immediately we would not jump through hoops (the $300+ in fees, asking 4 witnesses to be there 72 hours in advance, blood work, etc.) when we could do the paperwork for $30 and 20 minutes of our time here before we left instead. Then some medical issues arose and we knew that by year's end we would file the marriage license so he could be on my health insurance without dealing with pre-existing conditions being a huge issue in the future. Digging ourselves in a financial hole over pre-existing medical conditions to avoid offending wedding etiquette wasn't even a consideration for us! Insuring the health of the man I love and not spending senseless hundreds of dollars with the Mexican government, all made perfect sense to us, regardless of what wedding etiquette has to say on the subject. As I've said before, as far as we're concerned, we'll not be married until we say our I Do's. We will not be changing anything about our relationship to indicate a change to "married" other than his having health insurance - no referring to other as husband or wife, no name change, no wedding bands, hell, we'll still be filing our taxes separately!!! At this point I'll ask all of you to refrain from the litany of "but you're not really having a wedding, it's a PPD, so on and so forth" because it's only wasting your own time - our plans are made, and I'm pretty sure the poor OP whose thread we jacked a long time ago has probably figured out her logistics by now! I can't imagine there's any more legitimate questions that I can answer so I'm bidding you all a good night!


    You say you will not be married until you say your "I Do's",  and yet you intend to recognize/celebrate your September MARRIAGE as your wedding anniversary.  

    The fact of the matter is that you can only have a first marriage, (as in, "We will celebrate only one wedding anniversary, starting with our first on September 13, 2015.") if you divorce and follow that with a second marriage.  Try as you might, your rhetoric fails to deny the obvious....you are choosing to have a PPD.  
    September 13, 2014 is the date we're getting married in Mexico. That will be our celebrated anniversary date, not the date we sign our marriage license. But we really like to party, so maybe we'll continue to celebrate our dating anniversary, our marriage license signing date, our wedding date, the date we set a date to get married, the anniversary of the day he presented me my engagement ring, or anything else we feel like being sentimental about. We'll be paying for these anniversary celebrations, might as well celebrate whenever and whatever we're in the mood for! 

    You are welcome to refer to our wedding using whatever term or acronym you'd like. Using the word princess isn't properly descriptive or remotely representative of our affair but if it makes you happy, you're the one using it so I guess whatever's clever. 
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  • GisellerinaGisellerina member
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    @STBMrsEverhart - you mentioned earlier that you would still be filing your taxes separately once married.  You (or your CPA) should run the tax calculations for you to make sure you can afford it. If you are legally married, you cannot legally file as "Single" - you will have to choose between "Married Filing Jointly" or "Married Filing Separately".  Married Filing Separately is generally the least advantageous filing status - you both become ineligible for several common tax credits and deductions.  Also, if $300 is really that significant of a financial burden, you should look into if you can afford to be married.  Even with a married filing jointly status, many couples find their tax burden increases - the combined income puts people into a higher tax bracket and people who are already living together don't have the savings from combining two households into one household. 

    And, congratulations on your upcoming marriage - no matter how you choose to celebrate it!

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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    Agreed! If you're getting married at certain time for health insurance, you might as well get the tax breaks too!
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    Gisellerina said:

    @STBMrsEverhart - you mentioned earlier that you would still be filing your taxes separately once married.  You (or your CPA) should run the tax calculations for you to make sure you can afford it. If you are legally married, you cannot legally file as "Single" - you will have to choose between "Married Filing Jointly" or "Married Filing Separately".  Married Filing Separately is generally the least advantageous filing status - you both become ineligible for several common tax credits and deductions.  Also, if $300 is really that significant of a financial burden, you should look into if you can afford to be married.  Even with a married filing jointly status, many couples find their tax burden increases - the combined income puts people into a higher tax bracket and people who are already living together don't have the savings from combining two households into one household. 

    And, congratulations on your upcoming marriage - no matter how you choose to celebrate it!

    Thank you for the tax advice :-). We will have to file married, filing separately for the next few years. We do not want my tax refunds involved in his repayment plan for years past. According to the IRS we will have to file some additional forms in order for this to work out but all should be fine. The $300 isn't terribly burdensome so much as it's a wasteful way to spend our money and a poor use of our time. Like I've said before, it's not just the money, it's asking four other people to travel 72 hours prior (Mexico requires your witnesses to be in country that long, along with the couple). You then have to pay additional fees if you're divorced (which I am) to have your decree translated. You have to also take a blood test, which isn't an idea either of us are interested in. Now, I don't know about you but we don't get to vacation a lot. By the time we get there next September it will have been four years since our last vacation. Wasting a vacation day dealing with Mexican governmental authorities to the tune of hundreds of dollars is simply not an option! No, $300 isn't a significant enough figure to make us choose to not get married. But it is enough to make us say, "hey wait a minute, we can spend 10 times less for the same exact outcome?" 
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    OliveOilsMom said:
    Also, the reasoning behind your wedding (you know the one you are having in CO), is not even applicable.  Obamacare has eliminated pre-existing conditions from insurance policies period. End of story.  So do you have any other reasons why you NEED to get married in CO and then have a fake wedding re-do (see, I didn't call it a PPD) in Mexico now?
    Obamacare (god help us all) only eliminates the refusal to insure an individual with pre-existing conditions. It does not regulate anything regarding the outrageous premiums a person with pre-existing conditions will pay. Why would we pay MORE money for his health insurance on a lesser quality plan? To avoid some girls on the Internet likening our wedding to some Disney-esque nonsense? Neither of us are that sensitive. And to be crystal clear, I had already stated we decided to file our license ahead of our trip prior to the medical issues even arising in the thread you're parsing from. No one involved wants us to spend 10 times or more for the same legal outcome. Except you all, who fortunately aren't making decisions regarding our health plans, finances or nuptials.
    Stop acting so entitled and so dense.

    We don't want you to spend any amount of money on your PPD in Mexico or the "at home" reception to the PPD.  We aren't advocating that you have either event because you will already be married, and therefore both your Mexican PPD and this reception will be in bad taste!!

    I'm sorry that your future husband is ill, and I understand that you both need to get him the optimal health insurance, and I am not a fan of Obamacare either.  But once you are legally married you are married and acting like you are not and having redo or reenactment events is tacky.
    I don't think it's such a good idea for anyone who clearly lacks reading comprehension such as yourself to call anyone else dense. The sentence you highlighted refers to the fact that getting legally married in Mexico, for ten times the price (without first signing our license here), is the route you all would have us take (not the route we are taking). As for my acting entitled - the only thing I am entitled to is spending my money as I see fit. We have made the best, most informed choices for our household. We are not forcing anyone else's participation and will not be upset by anyone's lack thereof. We are choosing to host a wedding in Mexico and inviting a small group of family and friends. We are certainly entitled to do so. And they are entitled to decline. Or, they're welcome to come share an awesome few days in the sun, on the beach, relaxing, eating, drinking, exploring, dancing the nights away with family and friends. Or they can trouble themselves with when and where we signed our marriage certificate first and the real-life reasons we chose to. It's all really simple. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    edited October 2013
    STBMrsEverhart said:


    PrettyGirlLost said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:



    Obamacare (god help us all) only eliminates the refusal to insure an individual with pre-existing conditions. It does not regulate anything regarding the outrageous premiums a person with pre-existing conditions will pay. Why would we pay MORE money for his health insurance on a lesser quality plan? To avoid some girls on the Internet likening our wedding to some Disney-esque nonsense? Neither of us are that sensitive. And to be crystal clear, I had already stated we decided to file our license ahead of our trip prior to the medical issues even arising in the thread you're parsing from. No one involved wants us to spend 10 times or more for the same legal outcome. Except you all, who fortunately aren't making decisions regarding our health plans, finances or nuptials.

    Stop acting so entitled and so dense.

    We don't want you to spend any amount of money on your PPD in Mexico or the "at home" reception to the PPD.  We aren't advocating that you have either event because you will already be married, and therefore both your Mexican PPD and this reception will be in bad taste!!

    I'm sorry that your future husband is ill, and I understand that you both need to get him the optimal health insurance, and I am not a fan of Obamacare either.  But once you are legally married you are married and acting like you are not and having redo or reenactment events is tacky.

    I don't think it's such a good idea for anyone who clearly lacks reading comprehension such as yourself to call anyone else dense. The sentence you highlighted refers to the fact that getting legally married in Mexico, for ten times the price (without first signing our license here), is the route you all would have us take (not the route we are taking). As for my acting entitled - the only thing I am entitled to is spending my money as I see fit. We have made the best, most informed choices for our household. We are not forcing anyone else's participation and will not be upset by anyone's lack thereof. We are choosing to host a wedding in Mexico and inviting a small group of family and friends. We are certainly entitled to do so. And they are entitled to decline. Or, they're welcome to come share an awesome few days in the sun, on the beach, relaxing, eating, drinking, exploring, dancing the nights away with family and friends. Or they can trouble themselves with when and where we signed our marriage certificate first and the real-life reasons we chose to. It's all really simple. 

    Actually my reading comprehension skills are just fine. I think you are choosing not to get what is being said.

    You said you are getting married in the US 1st bc it is very expensive to do so in Mexico, right?

    Therefore, your marriage and wedding are being held in the US. When you fly off to Mexico you are already a wife, whether or not you refer to yourself as one or not. So you will be having a PPD in Mexico.

    That's the part we think is rude and tacky, the Mexican PPD. And no one is saying they expect you to move your actual wedding there. We are trying to get you to understand that despite your rationalization, you are not getting married in Mexico. You will already be married. And hopefully you will be up front with your guests so they know they aren't attending an actual wedding.

    ETA: Fixed goofy mobile quoting issues.  Also, Mrs.Everhart did you ever say if you were letting your guests know up front that you will already be married prior to the trip to Mexico?  I don't recall if you said.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • GisellerinaGisellerina member
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    @STBMrsEverhart - glad to hear you've already looked into the tax consequences.  A lot of people on here assume there are tax benefits to be legally married - which is true for some couples, but not all.  Too many people forget to look into and plan for the tax changes until it's too late!
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    Obamacare (god help us all) only eliminates the refusal to insure an individual with pre-existing conditions. It does not regulate anything regarding the outrageous premiums a person with pre-existing conditions will pay. Why would we pay MORE money for his health insurance on a lesser quality plan? To avoid some girls on the Internet likening our wedding to some Disney-esque nonsense? Neither of us are that sensitive. And to be crystal clear, I had already stated we decided to file our license ahead of our trip prior to the medical issues even arising in the thread you're parsing from. No one involved wants us to spend 10 times or more for the same legal outcome. Except you all, who fortunately aren't making decisions regarding our health plans, finances or nuptials.
    Stop acting so entitled and so dense.

    We don't want you to spend any amount of money on your PPD in Mexico or the "at home" reception to the PPD.  We aren't advocating that you have either event because you will already be married, and therefore both your Mexican PPD and this reception will be in bad taste!!

    I'm sorry that your future husband is ill, and I understand that you both need to get him the optimal health insurance, and I am not a fan of Obamacare either.  But once you are legally married you are married and acting like you are not and having redo or reenactment events is tacky.
    I don't think it's such a good idea for anyone who clearly lacks reading comprehension such as yourself to call anyone else dense. The sentence you highlighted refers to the fact that getting legally married in Mexico, for ten times the price (without first signing our license here), is the route you all would have us take (not the route we are taking). As for my acting entitled - the only thing I am entitled to is spending my money as I see fit. We have made the best, most informed choices for our household. We are not forcing anyone else's participation and will not be upset by anyone's lack thereof. We are choosing to host a wedding in Mexico and inviting a small group of family and friends. We are certainly entitled to do so. And they are entitled to decline. Or, they're welcome to come share an awesome few days in the sun, on the beach, relaxing, eating, drinking, exploring, dancing the nights away with family and friends. Or they can trouble themselves with when and where we signed our marriage certificate first and the real-life reasons we chose to. It's all really simple. 
    Actually my reading comprehension skills are just fine. I think you are choosing not to get what is being said. You said you are getting married in the US 1st bc it is very expensive to do so in Mexico, right? Therefore, your marriage and wedding are being held in the US. When you fly off to Mexico you are already a wife, whether or not you refer to yourself as one or not. So you will be having a PPD in Mexico. That's the part we think is rude and tacky, the Mexican PPD. And no one is saying they expect you to move your actual wedding there. We are trying to get you to understand that despite your rationalization, you are not getting married in Mexico. You will already be married. And hopefully you will be up front with your guests so they know they aren't attending an actual wedding.

    ETA: Fixed goofy mobile quoting issues.  Also, Mrs.Everhart did you ever say if you were letting your guests know up front that you will already be married prior to the trip to Mexico?  I don't recall if you said.
    I didn't say. Some will know, some won't. The whole idea of taking care of the paperwork in CO first was actually my Mom's, so obviously it isn't an issue for family. She's never referred to it as anything but a business transaction, so it's evident we're on the same page. Ditto the few others that know. We wouldn't have reason to discuss our health insurance or tax filing status with the rest so there's no reason to discuss it with them. Obviously, we as well think of it only as a business decision. Apparently the way we're going about things is so popular that most of the resorts we looked in to (including the one we went with) offer wedding packages where local licensing wasn't needed or required. You can choose from legal, symbolic (secular) or a religious ceremony. I guess these types of weddings occur a pretty decent percentage of the time, if that many resorts thought to address the situation and readily accommodate it with a specific wedding package. Little wonder with all the hoops the Mexican government makes people jump through.

    As I mentioned pages ago - only 5 people saw the signing of the marriage certificate at my first wedding (2 of them being the b&g). Did the other 150+ people fret that they had been duped? Did they actively wonder if what they saw (the vows, the rings, etc.,) was just us playing dress up? Or did they enjoy our ceremony for what they experienced then continue to enjoy our hospitality throughout the evening? Geez, I guess I should have asked for photocopies of the license before we left the church to be passed around during the cocktail hour that way everyone could rest assured! 

    I've been thinking....if the only one true way to get married is to sign a government document, aren't ALL weddings egotistical, dress up parties? By this logic, no one needs a dress, vows, rings, etc. All you'd need is a pen. Glad I'm not that literal!

    Many etiquette rules have been thrown by the wayside over the years. Etiquette used to dictate that people who had been married previously should not have second (or third, or more) weddings. Now, that's out the window. Etiquette used to say people who had children out of wedlock should not have weddings. Now that's out the window. I could go on but my point really is that things change. All it takes is enough people to say "Pfft, screw this, we're doing it anyway" and eventually changes occur. We'll be leading the charge on this one I guess! 
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  • antibride2013antibride2013 member
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    laurynm84 said:
    I guarantee there will be some people that will be pissed that you did not tell them you are already married. And they may find out eventually. I'm a little more lenient than others on here on doing the two weddings, but I would be mad if I spent money to fly to Mexico, and stay at a resort to go to your wedding and then find out you were already married.  Not even a few days earlier more than 7 months earlier!  You really should tell your guests.

    The 39 Stages Of Being A Bride
    1000% Agreed!!!  I would be so fucking pissed I spent probably thousands of dollars for you to lie to me about already being married!  Not only are you being a entitled brat about your fake re-do PPD, you are now a liar!  Business transaction or not, you should be very ashamed of yourself. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    I didn't say. Some will know, some won't.   I figured as much.  The whole idea of taking care of the paperwork in CO first was actually my Mom's, so obviously it isn't an issue for family. She's never referred to it as anything but a business transaction, so it's evident we're on the same page. Marrying the person you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with and supposedly love is more than just a business transaction! Ditto the few others that know.  We wouldn't have reason to discuss our health insurance or tax filing status with the rest so there's no reason to discuss it with them.   You don't need to tell your friends and family, people you supposedly love and are close to, the details of your finances.  But you should tell them that you are already married before they shell out a significant amount of money to attend a fake wedding ceremony in Mexico.  Unless your relationships with them were also just business transactions too.  Obviously, we as well think of it only as a business decision.   You guys are just so sentimental and romantic!  Apparently the way we're going about things is so popular that most of the resorts we looked in to (including the one we went with) offer wedding packages where local licensing wasn't needed or required. You can choose from legal, symbolic (secular) or a religious ceremony. I guess these types of weddings occur a pretty decent percentage of the time, if that many resorts thought to address the situation and readily accommodate it with a specific wedding package. Little wonder with all the hoops the Mexican government makes people jump through.

    As I mentioned pages ago - only 5 people saw the signing of the marriage certificate at my first wedding (2 of them being the b&g). Did the other 150+ people fret that they had been duped?   No, they just assumed that they were actually witnessing your wedding ceremony since that is the way the majority of people get married. . . you know, you sign your marriage license the same day you have your big floofy ceremony.  This trend of getting married at the JOP 1st and then having a huge floofy PPD later on is a new one.  Did they actively wonder if what they saw (the vows, the rings, etc.,) was just us playing dress up?   No because again, lying about being married and then having a big public PPD is a new trend.  Or did they enjoy our ceremony for what they experienced then continue to enjoy our hospitality throughout the evening? Geez, I guess I should have asked for photocopies of the license before we left the church to be passed around during the cocktail hour that way everyone could rest assured! 

    I've been thinking....if the only one true way to get married is to sign a government document, aren't ALL weddings egotistical, dress up parties?   Yes, the only way to get legally married, and therefore be able to partake of the many government benefits of marriage, is to have a state issued marriage license.  By this logic, no one needs a dress, vows, rings, etc. All you'd need is a pen. Glad I'm not that literal!  You are correct, no one needs any of that to be legally married, but for religious and other personal reason many people do include all of those symbolic and sentimental elements in a public wedding ceremony that occurs on the same day they sign their marriage license and become legally married.  They don't have a ceremony incorporating these elements  7 or 8 months after they have been already married.  At that point, what the heck is the point?  Honestly, I just don't get the PPD trend.

    Many etiquette rules have been thrown by the wayside over the years. Etiquette used to dictate that people who had been married previously should not have second (or third, or more) weddings. Now, that's out the window. Etiquette used to say people who had children out of wedlock should not have weddings. Now that's out the window. I could go on but my point really is that things change. All it takes is enough people to say "Pfft, screw this, we're doing it anyway" and eventually changes occur. We'll be leading the charge on this one I guess!   You are not leading the charge on anything, PPDs are already happening.  I sincerely hope the trend of marrying in secret, lying to your friends and family for months, and then throwing a fake wedding starts to die off, however.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    edited October 2013

    On a related tangent. I work with a girl that did her Catholic ceremony first. It was very small just about 10 family members. However, it wasn't legally binding. They did the legal ceremony later (about 2 weeks) and threw a big reception after. What are people's thoughts on that?

    My family is Jewish, so this isn't applicable at all. Jewish weddings everything is signed in private before hand (legal and religious). And we are doing a non-religious ceremony.

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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    She wanted it on a moutain in Wyoming. Her mom wanted it at a Catholic Church in DC. So this what came out of it. It was just their parents, siblings, and grandparents at the first one. They all knew what the deal was though, and they went to both weddings. I thought it was a little weird, but it didn't really bother me at all.
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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    I thought it was odd. I didn't even know about the first until I saw them out at dinner one night. We got to talking and they were like "we are celebrating a 2nd 1st wedding anniversary." They were refering to the 2 year anniversary of their 1st wedding. So weird. I went to the real one, so it didn't bother me. But what a waste.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    kgd7357 said:

    My family is Jewish, so this isn't applicable at all. Jewish weddings everything is signed in private before hand (legal and religious). And we are doing a non-religious ceremony.

    Yeah, but that is due to religious reasons, not choice, and people who are familiar with Jewish culture wouldn't bat an eye if they went to a Jewish wedding ceremony.  I have been to one and never considered it a PPD. 

    PPD's are all about choice- couples choose to marry quickly and privately, couples choose to be deceptive or not, couples choose to have a fake ceremony later.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    Getting married earlier because you need insurance is fine.  Pretending to get married again later because you had to sacrifice your original or desired plans in order to get married earlier is ridiculous, entitled and rude.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    I think it is absolutely horrible that your Mom considers the day that you become legally married to your FI as a "business transaction".  Disgusting.  And now I know where you get this entitled and self-absorbed attitude from.
    I'm sorry to have to subject you to such horrors. The only people I have ever known who seem to have such an emotional attachment to a marriage license, an insignificant government document (in the opinions of those that matter most us) hang out right here on TK. I can barely stomach our government let alone care about their classification of my relationship. Again, those closest to us feel the same (about both the government and the (in)significance of marriage licenses). If that is self-absorbed and entitled, so be it. I don't consider it either of those things. In fact, I don't consider it much at all. To be brutally honest, I consider it on the same level as paying a parking ticket (same building, same parking nightmare, about the same amount of money). Only wait, the city and county of Denver actually made paying parking tickets easy to pay online, so I think we know which one we think more highly of. A marriage license is a way for a municipality to make more money. A way to make sure they get their hooks in good and deep. So deep in fact, they still make money if the relationship dissolves!! If you're emotionally attached to that, be my guest. If your marriage license is what makes you feel married than excellent, who am I to judge? I could go so far as to say that makes me sad for you because you're missing so much of the point but I'm not emotionally invested in you or your relationship - and you'll come to figure it all out on your own eventually. 
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:


    STBMrsEverhart said:
    I didn't say. Some will know, some won't.   I figured as much.  The whole idea of taking care of the paperwork in CO first was actually my Mom's, so obviously it isn't an issue for family. She's never referred to it as anything but a business transaction, so it's evident we're on the same page. Marrying the person you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with and supposedly love is more than just a business transaction! You're right it is. Signing a document and paying a fee to a government we can barely stomach isn't in our opinion. We'll be doing it because that is what is needed in the eyes of the law, not because we agree with the law or are emotionally attached to it. If you're emotionally attached to your marriage license, congratulations. Ditto the few others that know.  We wouldn't have reason to discuss our health insurance or tax filing status with the rest so there's no reason to discuss it with them.   You don't need to tell your friends and family, people you supposedly love and are close to, the details of your finances.  But you should tell them that you are already married before they shell out a significant amount of money to attend a fake wedding ceremony in Mexico.  Unless your relationships with them were also just business transactions too.  Obviously, we as well think of it only as a business decision.   You guys are just so sentimental and romantic!  We are so sentimental in fact, it is our vows, ring exchange, etc. that we will respect and consider what changes our status. Not some paperwork from the state. Above, I likened the marriage license to paying a parking ticket. I don't think I can make our feelings known for meeting government expectations any more clear! Apparently the way we're going about things is so popular that most of the resorts we looked in to (including the one we went with) offer wedding packages where local licensing wasn't needed or required. You can choose from legal, symbolic (secular) or a religious ceremony. I guess these types of weddings occur a pretty decent percentage of the time, if that many resorts thought to address the situation and readily accommodate it with a specific wedding package. Little wonder with all the hoops the Mexican government makes people jump through.

    As I mentioned pages ago - only 5 people saw the signing of the marriage certificate at my first wedding (2 of them being the b&g). Did the other 150+ people fret that they had been duped?   No, they just assumed that they were actually witnessing your wedding ceremony since that is the way the majority of people get married. . . you know, you sign your marriage license the same day you have your big floofy ceremony.  This trend of getting married at the JOP 1st and then having a huge floofy PPD later on is a new one.  Did they actively wonder if what they saw (the vows, the rings, etc.,) was just us playing dress up?   No because again, lying about being married and then having a big public PPD is a new trend.  Or did they enjoy our ceremony for what they experienced then continue to enjoy our hospitality throughout the evening? Geez, I guess I should have asked for photocopies of the license before we left the church to be passed around during the cocktail hour that way everyone could rest assured! Um, I was being a smartass. This was rhetorical. But the point is still made - they were no more certain than my future guests (if we choose not to discuss our arrangement). They assumed. I'm not sure how you've decided this is a "new" trend. I'm pretty sure this type of thing has been going on forever. There were just no internet chat rooms to parse it death in in years past. 

    I've been thinking....if the only one true way to get married is to sign a government document, aren't ALL weddings egotistical, dress up parties?   Yes, the only way to get legally married, and therefore be able to partake of the many government benefits of marriage, is to have a state issued marriage license.  We understand the laws, we even plan to follow them. That doesn't mean we care for them, accept them, or have ANY emotional attachment to them.

    By this logic, no one needs a dress, vows, rings, etc. All you'd need is a pen. Glad I'm not that literal!  You are correct, no one needs any of that to be legally married, but for religious and other personal reason many people do include all of those symbolic and sentimental elements in a public wedding ceremony that occurs on the same day they sign their marriage license and become legally married.  They don't have a ceremony incorporating these elements  7 or 8 months after they have been already married.  At that point, what the heck is the point?  Honestly, I just don't get the PPD trend. Oh, riiiiiiiight, none of you are indulging in what you all call a PPD because it's all happening on the same day. Oh, you all have a pass for your ego-fests because you have the super cool Timing Super Power! Sure, whatever gets you through the night.

    Many etiquette rules have been thrown by the wayside over the years. Etiquette used to dictate that people who had been married previously should not have second (or third, or more) weddings. Now, that's out the window. Etiquette used to say people who had children out of wedlock should not have weddings. Now that's out the window. I could go on but my point really is that things change. All it takes is enough people to say "Pfft, screw this, we're doing it anyway" and eventually changes occur. We'll be leading the charge on this one I guess!   You are not leading the charge on anything, PPDs are already happening.  I sincerely hope the trend of marrying in secret, lying to your friends and family for months, and then throwing a fake wedding starts to die off, however. I meant we are leading the charge in throwing this tired bit of wedding etiquette outside with all the other tired wedding etiquette which is no longer applied solely for the convenience of the couple. Why else should it be okay for people drag their own progeny to their weddings other than to feed their ego? Talk about wishing one could invoke the super cool Timing Super Power! Hey closed barn door, the horse is over yonder..... Oh, but how cruel and unpopular a joke I just made! Times have changed you say. Life happens you say. To which I say, touche! 


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    STBMrsEverhart said:

    Maggie0829 said:
    I think it is absolutely horrible that your Mom considers the day that you become legally married to your FI as a "business transaction".  Disgusting.  And now I know where you get this entitled and self-absorbed attitude from.
    I'm sorry to have to subject you to such horrors. The only people I have ever known who seem to have such an emotional attachment to a marriage license, an insignificant government document (in the opinions of those that matter most us) hang out right here on TK.   It's an issue of respect, not emotional attachment.  Maggie respects that "insignificant government document" for what it entitles those who sign it to- benefits and protections under the law.  It's not some random piece of paper or a receipt. I can barely stomach our government let alone care about their classification of my relationship.   Then please do not dare take advantage of any of the benefits and protections under the law the US government affords those with a valid marriage license.  And if you would like, I will happily send you and your FI two first class, one way tickets to any other country of your choosing and wish you much happiness and success in establishing a new life there.  This country is far from perfect, and I take issue with much of what is going on today but I would be naive to think that things are better elsewhere.  No offense to TK members living outside the US.  Again, those closest to us feel the same (about both the government and the (in)significance of marriage licenses).   If that is self-absorbed and entitled, so be it. I don't consider it either of those things. In fact, I don't consider it much at all. To be brutally honest, I consider it on the same level as paying a parking ticket (same building, same parking nightmare, about the same amount of money). Only wait, the city and county of Denver actually made paying parking tickets easy to pay online, so I think we know which one we think more highly of. A marriage license is a way for a municipality to make more money. A way to make sure they get their hooks in good and deep. So deep in fact, they still make money if the relationship dissolves!! If you're emotionally attached to that, be my guest. If your marriage license is what makes you feel married than excellent, who am I to judge?   Oh FFS, it;s the only thing that makes you actually married!  Ask all of the GLBT members who can't get married or have a civil union how they feel about that license.  All the sentimental little ceremonies in the world do not make you married legally.  I could go so far as to say that makes me sad for you because you're missing so much of the point   No, you are missing the point.  The marriage license is just as important as the religious/sentimental/emotional ceremony and commitments that go along with it.  If it is not important, then why are you even filing for a marriage license and getting married in CO at all?  Just go to Mexico and have your ceremony sans this insignificant court issued document.  Oh wait- you NEED that document for certain government benefits and protections, and more specifically you need it so that your FI can share your health insurance.  Ah, there's the rub!  And without that court issued document that is as important to you as a parking ticket, your FI and many GLBT members aren't eligible for those government benefits and protections- which is why belittling it as you continue to do is so sad and offensive.  but I'm not emotionally invested in you or your relationship - and you'll come to figure it all out on your own eventually. 
    You are starting to sound like a tin foil hat wearing compound member now, lol!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    STBMrsEverhart said: I didn't say. Some will know, some won't.   I figured as much.  The whole idea of taking care of the paperwork in CO first was actually my Mom's, so obviously it isn't an issue for family. She's never referred to it as anything but a business transaction, so it's evident we're on the same page. Marrying the person you supposedly want to spend the rest of your life with and supposedly love is more than just a business transaction! You're right it is. Signing a document and paying a fee to a government we can barely stomach isn't in our opinion. We'll be doing it because that is what is needed in the eyes of the law, not because we agree with the law or are emotionally attached to it. If you're emotionally attached to your marriage license, congratulations. Ditto the few others that know.  We wouldn't have reason to discuss our health insurance or tax filing status with the rest so there's no reason to discuss it with them.   You don't need to tell your friends and family, people you supposedly love and are close to, the details of your finances.  But you should tell them that you are already married before they shell out a significant amount of money to attend a fake wedding ceremony in Mexico.  Unless your relationships with them were also just business transactions too.  Obviously, we as well think of it only as a business decision.   You guys are just so sentimental and romantic!  We are so sentimental in fact, it is our vows, ring exchange, etc. that we will respect and consider what changes our status. Not some paperwork from the state. Above, I likened the marriage license to paying a parking ticket. I don't think I can make our feelings known for meeting government expectations any more clear! Apparently the way we're going about things is so popular that most of the resorts we looked in to (including the one we went with) offer wedding packages where local licensing wasn't needed or required. You can choose from legal, symbolic (secular) or a religious ceremony. I guess these types of weddings occur a pretty decent percentage of the time, if that many resorts thought to address the situation and readily accommodate it with a specific wedding package. Little wonder with all the hoops the Mexican government makes people jump through.

    As I mentioned pages ago - only 5 people saw the signing of the marriage certificate at my first wedding (2 of them being the b&g). Did the other 150+ people fret that they had been duped?   No, they just assumed that they were actually witnessing your wedding ceremony since that is the way the majority of people get married. . . you know, you sign your marriage license the same day you have your big floofy ceremony.  This trend of getting married at the JOP 1st and then having a huge floofy PPD later on is a new one.  Did they actively wonder if what they saw (the vows, the rings, etc.,) was just us playing dress up?   No because again, lying about being married and then having a big public PPD is a new trend.  Or did they enjoy our ceremony for what they experienced then continue to enjoy our hospitality throughout the evening? Geez, I guess I should have asked for photocopies of the license before we left the church to be passed around during the cocktail hour that way everyone could rest assured! Um, I was being a smartass. This was rhetorical. But the point is still made - they were no more certain than my future guests (if we choose not to discuss our arrangement). They assumed. I'm not sure how you've decided this is a "new" trend. I'm pretty sure this type of thing has been going on forever. There were just no internet chat rooms to parse it death in in years past. 

    I've been thinking....if the only one true way to get married is to sign a government document, aren't ALL weddings egotistical, dress up parties?   Yes, the only way to get legally married, and therefore be able to partake of the many government benefits of marriage, is to have a state issued marriage license.  We understand the laws, we even plan to follow them. That doesn't mean we care for them, accept them, or have ANY emotional attachment to them.

    By this logic, no one needs a dress, vows, rings, etc. All you'd need is a pen. Glad I'm not that literal!  You are correct, no one needs any of that to be legally married, but for religious and other personal reason many people do include all of those symbolic and sentimental elements in a public wedding ceremony that occurs on the same day they sign their marriage license and become legally married.  They don't have a ceremony incorporating these elements  7 or 8 months after they have been already married.  At that point, what the heck is the point?  Honestly, I just don't get the PPD trend. Oh, riiiiiiiight, none of you are indulging in what you all call a PPD because it's all happening on the same day. Oh, you all have a pass for your ego-fests because you have the super cool Timing Super Power! Sure, whatever gets you through the night.

    Many etiquette rules have been thrown by the wayside over the years. Etiquette used to dictate that people who had been married previously should not have second (or third, or more) weddings. Now, that's out the window. Etiquette used to say people who had children out of wedlock should not have weddings. Now that's out the window. I could go on but my point really is that things change. All it takes is enough people to say "Pfft, screw this, we're doing it anyway" and eventually changes occur. We'll be leading the charge on this one I guess!   You are not leading the charge on anything, PPDs are already happening.  I sincerely hope the trend of marrying in secret, lying to your friends and family for months, and then throwing a fake wedding starts to die off, however. I meant we are leading the charge in throwing this tired bit of wedding etiquette outside with all the other tired wedding etiquette which is no longer applied solely for the convenience of the couple. Why else should it be okay for people drag their own progeny to their weddings other than to feed their ego? Talk about wishing one could invoke the super cool Timing Super Power! Hey closed barn door, the horse is over yonder..... Oh, but how cruel and unpopular a joke I just made! Times have changed you say. Life happens you say. To which I say, touche!
    Hahaha, Cool Timing Super Power?  I wish I had a mutant power, but sadly all I have is the active choice to get married once, in front of all my family and friends, and be done with that insignificant court document and my religious ceremony at the same time.  and somehow that makes my wedding an ego-fest?

    http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Jennifer-Lawrence-ok-thumbs-up.gif


    You also have a mistaken view of etiquette- etiquette has nothing to do with the convenience of the bride and groom and everything to do with the comfort of their guests.

    I would not go as far as to say that times have changed and PPDs are now the social norm since a subset of society is indulging in them.  I had never even heard of this concept until I came here.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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