What's a typical invitation acceptance rate? Feeling sad about so many declines :(

stelle413 · October 2013

My FI and I have family and friends all across the country. We're getting married where FI and I currently live, but it's not either of our home towns. It's a very nice, historic southern city that is a major tourist destination. There really wasn't anyplace we could have picked for our wedding that would have been nearby even half of our guest list since everyone we know lives spread all over the country.

We originally wanted a small wedding with 50-75 people, but ended up inviting 170 people so we could invite all of FI's first cousins (he has a huge extended family). We both expected a lot of people to decline because it's far away for most people. FI kept saying he didn't think think many of his family would make the trip, and he was really right! So far we've heard back from 80% of our invited guests, and only 36 people have said they're coming. Is a ~25% acceptance rate typical?

I'm happy that we'll get to have the small (and inexpensive) wedding we wanted, but I'm also feeling sad that so few people are coming when we invited 170. Many of them are great old friends that I used to be very close with when I lived in other states, and I had hoped our wedding would be a chance to see them again.

misssunshine17 · October 2013

It sucks, but when people have to travel, money dictates a lot. These people probably don't have the extra cash for a vacation surrounding your wedding. It doesn't mean they don't care about your wedding or love you. You definitely have a low acceptance rate but it seems like it makes sense for your circumstances.

Grabows14 · October 2013

I agree with PP. Sorry to hear that your outcome is a lil bit lower than you expected. However you have a great attitude about it being more of your dream wedding so best of luc!

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Our wedding was held in my hometown, where my parents still live. The town is 111 miles (about 2.5 hours) from where DH and I now live, and where he grew up.

I invited 92 guests; DH invited 60 (perils of a large Catholic/Greek family). Overall, we had a 65 percent acceptance rate and a 35 percent decline rate. Most of the declines were DH's family, because they couldn't or didn't want to travel the 2.5 hours to our "Destination Wedding." (They all kept calling it that. Seriously. We live in Central PA.)

A high decline rate is common when people have to travel. They might not want to or be able to afford the trip, the hotel stay, the time off work, etc.

Just be happy with the people who do come, and think of how awesome it will be to have a small, intimate wedding!

WinstonsGirl · October 2013

Travel will often kill your decline rate. We invites about 125 and had 40 make the trip to Hawaii. I was actually really happy about this, cos my "ideal" wedding had about 40-45 guests, and after doing up my side of family and close friends, I was at 45. Then I realized DH would probably want to invite people too.

I'm sad a lot of friends didn't make the trip, but we knew going in that it was a possibility and we were ok with that if it happened

manateehugger · October 2013

You just have to remember that traveling can often be inconvenient and very expensive.

FI and I have declined quite a few weddings, but it's not that we don't want to attend. It's usually because the timing is bad or we just decide that we can't afford a $1000ish trip for a wedding.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

I was in a wedding a few weekends ago that was basically a destination wedding for everyone but the bride and groom, and was almost on the opposite coast from the bride's family. They invited about 300 people and about 150 came.

melbelleup · October 2013

Sadly when travel is involved it's expensive. Just a trip home for me (8 hours) costs me at least $150 each time I go home. Usually more like $250- $300. I'd rather send my friend a $100 gift and not drive 16 hours. Though, if it's a relative I've always made the trip (twice now, one more time in 2014...3 weeks after I just made the trip for my wedding)

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Our wedding was held in my hometown, where my parents still live. The town is 111 miles (about 2.5 hours) from where DH and I now live, and where he grew up.

I invited 92 guests; DH invited 60 (perils of a large Catholic/Greek family). Overall, we had a 65 percent acceptance rate and a 35 percent decline rate. Most of the declines were DH's family, because they couldn't or didn't want to travel the 2.5 hours to our "Destination Wedding." (They all kept calling it that. Seriously. We live in Central PA.)

A high decline rate is common when people have to travel. They might not want to or be able to afford the trip, the hotel stay, the time off work, etc.

Just be happy with the people who do come, and think of how awesome it will be to have a small, intimate wedding!

I had to laugh at the bolded. I am originaly from Long Island NY, and my FI and I moved out to Central PA about 3 years ago. We love it here and we are having our wedding here next year. A lot of his relatives keep calling our wedding a Destination Wedding too!! I mean its a 4 hour trip, but being married next to farm fields isn't exactly what comes to my mind when you say DW.

To OP, I am sorry that so many people have declined, I know it sucks when you are excited to see everyone and then people don't make it. As many PP's have said it isn't because of you personally that people don't go. Just enjoy your time with the people who do come and be happy, after all you are marrying your FI and that alone should be reason enough to have the best day ever!

ETA: Spelling Fail

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

It depends on a lot - travel, money, work schedules, personal obligations, time of year, etc.

The important thing is that you try your best not to take it personally. Focus on your fiance and the fact that you'll be married. That should cheer you up.

MrsLillyG · October 2013

cowgirl8238 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Our wedding was held in my hometown, where my parents still live. The town is 111 miles (about 2.5 hours) from where DH and I now live, and where he grew up.

I invited 92 guests; DH invited 60 (perils of a large Catholic/Greek family). Overall, we had a 65 percent acceptance rate and a 35 percent decline rate. Most of the declines were DH's family, because they couldn't or didn't want to travel the 2.5 hours to our "Destination Wedding." (They all kept calling it that. Seriously. We live in Central PA.)

A high decline rate is common when people have to travel. They might not want to or be able to afford the trip, the hotel stay, the time off work, etc.

Just be happy with the people who do come, and think of how awesome it will be to have a small, intimate wedding!

I had to laugh at the bolded. I am originaly from Long Island NY, and my FI and I moved out to Central PA about 3 years ago. We love it here and we are having our wedding here next year. A lot of his relatives keep calling our wedding a Destination Wedding too!! I mean its a 4 hour trip, but being married next to farm fields isn't exactly what comes to my mind when you say DW.

To OP, I am sorry that so many people have declined, I know it sucks when you are excited to see everyone and then people don't make it. As many PP's have said it isn't because of you personally that people don't go. Just enjoy your time with the people who do come and be happy, after all you are marrying your FI and that alone should be reason enough to have the best day ever!

ETA: Spelling Fail

I really dont call wedding destination weddings unless it involves a flight for me! Driving over an hour is just an oot wedding to me lol. and every wedding ive been too was oot.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

MrsLillyG said:

cowgirl8238 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Our wedding was held in my hometown, where my parents still live. The town is 111 miles (about 2.5 hours) from where DH and I now live, and where he grew up.

I invited 92 guests; DH invited 60 (perils of a large Catholic/Greek family). Overall, we had a 65 percent acceptance rate and a 35 percent decline rate. Most of the declines were DH's family, because they couldn't or didn't want to travel the 2.5 hours to our "Destination Wedding." (They all kept calling it that. Seriously. We live in Central PA.)

A high decline rate is common when people have to travel. They might not want to or be able to afford the trip, the hotel stay, the time off work, etc.

Just be happy with the people who do come, and think of how awesome it will be to have a small, intimate wedding!

I had to laugh at the bolded. I am originaly from Long Island NY, and my FI and I moved out to Central PA about 3 years ago. We love it here and we are having our wedding here next year. A lot of his relatives keep calling our wedding a Destination Wedding too!! I mean its a 4 hour trip, but being married next to farm fields isn't exactly what comes to my mind when you say DW.

To OP, I am sorry that so many people have declined, I know it sucks when you are excited to see everyone and then people don't make it. As many PP's have said it isn't because of you personally that people don't go. Just enjoy your time with the people who do come and be happy, after all you are marrying your FI and that alone should be reason enough to have the best day ever!

ETA: Spelling Fail

I really dont call wedding destination weddings unless it involves a flight for me! Driving over an hour is just an oot wedding to me lol. and every wedding ive been too was oot.

Thats what I think too! According to some every wedding I have attened in the past three years would have been a "DW" LOL! I always just laugh it off when they say that.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Believe me, I laughed when they told me that. I was like, "Are you being serious? You've got to be kidding. I mean, really? What the what?" But, no, they were serious, and a lot of them didn't come for that reason. We were "selfish" they said. Nevermind that, again, the wedding was IN MY HOMETOWN. *sigh* Whatever.

princessleia22 · October 2013

I agree with PP's. Destination weddings always get lower attendance rates. We had same issue. My family mostly lives in MI. His family lives in AZ. And we both have some family in FL. So, since no matter what we did, a large portion would have to travel, we decided to have the wedding in New Orleans! So, now everyone has to travel! It's about same distance for everyone to get there and it's a good destination location for people to visit.

Before making plans, we checked with our immediate families to make sure they would come, because that would have been a deal breaker. Besides immediate family, we ended up with about 25% acceptance, which we anticipated. There was a lot of family that I knew wouldn't be able to travel (for time or money reasons) and we knew up front that most of our invites were "just formalities" to be polite and not have them feel left out. We wouldn't have been upset if they came, but we knew chances were low to none for most of them. We actually invited about 80 people, knowing we wanted max. guest list of about 40-50. I tried to keep the guest list of people that might come to under 50, and the rest were just formality invites that we knew couldn't/wouldn't come. We ended up with about 30 people coming (including us, wedding party, parents, and siblings). That's just the reality of having wedding in location that requires travel.

missmo14 · October 2013

We are having a destination wedding. Most guests live in Australia so its about 15-20hrs flying time at an approximate cost of about $1500 pp for airfare only. So the expense and time required is MASSIVE! We also thought this would limit a lot of our guests but we now even have guests that we assumed wouldnt come booking their trips. You can never count anyone in or out as a definite as circumstances can and do change. I think the actual destination can have a lot to do with it too.

kitty8403 · October 2013

This makes me feel better!
Out of the monster list I am frantically cutting down, extended family accounts for about a third or more. ALL (both sides) will have to travel. My mother expects a high decline rate from our side, but it's do frustrating trying to plan and budget when you realize that more than 100 extra people may not show up for this reason.

kitty8403 · October 2013

missmo14 said:
We are having a destination wedding. Most guests live in Australia so its about 15-20hrs flying time at an approximate cost of about $1500 pp for airfare only. So the expense and time required is MASSIVE! We also thought this would limit a lot of our guests but we now even have guests that we assumed wouldnt come booking their trips. You can never count anyone in or out as a definite as circumstances can and do change. I think the actual destination can have a lot to do with it too.

My uncle moved to Australia a couple years ago and remarried. We couldn't go because it would have cost us about $3,500 just to go and get home, to say nothing of expenses while in the country. We sure wanted to, though!

missmo14 · October 2013

Its a huge factor of destination weddings. Luckily for us a few of our guests are willing and able to make the trip and most have never been to Vegas so they are crazy excited.

For all of our other guests we are having a casual AHR to celebrate. Will you be having any other celebrations at home?

casey8784 · October 2013

kitty8403 said:

This makes me feel better! Out of the monster list I am frantically cutting down, extended family accounts for about a third or more. ALL (both sides) will have to travel. My mother expects a high decline rate from our side, but it's do frustrating trying to plan and budget when you realize that more than 100 extra people may not show up for this reason.

This is basically where I am at right now. We've cut our (huge) list down to exactly the max number for the venue (225). My mom thinks maybe 10 people won't come; FI's parents think maybe 20 won't; FI has the most "negative" thinking...he thinks that maybe 1/2 won't come. Probably 90-ish% of the guests only have a 2-4 hour drive, the rest are flying in from around the country. Less guests = larger dance floor (FI wants "plenty of room to do the hora"); more guests = seeing and celebrating with everyone! Planning for/thinking of all the variables is definitely keeping me on my toes.

MuppetOverlord · October 2013

We invited 80, 66 accepted and 60 attended because 6 were schmucks. Well, 5 were schmucks and 1 was the non-existent boyfriend my MIL said she would find 3 weeks before the wedding and didn't.

So I guess that puts me at 25% also. Those who declined initially were all out of town and I didn't expect would RSVP yes. 4 of the no shows were playing D&D instead, 1 no-showed and well 1 didn't exist.

kimmieryan0406 · October 2013

Not only is a lot of my family out of state (or hours away), but our wedding is Nov. 16th which is less than 2 weeks from Thanksgiving.

We had 15% of our out of state/out of town people RSVP yes. Thankfully most of our list was local but if they weren't, I would have been in the same boat as some of y'all.

It stinks yes but unfortunately everyone is right. Location, location, location. Money dictates everything.

WinstonsGirl · October 2013

DW's usually get lower attendance rates, but not always. The old Mod on the Hawaii board had 100% attendance to her DW. Lucky Girl

Vivandiere8 · October 2013

I am so glad you posted this because this is exactly what I have been trying to explain to my fiance. I have a very large extended family all over the USA, as well as close family friends who are like family who also live all over (I only moved to Michigan a few years ago and have no family here). I plan to invite them all because I know they would be happy to receive the invite, but I also know only a very small percentage would be able to come. My fiance is afraid they will all come and the room will burst. But that isn't typical in this situation.

Example: My cousin just got married and it was the same deal. He invited everyone, but only his immediate family, one set of grandparents, me and my fiance, and one other cousin and her family could make it (as far as the family count goes)

When my sister got married it was a maybe a tiny bit more than that (her state was more centrally located) but not by much.

So don't be sad. When people have to travel it's hard. Maybe they have the money but can't take of work, maybe they can take off work but don't have the money. Maybe they have more than one wedding that year that asks for them to travel and they really can't managed both (I don't expect to see my one cousin at my wedding who made it to the one earlier in the year out of state). If they have kids that's another factor, if their vacation was within a month before or after that's another... It's hard, so don't feel sad.

courtneythesquid · October 2013

We had a high proportion of out of town guests, and I would say that we had probably around a 50 or 60% attendance rate. So I can totally relate- it's a bummer to get all of those regrets in the mail, and it's also a bummer to have to call all the folks who didn't want to disappoint you (so they didn't bother to RSVP at all.) In retrospect, I wish I had invited a few more people, such as more of my work friends- it turns out that we had plenty of room. But hindsight is always 20-20!

I agree with the comments to try not to take it personally. Probably many of the declines couldn't make it but really wanted to come, I try to assume that about everybody just for my own peace of mind!

Viczaesar · October 2013

Vivandiere8 said:

I am so glad you posted this because this is exactly what I have been trying to explain to my fiance. I have a very large extended family all over the USA, as well as close family friends who are like family who also live all over (I only moved to Michigan a few years ago and have no family here). I plan to invite them all because I know they would be happy to receive the invite, but I also know only a very small percentage would be able to come. My fiance is afraid they will all come and the room will burst. But that isn't typical in this situation.

Example: My cousin just got married and it was the same deal. He invited everyone, but only his immediate family, one set of grandparents, me and my fiance, and one other cousin and her family could make it (as far as the family count goes)

When my sister got married it was a maybe a tiny bit more than that (her state was more centrally located) but not by much.

So don't be sad. When people have to travel it's hard. Maybe they have the money but can't take of work, maybe they can take off work but don't have the money. Maybe they have more than one wedding that year that asks for them to travel and they really can't managed both (I don't expect to see my one cousin at my wedding who made it to the one earlier in the year out of state). If they have kids that's another factor, if their vacation was within a month before or after that's another... It's hard, so don't feel sad.

As long as you are willing and able to pay for everybody if you get a 100% acceptance rate, which actually does happen, even with a lot of travelers. Whatever you do, don't invite more people than you can physically host at your location and that you can afford to host. We've had more than one bride on here freaking out because more people than they thought would accept did and they're over the maximum # of people allowed at their venue.

Vivandiere8 · October 2013

Viczaesar said:

Vivandiere8 said:

I am so glad you posted this because this is exactly what I have been trying to explain to my fiance. I have a very large extended family all over the USA, as well as close family friends who are like family who also live all over (I only moved to Michigan a few years ago and have no family here). I plan to invite them all because I know they would be happy to receive the invite, but I also know only a very small percentage would be able to come. My fiance is afraid they will all come and the room will burst. But that isn't typical in this situation.

Example: My cousin just got married and it was the same deal. He invited everyone, but only his immediate family, one set of grandparents, me and my fiance, and one other cousin and her family could make it (as far as the family count goes)

When my sister got married it was a maybe a tiny bit more than that (her state was more centrally located) but not by much.

So don't be sad. When people have to travel it's hard. Maybe they have the money but can't take of work, maybe they can take off work but don't have the money. Maybe they have more than one wedding that year that asks for them to travel and they really can't managed both (I don't expect to see my one cousin at my wedding who made it to the one earlier in the year out of state). If they have kids that's another factor, if their vacation was within a month before or after that's another... It's hard, so don't feel sad.

As long as you are willing and able to pay for everybody if you get a 100% acceptance rate, which actually does happen, even with a lot of travelers. Whatever you do, don't invite more people than you can physically host at your location and that you can afford to host. We've had more than one bride on here freaking out because more people than they thought would accept did and they're over the maximum # of people allowed at their venue.

Oh no worries. I was exaggerating on the room bursting, but thanks for the advice! It's true you wouldn't want to break the fire safety code

SP29 · October 2013

I understand how you feel, in a similar situation myself. Sucks, because you chose these guests because they are your family and friends whom you want to share the special occasion with, but I understand why and we expected that there would be some declines.

My FI and I live in another province from where we grew up. It is a 4 hour plane flight, or a 3 day drive- not close. Basically a DW, even though it's in the winter and not a tropical location

. We decided to have the wedding where we grew up because that's where the majority of our family lives. It is easier (and cheaper) for the two of us to fly there than for our parents, siblings and grandparents to fly out here. Of course that means a large group of people from here would have to fly there, and we realized that, but thought overall, easier for the "younger" people to travel than for our older relatives.

I would say that just over half of our guest list is people from OOT. The majority of those people are our friends from where we currently live (which is most of our friends). But, the list does include some family members who live elsewhere in Canada, and some who live out of the country.

So we did expect people to decline, but it was a bit sad for me when I learned that two of our close friends are unable to come. I suppose I half assumed they would come, because they often travel, taking 2-3 weeks to visit another country, and they are young but working with no kids, so thought it would be "easy" for them, but such is not the case. It's fine, just a bit sad when you realize your closest friends, the people whom you most want to be there, won't be. A lot of our friends are fairly young, with many either just finished school and some still in school, so finances are tight. Others likely can't get the time off work, particularly since the wedding is right after New Years.

The most important thing to remember is the reason why you are doing this, and regardless of what happens, at the end of the day, you and your FH will be married!

meghanscott82 · November 2013

I'm concerned about this as well. FI and I live in Texas, within an hour of a large chunk of his family. My small family is all traveling from the Midwest. But I have lots of friends across the country who I hope will make it. I traveled to all of their weddings over the years but most now have young families which makes travel more difficult.

I wanted a small bridal party but FI didn't see it that way, we ended up with 6 on each side. An unrealized benefit to a large bridal party is that you are assured those folks WILL be there for you. Two of my BMs live in NYC and London, so I can rest easy knowing they have already committed to the trip.

aurianna · November 2013

Vivandiere8 said:

I am so glad you posted this because this is exactly what I have been trying to explain to my fiance. I have a very large extended family all over the USA, as well as close family friends who are like family who also live all over (I only moved to Michigan a few years ago and have no family here). I plan to invite them all because I know they would be happy to receive the invite, but I also know only a very small percentage would be able to come. My fiance is afraid they will all come and the room will burst. But that isn't typical in this situation.

Glad you could still afford/hold everyone if they all came. Because it happens.
My co-worker invited all of his extended family, and almost all of them were out of town, in different cities.
Because they hadn't seen each other in so long, they decided to use the wedding as a family reunion event. Almost all of them came.

You can never know for sure.

OP, don't worry. You have a great attitude about getting to better host and spend time with the people who are able to come.

Assuming your wedding is on a Saturday, near a major airport, it's probably a money thing.
I swear it's become so much more in recent years. I remember two or three years ago round trip (Friday to Sunday) flights from St. Louis to Minneapolis were $200 on bad days when there were no sales in sight. Now $200 IS the sale price (for Thurs/Sun or Sat/Mon!!) and I jump when I find anything that cheap.

kgd7357 · November 2013

casey8784 said:

kitty8403 said:

This makes me feel better! Out of the monster list I am frantically cutting down, extended family accounts for about a third or more. ALL (both sides) will have to travel. My mother expects a high decline rate from our side, but it's do frustrating trying to plan and budget when you realize that more than 100 extra people may not show up for this reason.

This is basically where I am at right now. We've cut our (huge) list down to exactly the max number for the venue (225). My mom thinks maybe 10 people won't come; FI's parents think maybe 20 won't; FI has the most "negative" thinking...he thinks that maybe 1/2 won't come. Probably 90-ish% of the guests only have a 2-4 hour drive, the rest are flying in from around the country. Less guests = larger dance floor (FI wants "plenty of room to do the hora"); more guests = seeing and celebrating with everyone! Planning for/thinking of all the variables is definitely keeping me on my toes.

I'm with you girls! So worried about this. My parents keep saying that 20% wont come. I'm planning for 5% over the invited list. My overseas relatives have a habit of showing up with extras...But I could be totally wrong. How do you budget!? I guess any savings is just bonus.

jenfromjersey · November 2013

We are having a lot of cancellations right now. Too many people dealing with cancer treatments/new cancer diagnosis. It is really sad to see so much pain

What's a typical invitation acceptance rate? Feeling sad about so many declines :(

Re: What's a typical invitation acceptance rate? Feeling sad about so many declines :(

Choose Another Board

Search Boards