Stopping to talk to EVERYONE?

Jen4948 · November 2013

itzMS said:

So. Many. Quote. Boxes. Bottom line, go into it with a good faith effort. Smile, and be gracious. Time can and will slip away from you. Do everything reasonably within your power to get around to everyone. No need to take a guestlist with you to check people off.

Sorry about that!

I did try to cut down in my last post.

phira · November 2013

I really think that things are getting too exaggerated. There's something in between having 10 minute conversations with every single guest at the expense of every other aspect of the day, and being too busy to greet anyone because everything else is more important.

Part of being a gracious host is greeting your guests and thanking them for coming. I went to a wedding once where the bride pointedly ignored me, and even though it's been a long time, I'm still hurt about it. It made me feel unwelcome.

We assume you invited all these people to your wedding for a reason. These people are here to celebrate with you, and if you don't want to greet them and acknowledge them, then why did you invite them?

itzMS · November 2013

@phira So she gave you the cold shoulder every time she got near you, or perhaps was she just engaged in other conversations?

Anyone here who is married can tell you how emotionally overwhelming the day is for the couple. Besides the incredible joy of being a wife (and wanting to kiss my new husband a lot) I've never had 250 people vying for my attention before. I personally was incredibly overwhelmed to say the least. We tried our best to stay on track and get to everyone, but I know we didn't.

Unless the bride looked at you many times and turned away, I think it's incredibly oversensitive to be offended and fault her.

Jen4948 · November 2013

itzMS said:

@phira So she gave you the cold shoulder every time she got near you, or perhaps was she just engaged in other conversations? Anyone here who is married can tell you how emotionally overwhelming the day is for the couple. Besides the incredible joy of being a wife (and wanting to kiss my new husband a lot) I've never had 250 people vying for my attention before. I personally was incredibly overwhelmed to say the least. We tried our best to stay on track and get to everyone, but I know we didn't. Unless the bride looked at you many times and turned away, I think it's incredibly oversensitive to be offended and fault her.

@phira mentioned that the bride "pointedly ignored" her, so that suggests more than just not getting her, but actively giving her a cold shoulder. That's rude and it's not "incredibly oversensitive to be offended and fault her" when you receive that kind of treatment from someone who sent you an invitation to take time out of your own life to go to their occasion.

SomethingBeautiful08 · November 2013

@itzMS As someone who is married, I can tell you that this very issue came up when trying to figure out how many people we wanted to invite. As two introverts we were just as concerned about being able to handle the meeting a greeting of folks as much as being able to afford to feed them. We settled on 150. We also planned for and practiced and surrounded ourselves with folks that helped up both stay calm and stay on track. Maybe we got lucky, but I think we got everyone.

You've got to have a realistic plan to thank every guest, and execute it.

erinlin25 · November 2013

we did table visits and were able to talk/say hi to every single guest. We also got to eat our food and dance and mingle with everyone. Of course the people you see regularly its totally ok to just say a quick hi and thank you and move on, but you still need to acknowledge them being there. For the people you never get to see and especially those who flew in/traveled to be at your wedding you need to talk to them and thank them for coming.

I felt like a receiving line was too informal, but we only had a little of 100 guests so I knew table visits would totally work. We had a cocktail hour but were not with our guests at that time. Our reception itself was about 3.5 hours long. That was more than enough time to visit, eat, take pics, dance, drink and mingle. I can see with a huge wedding guest list it can be harder to greet everyone, but you at least need to make the effort. Whether its a receiving line or a table visit.

itzMS · November 2013

SomethingBeautiful08 said:
@itzMS As someone who is married, I can tell you that this very issue came up when trying to figure out how many people we wanted to invite. As two introverts we were just as concerned about being able to handle the meeting a greeting of folks as much as being able to afford to feed them. We settled on 150. We also planned for and practiced and surrounded ourselves with folks that helped up both stay calm and stay on track. Maybe we got lucky, but I think we got everyone.

You've got to have a realistic plan to thank every guest, and execute it.

I hear you. I just think some people get wayyyy too sensitive about this topic. If you're invited to and choose to attend the wedding, I'd assume you're close to the couple and will see them again soon and know their personalities well enough to know they aren't purposely avoiding you. Otherwise, why even attend?

Go have a good time as a guest and enjoy the reception versus worrying about "being greeted" or "thanked". If you really must speak to the bride and groom that day or else you'll be devastated and they haven't gotten around to you yet...just go up to them!

A wedding reception when it's your wedding is simply unpredictable. I can't even describe the feeling. And even with a great plan, you're still not quite sure you got to everyone :-)

Jen4948 · November 2013

erinlin25 said:

we did table visits and were able to talk/say hi to every single guest. We also got to eat our food and dance and mingle with everyone. Of course the people you see regularly its totally ok to just say a quick hi and thank you and move on, but you still need to acknowledge them being there. For the people you never get to see and especially those who flew in/traveled to be at your wedding you need to talk to them and thank them for coming.

I felt like a receiving line was too informal, but we only had a little of 100 guests so I knew table visits would totally work. We had a cocktail hour but were not with our guests at that time. Our reception itself was about 3.5 hours long. That was more than enough time to visit, eat, take pics, dance, drink and mingle. I can see with a huge wedding guest list it can be harder to greet everyone, but you at least need to make the effort. Whether its a receiving line or a table visit.

This is the first time I've ever heard that-I've heard that receiving lines are too formal. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing either way, just pointing out that this seems to be a unique view.

phira · November 2013

@itzMS @Jen4948

Like, there was a group of us hugging and congratulating her and her new husband after the ceremony (which most of us were not invited to--worst wedding I've ever been to). And she hugged and thanked each person and then skipped over me. Same thing happened when we were leaving and trying to say goodbye.

Jen4948 · November 2013

phira said:

@itzMS @Jen4948

Like, there was a group of us hugging and congratulating her and her new husband after the ceremony (which most of us were not invited to--worst wedding I've ever been to). And she hugged and thanked each person and then skipped over me. Same thing happened when we were leaving and trying to say goodbye.

Yeah, that is rude and would lead me to reconsider my friendship with her.

erinlin25 · November 2013

Jen4948 said:

erinlin25 said:

we did table visits and were able to talk/say hi to every single guest. We also got to eat our food and dance and mingle with everyone. Of course the people you see regularly its totally ok to just say a quick hi and thank you and move on, but you still need to acknowledge them being there. For the people you never get to see and especially those who flew in/traveled to be at your wedding you need to talk to them and thank them for coming.

I felt like a receiving line was too informal, but we only had a little of 100 guests so I knew table visits would totally work. We had a cocktail hour but were not with our guests at that time. Our reception itself was about 3.5 hours long. That was more than enough time to visit, eat, take pics, dance, drink and mingle. I can see with a huge wedding guest list it can be harder to greet everyone, but you at least need to make the effort. Whether its a receiving line or a table visit.

This is the first time I've ever heard that-I've heard that receiving lines are too formal. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing either way, just pointing out that this seems to be a unique view.

I meant "informal" in a way that it was just a "thank you for coming move along type thing" not the formality of it

Bad use of a word on my part. I don't side people who do them or anything, I just did not want to do one myself and like it better when people take time to visit each guest.

phira · November 2013

@Jen4948 Oh, I would! Too bad she's my future sister-in-law.

Jen4948 · November 2013

phira said:

@Jen4948 Oh, I would! Too bad she's my future sister-in-law.

Yikes! I'd minimize time spent together in that instance.

StephJean83 · November 2013

My FH and I have decided to do 2 receiving lines. One to lead everyone into the cocktail hour and one from the cocktail hour into the reception. With the way our venue is set up, it would work perfectly and than after we are done eating and the spotlight dances, we can mingle and dance.

jenfromjersey · November 2013

We are doing a traditional Jewish ceremony, where reception lines aren't done. It is tradition for the bride and groom to spend a few moments alone immediately following the ceremony. We will visit the tables during the reception.

crunchymamaof2 · November 2013

jenfromjersey said:

We are doing a traditional Jewish ceremony, where reception lines aren't done. It is tradition for the bride and groom to spend a few moments alone immediately following the ceremony. We will visit the tables during the reception.

Obviously if it goes against your religion then don't do it, but if not, couldn't a receiving line be done as guests enter the reception? It doesn't have to immediately follow the ceremony does it?

SP29 · November 2013

A receiving line does not have to follow the ceremony and is commonly done to receive the guests for the reception.

delujm0 · November 2013

I think it's important to thank everyone for coming at some point...about 85% of our guests will be coming from OOT, so we have three events scheduled over the weekend...a welcome party on Fridya night (in lieu of the traditional rehearsal dinner), the ceremony/cocktail hour/reception, and then a goodbye breakfast sunday morning. Our plan is to try as hard as possible to at least say hello and thanks for coming to everyone at the reception, and definitely get to the people that are coming only to the reception at that point...but we know we'll be able to have an actual conversation with every guest at some point that weekend between all of the events.

I went to a wedding a few years ago where the B&G didn't do a receiving line or table visits...and FI was in the wedding, so of course we got to see them, but several of our friends were at a table in the back and didn't see or speak to B&G all night. They were a little put off about it. It wasn't an especially large wedding (maybe 120 or so) so you'd think they could have at least said hello at some point.

Stopping to talk to EVERYONE?

Re: Stopping to talk to EVERYONE?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards