OLW

Swazzle · November 2013

Dear body,

Please, please, PLEASE don't be getting sick. Please.

No love,

Chick who's feeling strange today

**********

Dear H,

I am so proud of you and your promotion and massive raise! It's about time your hard work was recognized. I love you!

Love,

Your future housewife of NJ

**********

Dear @buddysmom80 and @hummingbird125,

Can't wait for our next brunch date! Next Saturday is good for me. Maybe @peaseblossom55 can come too?

Love,

The Swazzle

buddysmom80 · November 2013

Dear @swazzle,

Of course I'm down for brunch next weekend. @peaseblossom55 should totally meet us too! I can't stay out too late this time though (haha, yeah right!)

---------------------------------

Dear BF's mom,

Right now you're getting your back fixed. hang in there, it'll be over before you know it. Please, please, please take care of yourself when you get home. Sitting on the couch all day isn't going to help with anything.

-----------------------------------

Dear BF,

I'm so happy that you decided to stay with your mom instead of just dropping her off in front of the hospital. I knew you'd do the right thing. Thank you for being so supportive lately, even though you bought ice cream. I don't know what I'd do without you and our little family

------------------------------

Dear Boss,

Thanks for scheduling my review on Friday because you know, I totally need only two days to write my own review that's 25 pages. I'll drop what I'm doing to work on that...

Please give me a raise.

minskat30 · November 2013

Dear Torn Calf Muscle,

WTF did I do to you? Please heal by this weekend so I can celebrate my birthday with H.

Limping Lady

-----------------------------------------------

Dear Weekend,

Please come sooner. I want to hang out in a cabin, drink bubbly and have lots of sexy time with H.

Impatient Soon-To-Be Birthday Girl

-----------------------------------------------

Dear H,

Thank you for taking our crazy dog everywhere the last few days while I limp along and wear the lovely perfume of Bengay. I know that is neither helpful of me nor a sexy smell.

Loving W

labro · November 2013

Dear @minskat30

Happy early birthday!

~~~

Dear cold weather,

Go the fuck away! I hate you! I hate that my hands and feet are cold allll the time now.

No Love, Icicle

~~~

Dear Hair,

I can't wait to get you cut today! I hope it all turns out well...

Love, The person on whose head you grow

~~~

Dear @southernpeach89 ,

10 more days!!!! OMG! I have the bestest MOH speech ever and I'm so ready to give it and have fun party times at your reception!

Love, The bestest MOH/big sister ever!

minskat30 · November 2013

Thanks, @lmhollister. It is actually next week Tuesday but H says I get a birthday weekend so I picked this weekend. What are you getting done to your hair?

@southernpeach89 - I'm so excited for you by the way!

CLoGreenEyes · November 2013

Dear ladies of NEY,

Love,

Amapola

***

Dear med-surg,

Eff it. I'm skipping today, because this sorry excuse for a "lecture" is utterly useless. I will stay here and read allllllllll the textbooks and watch allllllll the YouTube videos that other professors have made to actually teach this stuff.

No love,

Mutineering nursing student

***

Dear mind,

Calm. the eff. down. I know you want to understand everything and fix everything and change everything now, but you just can't do that. Stop being so hard on yourself. Give yourself time. And for God's sake, please use the volumes of studying you have to do for good and distract yourself. You're going to be OK, so please act like you already are.

Love,

Your stronger self

***

Dear mother-baby care plan,

Thank God I didn't do horribly on you. Now, to calculate the approximate number of hours that went into earning all of those 1.72 out of 2 extra points...

Sincerely,

LOL OMG WTF

***

Dear boss,

I'm sorry I literally snorted when you asked if I want to work night shift on Thursday. But I assure you I do not, especially after already picking up an extra shift every week basically until the semester is over.

Sincerest apologies,

Your minion who genuinely does love her job but really needs to study for the four exams coming up after Thanksgiving

Peaseblossom55 · November 2013

Dear @swazzle @buddysmom80

I would love to go to brunch but I have so much wedding stuff to catch up we have two florist appointments. I am so sad. I promise next time! @swazzle yay congrats on Mr. Swazzle's promotion and raise!!!!!

Sad Peaseblossom

Dear FI,

Hoping your broken foot heal soon so we can remodel the kitchen and you can get back to playing hockey. I love you

FI

Dear life,

You are wonderful post studying. I have so much to do much but I love it. I love being back in wedding planning mode.

Me

Dear florists,

A quote under $5000 for flowers would be really nice :-) Thanks

Bride who loves flowers

[Deleted User] · November 2013

Thank you @minskat30 and @lmhollister! I can't wait to hear your speech lol, I might spit out my drink from laughing too hard or cry...it's one extreme or the other.

Dear FI,

I woke up to the sweetest message from you this morning. I'm such a lucky girl, I don't know how I got a man like you. I can't wait to be your wife in 10 days.

Love,

Your FI

Dear @lmhollister,

I love our weirdness lol. I think Mom is adapting to our weirdness judging from how she was acting in the car yesterday lol. I'm probably not helping much with your engagement BSC because I wanted you to be engaged like two days ago...oh well. When it happens, we will all go nuts and invite AUNTIE NANCY to your wedding lol.

Dear cold weather,

WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST IS GOING ON!! This is ridiculous...we live in the south...that means it does not go under 40 degrees. I'm not happy.

cu97tiger · November 2013

Dear @swazzle's DH,

NICE JOB! Now come down to MD and visit me and @sakalicious and @jenjenniferf and @beanbot2002, etc, etc.

Love,

Tiger

=======

Dear uterus,

You have until April 2014 to occupy yourself. Got it? Thanks.

Love,

On a timeline

=======

Dear DH,

I hope you feel better. And if you don't, I hope you get yourself to the doctors!

Love,

Wifey

=======

Dear insurance plans,

Figure yourselves out, ok?

Kthxbai

======

Dear 1/2 marathon,

Please go easy on me this weekend!

Thx,

Worried runner

[Deleted User] · November 2013

dear work computer,

I wish you'd let me stream my XM radio, Pandora radio, or iTunes radio. I NEED SOME HOLIDAY TUNES.

tuneless,
Coco

dear lunch,

I can't wait. kisses. you are amazing.

love, love, love
Coco

beanbot2002 · November 2013

Dear @cu97tiger 's uterus:

I second what she said. OCCUPY NOW!

Sincerely,

My facination with baby bellies is not AT ALL weird. (Don't worry, my mom taught me that you look with your eyes, not with your hands )

********************************************************

Dear Callie-Bug, a.k.a BugBug, CallieMonster, Bugaboo, MonsterBug, etc.

You are seriously the sweetest, most smartest, most awesomest pup ever. I feel so blessed to be your foster mom. I wish I could be your forever mom, but I know it's not the right time for us. You are going to make a family (hopefully my sister's family) so unbelievably happy and I love that I'm a part of that. While it's sort of cute that you always need to be were I am when I'm home, I also worry that you'll be confused and upset when the time comes to go to your new home. I'm sure you'll adjust well, and I'm over thinking it. Also, I'm really sorry but you have to get poked by a thousand needles tomorrow and then have your lady bits removed next Tuesday. It really is for the best even though you may not understand it. One last thing, I know you were a little worried about the tiny squealy human last night, but you did SO WELL! You were patient and kind and gentle and I couldn't ask for more, especially out of a puppy that has never seen one of those before.

xoxoxoxo,

Mama Bear

******************************************************

Dear el Senor and Bean:

You two are my heros. Helping me power clean the house this past weekend was amazing! And helping me out with the puppy has been extra wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without the two of you. I love you both to pieces.

LOVE LOVE LOVE,

Clean house = calmer/slightly less psychotic Beanbot

***************************************************

Consignment Sale:

PLEASE let me find a good quality crib this weekend. I would much rather buy used!

Sincerely,

Shopping for a deal and I wanna give my money to another mom rather than a corporation

*************************************

Dearest Bowels:

Seriously? Can we get back on schedule? Why are you all over the place this last week? I really try to be flexible, but the corn on the cob toilet paper at work is really not ideal. If you could commit to a 7am time frame, we'd all be a lot happier.

No love,

My ass is raw

*******************************************************

Dear NEYers:

I loves yous.

Sincerely,

Your favorite flatulent Mexican

tuarceatha · November 2013

Dear NEY,
I changed my username. It means rainbow. (!)
Best,
Jenjen

Dear @cu97tiger,
I'm so bummed I didn't get to see you this past weekend. I suck at things. I'm sorry I didn't follow through.
Sincerely,
Jenjen

Dear DH,
Pleeeease don't be annoying. We have three rooms to paint in the next 4-5 days and I don't want to turn into a passive-aggressive brat.
Love,
Your Wife

Dear Today show,
I freakin'loveyou.
-Girl who can't wait to be home with a baby watching you every free second I get

Dear Scale at the Doctors,
Fuck you.
No love,
This girl

Hi again DH.
Let's make a baby. Right meow.
-Wannabe-mom

tuarceatha · November 2013

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tuar_ceatha @TwoDimes!

phira · November 2013

Dear Western blot,

Please work. I have not cried in the lab in a while. I'd like to keep my no-cry streak going a little longer.

Sincerely,

I'd rather be doing a PCR

Dear DJ,

Okayyyy, we said we wanted to book you, please email me baaaaaaack.

Signed,

The best wedding planning is the stuff that's already done so I can be done

Dear students,

You had no exam this week. You had a nice weekend to prepare the next paper. You'd better have prepared. If Monday's class was representative of what I should expect, I'mma be pissed.

Best,

Your exhausted TF

Dear New England,

OH MY GOD WILL YOU HOLD ON I didn't even get a chance to put my warmer coat on!

Sincerely,

Cold person

Hummingbird125 · November 2013

Dear Body,

You ARE going to the gym today and burning at least 300 calories. YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU ARE. No excuses. Actually - you're going no later than 11:30am. Deal with it.

Love,

Girl who just ate two bowls of Reeces Puffs.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear BF,

Thanks for going out to lunch with me yesterday. Mid-day beers and burgers are always a good thing. Tuesday lunchtime dates will need to happen regularly!

Last year, I was kind of bummed to not be seeing my family for Thanksgiving, but this year I am seriously excited to spend it with yours. I can't wait for our road trip upstate and to see your little niece and nephew!

Love you,

Goobs

----------------------------------------

Dear Job Gods,

Please grant me an interview to at least ONE of the interesting jobs I've applied to lately. I'm not even asking for the job itself, just one freaking interview, because it will hopefully restore some semblance of faith in myself.

I hate feeling like a slacker,

Un(der)employed

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear @Swazzle and @Buddysmom80 ,

YES to brunch next weekend. I can stay out til whenever but I CANNOT drink as much as I did last time. I didn't recover until Sunday afternoon. Maybe only 6 mimosas instead of 12...

Love,

Hummingbird

CASK85 · November 2013

Dear perfect apartment in DC metro area,

Please present yourself to me ASAP. Thank you.

Wishfully thinking,

Future tenant

Dear Thesis,

I hate to ask again, but could you please write yourself.

Love,

20 days until you are due

Dear Mom, Dad, and ILs,

We are not ready to get KTFU yet. Stop it with the pressure.

Kisses,

On the pill

Blackbird230 · November 2013

Dear FI,

Thanks for putting up with PMSing, mood swingy me last night. I love that you tried to figure out what pattern my swings go in. It was adorable and I know how much you care. I also know you're glad I didn't try to get us to watch 27 Dresses. I'll do that tonight on my own.

Love,

Your happy lover that didn't want to leave your warm chest this morning

*****

Dear period,

I'm glad I'm not pregnant and please don't kill me tomorrow. I hate my bad days.

Sincerely,

I can deal with you now and I'm attempting to be positive

****

Dear mother,

I don't know why you think spending 24 hours home on a weekend is too short for me to come up. You also need to stop bugging me about FI's technically freelance gig and remind me that the day after Thanksgiving is when we put my dog down a few years ago. I miss her.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled daughter

****

Dear FMIL,

Thank you so much for the chocolate orange and the packed lunch this morning. FI and I could tell you knew it was my hormonal week. It was much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Your FDIL

Ollie08 · November 2013

Dear Little O,

Why must you catch every single bug that goes around this town? I love snuggling with you while you're home from school, but The Power Rangers are starting to get on my nerves. Let's watch something else, k?

Love,

Mama in her PJs

__________________________________________

Dear @Swazzle,

How come I'm not invited to brunch? Admittedly it'd be an expensive brunch date, but still! Missing you.

Love,

Ollie (Oh-lee)

___________________________________________

Dear November,

Go home. You're drunk. It's fall, not summer or winter for that matter. Your bi-polar tendencies are really annoying.

Sincerely,

You're hot then you're cold

suzie211 · November 2013

Dear Patricia Cornwell,

I heart Dr. Scarrpetta, but the Newtown stuff is just too soon. You and your editors deserve a smack down.

Signed,

Disappointed reader

Dear Fertility Friend,

I know you are confused by me, but can't you use your fancy pants algorithms. I don't like waking up early if I'm still going to be playing a guessing game.

Sincerely,

Sorry I likes the wine and forgot to take my temp

Dear Tiger's ute,

I'z sad you are empty. I challenge you to fix this. Like right meoww.

Sincerely,

We all need Tiger spawn in the world.

Dear Banana Republic,

I would like to wear my pretty dresses, like now. Can you and Mr. Postman kindly make this happen.

Signed,

Has a closet full, but only wants to wear new pretties

labro · November 2013

@minskat30 I love birthday weekends! I'll do my best to remember to wish you an actual Happy Birthday on Tuesday next week.

I didn't do anything too exciting with my hair this time. It had probably been about 8 months since I last went in and my hair was over halfway down my back. I had her take off about 2 1/2 inches and redo the layers and add some long, face-framing type bangs. Nothing special or crazy. I feel like every time I go in and do something really different I always end up hating it after a few weeks and fall back into my standby easy style...which is long and easy to throw into a ponytail lol. I'm so lazy....

phira · November 2013

Dear money,

I don't I don't have much of you, and I know I said I would stop getting lattes at Starbucks but I am beyond miserable today and I have TIME right now to get a latte, so I hope you're okay being spent.

Love,

Broke graduate student

buddysmom80 · November 2013

Dear J,

You're getting on my fucking nerves, seriously. For years you talk to me like I'm the town idiot. Well, fwiw I didn't end up with a lazy asshole and no job so there's that. Also I find it really fucking weird that your H stalks me enough on FB to invite me to your house for Christmas. Um, no, that's okay.

Also, everyone knows how old your H really is, stop lying for him.

I'm so frustrated with you, I have been since we were 12.

Elle1036 · November 2013

Dear Opponent,

I don't know who you are yet, but I am going to OWN you in tomorrow's match.

Kisses,
Bitch with a racquet

Dear Gulf Coast,

What the fuck is up with the 50 degree weather? Get it together.

Sincerely,
Cold and Unprepared.

Dear all of my FB friends,

I'm sorry I can't shut up about jumping out of airplanes. I know you don't care, but I just can't help myself.

Love for real,
Skydiving Student

tuarceatha · November 2013

Dear 407 Area Code that keeps calling me:

Leave a voicemail. And maybe I'll call you back.

Elle1036 · November 2013

suzie211 said:

Dear Patricia Cornwell,

I heart Dr. Scarrpetta, but the Newtown stuff is just too soon. You and your editors deserve a smack down.

Signed,
Disappointed reader

Dear Fertility Friend,

I know you are confused by me, but can't you use your fancy pants algorithms. I don't like waking up early if I'm still going to be playing a guessing game.

Sincerely,
Sorry I likes the wine and forgot to take my temp

Dear Tiger's ute,

I'z sad you are empty. I challenge you to fix this. Like right meoww.

Sincerely,
We all need Tiger spawn in the world.

Dear Banana Republic,

I would like to wear my pretty dresses, like now. Can you and Mr. Postman kindly make this happen.

Signed,
Has a closet full, but only wants to wear new pretties

I would like some fashion porn. Links to new pretty dresses?

CLoGreenEyes · November 2013

Dear university with my desired graduate program that is nice and close to home,

I'm really sad that you decided to switch the program I wanted to do in a few years from a Masters to a PhD. I like school, but not that much.

Most regretfully not yours,

Woman who will probably be stretching her geographic limits sooner than she thought to reach her next goal

***

Dear self,

I gotta hand it to you. For all the chocolate you've been eating over the past couple of weeks, your ass looks really good.

Love,

Your shallow side

Ollie08 · November 2013

tuarceatha said:

Dear 407 Area Code that keeps calling me:

Leave a voicemail. And maybe I'll call you back.

Sorry, I'll leave a VM next time!

Ollie08 · November 2013

Elle1036 said:

Dear Opponent,
I don't know who you are yet, but I am going to OWN you in tomorrow's match.
Kisses,
Bitch with a racquet

Dear Gulf Coast,
What the fuck is up with the 50 degree weather? Get it together.
Sincerely,
Cold and Unprepared.

Dear all of my FB friends,

I'm sorry I can't shut up about jumping out of airplanes. I know you don't care, but I just can't help myself.

Love for real,
Skydiving Student

Whatever, I love it! I'm too scurred to do it myself, so I'll live vicariously through you. You're pretty badass!

beanbot2002 · November 2013

Dear @Ollie08 :

DEAR GOD I'VE MISSED YOU ROUND THESE PARTS!

Love,

Yes, the CAPS were necessary. Please come smush boobies with me soon!

suzie211 · November 2013

http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=84929&vid=1&pid=689377022

http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=84929&vid=1&pid=326715012

@Elle1036 I'm playing from my iPad today and am hoping these work!

cu97tiger · November 2013

tuarceatha,

WTF with the sn change. JenJenniferF was so easssyyyyy. Don't worry about last weekend. I ended up running around like crazy and being too tired to stop yawning (even at 1p in the afternoon) so I wouldn't have been much fun. Let's get together soon, though, mmmkay?

Love,

Tiger

=====

Dear @suzie211,

Your sn should totally be suzie911... but only cause that made me giggle for some reason. I love the new dresses, and thanks for the ute vibes.

Love,

Tiger

=====

Dear Ollie08,

Good to see you! And now, off to raid my employee's chocolate bowl. DAMN YOU

Love,

Chocoholic

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