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Snarky Brides
Nikita2013
member
Venting about the engagement ring
Ok so my fiance and I had orginally fought about the ring that I wanted but he couldn't do. We are starting to get over it now so we are alright. But when I had asked for opinions about what to do some women just were completely rude. You don't know my situation or our finances or anything about our relationship. Who the hell do you think you are?
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Re: Venting about the engagement ring
You're right, we don't because we are strangers to you, but you chose to ask people who don't know you and then get mad because we don't know about your finances or relationship? Then ask family and friends who do know you, or don't get mad at some of the answers you get from the ladies on TK.
this is called a vent right? I'm just expressing my opinion. that's all nothing more
I read your original thread so I could figure out what's going on here. Given all of the information you provided, I think you got some really honest responses, but there was nothing that seemed out of line. You asked if you were the one at fault, and clearly you were hoping for different responses, but when you ask for a stranger's opinion you need to be prepared to hear something you might not want to hear.
FWIW, a "dream" ring =/= a happy marriage, and I think if you (and maybe others on here) focused more on building a marriage and working together with your fiance than focusing on someone's vision of what a "perfect" ring/wedding/dress/etc. is, then you might see why people responded the way they did. JMO.
You straight out asked for opinions. Anyways, if that ring is so important to you, why don't you just save up for it yourself and buy it for yourself?
@doey, thanks for putting that up. Wasn't sure where to find the original. Nikita, a little confused though from your original post- you picked out a ring in the price range, but there's a ring from your previous engagement that you absolutely loved. Did you have the ring in previous engagement and sell it? Or was it just an option on the table that was later determined to be outside of budget?
Just a personal opinion here- going into debt for wedding expenses, rings, etc., is a horrible idea. Why start your life together with all that expense? Isn't the person you marry more important than jewelry? I'm sorry, Nikita, but I think you were out of line on this one. You asked your FI about it, he said it wasn't something he could do, and instead of dropping it, you started bugging him about payment plans. It's a ring, not a house.
POD on the comments about "post on a public forum, expect to get public answers/ones you don't like" I've gotten responses I don't like. Instead of being personally offended, I take it as a different perspective, one that I had not necessarily fully considered. I've even ended up changing my idea/thought/opinion after hearing the others.
POD on idea of save up and buy the ring yourself. Alternatively, if it is your absolute dream ring/never want another, start a savings jar with "___ year anniversary" on it and have that be a future big anniversary present.
Southernbelle0915 has a good point - A happy marriage does not happen because your FI is loaded. A happy marriage does not come from your FI putting himself in debt to buy you a ring that he clearly can not afford. Seriously you sound like the guys and girls that do the whole "Well if you really loved me you would ____" If you think that is love, then you have no idea what it is.
But like, they've totally moved past it and they're so in lurrrrve and you don't know her liiiiiife!
*edited because no coffee = poor grammar
I'm going to give my standard "i feel like i need to say this because i am a financial professional" response here:
DO NOT GO INTO DEBT FOR A WEDDING. Or things related to a wedding, like engagement rings, or honeymoons (and a "payment plan" is the same as debt). In fact, in my opinion there are exactly two things worth going into debt for: your primary residence, and your education. I can also get behind car loans in certain situations (like the loan is for 5 years or less and the price of the car is less than half of your annual income at the time you buy it).
If your FI decides to buy you a ring, that is lovely. Accept it (unless you don't care for the style and would prefer, for example, a different cut that is the same price, or a different setting that is the same price). Maybe some day you will wind up being so well off that your husband will buy you an upgraded ring. Maybe you'll start wearing the ring he has purchased and decide that you wouldn't even want a larger, more expensive one. Maybe you'd rather spend your money on a house, or a car, or traveling, or starting a family. You need to get your priorities in line: a fancy, expensive ring shouldn't be anyone's priority in life. There are much more important things in life than jewelry.
You sound young...your priorities should be to gain steady employment (with health care benefits), pay off any school loans you may have accumulated (and any other debt you might have), start saving for your retirement, and then start saving for this wedding. Beyond that, you will likely want to have a honeymoon and possibly buy a house and start a family. These things don't come cheap. It may benefit you to sit down with a financial planner to help you design a budget to fit your needs.
I know this may not be the popular opinion, but I can understand wanting to have a ring you really enoy and are drawn to because chances are you will be wearing it every day for the rest of your life. BIG HOWEVER: With that said, if "perfect ring" is outside of your fiance's budget, then you need to be willing to pony up the dough to pay the difference.
(General snark, not directed at OP) Don't have the money to do that? Well, neither does your fiance. Get over it and pick a different ring. Then save for an "upgrade" at the 5 or 10 year anniversary.
Fun story. My wedding rings have been passed down in my family (not my DH's). At the brunch on the day after our wedding he was laughing at something my 5-year-old niece said and told me, "You know what would be so neat to do? When (niece) gets engaged 20 years or so down the road, I'd love for us to offer her your ring." My response said very enthusiastically was, "That is a GREAT IDEA!!! (pause) And now is the perfect time for you to start saving for that big rock!" Totally joking, of course, but his momentary stunned look was hilarious.