@KnotPorscha

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Alexandrathgr8 said:

YOU are the one that called at your own homophobia in this situation. Maybe you need to go back and read what you posted.
I did. but i don't really think it thats.. i just don't think i like girls in suits. It's not for me.

But your FI is wearing that, correct?

She is just wearing a vest, because she doesn't think pants and a button down are dressy enough... she just wanted to be the only one wearing a vest. Ironically she is the one that put her foot down about ties and suits... this whole post started because of her! I thought a button down and pants for my bm would be fine, she disagrees- but alas.. that is whats going to happen so she has to deal with it. lol

QueerFemme · December 2013

Alexandrathgr8 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Alexandrathgr8 said:

YOU are the one that called at your own homophobia in this situation. Maybe you need to go back and read what you posted.
I did. but i don't really think it thats.. i just don't think i like girls in suits. It's not for me.
But your FI is wearing that, correct?
She is just wearing a vest, because she doesn't think pants and a button down are dressy enough... she just wanted to be the only one wearing a vest. Ironically she is the one that put her foot down about ties and suits... this whole post started because of her! I thought a button down and pants for my bm would be fine, she disagrees- but alas.. that is whats going to happen so she has to deal with it. lol

See, that's a different scanario all together. If you had written

"my partner is wearing a pair of pants, a button down and a vest. Some members of our wedding party don't want to wear dresses, so they will be in pants also, but my partner wants to be the only one wearing a vest. Any suggestions on what the wedding party can wear that will make it dressy, without it being a suit or wearing a vest?"

You would have received a completely different set of answers. But, your original post talked about how your friend is butch, and how you don't want to emphasize that this is a same sex wedding, and how you have your own issues with your sexuality and homophobia.

You really cannot understand how you got some of the responses you got?

QueerFemme · December 2013

Just to add to my prior post. Below is a copy & paste of your original post. I'm bolding the most egregious comments. It is shocking, after re-reading your post, that you seriously think you were bullied or anyone was mean to you.

Seriously, look at what you said. This post makes you sound like an enormous jerk who is more concerned about your winter wedding look, than you do the feelings of your friend, since you were thinking of excluding her because she didn't match the look you wanted. And you admitted to having issues with your sexuality "consider it our own homophobia".

No one was mean to you. They just called you out on some really mean things that YOU said.

"Hi! I am one half of a same-sex couple getting married 12/13/14. We are having a winter wedding and are planning on our bridesmaids wearing long dresses in different shades of blue... my concern is that one of the girls whom i am thinking about having in my wedding will not (and i would never ask her to) wear a dress... anybody have any experience with butch bridesmaids or been to a wedding with not all feminine bms? My partner wants to be the only female wearing a vest and while we are two women- we really want to not accentuate the fact that this is a "gay wedding" by wearing suits and ties(although no offense to those who did- consider it our own homophobia)

Any suggestions on what my bm can wear without throwing off the whole look of my girls in wintery elegance... i'm considering not having her for this reason.. and i know that makes me selfish and a horrible person... this is a battle..."

HaileyDancingbear · December 2013

Maggie0829 said:

@Alexandrathgr8 did ask to have the post removed. After reviewing the thread I decided to close it before comments started violating any rules. That way, we can keep the conversation live for anyone else that may need the same advice.
I am sorry but that is ridiculous. If that was the thought behind closing it then that could be true for a great number of threads on these boards. So any time you "think" someone may violate the rules then the thread will be closed? Do you see how that could not be the best idea? And what made you even think from what was posted that someone was going to violate the rules?

Agreed- Anyone can go on any board regardless of what the conversation is about, pick a random person, and just leave a long comment full of profanities and hate. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe they're just a jerk who likes picking fights. So technically, any post can start getting comments that violate the TOS at any time. If you wanna close posts before they start violating any rules, you might as well just close them all. Your reason is too vague and can easily be abused.

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

@queerfemme- yes i can understand, looking at it now, it did not accurately represent what I was thinking or feeling so when i received the comments i think i was taken by surprise.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

@alexandrathgr8 I think sometimes we just say things like if we were talking to people who knew us and knew we weren't horrible people but using words that we normally would use and a touch of sarcasm and then people here rip you apart! Quick to assume the worst, and maybe most of the time it is a worst case scenario.... Idk

Maggie0829 · December 2013

@alexandrathgr8 I think sometimes we just say things like if we were talking to people who knew us and knew we weren't horrible people but using words that we normally would use and a touch of sarcasm and then people here rip you apart! Quick to assume the worst, and maybe most of the time it is a worst case scenario.... Idk

Remember all we have to go on is what you write. So when you write things about your butch friend, not wanting to accentuate your gay wedding, would rather have a specific look then compromise with your nearest and dearest on their attire, etc ( in regards to this specific post) then yes we will think you are horrible. And the fact that we don't know you makes it even more important to pick your words wisely and to re-read your posts as a "stranger" to see if anything you wrote could come across poorly or not as you wanted it to.

Alexandrathgr8 · December 2013

clairekundinger said:

@alexandrathgr8 I think sometimes we just say things like if we were talking to people who knew us and knew we weren't horrible people but using words that we normally would use and a touch of sarcasm and then people here rip you apart! Quick to assume the worst, and maybe most of the time it is a worst case scenario.... Idk

Yes. i'm pretty positive this is what happened.. and @maggie0829- i will do better in the future to make sure i post with enough sense in mind to make sure it doesn't come off the way this one did. thanks for the feedback.

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