Social media and wedding photos

OhyeahDiamondsss · January 2014

Hi all, I am new to the site, but really enjoying the feedback I see on the community posts. I need help with something for my wedding and I don't know exactly how to go about it. I understand that many people are on social media and enjoy sharing (and over sharing) their day to day activities and events they attend. While I am not going to require guests to check their phones at the door---they can certainly take pictures if they please--- I would like to ask, in some way, that no images be posted to social media. This really should not be too much to ask. Firstly, my fiancé and I are not on social media. I certainly know how it works though as I handle my company's accounts. However, due to the nature of our work, we really wouldn't like any images to be put up. How do I politely request this of guests? Sincerely, Not a diva bride

Jen4948 · January 2014

Unfortunately, there is no polite way to request this of guests. The pictures are theirs to do with as they wish.

What you can do is adjust your social media settings, especially on Facebook, so that they cannot tag you when they post the photos.

jenniferurs · January 2014

Jen4948 said:
Unfortunately, there is no polite way to request this of guests. The pictures are theirs to do with as they wish.

What you can do is adjust your social media settings, especially on Facebook, so that they cannot tag you when they post the photos.

They're not on social media, apparently, so they wouldn't be able to be tagged regardless.

OP, what exactly are you worried about? That your places of employment will find out the names of your friends and family and then attempt to view their profiles to find incriminating wedding photos of you two?

pinkcow13 · January 2014

Jen4948, since it is their pictures, and their social media accounts. Since you are both not on social media, you can ask that they not tag you [they can still tag your names even if you are not on FB] in pictures, if they wish to post them. That might be enough to get them not to post pictures of you guys. Personally, if I went to your wedding, and you weren't on social media, I would not even add pictures of you at your wedding, especially if you asked not to be tagged. Also, I may take pics of the bride and groom, but I noticed I don't post them - I just post pics of myself and FI or friends at the wedding lol.

Edit: Grammar

Maggie0829 · January 2014

Their pictures, their social media sites, so it is their choice to post what they want. There really is no way for you to ask guests to refrain from posting picture from your wedding on their FB or Instagram without coming across as a crazy bride.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

Oh @Jen4948....

jdluvr06 · January 2014

You can't make people not post their images to social media but maybe if you find a way to spread through word of mouth how uncomfortable you and FI are having your pictures posted then guest will keep that in mind and not post any.

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

Oh @Jen4948....

Look, she doesn't want to embrace it. She wants to keep it from happening at all. We told her she couldn't do that, but given her attitude, I think telling her to "embrace it" is at best a huge waste of time.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

Oh @Jen4948....

Look, she doesn't want to embrace it. She wants to keep it from happening at all. We told her she couldn't do that, but given her attitude, I think telling her to "embrace it" is at best a huge waste of time.

I think you need a hug...can I give you a hug?

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

Oh @Jen4948....

Look, she doesn't want to embrace it. She wants to keep it from happening at all. We told her she couldn't do that, but given her attitude, I think telling her to "embrace it" is at best a huge waste of time.

I think you need a hug...can I give you a hug?

If you want...

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

Oh @Jen4948....

Look, she doesn't want to embrace it. She wants to keep it from happening at all. We told her she couldn't do that, but given her attitude, I think telling her to "embrace it" is at best a huge waste of time.

I think you need a hug...can I give you a hug?

If you want...

I think you would stab me if I tried to hug you.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

Unfortunately it's rude to tell others how to post their pics but word of mouth is the least offensive if you say something along the lines of you not liking you and your fi's pictures on the internet perhaps your friends will post only themselves and everyone else who attended the wedding.

Jen4948 · January 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

Oh @Jen4948....

Look, she doesn't want to embrace it. She wants to keep it from happening at all. We told her she couldn't do that, but given her attitude, I think telling her to "embrace it" is at best a huge waste of time.

I think you need a hug...can I give you a hug?

If you want...

I think you would stab me if I tried to hug you.

No, I wouldn't. We disagree sometimes, but I'd never attack anyone who tried to hug me sincerely.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Jen4948 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

Instead of fighting it. Embrace it. Make a hashtag for your wedding so then everyone can see them.

It sounds like this is exactly what she doesn't want-for everyone to see them.

Oh @Jen4948....

Look, she doesn't want to embrace it. She wants to keep it from happening at all. We told her she couldn't do that, but given her attitude, I think telling her to "embrace it" is at best a huge waste of time.

I think you need a hug...can I give you a hug?

If you want...

I think you would stab me if I tried to hug you.

No, I wouldn't. We disagree sometimes, but I'd never attack anyone who tried to hug me sincerely.

Right on.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

If you have jobs that would be compromised by having your faces on social media & possibly with your names, I think you can ask your guests (assuming they know what you do) that due to the nature of your jobs, please feel free to take photos but not to post any photos of you and the GM. You would have to post a sign or make an announcement at the ceremony and reception again. h I could see if say you work for the FBI or CIA or another law enforcement agency where you do a lot of undercover work where having your real names with photos could present a problem. Else I think you are kind of at the mercy of your guests. Good luck!!!

Blergbot · January 2014

There is this trend now of having an "Unplugged Wedding." Where there is a sign, note in the program or announcement that everyone sit back, relax and turn off their cell phones. The professional photog is there for a reason, etc. What's the consensus? Is this against etiquette?

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I think it's still against etiquette even if it's popular

misshart00 · January 2014

Blergbot said:
There is this trend now of having an "Unplugged Wedding." Where there is a sign, note in the program or announcement that everyone sit back, relax and turn off their cell phones. The professional photog is there for a reason, etc. What's the consensus? Is this against etiquette?

I don't like it because it makes your guests seem incapable of things. I can be fully "in the moment" and still take a picture.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

We have a lot of friends of friends who think they're our friends and family of friends who like to post snarky comments on pictures from events they weren't invited to/didn't attend. We've spread through word of mouth that we're totally cool with people posting pictures but to just not tag us (We have our privacy set so nothing will post to our timelines without our approval, but the posts and pics can still be seen on the timeline of the person who posts and you get notifications every time someone comments on it). Who wants the first thing they see when they log on to Facebook be a notification that someone made a snarky comment about how fat you look in your dress on a picture someone else tagged you in? This way, they can say whatever they want about us/our pictures and no one has to tell us it happened. Ignorance is bliss!

HaileyDancingbear · January 2014

I think the closest you can get to politely handling this issue would be to spread it by word of mouth that because of your job, you don't want pictures of you and your FI posted on social media. If you put signs up or write it on invites etc. it starts coming across as rude.

Although I'm wondering why it would be so bad for your photos to end up on social media, would it just be a matter of maintaining an image or an inconvenience to have photos up etc. or would it actually put your job in jeopardy? Honestly I wouldn't suggest you put signs up or get super strict about the no photos thing unless there was a very real chance you could be fired over it.

phira · January 2014

I'd have an unplugged wedding. Have a wedding website and on the website, explain to your guests that you are having an unplugged wedding, and what that entails.

I would NOT explain WHY you're having one. I also get really offended when people say, "We want you to be fully present!" as a reason. To be perfectly honest, I'm probably not going to be fully IN THE MOMENT at any wedding, and taking photos is one way for me to be in the moment. Additionally, I think it's rude to give guests a reason that isn't true; you would be having an unplugged wedding because you don't want your photos all over social media, not because you want guests to be emotionally present.

If you go with an unplugged wedding, I would ALSO put on your website that professional photos will be made available to all guests by a certain date. I'd be a little sad if my friends or family got married, and I couldn't take pictures or see/purchase any.

Finally, you need to accept that you cannot control your guests' behavior. Even if you have an unplugged wedding, people are going to take photos, especially during the reception. Even if you let word of mouth travel that you don't want photos on social media, photos will end up on social media. I don't think you need to embrace it and go full out hashtag wedding extravaganza, but I do think you need to come at this from the viewpoint that you'd be minimizing social media, and not eliminating it. Your wedding is a private event with a guest list: your photos are not.

The one caveat to all this the one @Erikan73 mentioned: if your social media aversion is related to your work. In that case, I think it's absolutely appropriate to tell guests the reason WHY you are having an unplugged wedding ("Due to the nature of our jobs, it is very important that we keep our wedding photos off of social media. Here's how we will make professional photos available to you, our guests, but we request that you not post them to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or similar websites").

KatWAG · January 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

We have a lot of friends of friends who think they're our friends and family of friends who like to post snarky comments on pictures from events they weren't invited to/didn't attend. We've spread through word of mouth that we're totally cool with people posting pictures but to just not tag us (We have our privacy set so nothing will post to our timelines without our approval, but the posts and pics can still be seen on the timeline of the person who posts and you get notifications every time someone comments on it). Who wants the first thing they see when they log on to Facebook be a notification that someone made a snarky comment about how fat you look in your dress on a picture someone else tagged you in? This way, they can say whatever they want about us/our pictures and no one has to tell us it happened. Ignorance is bliss!

I think its time to find that "defriend" button

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

KatWAG said:

Cookie Pusher said:

We have a lot of friends of friends who think they're our friends and family of friends who like to post snarky comments on pictures from events they weren't invited to/didn't attend. We've spread through word of mouth that we're totally cool with people posting pictures but to just not tag us (We have our privacy set so nothing will post to our timelines without our approval, but the posts and pics can still be seen on the timeline of the person who posts and you get notifications every time someone comments on it). Who wants the first thing they see when they log on to Facebook be a notification that someone made a snarky comment about how fat you look in your dress on a picture someone else tagged you in? This way, they can say whatever they want about us/our pictures and no one has to tell us it happened. Ignorance is bliss!
I think its time to find that "defriend" button

Oh, I would if the people who post the hateful things were my friends! But one is the sister of one of my closest friends. I can't very well tell my friend to unfriend her sister. Another is one of my friend's in-laws. Again, it's not my place to tell my friend to unfriend someone. But they do understand that I don't want to be notified every time these spiteful people posts something about me. The group of girlfriends who this whole thing applies to, we've discussed this stuff before - we don't tag our pictures of each other because we know the shitshow that often follows!

Jen4948 · January 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

KatWAG said:

Cookie Pusher said:

We have a lot of friends of friends who think they're our friends and family of friends who like to post snarky comments on pictures from events they weren't invited to/didn't attend. We've spread through word of mouth that we're totally cool with people posting pictures but to just not tag us (We have our privacy set so nothing will post to our timelines without our approval, but the posts and pics can still be seen on the timeline of the person who posts and you get notifications every time someone comments on it). Who wants the first thing they see when they log on to Facebook be a notification that someone made a snarky comment about how fat you look in your dress on a picture someone else tagged you in? This way, they can say whatever they want about us/our pictures and no one has to tell us it happened. Ignorance is bliss!
I think its time to find that "defriend" button

Oh, I would if the people who post the hateful things were my friends! But one is the sister of one of my closest friends. I can't very well tell my friend to unfriend her sister. Another is one of my friend's in-laws. Again, it's not my place to tell my friend to unfriend someone. But they do understand that I don't want to be notified every time these spiteful people posts something about me. The group of girlfriends who this whole thing applies to, we've discussed this stuff before - we don't tag our pictures of each other because we know the shitshow that often follows!

But it is possible to block nonfriends so that you don't see spiteful posts that they make.

I had to do that once with someone my brother is friends with.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

I've blocked several of them, but a few keep popping up with new Facebook and Twitter accounts. My friends and I are luckily all on the same page about not tagging each other in stuff, it was just making sure their SO's were on board (thankfully, they are). Plus, you never know if some one else you didn't invite who is friends with someone else you know won't be all butthurt about not being invited to your wedding. I'm kind of against tagging photos in general, but after seeing some heinous stuff being posted about recent weddings on Facebook, I'm even more again it!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Jen4948 said:
Unfortunately, there is no polite way to request this of guests. The pictures are theirs to do with as they wish.

What you can do is adjust your social media settings, especially on Facebook, so that they cannot tag you when they post the photos.

Yep, this. Also make sure your privacy settings are such that your profile and photos are not public.

TerriHugg · January 2014

I miss the good old days when people used to get consent before posting pictures of you on the internet. Even though they're wedding pictures I still think it's wrong for guests to post pictures of you on social media sites without your permission. Really, why is that acceptable?

That being said you can't ban people from posting pictures. In order to deal with the situation, I got this program called weddingsnap. It's an app that's free for your guests to download on their phones. When they take pictures using that app it automatically uploads to website that scan only be accessed by you and your guests. Doing this limited the amount of pictures of us that showed up on social media, plus it allowed us to have pictures from the wedding quickly without having to beg people for pictures. Maybe you can do something like that.

Mitch617 · January 2014

I agree that the photos and instant uploads are awful. I don't want a picture of me walking down the aisle to hit facebook for all the random friends of friends to see before I even reach the officiant! Also I have heard photographers complain that guests reaching for photos can get in their way or look tacky in the background of their photos. But unfortunately I don't really know what the solution is other than word of mouth, or spreading the word that plenty of professional photos will be available for guests to see later. I don't care if guests want to take pics of themselves all dressed up or snap a picture with me at the reception, but no one needs all the guests playing photographer during the ceremony.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

I just flat out hate what FB has become

Social media and wedding photos

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