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Etiquette

Gift & Card Table Person

The wedding coordinator at my venue has mentioned to me (more than once) that I need to have someone to watch our gift and card table during our event because she and her staff are not responsible for doing anything with the gifts. She recommended that we have someone take all the cards and gifts up to the hotel room(same building) at least twice during the night i.e. not wait until the end of the night during clean up to gather everything. I'm not sure how to go about "assigning" this. I've done this job at a few cousins weddings along with watching the guest book, and handing out programs (I was not a bridal party member). I never realize that I should have been offended until I started reading this boards. So I'm trying to avoid being rude by assigning someone to work.

I know that I'm not allowed to ask our bridal party to do anything, so how do I get this task done? Do fiancee and I need to run gifts upstairs? Can I ask my parents? Do I have to wait until someone offers to "watch the gifts"? Can I ask the cousins that I helped at their wedding? Should I put a posting up on Craigslist (haha j/k)?

I'm thinking a good time to do this will be the 10-20 minutes in between cocktail hour and dinner. Then again after dinner and the planned dances. Any other ideas on when to try and plan this?
*Just assuming that we'll have some gifts/cards....not expecting. Maybe we won't get anything and then we don't have to worry about it!
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Re: Gift & Card Table Person

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell your wedding coordinator to assign a staff person at the venue to do this, because no one in your families or wedding party is going to want to.  It's not an "honor."  It's a chore.
    doeydoPrettyGirlLostsarahuflchibiyui
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would have one of your parents or your FI do it.  It will only take a few minutes and since the venue won't take responsibility you shouldn't leave them sitting out all night.  Do either of you have siblings?  It would be okay to ask them to help.  I would also suggest splitting the "job" up.  Maybe your mom does one trip right before dinner starts and then FI's mom takes a trip up later in the evening.

    Don't ask a friend or cousin or other guest...  They shouldn't have to work the wedding (which it sounds like you already know this).
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
    melbelleup
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Make sure the gift table is as far from the door as possible, so that a stranger couldn't easily slip in and steal something.  Use a card box for cards.  Have your FI or your parents clean out the card box twice during the evening and put them in a safe place.

    A thief isn't going to take a boxed gift.  Thieves are looking for cash.  
  • No way would I want an employee taking those things to my room.  That just opens the gate for a card or two to go missing.  You can't prove it was ever there to begin with so  you can't prove it if it was taken. Ask the parents for some help in this.  This ought to be pretty easy peasy to do and we are talking a couple of minutes for the task, not taking up someone's entire night.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kmmssg said:
    No way would I want an employee taking those things to my room.  That just opens the gate for a card or two to go missing.  You can't prove it was ever there to begin with so  you can't prove it if it was taken. Ask the parents for some help in this.  This ought to be pretty easy peasy to do and we are talking a couple of minutes for the task, not taking up someone's entire night.
    No parent or wedding party member is going to want to this either-even for a couple of minutes.
  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm putting our card box near (but not next to) the cupcake favors- away from the doors. My mother has kindly agreed to take the box and any gifts with my car back to my place (local wedding).
  • We had our gift table/bird cage as far away from the exit as possible. It was closest to my in-laws and they kept an eye on it for us all night. My parents (they offered) were the ones that ended up taking the gifts home in their vehicle at the end of the night so we didn't have to bring them back to the hotel.
    image 
    melbelleup
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I handled for my sister at her wedding. It was awhile ago, but I'm pretty sure it went something like this: 

    Sister was telling me that the venue wouldn't help her load up gifts or keep an eye on them or anything because they didn't want the liability. I immediately told her that I would gather up all the gifts and take them to my hotel room and then take them to her house the next day so that she wouldn't have to worry about it. She never asked me she was just telling me about something that they needed to figure out. 

    If you feel weird asking someone to do it, perhaps just bringing up the situation to a parent or sibling will get them to offer.
    image
    indianaalumprincessleia22
  • I would bring up the security issue to your parents.  I know if I did mine would be all about keeping an eye on things and collecting the cards at lest once securing the cards/gifts somewhere safe.  It is unfortunate, but that is the knid of World we live in.
  • I heard someone once glued their card box to the tablecloth so if someone walked off with the box, it would look conspicuous. We put a lock on ours, it was a treasure chest (beach wedding) with a slot it the lid. We also placed it far from the exit and close to family tables so it was in sight of someone all night.
  • I don't think it's that big of a chore. At a cousin's wedding, me and another cousin sat at her guest book table and greeted everyone when they arrived. We made sure to get them to sign in, find their seating arrangement and showed them where to put a card/present if they were carrying one. Right before supper, we were responsible for carting the gifts and card box away (which took all of 10 minutes) and we were seated in time for toasts, etc. At my wedding, 2 of my cousins will be doing the same thing and they definitely don't mind. I'm not from a family that sits on our asses all night and expects everything to be served up to us on a silver platter. We genuinely like to help eachother out with anything and don't find helping out with "boring" tasks that horrible.  

     

  • I heard someone once glued their card box to the tablecloth so if someone walked off with the box, it would look conspicuous. We put a lock on ours, it was a treasure chest (beach wedding) with a slot it the lid. We also placed it far from the exit and close to family tables so it was in sight of someone all night.
    We had a similar box - a slot on the top big enough to put a card put no way to pull cards out unless you took the box apart, essentially.  If you wanted the box, you had to take the whole thing.  We put the gift table and card box away from the door so that anyone moving the box had to walk the length of the venue before they reached a door.  

    But I agree with PPs that I think this is a case of asking a family member or trusted friend to make a quick run up to your hotel room mid-way through the night wouldn't be a big deal, especially because that is only option your venue has given you.
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    Anniversary


  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Sounds like a great job for the MOG! She just kind of blends into the background anyway, right? Ask her to be in charge of them. Obviously don't make her sit at the table like you would a younger cousin, but definitely she could find some strapping young lads to help out.
    Hopefully you forgot your sarcasm font.  I can't tell!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    KittyKaty20
  • I don't think parents or even a sibling would be offended to be asked to do this. Just don't blow smoke up anyone's ass saying it is an honor. It would take a few minutes to take gifts and cards either up to a room or to a car.

    Our doc didn't watch the table, but she kept an eye on the area and specified the exact location since there is a camera pointed at the front desk of the club house. Then, DHs patents offered to take anything on the table out to their trunk when the cocktail hour was over.

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    blabla89
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Tell your wedding coordinator to assign a staff person at the venue to do this, because no one in your families or wedding party is going to want to.  It's not an "honor."  It's a chore.
    I don't think this is going to work since the wedding coordinator specifically told the bride that her staff and the venue cannot and will not be held responsible for the gifts/cards.

    OP there is a big difference in assigning someone this task because you think it is an honor and having to have someone do it that you trust because the venue staff will not.  I think you should talk to your parents, let them know your venues policy, and see if it would be possible for them to manage the gifts/cards.  I think having them take the stuff up to a different room twice is over kill. Most people will drop their gifts off when they walk in the door so I think one trip is plenty.
    I absolutely agree with this.

    The biggest issue with assigning these kinds of chores is that a lot of couples assign them to people because they're trying to honor those people without having them be in the wedding party or asking them to make a toast, etc. Asking someone to be in charge of the gift table because your venue refuses to and you need a person to help you out is completely fine. Asking someone to be in charge of the gift table because that's your way of honoring them? You might want to reconsider whether or not it's an honor ...

    The reality is that most people will have some guests at their wedding who would be more than happy to help out by sitting near the gift table, keeping an eye on it, and moving cards/gifts to the bridal suite or another safe place periodically. Weddings are a gathering of the people who love you--they're not going to leave you high and dry. But it's important to ask people with the understanding that you're asking a pretty big favor that WILL cut into their enjoyment of the wedding as just an ordinary guest. If you view the situation as if these people live and breathe for you, and this is Your Day, and anyone should be HONORED that you deigned to ask them to be involved in even a minor way, then NOPE.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    PrettyGirlLostblabla89
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    I would have no issue asking for a favor of a friend or family member. Whether is my MoH or my mom or my sister or my granparents. But I guess that just my family dynamic. I feel there is a difference between asking and assigning.
    Anniversary
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I have no problem asking this either - my venue told me to assign one person to be in charge, and at the end of cocktail hour they will give the cards to the front desk to lock in a safe for us, and can accompany the bellboy up to the room should there be any presents.  My guess is that it will take 5 minutes max.

    I actually was the card/gift person at my cousin's wedding, and surprisingly I did feel special - out of all of the bridesmaids, it felt like I was the one she trusted most.

    If I was pretending to "honor" some other person - then yeah, that's lame.  But my BMs have been crazy eager to help, and I know that any of them would have no problem with this responsibility.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sounds like a great job for the MOG! She just kind of blends into the background anyway, right? Ask her to be in charge of them. Obviously don't make her sit at the table like you would a younger cousin, but definitely she could find some strapping young lads to help out.
    I sincerely hope you are joking. 
    image
  • I'm definitely NOT thinking of this as an "honor" I know its a favor, but as many of you mentioned a very small one. If the whole process takes more than 10 minutes I'd be very surprised. So, am I correct in thinking that I could ask someone in the WP to do this? I know they would all say yes in a heartbeat. I just understand from lurking on many other conversations that we're not allow to ask them for anything. Does that still apply on the day of?

    I'm sure my parents or FIL's would gladly say yes to this task as well, but I would really rather ask a bridesmaid. I feel like my parents will be having such a great time visiting with all their bff's that I'll ask my dad during the night "Did the gifts get up to the room okay?" and he'll be like "What gifts?". They'll be having too much fun to remember such insignificant details!
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    afaber24 said:
    I'm definitely NOT thinking of this as an "honor" I know its a favor, but as many of you mentioned a very small one. If the whole process takes more than 10 minutes I'd be very surprised. So, am I correct in thinking that I could ask someone in the WP to do this? I know they would all say yes in a heartbeat. I just understand from lurking on many other conversations that we're not allow to ask them for anything. Does that still apply on the day of?

    I'm sure my parents or FIL's would gladly say yes to this task as well, but I would really rather ask a bridesmaid. I feel like my parents will be having such a great time visiting with all their bff's that I'll ask my dad during the night "Did the gifts get up to the room okay?" and he'll be like "What gifts?". They'll be having too much fun to remember such insignificant details!
    The next time someone you would trust to do it asks you what you need hep with or what they can do -- Ask them if they would be willing to do this task. 

    You shouldn't assign it, but you can totally ask them to do it if they offer to help. They can always say no.

    My mom offered to do this for mine and all my siblings' weddings. She was happy to do it.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    mimiphin
  • afaber24 said:
    I'm definitely NOT thinking of this as an "honor" I know its a favor, but as many of you mentioned a very small one. If the whole process takes more than 10 minutes I'd be very surprised. So, am I correct in thinking that I could ask someone in the WP to do this? I know they would all say yes in a heartbeat. I just understand from lurking on many other conversations that we're not allow to ask them for anything. Does that still apply on the day of?

    I'm sure my parents or FIL's would gladly say yes to this task as well, but I would really rather ask a bridesmaid. I feel like my parents will be having such a great time visiting with all their bff's that I'll ask my dad during the night "Did the gifts get up to the room okay?" and he'll be like "What gifts?". They'll be having too much fun to remember such insignificant details!
    You could ask someone in the wedding party, just make sure they'll actually be at the cocktail hour and not off taking pictures. If you don't expect the BP to be around until you all make your entrance, it obviously defeats the purpose.

    I don't really get the issue with asking for help on this board either. There's a difference between asking and demanding. I don't see why I can't ask my MOH if she'll help me address envelopes, as long as I'm not demanding it. 
    Anniversary
  • edited January 2014
    ashleyep said:
    afaber24 said:
    I'm definitely NOT thinking of this as an "honor" I know its a favor, but as many of you mentioned a very small one. If the whole process takes more than 10 minutes I'd be very surprised. So, am I correct in thinking that I could ask someone in the WP to do this? I know they would all say yes in a heartbeat. I just understand from lurking on many other conversations that we're not allow to ask them for anything. Does that still apply on the day of?

    I'm sure my parents or FIL's would gladly say yes to this task as well, but I would really rather ask a bridesmaid. I feel like my parents will be having such a great time visiting with all their bff's that I'll ask my dad during the night "Did the gifts get up to the room okay?" and he'll be like "What gifts?". They'll be having too much fun to remember such insignificant details!
    You could ask someone in the wedding party, just make sure they'll actually be at the cocktail hour and not off taking pictures. If you don't expect the BP to be around until you all make your entrance, it obviously defeats the purpose.

    I don't really get the issue with asking for help on this board either. There's a difference between asking and demanding. I don't see why I can't ask my MOH if she'll help me address envelopes, as long as I'm not demanding it. 

    There are many, many brides that come here thinking they are God's gift to humanity and should be treated as such. So of course they feel their bridal party should fawn all over them and complete the laundry list of tasks they're given (with a smile!). They EXPECT these things from the BP because they feel they deserve to make everyone else plan their wedding for them.

    Then there are also the brides that feel they are so special that everyone around them is just drooling over themselves to help with the wedding. To cash in on this the bride decides to give said droolers a job (like manning the guest book- c'mon, when is that necessary? or handing out programs, etc) and acts like it's a honor they were asked to help at all. Which it isn't.

    So, it's about the attitude really. Truly needing help and asking for it is not an issue. But expecting it and trying to claim it's an "honor" to help is a shitty thing to do. Which is NOT what the OP is describing.

    ETA: Your FI should be the one helping you to stuff envelopes. If your MOH offered, that's one thing. But straight up asking can make the person feel pressured into saying yes.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • I agree with Photokitties response.  The next time someone asks you if there is anything they can do to help, you should mention the problem with Cards/presents.  I am in the same camp of not asking things from others, especially if they are the type that will then feel obligated to do something, when they normally wouldn't have wanted to.  For me, if someone volunteers, great.  If not then their only requirement is to show up in proper dress.  But thats just my way of thinking.
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited January 2014
    acove2006 said:
    ashleyep said:
    afaber24 said:
    I'm definitely NOT thinking of this as an "honor" I know its a favor, but as many of you mentioned a very small one. If the whole process takes more than 10 minutes I'd be very surprised. So, am I correct in thinking that I could ask someone in the WP to do this? I know they would all say yes in a heartbeat. I just understand from lurking on many other conversations that we're not allow to ask them for anything. Does that still apply on the day of?

    I'm sure my parents or FIL's would gladly say yes to this task as well, but I would really rather ask a bridesmaid. I feel like my parents will be having such a great time visiting with all their bff's that I'll ask my dad during the night "Did the gifts get up to the room okay?" and he'll be like "What gifts?". They'll be having too much fun to remember such insignificant details!
    You could ask someone in the wedding party, just make sure they'll actually be at the cocktail hour and not off taking pictures. If you don't expect the BP to be around until you all make your entrance, it obviously defeats the purpose.

    I don't really get the issue with asking for help on this board either. There's a difference between asking and demanding. I don't see why I can't ask my MOH if she'll help me address envelopes, as long as I'm not demanding it. 

    There are many, many brides that come here thinking they are God's gift to humanity and should be treated as such. So of course they feel their bridal party should fawn all over them and complete the laundry list of tasks they're given (with a smile!). They EXPECT these things from the BP because they feel they deserve to make everyone else plan their wedding for them.

    Then there are also the brides that feel they are so special that everyone around them is just drooling over themselves to help with the wedding. To cash in on this the bride decides to give said droolers a job (like manning the guest book- c'mon, when is that necessary? or handing out programs, etc) and acts like it's a honor they were asked to help at all. Which it isn't.

    So, it's about the attitude really. Truly needing help and asking for it is not an issue. But expecting it and trying to claim it's an "honor" to help is a shitty thing to do. Which is NOT what the OP is describing.

    ETA: Your FI should be the one helping you to stuff envelopes. If your MOH offered, that's one thing. But straight up asking can make the person feel pressured into saying yes.

    I get it. I'm not new here, so I understand that there are lots of brides who think their bridesmaids are obligated to do work for them. 

    I just don't think you should be afraid to ask for help because the other person might be afraid to say no - that's not unique to weddings. Lots of people have a hard time saying no when asked for a favor.

    My question was just an example, I'm not really going to ask my MOH to help me stuff envelopes. However, I would like to ask my mom if she wouldn't mind helping me write my invitations since she has great cursive handwriting. I might like to ask one of my bridesmaids if she would help me with table numbers since she's an artist and could do something lovely with watercolors. But god forbid they feel pressured to say yes. Grow a damn backbone.

    I've been a bridesmaid before and I've always offered to help however the bride needs it. But I've never said "hey, let me know if you want help stuffing envelopes" because who thinks of something that specific?
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    photokittyPrettyGirlLost
  • I have been a BM before and am going to be one again and I would have no problem if the bride ASKED me to help move the gifts up to the room at various points in the night, It would take like 5 minutes and then everyone knows that they are safe.

    But it I was voluntold, ala as we are walking in to the wedding "So at this time and this time you will take the gifts up to my room, right" I would still do it but I may have a bit of a grump. I know that alot of the time people offer to help and this is a great job to say, "Hey do you mind, if not don't worry about it"

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Agreed with mimiphin. I actually got left with the card box/presents/brides random stuff outside of the hotel where Bride went to go check in after the reception. It was originally under the MOH's watch, but she wanted to go to her room after rekindling a romance at the reception, so she just walked away while saying 'oh could you take over from here...?'. To this day, I'm still super pissy I got thrown a job like that with no warning.
  • I had a million people ask if they could DO something at my wedding. I am sending one of them three blocks down the street to pick up the sweetheart table centerpiece. ( at my grandmas house)
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My husband and I didn't mind taking the cards and gifts home with us for safekeeping after our daughter's wedding. The groom and best man borrowed a service cart from the venue to move the boxed gifts and assorted items to our car. Easy peasy.
                       
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