addressing guests' attire

SlothGoals · January 2014

vsgal said:

Catholic churches do not require shoulders covered, no jeans, no sneakers. As a Catholic, born and raised, I have been to many churches that members have worn sundresses, jeans and sneakers. No problem. This "requirement" sounds like you imposing your vision at the expense of your church.

I would, along with many Catholics, would question this. I call BS.

@vsgal the bolded is not necessarily true. I believe it is usually at the discretion of the Priest whether or not covered shoulders are required. I've been to Catholic Churches with both rules.

At St. Peter's Basilica in Rome not only do you have to cover your shoulders, your knees also need to be covered.

photokitty · January 2014

While I agree with the pps...you shouldn't tell people color or formal.

But, my Catholic church has given sermons and sent letters about what is acceptable dress for mass. They take it a step further and don't what collar bones seen. I quit bring a lector bc of how bad the dress code was getting...they said anyone on the alter couldn't have unnatural colored hair ie pink or purple. I didn't get married in my church, but i could see the head nun scolding guests at the very least.

sarahufl · January 2014

Do people actually wear jeans to church weddings?

I am Catholic, getting married in a Catholic church and this type of dress code has never been mentioned.

lyndausvi · January 2014

sarahufl said:

Do people actually wear jeans to church weddings?

I am Catholic, getting married in a Catholic church and this type of dress code has never been mentioned.

not in my social group, but I can't speak for all.

AddieCake · January 2014

I went to a church wedding a few years back and I and the bride and groom were the only people NOT in jeans.

LDay2014 · January 2014

If it were me, I wouldn't even mention the shoulders thing.

I'd simply have some cheap pashminas on hand for those who were unaware.

Either way, you can't dictate no jeans or tennis shoes.

End of story, they're adults, quit trying to dictate to adults what they wear so you can think you're pictures are pretty. No one (including you) will care in the end.

artbyallie · January 2014

I will never understand why anyone would care what people wear to their wedding. I have occasionally judged what someone wore to another person's wedding (like the groom's aunt in a white short skintight dress that was also ludicrously inappropriate in the 50-degree weather at SIL's outdoor wedding) but at my own I swear I don't remember what anyone wore apart from our own wedding party, my parents, and H's mom. And I only remember that last because she left her dress at home and had to run out and buy one the day of the rehearsal.

indianaalum · January 2014

nicolesands said:

It's Catholic. Shoulders must be covered. No jeans or tennis shoes. The whole wedding is more formal/traditional.

where do you live? I am Catholic and they have no rules like that in any church I have been except when I was in ROME

JCbride2015 · January 2014

PP's are correct: the only time you can dictate dress is if your guests will actually be ejected from the venue for not following dress code (or a true black tie wedding, but I find even that sort of unnecessary). If a guest shows up underdressed, they might embarrass themselves, but it's no reflection on you and you probably won't even notice.

I really hate this assumption that adults can't dress themselves, or the guests somehow must all look perfect to get the vision the couple wants. People know how to dress themselves, and if they don't, a notice on the website won't change that.

indianaalum · January 2014

grumbledore said:

It's Catholic. Shoulders must be covered. No jeans or tennis shoes. The whole wedding is more formal/traditional.
I've never heard of a Catholic church banning jeans or sneakers. I'm calling your bluff on that. I think you are being a weasel to get the answer you want.

I was thinking the same thing. I have been to countless Catholic US churches and not once, did I ever hear this rule.

The ONLY time I ever saw a Catholic church have a rule is in Rome where many (not all) made women cover their shoulders and no SHORTS were allowed (due to bearing skin). Even THEN, they often had some "throw away" shawls for women to wear, if needed.----so that they weren't turned away)

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

I'm also Catholic, and the only church I've ever been to that enforced the shoulders covered rule was in Rome.

Some churches in America might, I don't know, but NO church I've ever heard of bans jeans and trainers.

I think you're fibbing about the dress code to get the answer you want about bossing your guests around.

indianaalum · January 2014

I am under the assumption that the ONLY adults who actually wear Jeans to weddings are the ones who will "wear jeans to weddings" no matter what you say to them as their reason usually is "I don't like to dress up or believe in dressing up".

Most adults dress up for weddings, ALL know better. Some just choose to not care even though they know better. I firmly believe those who wear jeans to weddings aren't naive to what you should wear to a wedding, they simply just don't really like/care to dress up. Those who choose to not care, will still NOT care if you tell them to dress up.

Don't waste your time

chibiyui · January 2014

Get a a pitcher of Margaritas and relax.

All this stuff you're worrying about doesn't matter. Guest attire, showers, bach. party, they don't matter. Sure, bach. parties and showers are nice, but those aren't going to change your marriage.

logana1 · January 2014

For my wedding, on my website I put wedding is semi-formal, however, dependent on weather, please dress appropriately as I would rather have my guests comfortable and safe instead of hot and sweaty with suggestions for footwear due to the grassy walk to the ceremony site. I'm getting married in July with an outdoor ceremony in Minnesota. It could be omg hot or perfect. My suggestions for dress are based purely on safety of my guests though. Wording your invitations with full names on the envelope is the "code" for a more formal event.

netskyblue2 · January 2014

I was convinced my church had a line in the bulletin that specifically addressed jeans, but I checked the most recent one and it says "Please dress appropriately for the Divine Services!" (Underlined). Perhaps it used to specifically say jeans in the past, I'm not sure. While you won't be kicked out for dressing "inappropriately," the priest will approach anyone he feels was dressed "inappropriately" after services and tell them so. This is an Eastern Orthodox church. So this stuff does happen.

The general impression I have is that you do not wear anything informal or revealing.

hikebikebemerry · January 2014

OP, PPs have given you some great advice.

As far as saying something about no white/ivory, you are going to get a lot of people rolling their eyes at the request. The people who know not to will be annoyed that you said anything, the people who are going to wear white/ivory are probably not going to be looking at your attire site anyway. By saying something, you've also peaked the interest of your spiteful guests; some people don't like being told what to do and will wear white/ivory/ a very pale shade of some color because they can.

monkeysip · January 2014

Our Catholic Church is a very historical and traditional church that does have a stated policy of no bare shoulders and no shorts (it's enforced sometimes--meaning church ladies will bring you a shawl or even a wrap skirt and ask you to wear it during mass). Other than that, jeans and tennis shoes are allowed.

We just put a small request for women to cover their shoulders during the ceremony on our wedding website (didn't feel the need to mention the no-shorts thing at a wedding, lol). That was it.

I too suspect the jeans/tennis shoes is made-up, but I don't know. Maybe this is just an extraordinarily strict church.

heathertims · January 2014

You can include a line about the dress code of the church, but nothing else.

As far as dress 99% of people will NOT show up in jeans and sneakers. But if they do, suck it up.

One of my husbands friends showed up in acid washed skinny jeans, sneakers, and a loose fitting tank top with his chest hair exposed. And you know what, i just kinda snickered cause HE looked out of place, and honestly who even cares?! It did not ruin my photos or my wedding. It was just an entertaining little tid bit.

Let go. You cannot control everything.

Viczaesar · January 2014

logana1 said:

For my wedding, on my website I put wedding is semi-formal, however, dependent on weather, please dress appropriately as I would rather have my guests comfortable and safe instead of hot and sweaty with suggestions for footwear due to the grassy walk to the ceremony site. I'm getting married in July with an outdoor ceremony in Minnesota. It could be omg hot or perfect. My suggestions for dress are based purely on safety of my guests though. Wording your invitations with full names on the envelope is the "code" for a more formal event.

That is not okay either.

melbelleup · January 2014

nicolesands said:

These are their policies for weddings. The wedding coordinator at the church gave me a packet, and this was one of the rules. I think it's a very good idea personally. I guess assuming guests know what correct attire to wear to a church is assuming too much of people... like the wedding I attended recently.

But this is off topic...

Is it okay for me to put it like that on my website? I'm worried the non-church-going guests won't dress correctly.

I attend church pretty regularly... I have never been in a Catholic church that requires shoulders to be covered. That being said, I do know they exist. But unless I went to your church, I'd be wearing a strapless dress and not think twice.

melbelleup · January 2014

dp

saacjw · January 2014

sarahufl said:

Do people actually wear jeans to church weddings?

I am Catholic, getting married in a Catholic church and this type of dress code has never been mentioned.

I've absolutely seen it, at a Catholic wedding. But in that case, the bride and groom set the tone for the wedding by sending out invites via Facebook and informing everyone that the reception would be a picnic and that there would be volleyball, basketball, and other outside activities. So much depends on the tone that is set and the circle of friends and family.

Jen4948 · January 2014

You can list your church's rules against uncovered shoulders, jeans, and tennis shoes, but it would be rude to mention that formal attire is required or desired or to tell your guests what color to wear.

aurianna · January 2014

Personal anecdote on an etiquette faux-pas I made with my own wedding:

We had an open bar (not top shelf, but not well either. Somewhere in between), passed apps, valet, three course waiter served meal, live string quartet for dinner and first dance (but DJ after), evening wedding in a upscale venue, formal black on white invites... so some elements of a black tie wedding, but not quite there yet.

So I put on the website what my mother suggested and never questioned it:
"Black-tie optional"

I realize now that that was rude (aside from telling people how to dress, it could also be awkward if some people went out to get tuxes/gowns, only to find it not really be a black-tie event / see other people in less formal clothing). I also realize it's confusing... because what does that even mean??

But the kicker was, that it didn't matter. Some of FIs cousins still showed up in jeans, among other things.

The moral of the story:
The people who are going to come to a wedding dress a certain way (like something really skimpy/trashy or too casual like denim), will likely do it regardless of what you put on the website. So why risk offending your other guests when it will serve you little or no purpose?

sarahufl · January 2014

saacjw said:

sarahufl said:

Do people actually wear jeans to church weddings?

I am Catholic, getting married in a Catholic church and this type of dress code has never been mentioned.

I've absolutely seen it, at a Catholic wedding. But in that case, the bride and groom set the tone for the wedding by sending out invites via Facebook and informing everyone that the reception would be a picnic and that there would be volleyball, basketball, and other outside activities. So much depends on the tone that is set and the circle of friends and family.

hahaha, well that is a whole other story, then!

SBbride67 · January 2014

Sheesh! People are so hostile on this forum! Thanks, but I'm going to go with what my grandma's etiquette book from the 50s says. I wasn't sure if that etiquette was current, but after hearing all this, I really don't care if it's current any more. Peace out!

misshart00 · January 2014

nicolesands said:

Sheesh! People are so hostile on this forum! Thanks, but I'm going to go with what my grandma's etiquette book from the 50s says. I wasn't sure if that etiquette was current, but after hearing all this, I really don't care if it's current any more. Peace out!

What does it say?

grumbledore · January 2014

Can I tell people not to wear anything champagne colored to my wedding since that's the color of my dress? I don't want to be confused for one of my guests!

eyeroll

Maggie0829 · January 2014

Sheesh! People are so hostile on this forum! Thanks, but I'm going to go with what my grandma's etiquette book from the 50s says. I wasn't sure if that etiquette was current, but after hearing all this, I really don't care if it's current any more. Peace out!

Seriously?

Liatris2010 · January 2014

I'm really curious what your grandma's etiquette book says. I'd love to see a picture of the page.

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